August 2012 – Dave's Gone By

click above to watch (performed Aug. 1, 2012)

Dave’s Gone By Song (8/1/2012): SO YOU WANNA BE A JEW

Rabbi Sol Solomon extols the virtues of being a Jew, just like him.

This song was written for the live stage show, Shalom Dammit! An Evening with Rabbi Sol Solomon, which was filmed Aug. 1, 2002 during the play’s run at off-off-Broadway’s Richmond Shepard Theater.

To date, the song has not been played on the “Dave’s Gone By” program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes are available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), Spotify, and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

SO YOU WANNA BE A JEW

(Lyrics: David Lefkowitz. Music: Richard M. Sherman and Robert M. Sherman’s “I Wan’na be Like You (The Monkey Song)”.)

Well, I’m the head of a synagogue
in old Great Neck, New York
Although I am not orthodox
at least I don’t eat pork
(except spare ribs)

I am generally miserable
That’s just how I be
So it’s quite a shock
And my world is rocked
When I hear you wanna be like me.

Oh, You-hoo-hoo
You wanna be a Jew-hoo-hoo?
You wanna grow a beard
Dress up weird
Nu-hu-hu?

It’s all right
If you wanna be an Israelite
Just learn the laws
Ditch Santa Claus
And you just might

Now, you don’t have to get circumcised
Well, not if you’re a chick
But boy oh boy
If you’re a goy
You better go snip that dick

Now get two sets of dishes
And a prayer book, of course
Then find a wife
And spend your life
Praying for death or divorce

Oh, boo-hoo-hoo
Wanna be Hebrew-hoo-hoo
You wanna wake up sore
Kiss the door
Lose two pounds on Yom Kippur

Oh, boy-oy-oy
Who wants to be a goy-oy-oy?
Just drop the cross
No big loss
say “oy-oy-oy!”

It’s true that I’m outspoken
I’m sorry if I shout
But when Jews are quiet
You can’t deny it –
We tend to get rubbed out

So I say what I say,
that’s just my way
When I have you in my grip
And it’s just as well
`Cause I’m cute as hell
When I do my gaza strip

Ohh… ai ai ai
So you wanna be like this Rabbi
And like me, you’ll
Run a shul
For Adonai

Ki-yi-yids
You wanna be Yi-yi-yids
I’ve got lots more facts
In the second act
So come on baaack!
Dammit!