Segment aired Dec. 31, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” 2015 New Year’s special radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast. All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the new year! January 1st, 2016.
It has been an interesting year, this 2015. Not terrible. Not miserable. Not even a dull headache like most years. 2015 had its ups, it had its downs—kind of like Liza Minnelli’s medicine chest.
Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way. This was the year when terrorism said, “I’m baaack.” Not that it ever went away. Not that jihadists haven’t been wreaking mayhem all over the world since 9/11. Since before 9/11. But this was the year it hit home again: the year animals shot up a Paris cafe because they didn’t like Charlie Hebdo magazine’s cartoons. I mean, Gasoline Alley, I understand. Marmaduke, Rhymes with Orange—never funny. Even Hagar the Horrible is looking a little long in the tooth, but you’re gonna go psycho over French cartoons? Put down the Koran and eat a brioche.
But poor France; one attack wasn’t enough. The religion of peace struck again in November, when 130 people were killed in coordinated attacks and bombings. The murderers, of course, had ties to Isis. But whether it was chocolate isis or lemon ices, I don’t know. The good news is that Paris pushed back and killed the ringleader of the carnage, just weeks after three American friends on vacation in Amsterdam jumped on a knife-wielding turbanista and foiled his plot on a train. I guess he didn’t learn from New York that the best way to terrorize people on a train is to start breakdancing, yelling jokes, and then asking for money.
Wait, what? You’re not satisfied? You want more terrorism? Okay, let’s go to San Bernadino. I mean, who hasn’t wanted to kill everyone at a bad office party? But you had this couple – Sayed Farook and his charming wife, Tashfeen, being helped by a Hispanic neighbor to slaughter a group of white, Asian and African co-workers. Who said America can’t be multicultural?
And of course, not all murder is Mohammedan. Yes, you’ve got a civil war in Syria, where the Arabs are killing each other—so who cares? But this autumn also saw Robert Dear enter a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs and kill three people in the name of Jesus. “I’m a warrior for the babies,” he said. No, asshole, you’re a warrior for little blobs with heartbeats that no one wants to take care of. I just think the guy’s pissed because he looks like Nick Nolte on a bad hair day. Well, even-worse hair day.
Moving away from religious nuts with guns, this was also the year of authorities with guns—specifically policemen shooting first and suppressing evidence later. I’m not saying all the black men shot in the back by men in blue were choirboys, but if you’re not armed, and you’re running away or chained to the back seat of a car, you should be able to live long enough for an arraignment.
And speaking of dead black people, you’d think schvartzes would be safe in church, but no. Back in June, white supremacist Dylann Roof pops into a church in Charleston and kills nine in the congregation. And you thought my sermons were boring.
Well, there’s certainly nothing boring about politics this year. Though the presidential election isn’t for another ten months, we’ve already had 12 months of mind-boggling insanity, almost all of it on the Republican side. The front-runner is a businessman who’s gone bankrupt four times, a public speaker who makes fun of cripples, and a bully who thinks he can keep all Muslims from entering the USA. In other words, Donald Trump is a man after my own heart. And his competition? Right-wing Conservative Christian crazies, a brilliant heart surgeon who doesn’t believe in evolution, a Cuban novice who wants to give everybody a gun and nobody an abortion, Rand Paul . . . `nuff said, a fat guy from New Jersey who commandeers his own highway, and Jeb Bush, a man whose whole family should have a thousand-yard restraining order from coming anywhere near the White House. They shouldn’t even be allowed near regular houses that are painted white.
On the other side, you’ve got Hilary Clinton, who will do and say anything to stay in power. Any philosopher who says there’s no such thing as objective truth had to be studying Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. But hey, half of politics is knowing what to say—and what not to say—at any given moment. Or what to say when you’re actually doing the opposite. Or what to say when you’re doing nothing at all, which qualifies you for Congress. Hilary thought she’d cakewalk through the Democratic nomination, but then comes this angry brazen Jew, a cross between Jackie Mason and the math professor who terrified you in 12th grade. No, I don’t mean me, I mean Bernie Sanders. Can you imagine Americans electing a Jewish, socialist President named Bernie? It’d be wonderful but my God, the fireside chats? The man has two styles of rhetoric: yelling and louder yelling. He takes the oath of office, half the pigeons are gonna fly in a panic out of Washington DC.
Oh, and in the lighter side of politics, the biggest Broadway musical of the century so far is not about cats, it’s not about Mormons, and it’s not even about homosexuals. How the hell did it find a theater? But it did, and “Hamilton” is doing for our first Secretary of the Treasury what A Streetcar Named Desire did for streetcars. And desires. Meanwhile, “Star Wars” is back. No, I don’t mean Taylor Swift versus Katie Perry, I mean “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” which is already the eighth-highest-grossing movie of all time. Somehow it beat out “Human Centipede III,” but that’s just because most people watched it on GAF viewmaster. Seriously, though, Mark Kermode, film critic for the UK Guardian wrote, and I quote, “this satire of grotesque American culture is as appealing as being force-fed warm diarrhea.” Unquote. Which begs the question, is that better or worse than being force-fed ice-cold diarrhea?
It’s a question they’re asking at Chipotle, where the food looks the same going out as it does coming in. And speaking of sickening, eight people were killed in Philadelphia when an Amtrak train going 100 miles an hour jumped a curve and turned over. On the positive side for Amtrak, it was their first on-time arrival all year.
The shock of the unexpected also hit sports, where the New York Mets made it to the World Series, the New York Jets lost a quarterback to a broken jaw from a fist fight, and Caitlyn Jenner killed a guy. Well, two guys, if you count Bruce. But it was a great year for gays, as the Supreme Court voted to make same-sex marriage as legal and binding as regular marriage. And no doubt as dreary and boring and sexless. Welcome to equality, guys.
And welcome 2016, you couldn’t come soon enough. There’ll be more tragedy, absurdity, beauty, stupidity, hilarity, vulgarity, disparity and, if the economy stays good, a bissel charity. Three weeks ago, nice Jewish boy Mark Zuckerberg, announced that he is donating 99 percent of his Facebook shares to worthy causes. What a mensch! What an example for the world! Oh, did I mention that I’m starting a non-profit organization to help Rabbis with rage issues? I’m kind of a test case, and I need a lot of start-up funding so Markele, if you’re listening, make the check out to Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. Shana Tovah, everybody! See you in the New Year.
Radio personality Bob Cudmore calls in to the 2014 Dave’s Gone By New Year’s Special
Topics include: radio.
Segment, co-hosted by Joyce Weil, aired Dec. 31, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode
All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
click above for episode #539 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 539th episode–our annual New Year’s Eve special–of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired Dec. 31, 2015 on UNC Radio.
Featuring: Dave rings in the new year with wife Joyce, aunt Esther Brower, cousin Debra O’Brien, composer Brian Gari, theater critic Mary Shen Barnidge, and friends Wendy Highby, Fred Cleaver, Chuck Turner, plus: The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Miles Davis), Greeley Crimes and Old Times, Rabbi Sol Solomon on the old year.
Guests: composer Brian Gari, theater critic Mary Shen Barnidge (Windy City Times), aunt Esther Brower, cousin Debra O’Brien, friends Wendy Highby, Fred Cleaver, and Chuck Turner.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce 00:03:00 GUEST: Esther Brower 00:10:00 GUEST: Debra O’Brien 15:30:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce 00:30:00 SEGUE – 16 00:42:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:34:00 Friends 01:47:00 SEGUE – End of the Year 02:00:00 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY – Miles Davis 02:05:30 DAVE GOES EVEN FURTHER IN 02:10:30 GUEST: Brian Gari 02:20:00 GUEST: Mary Shen Barnidge 03:07:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #134 – Farewell 2015 03:22:00 GUESTS: Wendy Highby & Fred Cleaver 03:29:30 GUESTS: Chuck Turner and Julie 03:41:30 DAVE GOES OUT
Dec. 31, 2015 Playlist: “Sweet Little Sixteen” (00:31:30; The Beatles). “Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen” (00:34:00; Neil Sedaka). “Sixteen Candles” (00:36:30). “Auld Lang Syne” ({live radio version}, 01:02:00) & “Auld Lang Syne” (02:02:30; Guy Lombardo). “Stand By Me” (01:14:00; Ben E. King). “Louie Louie” (01:17:00; The Kingsmen). “Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows” (01:20:00; Lesley Gore). “That’s How Strong My Love Is” (01:21:30; Percy Sledge). “Dandy” (01:23:30; The Rockin’ Vickers w/ Lemmy). “Happy Days and Auld Lang Syne” (01:47:00; Richard Thompson). “Sigh’s Smell of Farewell” (01:51:30; Cocteau Twins). “Here is Where the Story Ends” (01:55:00; The Sundays). “16 Shells from a Thirty-Ought Six” (02:08:00; Tom Waits). “Sweet Sixteen” (02:57:30; B.B. King). “When You were Sweet Sixteen” (03:16:30; Al Jolson). “It was a Very Good Year” ({live at Meadowlands}; 03:47:00; Frank Sinatra).
Esther BrowerDebra O’Brien
Brian Gari
Mary Shen BarnidgeJoyce, Dave, Fred Cleaver, Wendy HighbyChuck Turner
The 52nd Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Dec. 31, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com *
52. Miles Davis was auditioning trombone players for his new quintet. He tells the first guy, “The piece we’re practicing is in E flat. But I want you to play it so it sounds even flatter, almost off key.”
So the musician starts playing from the sheet music, but Davis stops him and says, “I’m sorry, but you’re too good. You keep going back on pitch; you gotta go under. Sorry.”
Davis calls in the next auditioner and gives her the same shpiel: “Remember, the band is in E flat, but you’re sliding beneath it. Begin.” The musician starts playing, but sure enough, she, too, can’t help but ease back in key with the rest of the band.
Finally, the last auditioner comes in–a young guy with a fuzzy afro. Davis gives him the rules, and the dude starts playing. After a half minute, Davis starts nodding and smiling: “That’s it! Now make it even more flat.”
The musician complies, and he’s doing great, only he notices that hair is piling up around his feet. In fact, the more he plays, the more his hair keeps falling out.
“Don’t stop,” says Davis. “And play even flatter!”
The musician obeys, and he does even better, but by the end of the song, he’s bald as an egg.
“Why didn’t you warn me?” he screams. “I didn’t know playing off key would make me bald!”
“Really?” says Davis. “Haven’t you heard the expression, `Flatter E Will Get You No Hair’?”
Dave Lefkowitz interviews friends Fred Cleaver, Wendy Highby, & Chuck Turner
Topics include: New Year’s, Little America.
Segment aired Dec. 31, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” New Year’s special radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast. All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
Chuck TurnerJoyce, Dave, Fred Cleaver, Wendy Highby
click above for episode #538 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 538th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Dec. 26, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with actor Edward Asner. Plus: Inside Broadway, Saturday Segues (John Denver, In the News), Dylan – Sooner & Later (science), Greeley Crimes & Old Times.
Host: Dave Lefkowitz Guests: veteran actor Ed Asner, Dave’s wife Joyce
Sad Note: Our Friend of the Daverhood, Ed Asner, passed Aug. 29, 2021.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (Little America!) 00:51:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES (ham vs. prime rib) 01:22:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (bronies) 01:34:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 01:53:30 Sponsors 01:59:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:19:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Ed Asner 03:06:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (science) 03:34:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – John Denver 03:53:30 Weather & Thanks 03:59:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Dec. 26, 2015 Playlist: “Little Tornado” (01:35:30; Aimee Mann). “All I Want for Christmas is My One Front Tooth” (01:39:00; Aqua Teen Hunger Force). “Alone in the Universe” (01:42:00; Seussical 2001 Broadway cast w/ Kevin Chamberlin). “Happy New Year B” (02:16:00; Rent 1996 Broadway cast). “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door ({Live 1975 version}; 03:10:30), “Slow Train” ({Dylan & The Dead live version}; 03:15:00) & “The Times They are a-Changin’ ({live 1964 version}; Bob Dylan; 03:20:00). “Yellow Cat” (03:41:00), “The Gold and Beyond” (03:43:30) & “It’s Up to You” (03:50:00; John Denver). “Take Me Home, Country Roads” (03:46:00; Toots & The Maytals) “Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen” (04:01:00; Neil Sedaka).
Topics include: Lou Grant, “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” prostates, Threepenny Opera.
Segment aired Dec. 26, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Sad Note: Our Friend of the Daverhood, Ed Asner, passed Aug. 29, 2021.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
click above for episode #537 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 537th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired Dec. 19, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (Word of the Year); Saturday Segue (Phil Ochs, Frank Zappa); Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (in the News); Inside Broadway; Greeley Crimes & Old Times.
Host: Dave Lefkowitz Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (Berli’os, underground newspapers) 00:24:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 00:56:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN (piglette, snowstorm) 01:06:30 Sponsors 01:10:00 DAVE GOES EVEN FURTHER IN (Marriott, The Producers) 01:28:00 SATURDAY SEGUE (Phil Ochs) 01:51:30 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:10:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (in the news) 02:36:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #133 (Word of the Year) 02:47:00 Friends 02:54:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Frank Zappa) 03:14:30 Weather & Thanks 03:20:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Dec. 20, 2015 Playlist: “Chanukah Fever” (00:50:30; Mama Doni). “Ballad of William Worthy” (01:36:30), “How Long” (01:39:00), “Half a Century High” (01:42:00) & “Jim Dean of Indiana” (01:45:00; Phil Ochs). “Wedding Dance” (02:08:00; Fiddler on the Roof 1964 Broadway cast). “You’re a Big Girl Now” ({acoustic} 02:12:30) & “Don’t Fall Apart on Me Tonight” (02:21:30; Bob Dylan). “Man in the Long Black Coat” (02:17:00; Joan Osborne). “Love of My Life” (02:57:00), “Charlie’s Enormous Mouth” (03:01:00), “Inca Roads” (03:05:00) & “Any Way the Wind Blows” (03:08:30; Frank Zappa). “What Will Rumi Do?” (02:59:00; Ensemble Modern). “Holiday” (03:21:00; American Idiot 2010 Broadway cast).
Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of December 20, 2015.
Well, Chanukah’s over, so I can go back to being my crotchety, miserable self. Perfect timing, too. You’ve got terrorists shooting everybody, Republicans shooting their mouths off, and, as usual, my poop chute hurts—and I’m low on Desitin.
All I want towards the end of the year is a little good news, a bit of lightness to counter the darkness and stupidity all around. So what do I get? First, Time Magazine —- remember Time Magazine?—no one does. I’m sure it’s four pages long and printed on tissue paper at this point. But Time Magazine tries to stay relevant by picking its person of the year. Now, that doesn’t always mean the honored person is honorable. Past People of the Year have included Hitler, Stalin, and the Ayatollah Khoumeini —- who are always my top three when planning a holiday party. But Time has also singled out U.S. presidents, Pope Francis, Bono—pretty much anyone who’ll sell at the newsstand.
This year, Time chose Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, as person of the year. I know, right? Your guess is as good as mine. Aside from my lingering fear of anything German—including measles, cars, and ovens—did this nice lady do anything at all that affected my life? I mean, she could have gotten me a bagel from the grocery downstairs or maybe paid forward my last meal at the deli, but pfft, nothing. All Merkel does is strengthen the Euro, which is fine for Germany but hasn’t exactly been a boon for Greece, Finland, or the American greenback.
But Time Magazine is not why I am grumpy. Last week, Merriam-Webster announced its Word of the Year. Now, that’s a nice thing. In order to stay somewhat relevant in a world where dictionaries are just those clunky things we used before spell-check, Webster’s reminds everybody they still exist. How? By choosing a word that has been particularly relevant or popular over the past annum. For example, last year’s number-one word was culture. Lovely word! Culture. It means the behavioral customs of people, as well as the fine arts. And also what they take from your throat when you’ve got strep.
But you know what? People don’t listen anymore. They don’t play by the rules; they don’t follow directions. Webster’s Third International Dictionary has 470,000 words in it. That’s nearly half a million choices the editors could make when picking a word of the year. They could select words like lambrequin, which is a hood or covering for a helmet; or rasophore, which is the lowest order of Greek monk; or flabelliform, which means shaped like a fan. If people aren’t using these terms regularly, maybe making one of them Word of the Year could change all that. Undercover spies from Webster’s and Oxford could sneak the word into common usage: “Hey, isn’t that the guy from ZZ Top?” “No, he’s just a lowly rasophore. You can tell by the cassock.”
But okay, maybe these words aren’t at the top of everyone’s text-message suggestion bar. So how about cheese or synergy or the word everybody googles: porn? Somehow, even these simple words weren’t good enough for Merriam and his life-partner, Webster. As I said, they had hundreds of thousands of options for Word of the Year, and the one they chose . . . the word these scholars, in their infinite wisdom, selected as Word of the Year is: Ism. I’ll say it again: Ism.
Why do I have a problem with this? Very simple. You have a swath of geniuses using computer programs, volumetrics, and common sense to come up with a word, and the word they choose . . . last time I checked, IS NOT A WORD. It’s a suffix. Look it up! No, really, look it up IN WEBSTER’S DICTIONARY. I-S-M: it’s not a word, it’s the end of a word! Imagine if Baskin-Robbins held a contest for ice cream flavor of the year, and the winner was “ocolate!”
Now the dictionary dances around these semantics by saying that “ism” is a noun, that represents a whole bunch of words ending in ism. Which sounds to me like a tautologism. And the reason for the choice of ism this year has to do with all the web searches for ism terrorism—thanks to ISIS, socialism—thanks to Bernie Sanders, racism—thanks to Freddie Gray, capitalism and fascism—both thanks to Donald Trump, and, of course, jism, thanks the aforementioned porn.
Please understand, I have nothing against “ism” as a suffix. After all, where would I be without Judaism? Probably, happily sipping martinis on a yacht. And I’m also pretty big on Zionism, secular humanism, and the occasional aphorism. But if the sacred guardians of words can’t be bothered to find a word, what’s the world—and the word—coming to?
The answer is that it’s already come and gone. Yes, dictionary.com chose its own word of the year, identity, a gratifyingly rational decision there. But the Oxford English Dictionary—the gold standard of linguistic lexicography—they, too, had a word of the year. They didn’t pick a prefix, no. They didn’t pick a compound word or phrase. They didn’t go with slang or an abbreviation. My friends, the O.E.D. chose, as word of the year: a drawing. More specifically, the “tears of joy” emoji. You know, the Japanese-y face with the tear drops and the slanty eyebrows and one long tooth smiling while crying? This is their Word of the Year. You can’t even say it. It takes a paragraph to describe it. I thought a picture is supposed to be worth a thousand words not replace all of them!
If the best and smartest of us can’t even get simple instructions right, what hope is there for the rest of us numbnuts to solve immigration, feed the hungry, and slow down climate change? That is why I have, not one, but two words for the Webster’s and Oxford dictionaries. Each word is one syllable. The second word is a pronoun. The first word is a transitive verb that is, quote, “usually vulgar.” In case you haven’t guessed it by now, my words are—well, picture an emoji of a big yellow hand with its middle finger lifted in defiance. Or, in a different language, geh kaken oifen yam! And yes, I realize that’s a yiddishism.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches, in Great Neck, New York. Can I get a lambrequin for my shtreimel?
