December 2008 – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/28/2008): MY CHANUKAH WISH

click above to listen

A Jewish man prays for a present.

This segment aired Dec. 28, 2008 on the “Dave’s Gone By” video podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

MY CHANUKAH WISH

(music and lyrics by David Lefkowitz)

Everyone loves the holiday season

Each for his own particular reason

Some like the spirit, the warmth and the mood

Some like the rituals: football and food

Some crave the family, others the lights

Opening presents for eight days and nights

All of these blessings are nice to recall

But they’re not the one gift I want most of all…

Spending the holidays lonely and blue

No one to see, and not much to do

Ain’t got no girlfriend, ain’t got no misses

No one to hug me and thrill me with kisses

This time of year can be hard on your heart

I bury myself in my work and my art

But still I keep wishing the Lord hears my prayers

proving to me that he listens and cares

So please God, I’ve been a good boy

Won’tcha bring me some comfort and joy?

Please God, my life is so blah

I wanna get laid on Chanukah.

I see all these couples go hand in hand

But I’m all alone and I don’t understand

I ain’t bad lookin’, and I treat people well

But women don’t buy what I tryin’ to sell

I go on Craigslist; I surf around J-Date

But no little Jewess will come be my playmate

It’s not like I’m looking for something long-term

I just need a vessel to unload my sperm.

Hey God, this is my plea

Won’tcha just do this thing for me?

Please God, come to my aid

I wanna get laid on Chanukah

Back in the days of Two Hundred BC

Judah and the family Maccabee

They rid the temple of every last Greek

One drop of oil for the whole friggin’ week

Those are the miracles God tends to do

So why can’t he make one for this horny Jew?

I don’t have a temple, and I’m not in a war

I just wanna meet a Hebraic whore

Well, Hey, God, I don’t ask much

I just want a gal I can fondle and touch

Let me undo a lacy red bra

I wanna get laid on Chanukah!

Now, I admit, I ain’t the marrying kind

Commitment like that drives me out of my mind

But this time of year is it too much to hope

For a gal in a red suit to slide down my rope?

Hey, God, enough of your crap

Give me a gift I can bounce on my lap

Only one girl; don’t need a parade

I wanna get laid on Chanukah!

Maybe I’ll stop by the local saloon

Find some girl with whom I can commune

Fill her head with what she wants to hear

And buy her beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer I would usher her out of the bar

And carry that sweet thing out to my car

Now maybe that makes me sound like a creep

But it’s not rape if she’s fast asleep

C’mon, please god, send me a slut

A frummy brunette to bust my nut

Please let me manage a ménage à trois

I wanna get laid on Chanukah

I’d gladly trade all my Chanukah gelt

For a shayna maidel who makes me melt

And if she’s tender and does deep throat

I’d call her again for Shavuoth

Hey God,

It isn’t a sin

I just need girl to make my dreidel spin

I’ll pray to Jesus, Mohammed, and Jah

If I could get laid on Chanukah

Ma’oz tzur yeshua’ti

I want a girl to go down on me

Please God,

You know what I need

I’m tired of whackin’ to Donna Reed

I’ll light the candles

On the menorah

If I could get laid on Chanukah

If I could get laid on Chanukahh-men.

Chords: G, Am, C, D, A,

*********************

NOTES & BACKSTORY:

On my weekly radio program, Dave’s Gone By, I’ve often made an effort to anti-celebrate the Christmas season with songs, by me and others, that kick the air out of Santa’s tires and suck the last drop of oil out of the great temple’s Menorah. I bet if Adam Sandler had done this on SNL, he’d have had a minor hit to follow his you-know-what song.

The tune debuted on my 300th episode, which aired Dec. 28, 2008, and I brought it back for my celebratory 600th episode in April 2017.

Dave’s Gone By Interview (12/28/2008): Dave Lefkowitz on the Joey Reynolds Show

click above to listen (audio only)

Dave Lefkowitz appears as a guest on The Joey Reynolds Show.

Also in the conversation: co-host Myra Chanin and author Leonard Jacobs.

Segment originally aired Dec. 4, 2008 on WOR-AM radio’s Joey Reynolds Show and then was broadcast Dec. 28, 2008 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

Dave’s Gone By #300 (12/28/2008): PERFECT GAME

click above for episode #300 (audio only)

Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 300th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Dec. 28, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest co-host: Jeff Goodman
guests (excerpts from previously aired segments): Issa, Juliana Hatfield, Wing, Uncle Floyd Vivino, Tovah Feldshuh, Rabbi Sol Solomon.

Featuring: Highlights from recent shows and Dave’s latest guest appearance on WOR’s “The Joey Reynolds Show,” as Dave celebrates his 300th episode!

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:12:00 GUEST: Issa (from 1/13/08)
00:15:00 GUEST: Juliana Hatfield (from 5/18/08)
00:19:00 GUEST: Wing (from 10/19/08)
00:25:00 DAVE ON JOEY REYNOLDS (w/ Leonard Jacobs, Myra Chanin & Penny Landau) (aired 12/4/08 on WOR-AM)
00:42:00 SONG: “My Chanukah Wish” (Dave)
00:47:00 GUEST: Uncle Floyd Vivino (from 2/10/08)
00:49:00 SONG: “Crappy Days are Here Again” (Dave)
00:51:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Tovah Feldshuh (aired 3/9/08)
00:52:00 DAVE GOES OUT

December 28, 2008 Playlist: “My Chanukah Wish” & “Crappy Days are Here Again” (Dave), “Come” (Dr. Sheila L. Johnson).

Dave’s Gone By Interview (12/14/2008): GINA BELTRAMI & Rabbi Sol Solomon

click above to listen (audio only)

Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews songwriter and humorist Gina Beltrami

Topics include: Christmas, “I Farted on Santa’s Lap”

Segment originally aired Dec. 14, 2008 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2008 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Interview (12/14/2008): LISA ALCALAY KLUG & Rabbi Sol Solomon

click above to listen (audio only)

Joined by Jeff Goodman, Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews “Cool Jew” comic author Lisa Alcalay Klug

Topics include: writing “Cool Jew.”

Segment originally aired Dec. 14, 2008 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By #299 (12/14/2008): COOL JEWS

click above for episode #299 (audio only)

Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 299th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Dec. 14, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest co-host: Jeff Goodman
guests: Rabbi Sol Solomon (spiritual leader of Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, NY), author Lisa Alcalay Klug (“Cool Jews”) & songwriter Gina Beltrami (“I Farted on Santa’s Lap (Now Christmas is Gonna Stink for Me)”), theater critic Charles Gross.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon and guest co-host Jeff Goodman chat with author Lisa Alcalay Klug (Cool Jews) and songwriter Gina Beltrami (“I Farted on Santa’s Lap”).

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:12:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Lisa Alcalay Klug w/ caller Charles Gross
00:31:00 GUEST: Gina Beltrami
00:47:00 DAVE GOES OUT

December 14, 2008 Playlist: “I Farted on Santa’s Lap” (The Little Stinkers), “Maoz Tsuris” (Rabbi Sol Solomon).

Dave’s Gone By #298 (12/7/2008): JACQ IN THE BOX

click above for episode #298 (audio only)

Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 298th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Dec. 7, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest co-host: Jeff Goodman
guest: actress Andrea Reese (Cirque Jacqueline)

Featuring actress Andrea Reese (Cirque Jacqueline). Plus: Inside Broadway (Billy Elliot)

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:13:00 GUEST: Andrea Reese
00:37:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (Billy Elliot)
01:01:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Dec. 7, 2008 Playlist: “Jackie” (Sinead O’Connor).