The 36th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired May 16, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 36 One afternoon, early in his career, Jonas Salk is so busy with his medical research that he forgets it’s Valentine’s Day. When a lab technician reminds him, Salk drops everything, runs to his car, and picks up his wife to give her a whirlwind romantic evening.
First, he stops at a florist and buys her a long-stemmed red rose. Then he brings her to an ice-cream parlor and gives her a strawberry cone—her favorite. Finally, he drives her to his lab and exhibits all his petri dishes, telling her, “one day this will change the world!”
His wife hugs him and says, “Jonas, I love you. But I have to say, this was a very unusual Valentine’s itinerary.”
“I know,” smiles the scientist. “I call it my `Spanish dinner plan.”
“Spanish dinner?” says Mrs. Salk. “You gave me a flower, an ice-cream cone, and a vaccine.
What does that have to do with Spanish food?”
“Darling,” Salk replies. “Haven’t you ever heard of A Rose Cone Polio?”
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 508th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, May 9, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with musician Ray Stevens. Plus: Inside Broadway, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (weightlifter), Saturday Segues (Billy Joel, In the News), Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Dylan – Sooner & Later (Ray songs).
Host: Dave Lefkowitz Guests: singer-songwriter Ray Stevens, Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (indoor graduation, streaking, The Miracle of Long Johns) 00:31:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:00:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (Etan Patz, rain) 01:06:30 Weather 01:09:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Billy Joel 01:29:00 Sponsors 01:36:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (news (01:36:00) & review (The Audience (01:51:00)) 02:13:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Ray Stevens 03:10:30 Technical Difficulties 03:14:00 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #35 – Weightlifter 03:16:30 Friends 03:27:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later – Ray Words 03:55:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 04:16:00 Thanks 04:18:30 DAVE GOES OUT – Vin Scelsa
May 9, 2015 Playlist: “Don’t Ask Me Why” (01:15:00), “Everybody Loves You Now” (01:18:00), “Surprise” (01:21:00) & “And So it Goes” (01:24:00; Billy Joel). (“Now” 02:08:30; Tami Muti & Kelli Barrett). “Turn Your Radio On” (02:13:00), “Jeremiah Peabody’s Polyunsaturated Quick-Dissolving Fast-Acting Pleasant Tasting Green And Purple Pills (02:24:00), “Misty” (02:30:00), “Gitarzan” (02:36:30), “Everything is Beautiful” (02:42:30), “Taylor Swift is Stalkin’ Me” (02:50:30), “Nashville” (02:59:00) & “The Streak” (03:03:30; Ray Stevens). “Dreamin’ of You” (03:28:30), “A Hard Rain’s a-Gonna Fall” ({1962 Gaslight version}; 03:34:30) & “Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream” (03:41:00; Bob Dylan). “This Tornado Loves You” (Neko Case; 03:56:30). “Pass the Football” (Wonderful Town, 1953 Broadway cast; 03:59:30). “The Spy (Version 2)” (The Doors; 04:02:30). “A Well-Respected Man” (The Kinks). “Goodnight Ladies” (04:26:00; Lou Reed).
Ray StevensHelen Mirren in The AudienceBilly Joelweightlifting
The 35th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired May 9, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
*
35. “Doc,” says the professional weightlifter, “ya gotta help me with my problem. Every day, I follow the same routine for lunch and dinner. I eat two bowls of pasta so I can carbo-load, then I pee in a cup for my drug test.”
“Sounds perfectly fine,” says the doctor.
“Wait, this is where it gets weird. As soon as I close the cup, I start having this incredibly hot daydream about that financial woman on TV.”
“Suze Orman?”
“Yeah, her! And before I know it, my knees buckle and my pants get all sticky. It’s killing my energy.”
“Let me get this straight,” says the doctor. “Pasta, pee, Suze Orman fantasy, and then a discharge?”
“Right” says the weightlifter. “Is it serious?”
“Nah,” says the MD. “A lot of musclemen get this. We call it `Larry David Syndrome.’”
“’Larry David Syndrome’? What on earth does it have to do with that guy?”
“Well,” says the doctor, “I guess you’ve never heard of `Carb-Urine-Suzy-Gasm.’”
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #124 (5/9/15): What’s in a (Baby) Name?
aired May 16, 2015 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/p8xmxxCuBnY
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 17, 2015.
By the time I am old enough to enjoy Social Security, there probably won’t BE Social Security, so I’m going to enjoy it now. Last week, the Social Security Administration released its annual statistics on the most popular baby names in America. What, pray tell, are mamas and papas naming their spawn? If they’re celebrities, they’re naming them Apple, and Moon Unit and Ol’ Dirty Bastard III, for all I know. But the rest of us are picking pretty standard monikers for their toddlers.
For example, girls’ names in the Top 10 include Olivia, Charlotte and Abigail. I presume that Olivia comes from Law and Order – Special Victims Unit running on every cable channel, every hour of every day. And since no one can spell Mariska, let alone pronounce it, they went with Olivia. There’s also Emily, which could be named for that hot actress in Bones. Obviously, you can’t name a girl “Bones,” unless you want her to be a little too popular on prom night.
Also on the ladies’ list at number five: Ava, a name I haven’t heard since Frank Sinatra was cheating on her, and Madison, which I guess is better than naming your daughter Jefferson or Roosevelt. Or, for that matter, Bush.
On the penile side of things, name number 10 is Daniel, nice Jewish biblical name. Daniel was a man of apocalyptic visions and good deeds — so good that an angel saved him from a den of lions, which, let me tell you, was much scarier than their living room.
Speaking of the Old Testament–which, being a Rabbi, I am wont to do–only one woman’s name, the aforementioned Abigail, originally comes from the Bible. Abigail was a hottie handmaiden who ended up marrying King David. Never underestimate the appeal of a good handmaiden job.
Meanwhile, unlike the women, half the names on the men’s list have Hebrew or biblical ties. There’s Michael, the archangel, and the goyische James. At number eight you have Ethan, or Eitan, which is Hebrew for strong, firm and safe. Good description for Ethan Allen furniture, though for Etan Patz, not so much.
At number four on the list, there’s Jacob, who went down a rung on the ladder from last year. While, as he did in 2013, flooding the top spot is Noah. I guess people Noah good name when they hear one. Heh heh. I apologize.
Other hot names the past two years include Liam, Alexander and Mason, which could be a tribute to the Freemasons, or those heavy glass jars, or, my guess: former child actor Mason Reese. William is on the list, of course, because William’s always on the list. Alas, there’s no Solomon. Perfectly good name if you ask me.
And as far as the men are concerned, I’ve gotta say, biblical though it may be, it’s a boring roster. Roll through the top 20, and you see Benjamin and David and Joseph and Matthew. Where’s the Yerachmiel? Where’s the Chuchelmaimen? Where’s Teufenvogel and Zazu and Willebold and Mbutu? How about showing some initiative people. How are your children going to get famous and rock one name like Cher, or Moby or Beyonce if they’re all named Elizabeth, or Andrew or John?
At least in the Arab countries you get some variety. The top name is Mohammed. But you also have Muhammed, and Muhammad, and Mohammed, and Mohammad, and Marmaduke.
I’m not thoroughly convinced that a baby name is all that telling about what a person will grow up to be. Nobody names their kid “Adolf” anymore, but that’s no reflection on Adolphe Menjou and Adolph Green. And maybe Harvey Fierstein and Harvey Milk could have compared notes, but if you can find a connection between Don King and Don Knotts, you’re just trying too hard.
So if you’re having a baby this year, remember that 2015 offers all sorts of opportunities to supplant Emma and Noah as the names of choice for American infants. Pinchas and Gittel, your chariot awaits.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews photographer Steve Gottlieb
Topics include: Flush, Washington DC.
Segment aired May 2, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
The 34th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired April 4, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
* 34. On a break from shooting his latest film, Sean Penn flies to Hawaii to visit his favorite relatives: two spinster aunts who have lived together for decades.
Not only are they wonderful ladies, but they’ve done well in business together–right out of their basement–by selling authentic Hawaiian foods like macadamia nuts and poi and spam to customers around the world.
When Sean Penn gets to their house, however, he immediately calls the cops because he smells something bad at the front door. The police break in and make the tragic discovery that both women are dead from carbon monoxide poisoning. To get out of the cops’ way, the actor goes down to the basement–but that just makes him even more distraught because all the food there is infested with mice and vermin.
Soon, the CDC arrives, and neighbors are treated to the sight of health inspectors carrying out living and dead mice covered with remnants of Hawaiian food. One neighbor turns to the other and says, “You know, this makes me think of an operetta.”
“An operetta? What on earth are you talking about?”
“Well,” says the first guy. “haven’t you ever heard of `The Poi-Rats of Penn’s Aunts?”
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #123 (5/3/2015): Popeyes
aired May 2, 2015 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/FgAWY957oPY
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 3, 2015.
I don’t know how much a gold nugget is worth, but I’ll tell you how much a chicken nugget is worth: $400. Let me explain.
Last month, Marissa Holcomb was working at a Popeye’s fried chicken in Channelview, Texas. We can already feel sorry for Marissa Holcomb because if there is a tenth layer of hell, it would be a Popeyes Fried Chicken in Channelview, Texas.
So Ms. Holcomb is doing whatever managers do in a Popeyes franchise—dipping claws and beaks into a secret combination of garlic and sawdust, keeping the grill reasonably free of pestilence, and coping with the kinds of customers who find Kentucky Fried Chicken too high-end. And this was a busy night for Popeyes because they were running a special: two nuggets for $1.19. I mean, why pay more for arteriosclerosis when you can get two lumps of toxic entrails for the price of a Bruno Mars download?
So Marissa Holcomb, mother of three, with another on the way, is selling customers breasts and thighs—since she was obviously giving hers away for free—when in comes a robber. He leaps over the counter, waves his big, scary gun around, and gets away with $400 out of the register.
Now, you would think this thief, this animal, this cowardly piece of garbage with a weapon in his hand and a beanie over his face—you’d think he was the villain of this story, but oh no. He’s not the Bluto of this Popeye parable.
After the robber runs out the door, one of Holcomb’s superiors approaches her. Does he ask her, “Are you okay?” No. “Would you like the rest of the day off?” No. “Do you need to change your underwear?” No. The manager says, “you owe Popeye’s $400.”
“Exqueeze me?” says Holcomb, her eyes popping. Because it’s Popeyes.
“You owe us the 400 bucks the thief took when you were on your shift.” Why? Because employees are supposed to make sure that the cash registers don’t hold that much money at one time—specifically because it encourages crime, and if a thug does rob ya, he gets away with pocket change instead of a big score.
So because this woman was too busy to unload the till, she was on the hook for what the crook took. Still, she told her overlord, “I just had a gun to my head, and if you think you’re going to hold me up for 400 bucks, you know where you can put that drumstick.” They fired her, and that’s when the fire-storm began. The story went viral, with readers swearing they would never set foot in a Popeye’s restaurant—and those were just the ones trying to avoid diarrhea.
Of course, at Popeyes corporate, the high mucky-mucks were shamed into making nice-nice. They explained—and this is true—that they can’t be there to oversee every manager and every decision at every independent franchise. It’s like asking the Baseball commissioner to stop players from grabbing their nuts and spitting; he can only fine them after the fact. And heck, I can’t even get the Rabbinical council to stop doing it.
More importantly, Popeyes apologized to Holcomb, offered her her job back AND $2,000 in lost wages . . . which is a small price to pay for the company to win back a smidgen of consumer respect. Too small. As of this writing, Holcomb was weighing her options, which no doubt include hiring a lawyer to sue Popeyes for $80,000 per nugget.
To be fair to Popeyes, this woman had apparently been warned a few times to make sure the cash registers weren’t bulging wider than Aretha Franklin’s stretch pants. So she may have been due for a dressing down or even a suspension for ignoring an important rule. But that was not the time. You don’t tell a person crawling out from under a desk after a California earthquake, “I told you not to put the stemware in the breakfront!”
Like so many mega-businesses, Popeyes put profit before the proletariat. The truth of the matter is: If I was working in a store and someone came up to me with a gun, I would give them the register, the silverware, the carpeting and three of my best-looking daughters. And if I was managing a store where this happened, I would send the employees for counseling, give everyone a week off, and hire a big, shtarka security guard. I couldn’t pay him much, but he could have the leftover daughters. And if I was a thief hoping to rob the store, I’d move to Baltimore where everybody’s getting stuff for free! And if I was a customer hoping to eat Popeyes’ chicken, I’d look both ways, carry a gun, and double-check to see if there are any stray cats left in the neighborhood.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, crossing the road with the proverbial chicken, to Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 507th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, May 2, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with photographer Steve Gottlieb (“Flush: Celebrating Bathrooms Past and Present”). Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection on Popeyes, Saturday Segues (Ben E. King, In the News), Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (testing), Inside Broadway, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (operetta).
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: photographer Steve Gottlieb, Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce Weil (Room C, brain bucket, Vin Scelsa, Fordham) 00:40:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Ben E. King 00:59:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:29:00 Sponsors 01:30:30 DAVE GOES AWAY – New York (MoMa & The Frick) 02:01:00 Sponsors 02:05:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Steve Gottlieb 02:53:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (news (02:53:00) & reviews: The Heidi Chronicles (03:21:30) & The King and I (03:31:00) 03:48:00 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #34 (operetta) 03:52:30 Weather 03:55:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (testing) 04:16:00 Friends 04:26:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #123 (Popeyes) 04:34:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 04:54:30 DAVE GOES OUT
“I Count the Tears” (00:44:30) & “This Magic Moment” (00:46:30; (The Drifters). “Supernatural Thing, Part 1” (00:49:00) & “Stand By Me” (00:53:00), “It’s All in the Game” (04:57:00; Ben E. King). “Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart” (02:50:30; Johnny Cash). “Hello, Young Lovers” (03:43:30; Renee Fleming). “Born in Time” (03:57:00), “Property of Jesus” (04:01:00), “Maybe Someday” (04:05:30) & “Can You Please Crawl Out Your Window” ({alt. version}, 04:09:00; Bob Dylan). “Good Morning Baltimore” (04:34:00; Hairspray 2002 Broadway cast w/ Marissa Jaret Winokur). “Boxing” (04:38:00; Ben Folds). “Earthquakes” (04:42:30; Luie Luie). “May Day (There’s a Riot Goin’ Down) (04:45:00; Passing Strange 2008 Bway cast w/ Stew). “Dirty Bridge” (04:46:30; Amy Rigby).
Ben E. KingElizabeth Moss in The Heidi ChroniclesKelli O’Hara in The King and I
The 36th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired May 16, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
