Category: ARCHIVES – Songs

Here are the original songs performed on Dave’s Gone By over the years. Enjoy!

Dave’s Gone By Song (3/16/2003): COVER’D WITH CRAP

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ZZSong-CoverdwithCrap

Dave sings a delightfully repugnant sea shanty.

Guitar & background vocals: Scott Rodolitz

Segment originally aired March 16, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast. Complete Original Broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2003 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

COVER’D WITH CRAP

When I was a sailor, I wore a fine cap
And all the young maidens, they sat in me lap
But then they’d jump up, and they’d leave with a slap
`Cause me pants and me undies were covered with crap.

Cover’d with crap
Cover’d with crap
Oh, bring me a dish towel I’m cover’d with crap

I went to the doctor, he gave me a salve
But that only worsened the ailment I have
Me bowels keep churning all night and all day
To drive all the people of Dublin away

“Away!,” they would say
Their arms they would flap
From the stink and the stench of me cover’d with crap

Cover’d with crap
Cover’d with crap
I canna wear white, `cause I’m cover’d with crap

I called up the daughter of old Mrs. Klein
And over the phone, well, she liked me just fine
I hoped that I’d soon get a taste of vagin’
But, alas, first I had to take her out to dine

We entered the restaurant without a mishap
And greeted the maîtr d’ – quite a nice chap
But soon he said, “You there, you’ll not eat a scrap;
You’ll get us closed down, `cause you’re covered with crap!”

Cover’d with crap
Cover’d with crap
Each smear brings a tear when you’re cover’d with crap.

So now I’m an old man
My life has grown thin
I’ve no time for sailin’ or sportin’ or sin
I wait for me heavenly rest to begin
And hope that St. Peter will let this fool in

But I know too well hope is only a trap
And I’m hearing those pearly gates close with a snap
`Cause who wants an angel with poop in his lap,
Brown wings, and a halo all covered with crap?

Cover’d with crap
Cover’d with crap
Eternity beckons all cover’d with crap.

©2003 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (3/16/2003): DON’T MESS WITH US (w/ Rabbi Sol Solomon)

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ZZSong-DontMesswithUs

Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a Purim song about the resilience of the Jews.

Segment originally aired March 16, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2003 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

DON’T MESS WITH US

If you try to kill the Jews
Here’s a little piece of news:
God will stop you, and he’ll drop you dead instead
He got Hitler
He got Haman
And a dozen I’m not namin’
So don’t mess with the Jews
Or you’ll lose

If your aim is genocide
Then you’d better run and hide
`cause HaShem will turn the tide until you drown
Every exile and pogrom
We’ve emerged triumphant from
`Cause the Lord is our sword and our drum

So if you’re a neo-Nazi
And you think you’re hotsy-totsy
Or you’re blowing up civilians on a bus
You had best leave us alone
Or we’ll hora on your bones
You’ll be stuck, Chuck, so don’t muck with us.

So listen here, you goyim
Every girl and every boyim
Anti-Semitism brings you only tears
`Cause HaShem is in our corner
He will make your mom a mourner
For the sake of your kids
Be a friend to the Yids
Treat us nice, treat us well
Or you’ll barbecue in hell
It’s been like this for 5000 years.

Yagga dagga dagga dee, bugga bye
Buh buh buh buh bumm
Yooy booy bye bye dye byeyubuh
Yubba bubba bumm, hoy!

©2003 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (3/16/2003): SEAMUS, THE URINE MAN

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ZZ-Song-SeamustheUrineMan
Recently back from Dublin, Dave sings of his encounter with an Irish legend.

Segment originally aired March 16, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2003 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

SEAMUS THE URINE MAN

(sung a cappella)

Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man

There’s a shop in Dublin town
You should stop and look around
You’ll find candy, toys, and smokes
And a gentle Irish bloke

Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man

Though he is a fine old soul
His bladder, he cannot control
So lift your nose and sniff the air
You’ll smell something mighty queer . . .

Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man

When old Seamus takes a whiz
He will whiz, wherever he is!

Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man

Seamus is a merry fellow
Splashing in his pool of yellow.
Never does he take a break
He’ll make and make and make and make and make and make

Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man

He’s guaranteed to amuse
Stand too close, he’ll soak your shoes!
Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man

When ol’ Seamus eats an egg
Yolk starts running down his leg
He don’t care for fame or money
Long as he’s all warm and runny
They call him “yellow fellow” (quite a stink!)

Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man

Best to back away a little
Else you’ll get a spray of piddle
He gets wetter than the Navy
Shooting out his penis gravy
(are you enjoying your meal?)

Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man

Every night he prays to Jesus
To renew his enuresis
He lies down to rest his head
And wakes up in a waterbed

Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man
Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man.
Seamus the Urine Man, the Urine Urine Man.

(Fill`er up!)

©David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (1/26/2003): A DINGO ATE MY BABY

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ZZSong-ADingoAte

Dave goes down under to sing of a tasty tragedy.

Segment originally aired Jan. 26, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2003 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com


A DINGO ATE MY BABY

A dingo ate my baby
It happened late last night
He snuck into the nursery
And pulled her out of sight

He chewed her up like candy
He spit her out like phlegm
There’s other corpses in the world
And she looks just like them

A dingo ate my baby
The mangy little beast
My wife said, “Call a doctor!”
The doc said, “Call a priest.”

A dingo ate my baby
The furry little sinner
He et the head for breakfast
And he et the bum for dinner

A dingo ate my baby
There’s blood upon his snout
He swallowed all the organs
But he spat the eyeballs out

A dingo ate my baby
He ripped her with his claws
You can see it on his fangs
You can smell it on his jaws

A dingo ate my baby
He picked the ribcage clean
He barfed up her intestines
And they smell like Diaparene

A dingo ate my baby
He bashed her head on stones
And all that’s left is baby hair
And teeny little bones

My wife is going crazy
She’s always been high strung
She’s out there picking baby teeth
From lumps of dingo dung

My wife is like a banshee
She’s in a fucking snit
I’d try to give her comfort
But she stinks of dingo shit

A dingo ate my baby
We’ll never have another
I’d gladly pay the dingo
To come back and eat her mother.

©2003 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (1/26/2003): JOEY, THE SPASTIC KANGAROO

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ZZSong-JoeySpasticKangaroo

Dave goes down under to relate the tale of a mentally retarded marsupial.

Segment originally aired Jan. 26, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2003 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

JOEY, THE SPASTIC KANGAROO

by David Lefkowitz

I’ve been a trapper since I was 13
I’ve caught animals you’ve never seen
Like six-legged tigers and cows without feet
But the greatest of all, I was destined to meet

I was on contract for Sydney’s big zoo
They asked me for wombats and wallabies, too
I hid in the bush awaiting my chance
When far in the distance I saw something dance

I waved me blowgun and stood there transfixed
He twisted so fast, nearly all my darts missed
I came up behind him and made not a sound
I jumped on the `roo and brought him to the ground.

Out in the Outback where the possums play
I saw a creature who took me breath away
Got him sedated, brought him to the zoo
We called him “Joey, the Spastic Kangaroo.”

In isolation, the roo bounced and shook
So frantic was he, it was painful to look
In less than a day, he was covered with scars
From bashing his head and his bum on the bars

We gave him drugs, but they had no effect
Built him a shelter which he quickly wrecked
We thought him the saddest we ever did see
Since Chow Chow the panda with epilepsy

Out in the Outback where Koalas climb
We got a rare one once upon a time
A danger to himself and other creatures, too
We captured Joey, the Spastic Kangaroo.

We introduced Joey into a troop
But he punched the others and sprayed them with poop
Perhaps it was puberty? Repressed desire?
So we tried to mate him with Agnes, the flyer

Agnes was ferile and ripe for a male
She bit Joey’s nuts, and he started to wail
They kicked and they thrashed and they clawed and they bled
And when it was through, the two roos were both dead

Out in the Outback where the quokkas hop
I saw a whirlwind I thought would never stop
Tears did flow that morning at the zoo
When we buried Joey, the Spastic Kangaroo

Agnes was kept on display in the lab
Her body preserved and laid out on a slab
Five weeks after that, her pouch gave a rip
Then, out popped a baby we quickly named Skip.

We crossed all our fingers and hoped for the best
`Cause Skippy looked normal at play and at rest
But soon, we saw normal was not meant to be
When Skippy the roo tried to drink his own pee

He’d stare at the sun and spend hours in a crouch
He bit his own tail, and he punched his own pouch
At first it was tempting to have him destroyed
But we felt too sorry for this mongoloid

So out in the Outback we set Skippy free
Soon as we did, he ran into a tree
Moral of the story is tragic, but it’s true:
There’s nothing you can do with a spastic kangaroo.

©2003 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (1/19/2003): ENEMA BLUES

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ZZSong-EnemaBlues

Joined by Scott Rodolitz, Dave Lefkowitz sings the Fisch-Heads song, “Enema Blues.”

Segment originally aired Jan. 19, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2003 TotalTheater Productions.
“Enema Blues” (c)1978 David Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

ENEMA BLUES

My baby went and left me
She’s gone without a doubt
But even worse than that, you know,
She really cleaned me out

I got the enema blues
Ever since we been apart
You know she flushed out my whole life
And now she’s trying to flush out my heart

You know that I was good to her
I never treated her mean
I even let her use my bathroom
And now she’s flushed me clean

I got the enema blues
Ever since we been apart
You know she flushed out my whole life
And now she’s trying to flush out my heart

She ran off with my bowling shoes
My car, my house and my kid
I told her, “Blow it out my ass!”
And that’s exactly what she did

I got the enema blues
Ever since we been apart
You know she flushed out my whole life
And now she’s trying to flush out my heart

©1978 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/22/2002): TWELVE MONTHS OF DAVE’S GONE BY

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ZZ-Song-TwelveMonthsDGB-12-22-02

Dave sings a holiday carol for his show, “Twelve Months of Dave’s Gone By”

Segment originally aired Dec. 22, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/22/2002): THE TWELVE COMPLAINTS OF CHRISTMAS (sung by Rabbi Sol Solomon)


ZZ-Song-TwelveComplaintsXmas-12-22-02

Rabbi Sol Solomon sings his crabby holiday classic, “The Twelve Complaints of Christmas.”

Segment originally aired Dec. 22, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Poem (12/22/2002): THREE NIGHTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

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ZZ-Song-ThreeNightsBeforeXmas

Dave recites the topical holiday poem, “Three Nights Before Christmas (2002)”

Segment originally aired Dec. 22, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

THREE NIGHTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

by David Lefkowitz

On the first night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
News Gone By and the World Weird Web about Shooby (shadobalabashraw)

On the second night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
A tirade about smoking
Sound effects and choking
At 11 to midnight on GBB.

On the third night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
The Puff Sullivan Letter
Angry LIPA guy
And a critique of Say Goodnight, Gracie.

On the fourth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to theen:
Pre-tampered yummies
Actress Karen Young
Jokes about Verizon
And a bunch of goodies tied to Halloween.

On the fifth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
The Giving Chimp!
A review of Movin’ Out
Crooked politicians
LaRouche on the web
And “Peter Pumpkinhead” by XTC.

On the sixth night of Dave’s Gone By, WGBB
gave Dave a new timeslot
He played William Finn
Also Lonnie Donegan
And the hippie, Donovan
Even Homer Simpson
And old Coco, the poet chimpanzee.

On the seventh night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Osama bin Laden
Good ol’ Bobby Dylan
Eilert Pilarm!
A Warren Zevon tribute
Rock throwing in India (in the Chhindwara district of Madhya Pradesh)
Eating sushi naked
And a new commuter tax for you and me.

Oh, the eighth night of Dave’s Gone By was quite a joyful spree:
Rabbi Solomon hosted
He lit the candles
He played the dreidel
He played Adam Sandler
And a little klezmer
Bitched about the Arabs
And Bobby Fischer
Plus a poem on pedophile Pee-Wee.

On the ninth day of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
“Trees” by Joyce Kilmer
“Tuesdays with Morrie”
“My Old Lady”
Wilson’s Book of Days
Dead Kurt Cobain!
A bit by Woody Allen
Sponsorship info
Two insurance sketches
And a psychic hotline like TV.

On the tenth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Steve Herbst, the Whistler
He did Stevie Wonder, Sondheim and Led Zeppelin
and Bruce Springsteen!
Drugged-out Whitney Houston
Kissinger’s back
Dave’s name on a urinal
And a poem on Cablevision fees.

On the eleventh night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Trent Lott’s apology
Critic Charlie Gross
Music by Frank Zappa
United Airlines
MTA strike
Two killer pitbulls
Scientist who burned his penis!
Right-wing Joe Salzone
Bush and the economy
Bloomberg on a bike
And the Man of La Mancha on CD.

Whoa, the twelfth night of Dave’s Gone By was full of songs and joy
`Cause the past eleven weeks, I’ve been able to annoy:
Gospel-seeking listeners
Those who worship Elvis
Those who loathe Neil Young
Republicans
Pro-Palestinians
Born-again Christians
Self-hating Jews
All my engineers!
People who hate theater
People who love theater
L.I. Cablevision
And the people who don’t want me to be me.

(spoken) But it’s all I can be. So happy holidays, everybody.

©2002 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/1/2002): NIRVANITY

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ZZ-Song-Nirvanity

Dave sings about the merchandising of Kurt Cobain.

Segment originally aired Dec. 1, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

NIRVANITY
by David Lefkowitz (to the melody of “All Apologies”)

What became of me?
Read my diary
It’s all there to see
Where’s my privacy?

Courtney Love
Courtney Love
Made a buck
Courtney Love
Filthy slut
She’s scary
Be wary
She buried me

Wanted to be rich
Bigger than The Rolling Stones
Joined Nirvana which spawned a hundred clones
Now that greedy bitch
Is feeding off my bones

I confess I was a mess
In intestinal distress
Well, I guess
Should’ve eaten less
Dairy
It was very
Like dysentery

All I am is money now
All I am is money now

I was in hell
Needed to get free
So I gave myself
A full lobotomy
Now Courtney sells
All my history
Why must she be
Such a twat to me?

All my thoughts
All my secret, private dreams
All my doodles
All my pain
On Amazon
With my pajamas on
I guess the glamour’s gone

All I am is money now
All I am is money now
All I am is money now
All I am is money now . . .

©2002 David Lefkowitz