click above to watch episode #936 (aired March 23, 2024): The Suzuki Methodclick above to listen to the episode (audio only)
Here is the 936th episode of the long-running radio show/video podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired live on Facebook Saturday morning, March 23, 2024.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with author John Suzuki and offers his Rabbinical Reflection (Purim jokes), Colorado Limerick of the Damned (Lazear), Greeley Times, Dave’s Big Dictionary (pedantic).
Guest: historian John Suzuki
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce: Purim, Tater Day, 00:39:00 GREELEY TIMES 00:59:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews John Suzuki 01:42:00 DAVE SAYS BYE: Karl Wallinger and Irene Backalenick 02:09:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN: Mr. Nosenbloom 02:34:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #182: Jokes for Purim 2024 02:45:00 DAVE’S BIG DICTIONARY: Pendantic 02:57:00 Friends of the Daverhood 03:15:30 COLORADO LIMERICK OF THE DAMNED: Lazear 03:19:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Jewish foods
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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #182 (3/23/2024): Jokes for Purim 2024
airs March 23, 2024 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://youtu.be/A3rIw1W5OFs
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the joyous holiday of Purim.
Purim is one of those times when the Jews faced brutal annihilation and yet were somehow spared and got revenge — kinda like… last year. When reading the Purim story, the megillah, we use noisemakers to drown out the name of our bitterest antagonist, Haman, which is Persian for “Sarandon.” We also dress in costumes so the IRS won’t recognize us, and we’re supposed to get so drunk we’re unable to distinguish our friends from our enemies. In that way we’re like left-wing Democrats.
My manner of celebrating the Purim simcha is to laugh. Ha ha ha. But so I don’t seem psychotic, I attach my laughter to jokes. Freud said that comedy is an expression of the subconscious battling to be heard in a society that drowns out anything non-conformist. (I think that’s what he said; I don’t speak German.) So let’s examine the psyche of a couple of classic Jewish jokes:
Yankel has found this girl on J-Date, and he’s meeting in person for the first time. They’ve got an 8 o’clock reservation to meet at the swankiest Kosher restaurant in town, but it’s 7:50, and Yankel is circling the block unable to find a parking space. He drives around again and still no spot. Finally, he prays to God, he says, “God, this girl might be my bashert. Please let me find parking.”
But nothing opens up, and Yankel keeps driving. It’s now 7:55, and Yankel’s beside himself. “God,” he says, “If you find me a parking spot, I’ll never miss Friday services again.”
Still, no spaces, and he circles `round the block. Now it’s 7:59, and he’s frantic. He calls out to HaShem, “God, I swear, if you find me a spot, I’ll donate $500 to the United Jewish Appeal.” Suddenly, right in front of the restaurant, a car pulls out leaving a space. Yankel says, “Never mind, God. I found one.”
What does this joke tell us about taking the Lord’s name in vain? That we do it. That under duress, we are apt to say anything, make any promise. it’s what every person does going into surgery hoping they’ll come out of surgery. It’s every horny putz who tells a girl he’ll still respect her in the morning, and it’s every girl who believes him. It’s anyone who eats half a pizza pie and says, “Oy God, I’m never eating again.” Two hours later: “What, there’s one slice left over? Lemme just finish it.”
Humans show an uncanny talent for pivoting from need to satiation and right back to need. The little stops they make along the way to fulfill those needs — well, they’re often forgotten the way a pregnant woman can’t recall the pain of labor. After all, if mama did, she’d shoot the father, punch her OB, and strangle the infant with its umbilical cord. Instead, she’s moved forward, hugging the father, cradling her newborn, and wondering when her vagina will stop looking like the mouth of a camel.
Anyway, let’s have another joke—this one highly appropriate for our fraught and frightful times. When God was creating the world, he called his builders—the angels—together and told them His plan for a Jewish homeland called Israel. “It will be a magical place,” God said, “beautiful, with hills, gardens, and so many natural wonders. And the Jews will be smart and resourceful. They’ll build great cities and farms, make fantastic art, excel in science and engineering. Truly, Israel will be a beacon to all nations.”
“Sounds amazing, God,” said the angels. “But won’t the rest of the world see all this perfect stuff and be jealous of the Jews?”
“Nope,” the Lord replied. “Wait till they see who they have as neighbors.”
Of course, this joke has an especially jagged edge these days—even though, technically, Israel was attacked not by neighbors but by its own squatters: Muslims we were nice enough to give land to—inside the Jewish state—rather than forcing them to move to Africa or Arabia or, God forbid, Amityville. And the upshot is that for 75 years, while trying just to survive in our minuscule homeland, we have been confronted with non-stop terrorism and war. And now, the Arabs’ misinformation campaign has been swallowed up by the kinds of teary-eyed liberals who think shoplifting is the store’s fault, turnstile jumping is a human right, and blocking traffic is an act of courage rather than anarchy.
But I’m sorry — it’s Purim. I meant to keep things light. So here’s one more joke: It’s late night and a policeman sees a car speeding down the highway. He pulls the car over and is surprised to see the driver: a rumpled, middle-aged Jewish man.
The officer runs his information and says, “Mr. Schwartz, we both know you were speeding. But it’s 2AM. Where were you racing?”
“To a lecture,” says the driver.
“A lecture?,” says the cop. “Who gives a lecture at this hour?”
“My wife.”
This isn’t technically a Jewish joke; it could work for anybody. But the joke tastes Jewish because it teaches us that you always answer for your deeds. If it isn’t to a policeman’s blotter or a judge, it’s to your spouse, or your boss, or your children, or maybe just that reflection in the mirror. So whenever possible, we try to be our better selves. Rather than dread the consequences of our actions, we want to anticipate the delight our efforts will bring to others. Needless to say, this is an ideal, and as flawed human beings we’re more likely to do the right thing for the wrong reason, or the wrong thing for any reasons, than be perfect people. But on Purim, when right and wrong are intentionally confuzzled, we can simply enjoy the mishegoss inherent in being human and Jewish.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. (spins grogger) Roger Waters. Jonathan Glazer. Susan Fucking Sarandon!
click above to watch episode #884click above to listen (audio only)
Here is the 884th episode of the long-running radio show/video podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired live on Facebook Saturday morning, March 4, 2023. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Greeley Crimes & Old Times; Colorado Limerick of the Damned (Norrie); Rabbi Sol Solomon reads the papers.
Guests: Rabbi Sol Solomon.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (sigh machine, pre-spring, Elvis Francois, shigella) 01:04:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:38:00 RABBI SOL READS THE PAPERS 02:06:00 Friends of the Daverhood 02:14:00 DAVE GOES OFF (breadmaker) 02:31:00 COLORADO LIMERICK OF THE DAMNED (Norrie, CO) 02:33:00 DAVE GOES OUT (German verbs)
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Here is the 787th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired live on Facebook Saturday, Feb. 27, 2021. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Guests: musician Matthew Sweet, theater critics Leslie (Hoban) Blake and David Sheward, friends Fred Cleaver and Wendy Highby.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews singer-songwriter Matthew Sweet; Today/Yesterday trivia quiz (w/ David Sheward, Leslie (Hoban) Blake, Fred Cleaver and Wendy Highby); Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection (Purim Jokes 2021); Greeley Crimes & Old Times; Colorado Limerick of the Damned (Bailey, CO).
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (human-taschen, parking, potato head) 00:41:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:01:30 TODAY/YESTERDAY trivia quiz (Feb. 27 w/ Leslie (Hoban) Blake, Fred Cleaver, Wendy Highby, David Sheward) 02:00:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Matthew Sweet 03:01:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #167 (Purim Jokes 2021) 03:12:30 Friends of the Daverhood 03:30:00 COLORADO LIMERICK OF THE DAMNED (Bailey, CO) 03:33:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Feb. 27, 2021 Playlist: “I Almost Forgot” (01:58:00) & “Sick of Myself” (02:56:00; Matthew Sweet).
Matthew SweetLeslie (Hoban) Blake
David Sheward
Joyce, Dave, Fred Cleaver & Wendy HighbyBailey, CORabbi Sol Solomon
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #167 (2/26/21): Purim Jokes 2021
click above to watch.
(Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflections appear on the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAnTjN0qWOE&t=3s)
Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for February 26th — Purim 2021!
As I often do on Purim, one of the rare jolly holidays on the Jewish calendar, I’m going to forego my usual bitching and kvetching and, instead, tell a couple of hilarious jokes that you damn well better laugh at.
We begin on Delancey Street, where a guy walks into a deli and asks the old man at the counter, “Do you sell pickles?”
“Funny you should ask,” says the counterman. “I have sour pickles, half-sour, butter pickles, thin slice, jagged slice, pickles in brine, extra large, extra small, extra dill. And these are just the domestic.”
“Wow,” says the customer. “You must sell a lot of pickles.”
“Not really,” sighs the counterman. “But the guy I buy from? Boy can he sell pickles!”
What can we learn from this joke? We learn that sometimes it’s not what you’re selling but how you’re selling it. Nancy Reagan could tell teenagers, “don’t do drugs”; she might as well have told them “do drugs!” for all the good it did. But if Beyonce or Lady Gaga say it their way, the message might stick. Or if you’re trying to teach Talmud, or derech eretz to your children, and it’s not getting through, don’t give up; adjust. I suggest smacking them around and making them recite the sh’ma standing barefoot on ice cubes, but that’s just me.
On to the next joke. Many years ago, a great Rabbi and his favorite student were traveling together through Poland to get to Warsaw. One evening, after a long trek, they decide to stop and pitch their tent in an open field. After prayers and some talmudic discourse, they both retire for the night.
A couple of hours later, the Rabbi wakes up, nudges the student, and says, “Chaim. Chaim. Look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Chaim yawns and says, “I see a black sky with many millions of stars.”
“Yes, and what may we deduce from this?”
“Well, Rabbi, astronomically, the view conveys the vastness of the universe. Scientifically, we can tell from the sky’s color that it’s three o’clock in the morning. And theologically, we see the power and majesty of God and our own insignificance by comparison. What does it tell you, Rabbi?”
“Well, first of all, Chaim, it tells me someone has stolen our tent.”
What a delightful joke! Not least because, admit it, you were expecting something disgusting between the Rabbi and the kid sharing a tent. Shame on you! If it was a priest, okay, but not a Rabbi! Still, this is a gentle joke that balances mankind’s longing for the sacred and splendiferous with his earthbound ties to the earth and its more mundane attributes. It also makes fun of Polacks.
And it reminds us not to miss the forest for the trees—or the tent for the stars. We get bogged down in the mechanics of life and get ground up in the gears of detail. Sometimes it behooves us to stop, take stock of our surroundings, and maybe put an alarm system around our tents.
Our final bit of humorosity, also goes back in time—this one to Soviet Russia in the 1970s. A Red Army officer is visiting a school and questioning all the students in the classroom. He goes to a Russian girl and says, “Who is your father?”
“The Soviet Union,” she replies.
“And who is your mother?”
“The Communist party,” she says.
“And what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“I want to work with my comrades for the state.”
The officer goes to a little Russian boy sitting behind her.
“Who is your father?”
“The Soviet Union,” says the boy.
“Who is your mother?”
“The Communist party.”
“And when you grow up, you want to be . . . ?”
“A worker for the glorious party.”
The officer smiles and moves on to a scrawny child in the back of the room.
“What’s your name?”
“Mordecai Groizman.”
“Ah,” sneers the Officer. “Who is your father?”
“The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.”
“Mm hmm. And who is your mother?”
“The Communist Party of the Russian Federation.”
“Very nice. And do you know what you want to be when you grow up?”
“Oh yes,” says the boy. “An orphan.”
Ah, the beauty of mordant Jewish wit. Even at the expense of angering an enemy who could send his parents to Siberia, the child tells the truth and embeds a curse inside it. You can always hope your adversary is too stupid to get that the jokes on him. But, let’s face it, it’s a little stupid of you to take that chance. At a time when we scrutinize—and sometimes over-scrutinize—things goyim say about the Jews, it’s nice to have a joke where the Yidl lobs a grenade the other way.
And isn’t that what happened on Purim? Haman planned to kill all the Jews, but Queen Esther convinced the Persian king that was a bad idea. Not only was Haman hung from the noose he’d built to murder Esther’s cousin, but Haman’s ten sons were killed in battle by Jewish commandos. The only thing left of Haman was his three-cornered hat and his name, which we drown out with noise in the synagogue. Very often Jews taste the first misery but get the last laugh.
Happy Purim! This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of March 11, 2017.
Happy Purim, everybody! It’s the one day of the year when the world is actually supposed to be crazy, rather than the accident we live in day to day. As such, it’s something of a tradition on this most happy holiday for me to eschew ranting, bitching, and beating various dead horses, and to just tell a couple of jokes, with a bissel of Talmudic commentary. Well, Talmudic-style commentary, since I’m too busy to actually read the friggin’ Talmud. (pause) Oh, as if you aren’t.
Anyhoo, we begin with a charming joke about infidelity. Murray the accountant has been lusting after his secretary for months. Finally, she gives in, they take the day off, go to a hotel, and spend hours boinking and shtupping, moaning and groaning, coming and going. They’re so exhausted, they even fall asleep. Suddenly, Murray wakes up, it’s 7:30 at night.
They start frantically dressing, and as they get out the door, Murray hands the girl his shoes and says, “Do me a favor. Take my shoes, go to the lawn, and rub them all over the grass and dirt. Do it!” She does. He says, “Great, don’t panic.” Drives her home and makes a beeline for his own house.
In he walks at 8:45, and boy, is his wife waiting for him. “Where have you been?” she screams in his face.
“Honey,” he says. “I’m not gonna lie to you. For the last ten hours, I’ve been in a hotel room with my hot secretary, and we’ve been having wild sex in every possible position. I’m sorry.”
Murray’s wife looks down at his shoes. Stares at them. Says, “You lying son of a bitch; you’ve been playing golf!”
Please note that this joke is not meant to be instructional or tried at home. It does remind us that marriage is a sacred institution, but even more sacred is the need for men to have their own corner of time and space. Doesn’t mean, chas v’chalil, they should be committing adultery—or certainly not childrenry. But an activity that is theirs and theirs alone. And ladies, remember, the good news is that for men of a certain age, golf is a helluva lot more manageable than an affair. For one thing, you can hold your shaft up for three hours without having a heart attack. For another, it’s more fun to pick up your balls from the green than to pick up your balls with tighter underpants. And finally, if you land in the wrong hole, you just get a drink at the bar instead of needing a penicillin shot.
Moving on. So last week, I’m visiting a big synagogue in Manhattan, and I have to use the bathroom. So I go downstairs, big men’s room; I try one stall, the door won’t open. So I try the next one, it’s fine, I go in, sit down.
I’m just getting settled, when a voice comes from the next cubicle. “Shalom! How are you doing?”
“Oy,” I think. But to be polite, I answer, “I’m fine, thank you very much.”
A couple seconds go by, the man says, “Well, what are you doing?”
What am I doing? I tell the guy, “I’m taking a poop! What the hell do you think I’m doing?”
Immediately, I hear the voice say: “Listen, Chaim, lemme call you back. I’ve got this schmuck in the other stall answering everything I say.”
Nu, so what do we learn from this joke? We learn that we can get so wrapped up in our own heads, we automatically assume everything around us revolves around us. The truth is, most of the time, the opposite is true. We are the moons orbiting the sun. The best we can do is not to collide with each other, fall in, and burn up. Put another way—since I mentioned poop—we’re just flies circling the manure. The best we can do is not collide, fall in, and come out smelling like Greeley, Colorado.
Okay, last one. Out of sheer curiosity, because he’s never been, Avi Cohen decides to visit a church. He goes in, unpacks his t’fillin bag, puts on a yarmulke and tallis, and sits. He figures, “I can pray my own prayers; I just like the atmosphere.”
However, when the priest starts the service, he sees Avi, and the first thing he says is, “Would all non-Christians kindly leave?”
Avi hears this, but he’s in the middle of the sh’ma and doesn’t move.
Again, the priest calls out, “I’m asking, please, would all non-Christians leave?”
Avi, in the middle of prayer, doesn’t acknowledge; doesn’t budge.
Finally, turning red, the priest barks out, “Will all Jews please leave my church!”
At this, Avi removes his kippah, his tallis, stuffs them away, leaps out of his chair, and marches towards the exit. On the way, he grabs a statue of Jesus and says, “Come boychick. They don’t want us here anymore.”
This is, of course, a reminder that in an era when Christians and Jews may wind up being pitted against each other over abortion, Palestinians, school prayer, thin-crust pizza vs. Chicago style. It’s good to remember we all need each other. Christians wouldn’t have a religion without us. And we wouldn’t have much traction in our current government if the goyim didn’t believe that Israel was necessary for endtimes. So, Jews, stop panicking. If anti-Semites are knocking over some headstones, if the alt-right is somehow making skinheads feel like they’ve got decent hair—it sucks, but don’t get sucked in. On this Purim holiday of 2017, celebrate what we can, and keep an eye on what we can’t.
Remember, too, that the president has a Jewish son-in-law and a converted Jewish daughter, and that the majority of our countrymen stand with us. Countrywomen, too. After all, what is a pussy hat if not a hamentaschen for the head?
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches, in Great Neck, New York. Purim Sameach!
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 597th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, March 11, 2017. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Host: Dave Lefkowitz Guests: author Ron Fassler, Dave’s wife Joyce
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews author Ron Fassler (“Up in the Cheap Seats”). Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection #145 (Purim Jokes 2017), Greeley Times, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (funnies), Potato News, Saturday Segues (Purim, In the News)
00:00:01 DAVE’S GONE BY w/ Joyce (broken sound machine, dogs, cronuts, justice Askew) 00:30:00 GREELEY TIMES 01:03:30 POTATO NEWS 01:07:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (cable news, oreo peeps, SuperShuttle, nurses) 01:26:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Purim 01:47:30 Sponsors 01:50:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:22:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Ron Fassler 03:17:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (funnies) 03:38:00 Friends 03:45:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #145 (Purim Jokes) 03:53:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 04:16:30 Weather 04:18:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 11, 2017 Playlist: “Tsuris, pt. 1” (01:26:30) & “Tsuris, pt. 2” (01:40:30). “Two Old Jewish Men” (01:30:00) & “Three Old Jewish Men” (01:39:30; Gilbert Gottfried). “Pretty Fly for a Rabbi” (01:31:00; Weird Al Yankovic). “Nudnick the Flying Schissel” (01:34:00; Mickey Katz). “Sol’s Glasses” (01:37:00; The Jerky Boys). “Medley” (02:15:30; Come from Away Toronto cast). “I Love My Wife” (02:19:30; I Do! I Do! Broadway cast w/ Robert Preston). “Rothschild and Sons” (03:11:00; The Rothschilds 1971 Broadway cast w/ Hal Linden). “Polka Dot Undies” (03:19:00; Bowser & Blue). “Po’ Boy” (03:23:30; Bob Dylan). “Positively Wall Street” (03:26:30; National Lampoon’s Lemmings off-Broadway cast w/ Christopher Guest). “Green Eggs & Ham” (03:29:00; Kevin Ryan). “I’m Bugged” (03:54:00; XTC). “The Great Health Care Trial Balloon” (03:57:30; Capitol Steps). “When I’m Gone” (04:00:30; The Bridges of Madison County 2014 Broadway cast). “Koreandogwood” (04:04:30; Devendra Banhart). “Red Irish Rose” (04:08:30; Tommy Maken & Liam Clancy). “The Revolutionary Costume for Today” (04:21:30; Grey Gardens 2006 Broadway cast w/ Christine Ebersole). (pictured: Ron Fassler, Up in the Cheap Seats, Purim, Potato News, Sally Field in The Glass Menagerie)
click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 500th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, March 7, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave’s 500th episode: 500 minutes plus 1 hour to grown on! Dave plays classic bits, novelty numbers, interview clips and more from years gone by. Plus: chats with return guests, Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Dave’s 500th, musician Christine Lavin, actress Carole Demas, radio legend Dr. Demento, Greeley Crime Beat, visits from UNC Radio general manager Thomas Hoffman, UNC Radio programming director Matthew Davis, UNC Mirror journalist Will Costello, UNC Radio host Alex Kirschner and friends Fred Cleaver and Wendy Highby. Also: Calls from former programming director Sam Wood, singer Carole Demas, Dave’s mom & dad Philip and Brenda Lefkowitz, Dave’s friend Ozer Teitelbaum, and former guest co-host Jeff Goodman
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: radio host Dr. Demento, musician Christine Lavin, actress Carole Demas, UNC Mirror journalist Will Costello, UNC Radio general manager Thomas Hoffman, UNC Radio programming director Matthew Davis,, UNC Radio former general manager Sam Wood, radio personality Joe Salzone, friends Wendy Highby, Fred Cleaver, Ozer Teitelbaum and Jeff Goodman, Dave’s mom & dad (Philip & Brenda Lefkowitz), Dave’s wife Joyce.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (#500!, Purim narwhal) 00:24:30 GREELEY CRIME BEAT, pt. 1 00:27:00 GUESTS: Fred Cleaver & Wendy Highby (new!) 00:52:00 GREELEY CRIME BEAT, pt. 2 w/ Will Costello 00:58:00 GUESTS: Will Costello 01:04:00 GREELEY CRIME BEAT, pt 3 01:14:30 GUESTS: Will Costello, Alex Kirshner, Thomas Hoffman (new!) 01:36:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN 01:51:00 GUEST: Bonnie Franklin (aired 10/1/11) 02:00:30 SKIT: The Giving Chimp (aired 11/3/02) 02:07:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #3: Taco Bell (aired 1/29/11) 02:21:00 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #26: Autopsy (aired 2/21/15) 02:23:00 SONG: Take Your Underoos Down (aired 7/19/14) 02:32:30 GUEST: Karinna Kittles-Karsten (aired 2/11/07) 02:50:30 SONG: Jeopardy Ken (aired 10/14/04) 02:53:30 Sponsors 03:01:30 GUEST: Joe Franklin (aired 4/1/07) 03:06:30 SKIT: Pre-Tampered Yummies (aired 10/27/02) 03:12:00 GUEST: Tom Paxton (aired 9/2/04) 03:20:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’s RABBINICAL REFLECTION #11: Circumcisions (aired 4/2/11) 03:31:30 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #23: Screenwriter (aired 2/7/15) 03:37:30 More Sponsors 03:40:30 GUEST: Jill Sobule (aired 9/22/05) 03:52:00 SKIT: Blarney O’Bunions (aired 3/12/06) 03:57:30 GUEST: Christine Lavin (new!) 04:39:00 GUEST: Al Aronowitz (aired 1/20/05) 04:46:00 GUEST: Dr. Demento (new!) 05:14:00 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #20: Beatles (aired 1/10/15) 05:11:00 Emails & Epistles 05:21:00 SKIT: Handyman Yoni (aired 7/29/04) 05:26:30 GUESTS: Brenda & Philip Lefkowitz (new!) 05:44:30 GUEST: Joe Salzone (new!) 05:56:30 GUEST: Carole Demas (new!) 06:15:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION: Jewish GPS (aired 1/27/12) 06:20:30 GUEST: Sam Wood (new!) 06:48:30 GUEST: Gilbert Gottfried (aired 12/17/11) 06:59:00 SONG: A Dingo Ate My Baby (aired 1/26/03) 07:00:00 GUEST: Matthew Davis (new!) 07:16:00 More Emails & Epistles 07:22:00 Excerpt: First Show – opening (aired 10/6/02) 07:32:30 GUEST: Ozer Teitelbaum (new!) 07:34:30 SONG: Undies (aired 8/24/13) 07:59:00 SKIT: Buttboink Mountain w/ Peter Fitzgerald (aired 1/22/06) 08:06:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #119: Dave’s 500th (new!) 08:15:30 Thanks 08:18:30 GUEST: Jeff Goodman, pt. 1 08:42:30 A Call from Joyce 08:46:00 Sponsors 08:47:30 SKIT: Bob Dylan for WaxVac 08:49:00 Excerpt: First Show – closing (aired 10/6/02) 08:54:00 GUEST: Jeff Goodman, pt. 2 09:19:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 7, 2015 Playlist: “Buckets of Rain” (01:44:00; Bob Dylan). “Take Your Underoos Down” (02:23:00), “Jeopardy Ken” (02:50:30) & “A Dingo Ate My Baby” (06:59:00; Dave). “I Hold Your Hand in Mine” (02:26:00; Tom Lehrer). “Don’t You Let Nobody Turn You `Round” (03:17:30; Tom Paxton). “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” (03:33:30; The Rolling Stones). (03:49:00; Jill Sobule). “Never Go Back” (04:28:00; Christine Lavin). “Shaving Cream” (05:11:00; Benny Bell). “Have a Peanut Butter Sandwich” (06:43:00; Art Paul Schlosser). “Across the Universe” (08:50:00; The Beatles). “`Heroes'” (09:22:00; David Bowie).
Fred Cleaver
Wendy Highby
Christine Lavin
Dr. DementoDave & Philip LefkowitzJoe SalzoneCarole DemasSam WoodOzer TeitelbaumJeff GoodmanMatthew Davis
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of March 1, 2015.
(sings) Shout hallelujah, come on, get happy! It’s the Purim holiday Though the rest of the year is crappy We can drink all our blues away.”
Yes, my friends, this Wednesday night, the Purim holiday arrives, bringing with it the chance to celebrate our Jewishness, to dress up in funny costumes, and to recall a time in our history when, like the Crusades and the Holocaust, we were almost wiped out but saved at the last minute. Actually, no Jews died on Purim, so as happy holidays go, this one’s like hitting Lotto on the day your baby’s born.
On Purim, we read the Book of Esther — returning it to her after we’re done — and we rejoice in a holiday that is truly about fun. F – U – N. I spell it out, not because I’m worried the FCC thought I said something else, but because “fun” is not a word we often associate with my tribe, so we grab it when we can get it. And I get it on these Rabbinical Reflections by sometimes sharing jokes with a Jew-y theme and a Purim-packed punchline.
Our first joke is about my cousin Irving, who lives in Brooklyn and gets on a bus. He’s carrying this big duffel bag, and he asks the driver if he can get a senior discount. The driver looks at him funny and says, “You don’t look a day over 40. Show me some ID.” “I left my wallet at home,” says Irving. “All I have is change for the bus. But I still I demand a senior discount.”
“You’re not old enough!” yells the driver. “What are you trying to pull?”
“How dare you!” screams Irving. “I demand my rights!”
The two start arguing and going back and forth and screaming. Finally, the bus driver gets fed up. He pulls to the curb, opens the doors, grabs the duffel bag and hurls it from the bus onto the sidewalk.
“You bastard!” says Irving. “Just because I wouldn’t pay full fare, you try to kill my son?”
Now, this joke trades upon two of the worst stereotypes you can foist upon the Jewish people: we’re cheap and conniving. We would do anything to save a penny, including lying and cheating. How this became a quote-unquote “Jewish” characteristic is beyond me. Ask a Scotsman. And it’s a hard stereotype to fight because I am stingy and proud of it! I’ll clip every coupon, I’ll visit museums only on free nights, I’ll bring a doggy bag to restaurants – not just for my leftovers, but from anyone else who wants to donate. In a world where one percent of the population keeps 90 percent of the money, who am I to play the big shot?
However, to intimate that the Jewish race is so miserly as to commit knowing and brazen fraud is an ugly over-generalization. For every Bernard Madoff, you’ll find a dozen philanthropists. For every Yid who doesn’t tip a waitress, there are two dozen who overpay just so they don’t look cheap. So please, bear that in mind when you see me in the hallway at the multiplex next week, sneaking from “American Sniper” to the SpongeBob movie. I’m already in the building; I should pay twice to go in a different room?
Anyhoo, let’s move on to our next verbal amusement. Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin are sitting in a Berlin bar in the late 1920s. They’re planning and plotting and dreaming and scheming when an American tourist takes the stool next to them. “Hiya,” says the stranger. “I’m Chris from Ohio.”
“Nice to meet you,” says Hitler. “I’m Adolf, and this is my friend, Josef from Russia. We’re in politics, and we’re strategizing a great social undertaking. We’re going to murder six million Jews and a bicycle repairman.”
“Wow,” says the stranger. “Why a bicycle repairman?”
“See?” Hitler whispers to Stalin. “I told you nobody cares about the Jews.”
This joke has a dark underpinning because had these lunatics stayed friendly and non-aggressive, they truly would have succeeded in exterminating the Jewish population. Mercifully, this did not occur because HaShem hardened Hitler’s ego and made him fight on two fronts. Why God waited until 1945 to stop Der Fuhrer is a question that even the wisest Talmudic spin doctors lose sleep over, but since this is Purim, I’m not going to. I’m just going to tell one more joke.
An Italian mafioso and his Jewish lawyer are walking down the streets of Rome when they see a curvaceous lady bend over to fix her shoe. “Mamma mia!” says the mafioso. “I would love to screw her.”
“Really?” says the lawyer. “Out of what?”
Ahh, lawyers. Where would humor be without them? Actually, on the scale of evil, Wall Street tycoons have leapfrogged over attorneys in the annals of disdain — maybe because we need lawyers to put all these stockbrokers in prison. Still, with litigation the second-most popular American pastime after football, it’s hard to stick up for lawyers, since they’ve been sticking up taxpayers for years.
And before women complain that the joke has a sexist component because just the sight of an attractive lady bending over turns grown men into wolverines, please remember that just the sight of an attractive lady bending over turns grown men into wolverines. It’s funny because it’s true. So…
(sings) Hallelujah, come on, get happy We’re gonna laugh at offensive yoks So if hot women get you fappy Grab some baby oil and two old socks
Happy Purim everybody! This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 498th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 28, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave chats with actor-director Ruben Santiago-Hudson. Plus: Inside Broadway, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (hurricane), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (march), Greeley Crime Beat, Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (New Purim Jokes), Saturday Segues (Hudson, 500).
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: actor Ruben Santiago-Hudson, Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (the early years, affect/effect) 00:23:00 GREELEY CRIME BEAT 00:45:00 DAVE’S GONE BY 500th EPISODE PROMO 00:50:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Hudson) 01:09:00 Sponsors 01:17:30 INSIDE BROADWAY 01:39:30 GUEST: Ruben Santiago-Hudson 02:11:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #27 (Hurricane) 02:14:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (march) 02:32:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #119 (New Purim Jokes) 02:44:00 Friends 02:55:00 SATURDAY SEGUE (#500).
