Dave’s Gone By Pun #051: CROPS


Segment aired Sept. 5, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

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A young farmer was having terrible trouble getting his first crop to grow, so he asks a more experienced neighbor for help.

“Well, I’ve seen ya,” says the old guy. “And you’re not watering enough. You really have to saturate the seeds to get `em going.”

Happy for the advice, the young farmer buys extra hoses and irrigation tools, and the next morning, really begins soaking the field. Unfortunately, the smell of the wet earth attracts all sorts of birds and rodents, who peck the field clean.

“It’s a disaster,” says the kid. “Anything the water touches, they eat.”

“Don’t panic,” says the old guy, “you just need a living scarecrow. Visit the hardware store, and get yourself some red, yellow, blue, and purple dye. Then, go in your henhouse and grab one of your biggest chickens. You’re gonna dip the chicken in all these colors, and twist its feathers a little so the patterns are really wild looking. Put him in the field, and he’ll scare off all the intruders while your crop gets fully watered.”

“I dunno,” says the boy. “Do you really think it’ll work?”

“Of course,” says the senior farmer. “Haven’t you ever heard, `If at First You Don’t Soak Seeds, Tie-Dye a Hen?”

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