The 26th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Feb. 21, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
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26.
When writer Christopher Hitchens died in 2011, his body was donated for medical research.
Two doctors performing the autopsy were shocked to find just how many tumors he had inside his cancer-ridden body.
“He has a perfectly good liver,” says one doctor. “But the tumor attached to it is massive.”
“So,” says the other doctor, “just cut it with a laser.”
“I can’t. It’ll get too close to living tissue.”
The second doctor says, “Well, what about aspirating it with a needle?”
“No, it’s too dense; it’s a big heap of tumor.”
“Well, in that case, just get a sander. Like taking old paint off a boat. Just sand it down slowly until it’s gone.”
“No,” says the first doctor. “I don’t feel right about doing that.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” says the second doctor. “If you can’t sand the heap, get out of the Hitchens.”