August 2011 – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #22 (8/28/2011): Reb Levin

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Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #22 (8/28/2011): REB LEVIN

Aired Aug. 27, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By.
watch on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItywotfPBcg

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of August 28th, 2011.

My friends, there are so many wonderful Jews who have contributed so much to the world: Jonas Salk, Albert Einstein, Irving Berlin, me… And yet, every once in awhile, we’re confronted with a yiddle, who doesn’t know his tush from his middle. Jews who are evil or ignorant or who merely seem to deny the existence of soap and deodorant.

And so, for every hundred Baruch Spinozas, we get a Bernie Madoff. For every thousand Bob Dylans, we get a Kenny G. So now it pains me to say there’s a Jewish leader going viral on the internet with a homophobic rant. Rabbi Yehuda Levin – and I use the word “Rabbi” loosely, like the way I use the phrase, “I’ll pay you next week,” Rabbi Levin took to the web a few days ago, specifically the day an earthquake struck northern Virginia, and shockwaves were felt all the way up to Manhattan. Loony Levin took this as a sign that HaShem was punishing New York for legalizing gay marriage.

Don’t take my word for it – here’s the Flatbush flake himself:

(transcript of audio) “There’s a direct connection between earthquakes and homosexuality.”

Really? So the Japanese are all gay? The Chinese in 1976? San Francisco in 1906? All right, San Francisco I get, but Peru? India? Portugal – well, it happened in Lisbon, so maybe God got confused and thought they said “Lesbian.”

Rabbi Levin goes on to say:

(transcript of audio) “In New York City and State, where they opened especially on Sunday early after they passed the homosexual marriage law. They couldn’t wait until the regular Monday, but all the county clerks had to open early to service the homosexual couples who wanted to get married.”

Hey, you should be happy. At least they didn’t open Saturday. And that is an interesting choice of words. The clerks had to “service” these homosexual couples. That’s not marriage, that’s a threesome.

The Rabbi goes on to draw a spurious comparison between the new marriage laws and the story of Sodom, where strangers threatened to rape Lot’s family. To Reb Levin, the intruders weren’t wicked because they terrorized the family with sex and violence. No, the wicked part was that their targets were buttholes instead of mouths and twats.

We then get that old saw about natural disasters being God’s response to sinners. Usually, this claptrap comes out of the mouths of born-again goyim on Sunday morning TV. Shameful! Not so much for being delusional, but for pre-empting Matlock.

Still, Rabbi Levin saves his best line about homosexuality till near the end – no pun intended.

(transcript of audio) “You have your shaken your male member in a place where it does not belong.”

Learn this phrase now, because you will no doubt be hearing it on Jimmy Kimmel, Tosh O., The Soup, and, strangely enough, “Bob the Builder.”

(transcript of audio) “You have your shaken your male member in a place where it does not belong.”

Let me tell you something. If you ever had to take a pee in the Port Authority men’s room, you have shaken your male member in a place where it does not belong.

Look, I am not gay, but some of my best friends have acquaintances who know people who are gay. So why can’t people live and let live? The only good thing this Jewish jughead says in the whole video is, “We do not hate homosexuals.” He feels bad for them. Well, so do I. Now that they can get married, they’ll be as miserable as the rest of us.

As for Rabbi Levin, his greatest worry is that legalized homosexuality is just another rung on society’s downward spiral. Or, as he puts it:

(transcript of audio) “We want everyone to understand that if these kinds of activities, and continuing to legislate it, until the moral fiber of this country is forced down the throats of the religious people…”

Leaving aside that that sentence has the grammatical clarity of a Thomas Pynchon novel, what an interesting choice of words the Rabbi uses: “Moral fiber forced down the throats of religious people.” By any chance, Rabbi, would that moral fiber be pink, swollen, blue-veined and have hairy balls underneath it? And if it does, would that be your lucky day?

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches. (transcript of audio) “You have your shaken your male member in a place where it does not belong.” Never gets old.

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Dave’s Gone By Interview (8/20/2011): JOE SALZONE & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Dave Lefkowitz and Rabbi Sol Solomon interview radio host Joe Salzone

Topics include: radio, WGBB.

Segment originally aired Aug. 20, 2011 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2011 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Interview (8/20/2011): AARON BERG & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews comedian, former stripper and “Underbelly Diaries” monologist Aaron Berg

Topics include: theater, stripping, weight-lifting.

Segment originally aired Aug. 20, 2011 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2011 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Interview (8/20/2011): RIDERS IN THE SKY

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Dave Lefkowitz interviews Too Slim (Fred LaBour), Ranger Doug (Douglas B. Green) and Joey the Cowpolka King (Joey Miskulin) of Riders in the Sky

Topics include: Western music, Toy Story, television.

Segment originally aired Aug. 20, 2011 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By #359 (8/20/2011): THE COWBOY WAY

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Here is the 359th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Aug. 20, 2011. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: Riders in the Sky, comedian Aaron Berg and broadcaster Joe Salzone.

Featuring: Dave chats with comedian Aaron Berg and with Too Slim, Ranger Doug and Joey the Cowpolka King of the western swing band, Riders in the Sky. Plus: A chat with broadcaster Joe Salzone, Inside Broadway, Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (downturn) and a brief Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later segment on schooldays.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:13:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – While We Were Out
00:42:30 GUESTS: Riders in the Sky (Ranger Doug, Too Slim & Joey the Cowpolka King)
01:31:30 GUEST: Aaron Berg
02:08:30 Sponsors
02:11:30 Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on the economic downturn
02:19:30 INSIDE BROADWAY – news
02:24:00 Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (schooldays)
02:31:30 GUEST: Joe Salzone
02:57:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Aug. 20, 2011 Playlist: “Time is on My Side” (01:10:30; Rolling Stones); “When Summer’s Ended” (00:13:00) & “You’ll Never Get to Heaven” (00:20:30; Bill Morrissey); “Wake Up Alone” (00:17:00) & “You Know I’m No Good” (00:27:00; Amy Winehouse); “Pata Pata” (00:24:00; Miriam Makeba); “The Land Beyond the Sun” (00:39:00), “Saddle Up” (00:54:30), “Song of the Trail” (01:09:30), “There’s a Blue Sky Way Out Yonder” (01:25:30), “He Walks with the Wild and Lonely” (03:02:00; Riders in the Sky); “Carry That Weight” (01:30:00; The Beatles); “The Untitled (aka The Hardy Boys at the Y)” (02:02:30; Loudon Wainwright III); “Subterranean Homesick Blues, Take 1” (02:24:00) & “Life is Hard” (02:27:00) (Bob Dylan).

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #21 (8/20/2011): Downturn

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #21 (8/20/2011): Downturn

(aired Aug. 20, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. youtube: https://youtu.be/1pRydgeC0E8)

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of August 21st, 2011.

It’s 12pm – do you know where your money is? First it’s up, then it’s down, then it’s up, then it’s down. If you have your money in the stock market, your portfolio is bouncing up and down faster than a hooker on an epileptic.

I go away for a few weeks, take a little time off, and what do I miss? Oh, nothing. Just America going bankrupt.

How does that work anyway? If we’re supposed to pay three billion dollars to Brazil, and we don’t have it, what do they do? What can they do? Send some guy to the White House – “Hola. My name’s Jorge; I’m supposed to break the President’s legs. If you give me one billion now, I can just break his toes.”

I mean, what does going bankrupt really mean? China won’t loan us any more money? Why are we borrowing from them in the first place? I don’t even like Chinese money. You spend a hundred yen, an hour later you feel like shopping again.

But seriously, if the United States crashes to the floor, every other country crashes to the sub-basement. So maybe they can forgive a loan or two; give us another year to pay off. Let us get to that middle period between our current recession and our next corporate fraud.

You gotta love the arrogance of Wall Street. Last month, all the politicians get together, frantically making a deal to raise the debt ceiling. They’re borrowing from Peter to pay Paul – or, in my lingo, borrowing from Faivel to pay Moish – just so we’re spared embarrassment, shame and having to raise goats and churn our own butter.

America stays solvent, and what happens? Two days later, the stock market plummets a thousand points. We go from a triple-A credit rating to double A. What does that mean? What, we have to get our parents to co-sign a loan – fine, dig up George and Martha Washington, will that be enough?

All the topsy-turvy turbulence of the Dow Jones has nothing to do with jobs or debt or wages or social security. It’s all about rich people playing a game with money that doesn’t exist. That’s all Wall Street is – monopoly played by frat-boy pricks. Which is why, even when 90 percent of us are suffering, 10 percent are making money by the bucket and paying taxes by the thimble.

As for the double-dip… Remember what I said half a year ago about gas prices? Go look it up, I’ll wait. But I’ll also refresh your memory. I said that the country would be fine and recover from the George Bush years – unless gas prices went up. If they hit four dollars, we’re shtupped. So what happened weeks ago? Gas prices zipped past 3.50, people shut their wallets, businesses got scared, supermarkets jacked their prices – voila! economic downturn.

The only good news? Now that the market’s in a lull, oil prices are taking a hit. Sure enough, people will start to spend again – so long as they’re not spending it all on the brown crap the Arabians pump out of the ground.

You want houses to sell again? Make it so it doesn’t cost 500 bucks a month to heat them in the winter. You want folks to take vacations? Make it so the airlines don’t have to charge 50 bucks for luggage to offset gasoline they’re just gonna dump over the Atlantic Ocean anyway. You want Americans to have jobs? Make it so you’re not paying people a measly minimum wage to fry McNuggets and scrape canola from a fryer. Come to think of it, we don’t have to frack in Pennsylvania to strike oil; just hit the kitchen of a Denny’s.

Maybe the answer is: instead of borrowing money, we should just borrow oil. Borrow it, use it, refine the waste product back into petroleum, and then return it to OPEC with a few quarts of ethanol for interest. Of course, it still doesn’t pay the Arab world back for 9/11 but, like with everything else nowadays, we’ll write them an I.O.U.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches.

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