holiday – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #182 (3/23/2024): Jokes for Purim 2024

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #182 (3/23/2024): Jokes for Purim 2024

airs March 23, 2024 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://youtu.be/A3rIw1W5OFs

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the joyous holiday of Purim.

Purim is one of those times when the Jews faced brutal annihilation and yet were somehow spared and got revenge — kinda like… last year. When reading the Purim story, the megillah, we use noisemakers to drown out the name of our bitterest antagonist, Haman, which is Persian for “Sarandon.” We also dress in costumes so the IRS won’t recognize us, and we’re supposed to get so drunk we’re unable to distinguish our friends from our enemies. In that way we’re like left-wing Democrats.

My manner of celebrating the Purim simcha is to laugh. Ha ha ha. But so I don’t seem psychotic, I attach my laughter to jokes. Freud said that comedy is an expression of the subconscious battling to be heard in a society that drowns out anything non-conformist. (I think that’s what he said; I don’t speak German.) So let’s examine the psyche of a couple of classic Jewish jokes:

Yankel has found this girl on J-Date, and he’s meeting in person for the first time. They’ve got an 8 o’clock reservation to meet at the swankiest Kosher restaurant in town, but it’s 7:50, and Yankel is circling the block unable to find a parking space. He drives around again and still no spot. Finally, he prays to God, he says, “God, this girl might be my bashert. Please let me find parking.”

But nothing opens up, and Yankel keeps driving. It’s now 7:55, and Yankel’s beside himself. “God,” he says, “If you find me a parking spot, I’ll never miss Friday services again.”

Still, no spaces, and he circles `round the block. Now it’s 7:59, and he’s frantic. He calls out to HaShem, “God, I swear, if you find me a spot, I’ll donate $500 to the United Jewish Appeal.” Suddenly, right in front of the restaurant, a car pulls out leaving a space. Yankel says, “Never mind, God. I found one.”

What does this joke tell us about taking the Lord’s name in vain? That we do it. That under duress, we are apt to say anything, make any promise. it’s what every person does going into surgery hoping they’ll come out of surgery. It’s every horny putz who tells a girl he’ll still respect her in the morning, and it’s every girl who believes him. It’s anyone who eats half a pizza pie and says, “Oy God, I’m never eating again.” Two hours later: “What, there’s one slice left over? Lemme just finish it.”

Humans show an uncanny talent for pivoting from need to satiation and right back to need. The little stops they make along the way to fulfill those needs — well, they’re often forgotten the way a pregnant woman can’t recall the pain of labor. After all, if mama did, she’d shoot the father, punch her OB, and strangle the infant with its umbilical cord. Instead, she’s moved forward, hugging the father, cradling her newborn, and wondering when her vagina will stop looking like the mouth of a camel.

Anyway, let’s have another joke—this one highly appropriate for our fraught and frightful times. When God was creating the world, he called his builders—the angels—together and told them His plan for a Jewish homeland called Israel. “It will be a magical place,” God said, “beautiful, with hills, gardens, and so many natural wonders. And the Jews will be smart and resourceful. They’ll build great cities and farms, make fantastic art, excel in science and engineering. Truly, Israel will be a beacon to all nations.”

“Sounds amazing, God,” said the angels. “But won’t the rest of the world see all this perfect stuff and be jealous of the Jews?”

“Nope,” the Lord replied. “Wait till they see who they have as neighbors.”

Of course, this joke has an especially jagged edge these days—even though, technically, Israel was attacked not by neighbors but by its own squatters: Muslims we were nice enough to give land to—inside the Jewish state—rather than forcing them to move to Africa or Arabia or, God forbid, Amityville. And the upshot is that for 75 years, while trying just to survive in our minuscule homeland, we have been confronted with non-stop terrorism and war. And now, the Arabs’ misinformation campaign has been swallowed up by the kinds of teary-eyed liberals who think shoplifting is the store’s fault, turnstile jumping is a human right, and blocking traffic is an act of courage rather than anarchy.

But I’m sorry — it’s Purim. I meant to keep things light. So here’s one more joke: It’s late night and a policeman sees a car speeding down the highway. He pulls the car over and is surprised to see the driver: a rumpled, middle-aged Jewish man.

The officer runs his information and says, “Mr. Schwartz, we both know you were speeding. But it’s 2AM. Where were you racing?”

“To a lecture,” says the driver.

“A lecture?,” says the cop. “Who gives a lecture at this hour?”

“My wife.”

This isn’t technically a Jewish joke; it could work for anybody. But the joke tastes Jewish because it teaches us that you always answer for your deeds. If it isn’t to a policeman’s blotter or a judge, it’s to your spouse, or your boss, or your children, or maybe just that reflection in the mirror. So whenever possible, we try to be our better selves. Rather than dread the consequences of our actions, we want to anticipate the delight our efforts will bring to others. Needless to say, this is an ideal, and as flawed human beings we’re more likely to do the right thing for the wrong reason, or the wrong thing for any reasons, than be perfect people. But on Purim, when right and wrong are intentionally confuzzled, we can simply enjoy the mishegoss inherent in being human and Jewish.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. (spins grogger) Roger Waters. Jonathan Glazer. Susan Fucking Sarandon!

—> https://tinyurl.com/ne26enfs

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #179 (4/1/2023): Passover 2023

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #179 (4/1/2023): Passover Thoughts

airs April 1, 2023 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip:

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for this Passover week, 2023.

My friends, we are only days away from Pesach, the Jewish holiday of Passover, when we commemorate escaping from Egypt and making our slow pilgrimage through the desert, into Israel, and later to Miami and Crown Heights. Although we mourn all the Arabs God had to kill to save us, we rejoice in the holiday because it means we are no longer slaves. We get paid for our labor, and we are vassals only to the bank, the mortgage, the car loan, the student debt, and Equifax.

Of course, Passover comes with much labor of its own: you have to clean the house, change out your dishware, cook a big and strange meal, invite people to the Seder, disinvite people to the Seder when one of them is Uncle Yakov, who doesn’t get along with Cousin Malka because of a business deal with her late husband that went south, and now she won’t even be in the same room with Yakov, even though he likes her, in fact, he likes-likes her, which he won’t admit, not even to his therapist, but you can tell.

The cleaning and work of modern-day holidaying remains a chore, but one aspect of Passover has improved significantly over the years. Remember back in the day, when you’d go shopping for Pesadiche food, and the supermarket would allow two shelves for items marked K for P? On the top shelf, you’d see gefilte fish, bullion cubes, and a bag of walnuts. And on the shelf below, dessert! Which meant matzoh smeared with dark chocolate, which is what passed for a snack in 1976; macaroons, which tasted like sponges dipped in coconut and shame; and honey cake, about which the less said, the better.

But that was the selection. You’d head to the checkout, just hoping the gentile ahead of you wasn’t laying a pork roast on the conveyer belt for your box of matzoh to soak in.

Yes, if you wanted Jewish food, you’d fry your own matzoh meal pancakes, you’d roast a roast, you’d shred your knuckles making charoset that everybody else would eat at the seder, so by the time the bowl got back to you, you had one speck not even big enough to stop up a bluebird’s tuchas.

Oh, my chaverim, times were tough. But now? Jewish neighborhoods have entire stores devoted to Passover edibles. You enter surrounded by kashrut. You almost expect them to hand you a tfillin with your shopping cart. And you can barely imagine a food that doesn’t have a Passover hack. Bacon? Fried pastrami. Breakfast cereal? Apple-cinnamon Crispy-Os (that’s a real thing). French toast? Matzoh brei. Shrimp cocktail? Okay, you’re on your own there, but the variety astonishes.

Let’s say, however, that you don’t live in Cedarhurst. Because you have a life. Your neighborhood is so goyish, they put up Christmas trees in October and leave them up until October. And yet, visit the supermarket, and guess what? Even there, an aisle will be set aside for all these Passover foods Jews don’t want to eat but we have to. And if you’re a shut-in, Amazon has an entire online Pesach portion, where you can buy everything from matzoh-ball soup to nut butter. (Those of you who are laughing at “nut butter,” grow up.) You can purchase Exodus-brand, Kosher for Pesach beef jerky! And Amazon will sell you Manischewitz granola and Lieber’s gluten-free elbow macaroni. Is that almost too secular? Don’t worry. You can still find chocolate lollycones, Joyva ring jells, and a good-ol’ bottle of Gold’s horse radish so red, it’s guaranteed to ruin any shirt sleeve you dip into it.

I complain a lot. Because I’m Jewish. And also because many things in life have progressively worsened: air travel, doctor’s appointments, cost of living, insurance, sitting in a theater with a mask on watching plays designed to make me feel guilty for being me. The world is a little crazy right now, and a little crazy always. So it’s a rare pleasure when something gets better and easier. As a child, by the third day of Pesach, I was so bored and constipated, people mistook me for Ben Stein. A Jewish kid growing up right now could eat a week of Passover food and not even realize it’s Passover.

Isn’t that what’s great about America? Assimilate or stay insular, but either way, the culture assimilates you. You can roast your own shankbone — which is painful and not recommended — or visit a community Seder, You can celebrate as much Passover as you can take.

So boil those eggs, gather those haggadahs, and get ready to tell the story one more time of how our ancestors went from enslavement to enfreement. And if the pandemic is still keeping you from spending next year in Jerusalem, load up a virtual background with the Wailing Wall on it, and boom, you’re there. As I said, we can long for yesteryear, but every often, we’re lucky to be living in thisteryear.

Wishing you all a zissen Pesach, this has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

DAVE’S GONE BY SKIT: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #169 (4/30/21): MERON

Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #169 – MERON

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RABBINICAL REFLECTION #169 – Meron

(https://davesgoneby.net/?p=26212. on youtube: https://youtu.be/JANamY6kZZs)

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for April 30, 2021.

Happy Lag B’Omer everybody! And if you’ve ever had your Omer logged, you know just how delightful that can be.

Lag B’Omer is a relatively minor holiday on the Jewish calendar, but our people appreciate it because it is a happy one. Well, not completely happy. God won’t let a Jewish holiday be completely happy. And this festival, in particular, is about putting a bookend on a time of gloom.

Some say Lag B’Omer is celebrated because that day marked the end of a terrible plague in the Jewish community. No, not bad drivers. Rabbi Akiva, who was a great sage — and a mediocre parsley — had a lot of disciples who started dropping dead between Passover and Shavuoth. Somehow, on this date, they stopped dying. Maybe it was Pfizer, maybe Moderna — whatever. Suddenly it was time to rejoice.

Now, a completely different explanation for Lag B’Omer involves one of Ravi Akiva’s disciples, Shimon bar Yochai. Lag B’Omer is the day he kicked the b’ucket. So who celebrates a death? Well, this Yochai guy was something of a mystic. By writing the Zohar, he started the Kabbalah ball rolling. He told his followers, now that I’m leaving my body, all my teachings and good deeds belong to the universe. So don’t mourn; go have a wedding, do a dance, get a fun haircut, light a bonfire because of all the light I’ve brought into the world. And marshmallows.

So that’s what Jews have been doing — taking a break during a somber time on the calendar, when everyone’s worried about the harvest, and having a party. And if you happen to be in Israel, you can go visit the tomb of Shimon bar Yochai, which happens to be in a town called Meron. I think you know where I’m going with this.

Year after year, hundreds of thousands of Orthodox Jews make a pilgrimage to Meron for feasting and fun. It’s like Woodstock — only Jews don’t take acid; we get acid reflux. The Yidlach gather for this festival — sometimes 400,000 people show up for this Lag B’orgy.

April 2021, because of COVID, only 100,000 came. Easy-peasy, right? Except, a few people slipped, folks behind them couldn’t go backwards — voila! Stampede. 45 people crushed to death like grapes in a Manischewitz pulper. 150 more wounded. It’s the worst peacetime disaster in the history of Eretz Yisroel. I know you’re waiting for a joke but no…that’s the emmes.

Who’s to blame? Everybody, of course. First of all, you have the insular Orthodox, who don’t think the greater community’s rules apply to them. We saw this with the Haredis in Brooklyn, who were holding massive, unmasked weddings and funerals when the governor was begging everyone: don’t even hold small unmasked weddings and funerals. Were Cuomo’s restrictions draconian? Did the Orthodox exacerbate a health crisis? Or vice versa: by disregarding protocols, did they prove that, at least for people under 60, we’ve all been going overboard with a punishment that’s worse than the disease?

Even if that were true, and Governor Cuomo was erring on the side of caution — well, not with his schmeckel but with everything else — what the Haredi were doing was unbelievably selfish and thoughtless. “We follow American laws to the letter…up until the moment we don’t happen to agree with them. Who needs police? We police ourselves.” So elected officials who crave the Orthodox vote look the other way when rules are bent.

Sometimes that’s fine — sometimes it enables catastrophe. Wifebeaters and child molesters keep on beating wifes and molesting childs while the Rabbis try to fix things behind the scenes. Ask the Catholic church how well that works. And it’s this entitled arrogance of the Haredi attitude that tells Bibi Netanyahu, “We’re gonna put a hundred thousand people on a road meant for 30,000. HaShem will be our crowd control.” But they forget: God likes crushing things. Look what He did to Samson.

Jews have good reason for being wary of outsiders. From Roman soldiers to Spanish inquisitors to Cossacks — if a goy was on your doorstep, he wasn’t holding a check from Publishers Clearing House. However, when it comes to legitimate concerns about public safety — whether you’re spitting corona droplets on your cousin or getting pushed so close to a stranger your quarter shoes land on his forehead — it would be nice if my brethren would show a little consideration for the bigger picture.

Besides, what’s so wrong with a few more weeks of distancing? We’re Jewish. We shouldn’t be going to mass.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches.

Dave’s Gone By #725 (12/21/2019): THE RIGHTEOUS TWO

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Here is the 725th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired live Saturday, Dec. 21, 2019. More info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guests: author Marty Brounstein, Dave’s wife Joyce

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews author Marty Brounstein. Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Inside Broadway, Storytime (No Small Potatoes), Colorado Limerick of the Damned (Eagle), Today Yesterday (Dec. 21).

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (season’s greetings)
00:34:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:09:00 STORYTIME – No Small Potatoes, part 1
01:33:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (news & review (01:38:00; American Utopia))
02:08:00 COLORADO LIMERICK OF THE DAMNED (Eagle)
02:14:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Marty Brounstein
02:52:00 Friends of the Daverhood
02:57:00 TODAY YESTERDAY – Dec. 21)
03:11:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Dec 21, 2019 Playlist: “Maoz Tzuris” (02:12:00; Rabbi Sol Solomon).

Dave’s Gone By #597 (3/11/2017): FASSINATING

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Here is the 597th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, March 11, 2017. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: author Ron Fassler, Dave’s wife Joyce

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews author Ron Fassler (“Up in the Cheap Seats”). Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection #145 (Purim Jokes 2017), Greeley Times, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (funnies), Potato News, Saturday Segues (Purim, In the News)

00:00:01 DAVE’S GONE BY w/ Joyce (broken sound machine, dogs, cronuts, justice Askew)
00:30:00 GREELEY TIMES
01:03:30 POTATO NEWS
01:07:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (cable news, oreo peeps, SuperShuttle, nurses)
01:26:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Purim
01:47:30 Sponsors
01:50:00 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:22:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Ron Fassler
03:17:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (funnies)
03:38:00 Friends
03:45:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #145 (Purim Jokes)
03:53:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News
04:16:30 Weather
04:18:00 DAVE GOES OUT

March 11, 2017 Playlist: “Tsuris, pt. 1” (01:26:30) & “Tsuris, pt. 2” (01:40:30). “Two Old Jewish Men” (01:30:00) & “Three Old Jewish Men” (01:39:30; Gilbert Gottfried). “Pretty Fly for a Rabbi” (01:31:00; Weird Al Yankovic). “Nudnick the Flying Schissel” (01:34:00; Mickey Katz). “Sol’s Glasses” (01:37:00; The Jerky Boys). “Medley” (02:15:30; Come from Away Toronto cast). “I Love My Wife” (02:19:30; I Do! I Do! Broadway cast w/ Robert Preston). “Rothschild and Sons” (03:11:00; The Rothschilds 1971 Broadway cast w/ Hal Linden). “Polka Dot Undies” (03:19:00; Bowser & Blue). “Po’ Boy” (03:23:30; Bob Dylan). “Positively Wall Street” (03:26:30; National Lampoon’s Lemmings off-Broadway cast w/ Christopher Guest). “Green Eggs & Ham” (03:29:00; Kevin Ryan). “I’m Bugged” (03:54:00; XTC). “The Great Health Care Trial Balloon” (03:57:30; Capitol Steps). “When I’m Gone” (04:00:30; The Bridges of Madison County 2014 Broadway cast). “Koreandogwood” (04:04:30; Devendra Banhart). “Red Irish Rose” (04:08:30; Tommy Maken & Liam Clancy). “The Revolutionary Costume for Today” (04:21:30; Grey Gardens 2006 Broadway cast w/ Christine Ebersole).

(pictured: Ron Fassler, Up in the Cheap Seats, Purim, Potato News, Sally Field in The Glass Menagerie)

Dave’s Gone By #586 (12/24/2016): DRY AND READY

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Here is the 586th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Dec. 24, 2016. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (2016 Farewell), Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Inside Broadway, Saturday Segues (Chanukah & Christmas, In the News), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (noise machines, latkes, The Star Wars Holiday Special, kwanzaa, psoas therapy, not-so-crappy year, Carrie Fisher)
00:59:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:27:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (UNC marching band)
01:35:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (In the News)
02:01:30 Sponsors
02:05:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:30:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later
02:50:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #142 (2016 Farewell)
02:59:00 Friends
03:08:30 Sponsors
03:10:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Chanukah and Christmas
03:32:00 Weather
03:34:00 DAVE GOES OUT

“Good Night but not Goodbye” (00:29:00; “The Star Wars Holiday Special” w/ Bea Arthur). “UNC Fight Song” (01:28:00; University of Northern Colorado marching band).”Fireworks” (01:37:00; Do Re Mi 1999 off-Broadway cast). “Bad Ambassador” (01:40:00; The Divine Comedy). “Berlin: Black Hole with Taxis” (01:44:00; Passing Strange 2008 Broadway cast). “Evacuation” (01:44:30; Pearl Jam). “Nuclear” (01:47:30; Ryan Adams). “You’re Timeless to Me” (02:26:00; Hairspray 2002 Broadway cast w/ Harvey Fierstein & Dick Latessa). “Once Upon a Time” (02:35:30), “Dear Landlord” (02:39:30) & “O Come All Ye Faithful” (02:42:30; Bob Dylan). “Anal Dreidel” (03:11:30), “The Twelve Complaints of Christmas” (03:18:00) & “Maoz Tzuris” (03:27:30; Rabbi Sol Solomon) “Santa Quits” (03:13:30) & “Santasia” (03:23:00; Dave Lefkowitz). “There’s no Place Like Home for the Holidays” (03:40:30; Leon Redbone).

Dave’s Gone By #577 (10/8/2016): ATONE DEAF

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Here is the 577th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Oct. 8, 2016. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce

Featuring: Dave Goes Off on Yom Kippur and Hurricane Matthew. Plus: Inside Broadway, Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later, Saturday Segues (Oscar Brand, Matthew).

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (technical difficulties, bad times, mother’s cookies!, tooth polish, motel hells)
00:08:30 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #18 – The Beach Boys (originally aired 12/27/14)
00:37:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:19:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Oscar Brand
01:50:00 Sponsors
01:56:00 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:30:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later
02:57:00 Friends
03:05:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Yom Kippur
03:13:30 DAVE GOES OFF – Hurricane Matthew
03:31:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Matthew
03:53:30 Thanks & Weather
03:57:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Oct. 8, 2016 Playlist: “Other Arms” (01:01:30; Robert Plant). “Brass in Pocket” (01:11:30; The Pretenders). “A Clean Song” (01:28:30) & “I was Born 10,000 Years Ago” (01:37:30; Oscar Brand). “Blinded by Turds” (01:32:00) & “Four Letter Words” (01:34:00; Oscar Brand & Dave Sear). “Paper and Pins” (01:30:30; Oscar Brand & Jeanne Ritchie). “Ugly Nora” (02:26:30; The Soft Boys). “Sally Gal” (02:32:00), “Tell Me, Momma” ({Royal Albert Hall version} 02:41:30), “Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues” ({Manchester version} 02:46:30; Bob Dylan). “Yom Kippur” (03:07:30; Lewis Black). “Heartache Weather” (03:31:30; Matthew Ryan). “Extraordinary” (03:34:00; Pippin 2013 Broadway cast w/ Matthew James Thomas). “Trouble” (03:36:00; The Music Man 2003 TV cast w/ Matthew Broderick). “Thunderstorm” (03:40:30; Matthew Sweet). “Please Forgive Me” (03:58:30; David Gray).

(pictured: Oscar Brand, Yom Kippur)

Dave’s Gone By #536 (12/12/2015): FRANKLY

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Here is the 536th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Dec. 12, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Dave chats with old friend Jeff Goodman; Inside Broadway; Rabbi Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (Hanukkah Haiku); Saturday Segues (Frank Sinatra, vacation); Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Sinatra’s Shadows); Greeley Crimes & Old Times.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest: former guest co-host Jeff Goodman, Dave’s wife Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (so long semester, snu, temps, Eggley Bagelface, The Soup, Mama Doni, Hawaii Kai, Kaleidoscope, horse head)
01:12:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:47:30 GUEST: Jeff Goodman
02:36:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Frank Sinatra
02:59:00 Sponsors
03:02:00 INSIDE BROADWAY
03:23:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Sinatra’s Shadows)
03:40:30 Sponsors
03:45:30 RABBINICAL REFLECTION – Hanukkah Haiku
03:51:00 Friends
03:46:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Vacation
04:16:30 Weather & Thanks
04:20:30 DAVE GOES OUT

Dec. 12, 2015 Playlist: “Chanukah Fever” (Mama Doni). “Chanukah” (01:08:30; Six13). “The Coffee Song” (02:39:00). “It’s the Same Old Dream” (02:42:00), “It Never Entered My Mind” (02:44:30), “You Make Me Feel So Young” ({live}; 02:47:30), “You’ll Never Walk Alone” (02:51:00) & “I Have Dreamed” (04:22:00; Frank Sinatra). “A Brand New Day” (03:19:30; The Wiz 2015 TV cast). “That Lucky Old Sun” (03:27:30), “What’ll I Do” (03:31:00) & “Stay With Me” (03:34:30; Bob Dylan). “The Draidel Song” (03:50:00; Mickey Katz). “Your Mind is on Vacation” (03:57:30; Van Morrison). “Take a Musical Break” (04:00:30; Dottie Burman). “Albuquerque” (04:02:30; Neil Young). “Take Me Away” (04:06:30; Oasis). “Homeward Bound” (04:11:00; Simon & Garfunkel).

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #132 (12/12/2015): HANUKKAH HAIKU

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Rabbinical Reflection #132: Hanukkah Haiku

aired Dec. 12, 2015 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://youtu.be/6AxN-ZfHRak

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of December 12, 2015.

With everything going on in the world – the craziness, the killing, chaos in the GOP, E. coli at Chipotle—which is really confusing because how the hell are you supposed to differentiate noro-virus diarrhea from regular Chipotle diarrhea? Such distinctions are lost on me. But what we must not lose this mid-December is the arrival of Chanukah. Eight days of happiness and food and gratitude, and a reminder that every Jewish holiday isn’t about fasting and wishing you could afford maid service.

Sometimes we win. Sometimes the enemy who is trying to destroy us, or weaken our faith, gets a shank in the ribs. We did it to Egypt in a thousand BC, we did it to the Greeks—who bent over and took it—and one day we’ll do it to ISIS and ISIL and Al Qaeda and Boko Haram, and maybe the first guy who said, “Hey, it’s Halloween soon. Let’s put pumpkin spice in everything. Lattes, pancakes, donuts, beef wellington—doesn’t matter. Pumpkin spice is the new oxygen.” We need to get him.

Anyhoo, Chanukah commemorates a small band of Jews who would not succumb to the hellish Hellenic hellions who tried to hinder our Hebrew historicity. The second temple in Jerusalem was recaptured from the Greeks, re-consecrated as a synagogue, and retrofitted for Wi-Fi. And when the Hashmonaim were cleaning the temple, and making it minty fresh, they had only a drop of oil with which to light the holy candelabra, the menorah. And yet that oil burned day and night for eight straight days. The electric bill must have been horrendous, but the point is: miracles do happen. They happened then, they happen now. It’s a miracle that a computer can digitally print working human organs. It’s a miracle you can stare at a hole in the ground in a city block, come back six months later, and it’s an office building. It’s an astounding miracle that someone like me is on the radio.

So let us delight with our family, our friends—all the people we barely tolerate for fear of loneliness—and cheer the miraculous holiday of Chanukah. To do so, I have written a few short poems celebrating the Festival of Lights in haiku form. Haiku is a Japanese poetry style that is perfectly marvelous because it’s so short. As soon as you get started, you’re finished. Like a teenage boy on prom night. Your entire thought process must fit into a mere 17 syllables, which proves the Japanese not only invented haiku but twitter.

I pray that you enjoy these holiday poems from me, Rabbi Sol. Chanukah Chaikus:

Eight candles burning
On my shaky menorah.
Shit! Call 9-1-1.

Headline: Polish Jews
Suffer Third-Degree Burns When
Bobbing for Latkes

Judah Maccabee
And sons beat the Greek army
Yay for terrorists!

Happy holidays, my friends, and may all your dreidel spins come up hay. I’d say gimel, but why press your luck? This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches, in Great Neck, New York.

NON-FICTION – ESSAY – HUMOROUS: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #132 (12/12/2015): HANUKKAH HAIKU

Dave’s Gone By #526 (9/12/2015): TATER DAY

Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 526th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Sept. 12, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Inside Broadway, Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (high holy days), Saturday Segue (Hank Williams).

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (Potato Day!, chalk)
00:19:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
00:37:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN (Mac Sabbath)
01:05:00 SATURDAY SEGUE (Hank Williams)
01:29:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:48:30 Sponsors
01:52:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (high holy days)
02:11:00 Friends
02:18:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Sept. 12, 2015 Playlist: “Frying Pan” (Mac Sabbath). “I Just Don’t Like this Kind of Living” (01:08:00), “Setting the Woods on Fire” (01:11:00), “Farther Along” (01:13:30) & “Free at Last” (01:16:30; Hank Williams). “The Boy Friend” (01:45:30; The Boy Friend 1970 Bway cast w/ Judy Carne). “High Water (for Charley Patton)” ({live} 01:54:00) & “Days of `49” (alternate version; 02:04:00; Bob Dylan). “Love is a Four Letter Word” ({live}; 02:01:00; Joan Baez). “Potato” (02:20:00; Cheryl Wheeler).