Segment aired Dec. 20, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
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Fighting broke out at the local university’s forestry and conservation wing over – of all things – which tea should be planted in the arboretums of the dormitories.
The students of Flower Hall said, “We’re sick of jasmine tea; we want oolong tea.”
The students of Bush Hall said, “No fair! We want oolong tea.”
The students of Tree Hall said, “No way! We’ve had dibs on oolong since last semester. You take Darjeeling.”
Well, all three halls start yelling and fingerpointing which escalates until punches are thrown, tables get smashed, and soon, there’s a full-fledged riot.
The next morning, the president of the university arrives to survey the damage. She calls all the dormitories together and asks how the trouble started. Immediately, the students from Flower Hall, Bush Hall and Tree Hall start screaming their sides of the story and moving towards another riot.
“Please, please!” cries the president. “Can’t Tree Hall Just Get Oolong?”