June 2015 – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #128 (6/28/2015): Scalia

click above to listen (audio only)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #128 (6/28/2015): Scalia

(aired June 28, 2015 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/TzqQMAOhz7g)

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 28, 2015.

Well, it’s taken awhile, but I know what I wanna do when I grow up. I wanna trade places with Antonin Scalia. Appointed by Ronald Reagan, he’s the longest-running chief justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. Thirty years on the bench voting strictly along conservative lines and interpreting the constitution so narrowly, you couldn’t fit a dragonfly’s wing between “we” and “the” in “we the people.”

This man has held back—or tried to—the progress of American civilization, be it women’s rights for abortion, minorities facing discrimination, immigrants facing deportation, and gays being able to do their thing…gaily. They should just pull Antonin Scalia off his bench and replace him with a television airing Fox News; it’d be the same thing.

Of course, Scalia got his head handed to him twice last week. First, the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare. Surprisingly, they voted the spirit of the law–rather than the letter of the law. “So what if the wording is vague,” said the Court. “The President meant well, and he’s trying to help people.” Six justices agreed, including all the liberals, plus Roberts and Kennedy. Scalia dissented, angrily, as did Alito and the schvartze.

Twenty-four hours later, the court made another historic ruling, this one on gay marriage. They’re for it. Well, five out of nine of them were. Amazing how this Court had more consensus on a twisted insurance law than they did on two people wanting to tie the knot.

John Roberts was the stick-in-the-mud this time. He argued that he had nothing against same-sex chupahs, but making it the law of the land somehow circumvented peoples’ rights to vote yes or no on it. Whatever. The fun part is reading Scalia’s dissent. In challenging the idea that sanctioning gay marriage would expand personal freedom, he argues: “hey, on what planet has any marriage ever expanded freedom? You’re stuck together, day in, day out; you can’t leave unless you separate or divorce, and in the bedroom…?” I think comedian Chuck Bartell put it best when he said, “If you enjoy watching the same porno film over and over and over again . . . you’re great marriage material.” So Scalia has a point when he writes, quote, “One would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask the nearest hippie.”

Granted, the last time anyone saw a hippie was 1973, but you get the gist.

Unfortunately, it’s the gism that bothers Scalia, and he’ll torture the words of the constitution to make sure that his good religious values aren’t ruffled by anything as upsetting as two dudes feeding each other cake on a dais.

Which is why I belong up there in Washington DC holding forth on legal and moral issues, while Scalia would kill on radio and TV. The man’s got a gift for phrasing, like when he likened Roberts’s opinions to the contents of a fortune cookie. Or back when he was asked whether he found it difficult to vote on complex issues. “The death penalty?” he said. “Give me a break. It’s easy. Abortion? Absolutely easy. Homosexual sodomy? Come on. For 200 years, it was criminal in every state,” unquote.

So this is a dangerous guy, but a funny guy. He doesn’t b.s., and like Bill O’Reilly, he gives really good soundbyte. He expresses himself with crystal clarity — even when his morality becomes a fatality. So he’d be terrific doing these mini-sermons, my amusing, Robert Fulghumian ruminations. Meanwhile, I should be in the Supreme Court, agreeing with Justice Kagin, arguing with Justice Thomas, diapering Justice Ginsberg . . .

See, I can spout crazy, offensive things, and the occasional brilliant, profound thing, and listeners can take it or leave it. I’m an entertainer, a pundit, a gadfly, a horsefly even. And so is Scalia. It’s just that his word is law, literally.

We do have commonalities. Scalia is a devout, Italian-American Catholic; I’m a depraved Jewish-American Jew. But I’m not sitting on the highest court in the land trying to turn the clock back on social progress.

So Anto, bubbie, let’s do celebrity life swap. I’ll take your robe; you take my tallis. I’ll listen to people drone on and on about the most tedious minutiae; you listen to my wife talk about her day. I’ll make laws that advance human rights and personal freedoms; you get on the radio once a week and tell prostate jokes. Whaddya say? I’ve even come up with your catchphrase: “Buongiorno Cazzo!” Heh? Not bad, right? Scal, my pal, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. Court is adjourned.

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #042 (6/27/2015): MRS. DISNEY

Click above to listen.

Segment aired June 27, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

*
42.
This isn’t well known, but one of the many men artist Frida Kahlo dated when she was on the outs with Diego Rivera was Joseph Souter, the father of former Supreme Court Justice David Souter.

At the time, the older Souter was in the cosmetics industry, and he was so besotted with Frida that he designed a whole line of lipsticks after her. They were very high end and subtle in

their colors, although customers were warned to be gentle with them because the wax was quite delicate and broke easily.

All is going great until Souter gets a call from none other than Walt Disney—who is not in a good mood. “You idiot!” blasts the animation king. “My wife Lillian wasted hundreds of dollars on your crappy cosmetics!”

“W-what do you mean?” Souter stammers.

“She bought dozens of your lipsticks because she liked the colors so much, but half of them break the second she touches them, and, well, here, honey, you tell him.” Disney hands the phone to his wife.

“I apologize for my husband’s temper,” begins Lillian, “but this really is embarrassing. When I put your product on my lips, it gives me bad breath!”

“Oh no,” Souter groans. “Mrs. Disney, are you sure about this?”

“I’m afraid so,” she replies. “Your Souter-Kahlo Fragile Lipstick Gives Me Halitosis.”

Dave’s Gone By #515 (6/27/2015): SUPREME

Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 515th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, June 27, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Antonin Scalia. Plus: Inside Broadway, Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Wretched Pun of Destiny (Mrs. Disney), My Sick Mind (Trump), Dylan – Sooner & Later (blues), Saturday Segues (mom & In the News)

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (egg supreme, no guests, 515, wedding speech)
00:44:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:11:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (second cousin, belly vs. uterus)
01:22:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – mom
01:45:00 Friends
02:05:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #128 (Scalia)
02:11:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:30:00 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #42 (Mrs. Disney)
02:32:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (blues)
02:53:00 Weather
02:56:30 MY SICK MIND (Trump)
03:01:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News
03:29:30 Thanks & Sponsors
03:41:30 DAVE GOES OUT

June 27, 2015 Playlist: “Brenda’s Got a Baby” (01:22:30; Tupac Shakur). “Solomon Song” (01:26:30; The Threepenny Opera 1954 off-Broadway cast w/ Lotte Lenya). “Momsong” (01:29:00; The Be Good Tanyas). “Happy Mama” (01:34:30; Hugh Masekela). “I Like My Mother” (01:39:30; Art Paul Schlosser). Dave interviews Dick Van Patten (01:47:30; 2007 excerpt). “Misery” (02:28:30; Professor Longhair). “Dirt Road Blues” (02:34:00), “Down in the Flood” ({live}; 02:37:30), “It Takes a Man to Laugh (It Takes a Train to Cry)” (02:41:00) & “Blind Willie McTell” (02:45:00; Bob Dylan). “Jubilation T. Cornpone” (03:02:30; “Li’l Abner” 1959 film soundtrack w/ Stubby Kaye). “The Great Health Care Trial Balloon” (03:06:00; Capitol Steps). “South of the Border” (03:09:00; Patsy Cline). “Marrying for Love” (03:11:00; Call Me Madam 1950 Broadway cast w/ Ethel Merman). “The Mercy Seat” ({live}; 03:14:00; Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds). “Wedding Day” (03:44:30; Ian McLagan & The Bump Band).

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #127 (6/21/2015): Jenna Jameson

click above to listen (audio file)

click above to listen (audio only)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #127 (6/21/2015): Jenna Jameson

(aired June 21, 2015 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://davesgoneby.net/?p=26942 )

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 21, 2015.

After World War II, the nation of Israel was so depleted that Hitler’s final solution felt most of the way there. But we survived, and at least the way the Orthodox are being fruitful and multiplying, we’re on the right track, and on the welfare track, but still. . . We also must be grateful for converts: people from other religions who are crazy enough to switch from Benson and Hedges to Bernstein and Hedgowitz. Sammy Davis Jr., Elizabeth Taylor, Tom Arnold, Joan Lunden, Helen Reddy, the late Anne Meara–they all put down the rosaries and picked up the rugelach.

Most of them did this for marriage. The nice Jewish boys these women hijacked from their mothers, the boyfriends said, “Look, I’d like to marry you, but the idea of a Christmas tree in the living room, or our baby, Herod, taking communion–it’s just too much. It’s like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof tolerating every obstacle except intermarriage. Jewish boys will date a debutante, they’ll shtup a shikseh (if they’re lucky), and they’ll even co-habitate with a Catholic. But when you bring marriage into it and the continuation of the Jewish race, well, it’s easier for you to give up Jesus than me to swear off Purim.

Now, the issue of who is a Jew–convert or otherwise–has been plaguing the various sects of Judaism for decades. For some, if your mother’s Jewish but your daddy’s not, fine, have a brisket. If your daddy’s Jewish and your mommy’s not, goodbye, get a ham sandwich. If they’re both Jewish, but they like mayonnaise and sailboats, that’s confusing. Talmudists wrangle with all sorts of permutations to ensure the so-called purity of Jewish lineage. I understand the impulse, but from where I stand–which is usually three inches away from the refrigerator–I say we must welcome those who wish to join our people. It’s not as if we have such a surplus of Jews that we can afford to turn away a few hundred. So if converts are willing to abide by the rules–and I don’t even mean kashrut, daily prayers, and the holidays–I just mean no New Testament and, at 68, you have to move to Florida. If you’re willing to be part of our misunderstood, maligned but magnificent people, by all means welcome. Bring pastry.

I mention all this because news broke last week that Jenna Jameson—oh, don’t make believe you never heard of her—Jenna Jameson, the former pornographic actress, will be converting to Judaism. She’s marrying an Israeli Jew, a diamond merchant noch besser, and to make him happy–though I’m sure she makes him happy in other ways–Jenna has begun keeping shabbos, cooking Jewish foods, and doing all the things a Jewish wife does, like . . . bitching and nagging.

Some Jewish feminists are not happy about adding Jenna Jew-ison to the fold. They ask, “How can this woman who’s had so much sex on camera become Jewish, since Jewish women never want sex anywhere?” These ladies find Jameson’s behavior degrading to women, not to mention that her husband to be is a typical Jewish man: instead of going out with dumpy J-Dates, he has the hots for a skinny blonde shikseh.

I object to this objection to Jenna Jameson’s years as a sex object. Who among us, Jewish or not, is without blemish or has no kinky fetishes? Me, I like to dip my testicles in warm borscht while I’m being spanked with a yad. As did Rashi, by the way. Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. The rest of us will enjoy her skin and grow the worst boners.

For even if Jenna Jameson had not retired from the intercourse industry, what’s so terrible and anti-Jewish about her past? She showed off her beauty? She gave men a thrill? She proved that a tuchas could be used for more than constipation and proctology?

I just hope that if she ever goes back into the porn business, she’ll bring some Jewishness into her films and even her film titles. Instead of her famous, “Where the Boys Aren’t,” she could do, “Where the Goys Aren’t.” Instead of “Jenna’s Built for Speed,” she’ll do “Jenna’s Built for Shopping.” Instead of “I Love Lesbians” she could do . . . well, she can still do “I Love Lesbians”; that totally works for me.

So if Jenna Jameson Judaifies, God bless her, literally. If some frummie wummies resent her intrusion into our culture, maybe that isn’t prudishness at all. Maybe they just feel threatened by a woman who made it rich on her own, can whip up a gourmet meal, can boink like a buffalo and is used to faking it, and doesn’t mind putting something in her mouth bigger than a Midol once in awhile. So welcome, Jenna Jameson, and baruch habah, which literally means “blessed is the comer.” You may find it hard at first, and sometimes you’ll blow it, but I hope you can feel me deeply behind you.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

—> https://wp.me/pzvIo-1UA

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #041 (6/20/2015): FISHERMAN

click above to listen.

The 41st Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired June 20, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

*
41.
The Coast Guard receives a call to intercept a fishing boat off the waters of Maine. When they reach the vessel, they see it’s a small, weatherbeaten craft, yet it’s piled high with Atlantic herring. On board are just a 14-year-old boy and his ancient grandfather.

“Why have you stopped us?” says the boy.

“Overfishing,” the Coast Guard captain says. “You’ve got more than five times the allowable limit for a single trawl.”

“I know,” says the boy. “It’s my grandpa. Once he starts pulling `em out of the ocean, he can’t stop. It’s a compulsion.”

“Well, I’ll just have a word with him,” replies the Captain. “Old man. Do you realize you’re overfishing in these waters?”

“What’s that?” says the grandfather.

“You’re fishing too much. It’s illegal.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” says the senior.

“I said, you can’t keep stockpiling like this!” shouts the captain.

The old man shrugs uncomprehendingly. The captain says to the boy, “What’s the matter with him? Is he deaf?”

“No,” says the boy, “just Hoard of Herring.”

Dave’s Gone By #514 (6/20/2015): SUMM THING

Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 514th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, June 20, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (Jenna Jameson), Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Saturday Segues (Davies/Wilson, In the News), Inside Broadway, Wretched Pun of Destiny (fisherman), Dylan – Sooner & Later (saved before the flood).

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guests: Dave’s wife Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (one-word non-jokes, test taking, Indiegogo, over-rehearsing)
00:50:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:34:00 Sponsors
01:36:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (prince of some media)
01:41:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Davies/Wilson)
02:09:00 Weather
02:13:00 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:33:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #41 (Fisherman)
02:36:00 Friends
02:49:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (saved before the flood)
03:12:00 Sponsors
03:16:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News
03:45:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #127 (Jenna Jameson)
03:56:00 DAVE GOES OUT

June 20, 2015 Playlist: “Fun Fun Fun” (01:49:00) & “When I Grow Up to Be a Man” (01:55:00; The Beach Boys). “Some Mother’s Son” (01:52:00; The Kinks). “Working Man’s Cafe” (01:57:30; Ray Davies). “Goodnight Irene” (02:01:00; Brian Wilson). “Dandy” (02:04:00; The Rockin’ Vickers). “In this Wide, Wide World” (02:31:30; Gigi 2015 Broadway cast w/ Corey Cott & Vanessa Hudgens). “(Most Likely) You Go Your Way and I’ll Go Mine” (02:53:30), “Solid Rock” (02:57:30), “In the Garden” (03:01:30) & “Ballad of a Thin Man” (03:07:30; Bob Dylan). “Warriors” (03:17:00; Gary Numan). “Black and White” (03:21:30; Earl Robinson). “Maybe They Won’t Kill You” (03:24:00; Henry Philips). “Bush Must Be Defeated” (03:27:00; Dan Bern). “This Note’s for You” (03:31:00; Neil Young). “Summer” (04:01:30; War).

Dave’s Gone By Interview (6/13/2015): RAIN PRYOR & Rabbi Sol Solomon

Click above to listen (audio only).

Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews comedienne Rain Pryor

Topics include: Richard Pryor, dating, Baltimore, comedy.

Segment scheduled to air June 13, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #040 (6/13/2015): DAVID CASSIDY

Click above to listen.

Segment aired June 13, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

*
40.
During the height of his fame, teen idol David Cassidy is offered every possible permutation of sex, drugs and rock and roll. He indulges in all of these, but marijuana’s a problem. No matter how he tries the herb, be it in a cigarette or a bowl or a brownie, just a little bit of weed makes him dry heave.

He asks his dealer, “Why am I not allergic to any other drug, but marijuana makes me vomit?”

The dealer replies, “I dunno. Must be the TV show you’re on.”

“TV show?” says Cassidy. “What does that have to do with it?”

“Well,” says the dealer. “You are a member of the Pot Retch Family.”

Dave’s Gone By #513 (6/13/2015): PRYOR ENGAGEMENT

Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 513th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, June 13, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Solomon chats with actress Rain Pryor. Plus: Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Saturday Segues (Ronnie Gilbert, In the News), Inside Broadway, Wretched Pun of Destiny (Cassidy), Dylan – Sooner & Later (Street Legal).

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guests: actress Rain Pryor, Dave’s wife Joyce .

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (broken glasses, birthdays, Spanish class, Harlem, Richard Pryor, still alive)
00:39:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:05:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (senior games, English class, The Miracle of Long Johns, The Fat Shack)
01:38:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Ronnie Gilbert
01:53:00 Sponsors
01:59:00 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:25:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Rain Pryor
03:18:00 Friends
03:30:30 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #40 (David Cassidy)
03:31:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Street Legal)
04:04:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News
04:19:00 DAVE GOES OUT

June 13, 2015 Playlist: “The Keeper” (01:41:00), “I Know Where I’m Going” (01:44:00), “”Yerakina” (01:45:30), “So Long, It’s Been Good to Know You” (01:48:00) & “Gotta Travel On” (04:22:00; (The Weavers w/ Ronnie Gilbert). “Reviewing the Situation” (02:21:30; Oliver! 1960 London cast w/ Ron Moody). “Bagels and Lox” (03:12:30; Rain Pryor). “Baby Stop Crying” (03:38:00) & “No Time to Think” (03:43:30). “The Information” (03:54:30; Beck). “The Great Escape” (03:58:30; Moby). “Congeniality” (04:00:30; Ornette Coleman). “Hot Dusty Roads” (04:05:00; Buffalo Springfield). “When it Rains” (04:08:00; X).

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #126 (6/7/2015): The 2015 Tony Awards

click above to listen (audio only)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #126 (6/7/2015): The 2015 Tony Awards

(aired June 6, 2015 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeVn-yaW9-g)

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a special theatrical Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 7, 2015.

You know, 69 is a very fun number — but get your minds out of the gutter! I’m talking about the 69th annual Tony Awards, happening June 7th at Radio City Music Hall. This is where Broadway people pat themselves on the back–or, considering the number of homosexuals involved, pat themselves on the tuchas.

In a completely subjective and almost arbitrary way, some of the actors and directors and designers are vaunted over bunches of others, with arts journalists voting their hearts and producers on the road voting with their pocketbooks. Still, I love the theater, and any excuse to celebrate live artistic entertainment is a blessing in a world of Angry Birds, X-boxes, Netflix and other pastimes that are more sedentary, solitary, and affordable.

Of course, me being a Rabbi, I focus on other factors in the Tony nominations besides who’s the best and who’s long overdue, and which show kept my mind off my weak bladder, even late into the first act. Since Jews are a cornerstone of modern American theater, I keep tabs on where the Jewish race is in the Tony race. For example, the front runner for Best Musical is An American in Paris. This features music by George and Ira Gershwin, of the Russian-immigrant Gershowitz family that settled in Brooklyn, New York–which is about as Jewy as you can get without moving to Haifa. Or Florida.

Competing against An American in Paris is the new chamber musical Fun Home, which tells of a budding lesbian and her closeted-faigele dad. Although the graphic novel upon which Fun Home is based was written by a lapsed Catholic, the musical’s bookwriter, Lisa Kron, is a Jewess–daughter of a Kindertransport Holocaust survivor and a mother who later converted to marry him. That’s enough baggage for a miniseries, let alone a 90-minute musical.

But let’s not leave out one other tuner: The Visit, by John Kander and the late Fred Ebb (they of Cabaret and Chicago and Zorba and Kiss of the Spider Woman and The Scottsboro Boys and you get the idea). When John Kander was seven years old, his teacher caught him daydreaming in math class. “What are you doing?” she kvetched. “I’m writing a Christmas carol,” he says. Not only wasn’t he punished, they performed the song at the holiday assembly, but not before that excellent teacher asked for Kander’s parents’ permission: “I know you’re Jewish,” she said. “Is this all right?” (Why little Kander couldn’t have written a Chanukah song is a mystery. Four million Christmas carols out there, and just three Chanukah numbers: “Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel,” the Tom Lehrer song, and the Adam Sandler song, and the last two weren’t even written yet. Goddamn Christmas.)

Anyway, as you can see, Jews are well represented in musicals this year. But plays? Meh! Not one play with a Yiddish theme or, so far as I can tell, a Jewish playwright. I’m not sure about Simon Stephens, who penned The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Simon’s a Jewy first name, and a previous play of his featured an anti-Semitic character getting his comeuppance. But the other plays in the category?

They’re all soaked in religion, but none about Judaism. Hand to God features a satanic hand puppet in Christian bible school . . . I guess I should be grateful that one’s not set in a synagogue. And there’s Wolf Hall, Parts 1 and 2, which spends six hours watching Henry VIII making an end run around the Catholic Church so he can divorce women instead of lopping their heads off. Now, see, if he were Jewish, he wouldn’t have either option. He’d just avoid his wives by hiding in the basement with a hobby.

The other Best Play nominee is the Pulitzer-winning Disgraced, by Ayad Akhtar. As you can tell by all the Khhh’s, he’s a Muslim. But he’s so anti-fundamentalist and so distrustful of Arab culture, if a Jew had written Disgraced, he’d be accused of anti-Muslim hate speech. Oh, sure, there’s a Jewish character in the play, and he’s a jerk, but compared to everyone else onstage, he’s Mister Rogers. Well, Mister Rogerstein.

Scrolling through the acting categories, I notice an alarming dearth of Jewish names, the closest being featured actor K. Todd Freeman – and he’s a schvartz! Thank God, therefore, for Featured Actor in a Musical nominee Brandon Uranowitz. Yes, Uranowitz. With a name like that, he must be a whiz!

I am also delighted to note that this year’s winner of the non-competitive Isabelle Stevenson Award is Stephen Schwartz. He’s getting an award for service to the industry, which, in his case, meant a bunch of charitable work and being president of the Dramatists Guild, which looks out for playwrights’ rights, right? Now, Stephen Schwartz did help create Godspell, which is all Jesus-y, but he also wrote Wicked, so he’s obviously drawn to myths and science fiction.

I should mention that two play revivals this season boast Jewish authorship. One was The Heidi Chronicles, Wendy Wasserstein’s look at a nice girl discovering feminism and motherhood, all in 160 very long minutes. Elisabeth Moss, the scientologist shiskeh who was Peggy on Mad Men, is Tony nominated for playing the non-Jewish Heidi. But the standout was Jason Biggs, a shaygitz in real life who plays Heidi’s schmucky boyfriend, Scoop Rosenbaum. That is, of course, the first and only time I’ve ever heard of a Jew named “Scoop.” In fact, the closest Jews ever get to a scoop is when we’re putting half a cup of flax flakes in our All-Bran.

The other play with Hebraic heritage is the classic, You Can’t Take it with You, by George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart. It’s about a family of creative eccentrics who don’t quite fit into society, but they mean no harm, and, in most ways, make life better for everyone around them. Come to think of it, that’s a pretty good description of my people.

Of course, on Sunday night, my people are theater people, reveling in the joy of performing, working, sharing, showing off and calling their agents. I’ll be watching, rooting, bitching, cheering, and biding my time. After all, next year they’re reviving Fiddler on the Roof, so can Shalom Dammit! be far behind? Well, yes. Yes it can. But a man can dream. Which is what theater is all about.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.