Dave Lefkowitz chats with singer-songwriter Chris Smither
Topics include: music, folk.
Segment originally aired Jan. 6, 2005, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast:
All content (c)2005 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
Here is the 109th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Jan. 6, 2005. Info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz guest: musician Chris Smither
Featuring: Dave chats with folk musician Chris Smither.
00:00:00 DAVE GOES IN 00:03:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – Communion, Pirates & Penny 00:13:00 DAVE’S GOT GUESTS – musician Chris Smither 00:54:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Jan. 6, 2005 Playlist: “Oh Here is Love and Here is Truth” (Pirates of Penzance, D’Oyly Carte Opera Co.,); “Homunculus,” “Confirmation” & “So Long” (Chris Smither).
Dave Lefkowitz chats with theater critic Jeff Goodman
Topics include: Two on the Aisle, Broadway.
Segment originally aired Dec. 30, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.
All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 108th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Dec. 30, 2004. Info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz guest: theater critic Jeff Goodman
Featuring: Dave looks at the best and worst of 2004, Inside Broadway and out.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – The Calendar 00:21:00 DAVE’S GONE CULTURAL – 2004’s Best & Worst w/ theater critic, Jeff Goodman 00:45:00 GRATEFUL DAVE / DAVE GOES OUT
Jan. 30, 2004 Playlist: “Happy New Year” (Spike Jones); “Come On Up to the House” (Tom Waits).
A holiday song to warm the cockles of pet lovers’ hearts everywhere.
Segment originally aired Dec. 23, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.
All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
MY DOGGY’S CHRISTMAS GIFT
by David Lefkowitz
(spoken) So here it is, just weeks away from Christmas. You’ve shopped for your family, your friends, your special friends, and even bought a trinket for yourself. But oh my gracious, haven’t you forgotten someone? Someone close to you. Loyal, playful, full of love every day of the year. What, oh what will you offer your canine companion?
You can give your dog a toy that would make him leap with joy Or sneak your mutt a mutton cut of prime But when Christmas has come, something special must be done Sometimes tasteful, not expensive but sublime.
You can spend a pretty dollar on a doghouse or a collar You can pamper her or groom him till he glows But the thing I like to do – and I know that he will, too, Is to share the gift of love that overflows.
I’m gonna give my dog an enema for Christmas All dressed up in a Santa Claus disguise Each yuletide without fail, I lift my doggy’s tail And give his little poop chute a surprise.
I’m gonna fill his little anus up with bubbles And rinse his small intestines out with cream I’ll sing a little ode as Bowser’s bowels explode It makes the yuletide pass just like a dream.
I’m gonna pump my pooch with barium for Christmas. And spike it with a pint or two of gin I’ll grease him up with lube, and then insert the tube And stroke his furry muzzle as the tide rolls in.
I’m gonna squeeze the water deep into his anus No longer will he constipated be I’ll pump until he’s sore, and then I’ll squirt some more And maybe save a drop or two for me.
Now, some express dismay at this holiday display They say, “Dave, perhaps the doggy is in pain?” I say, “Yes, he starts in grief, but my goodness, the relief When his doggy doos go doodling down the drain.”
And so I give my dog an enema each Christmas And squeeze the bag of Fleet with all my might As gobs of Christmas cheer come flying out his rear I say, “Merry diarrhea, and to all, a good shite!”
And if you’re wondering what gift to get your spaniel Or how to make a wolfhound howl with glee Buy a nozzle and a bowl and k.y. for his hole And douche your pooch beneath the Christmas tree. I guarantee: you’ll have a merry, messy yuletide spree Yessirree, an excremental Christmas memory.
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 107th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Dec. 23, 2004. Info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz
Featuring: A very musical holiday show, including Inside Broadway and the satirical News Gone By.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN 00:07:00 Dave on Xmas 00:19:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – Holiday Shows 00:27:00 NEWS GONE BY w/ “Santasia” poem 00:33:00 POEM: Santasia (Dave) 00:51:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Dec. 23, 2004 Playlist: “A Christmas Carol” (Tom Lehrer); “My Doggy’s Christmas Gift” (Dave, unreleased); “We Killed Santa Claus” (Dave, unreleased); “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” (Joseph Spence); “Santasia” (Dave, unreleased); “(I’m Having a) Gay Christmas” (Peter Fitzgerald, unreleased); “The Twelve Complaints of Christmas” (Rabbi Sol Solomon, unreleased, encore from 12/22/02 show), “Another Christmas Song” (Cab City Combo).
Segment originally aired Dec. 23, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.
All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
WE KILLED SANTA CLAUS
by David Lefkowitz (sung to “Here Come Santa Claus” by Gene Autry & Oakley Haldeman)
We killed Santa Claus We killed Santa Claus We killed Jesus, too Nailed him to a cross No big freakin’ loss Just another cranky Jew
All our life was trouble and strife From the Holocaust to Pogroms. So keep J.C. away from me He’s worse than terrorist bombs.
We kill babies We kill children Use their blood for cake. We own Hollywood We own Wall Street Take take take take take
This is what you’ve said about us For the past 2,000 years Pound, Voltaire, and Charles Baudelaire and any goy who’s had four beers
We killed Santa Claus We killed Santa Claus And we’d do it again Goodbye carols Goodbye crèches No goodwill toward men
You’ve hated us since the birth of Christ So we hate you in return So stick your mass Straight up your ass And burn, Joan of Arc, bitch, burn.
A deeply warped and perverted take on “The Night Before Christmas,” for your holiday pleasure.
Segment originally aired Dec. 30, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode
All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
SANTASIA
by David Lefkowitz
`Twas the night before Christmas And all through the malls Santa was bouncing young boys on his balls. The children would snuggle all deep in his lap Which is why Santa’s suit had a secret front flap.
His stocking was hung like a pornstar in heat As fidgety children would straddle his meat The mommies would wander and endlessly shop While Santa found nine-year-old cherries to pop.
On Trojan, on Durex, on Hot Rod and Crown His tree would light up when the children went down. With tears in his eyes and beer on his breath, Old Santa would quiver with each little death.
And when he was through, he’d give each child a buck “Ho, ho, ho!” he would say. “And thanks for the fuck!” After every tenth child, he drank juice and rested And gave candy canes to the tykes he molested.
Only twice all day did he excuse himself To visit the men’s room and bugger an elf. And when he was finished, he again took his place With a boy on his lap and a girl on his face.
Then, outside the store, there arose such a ruckus That Santa stopped fondling an eight-year-old’s tuchas. He said, “What the hell?” and jumped flat to the floor As a dozen policemen burst through the door.
“You, in the fat suit! You’ve got quite a nerve.” “Yes, twelve inches long,” said the jolly old perv. “That’s not what I meant,” said Captain O’Flynn. “Now put your hands up and your pecker back in!”
“But what did I do?” Santa said with a shrug. “I just gave them affection . . . and sex and a drug.” “We know who you are, and it’s not Santa Claus. You’re just an old weirdo who breaks Megan’s Laws.”
“But these children love me! They’re all my new friends. So what if there’s blood coming out their rear ends? I treat them as equals regardless of class. `Cause Santa loves fairness, and an ass is an ass. Each child gets a chance to hold Santa’s hand, To stroke Santa’s beard, and yank Santa’s gland. From the brawniest jock to the scrawniest worm, All children are blessed when covered with sperm.”
A whole minute passed `fore the Captain could speak. With a lump in his throat and tears down his cheek. “Forgive me,” he said, “I was quick to accuse. I saw all these youngsters with stained underoos. I just didn’t realize you had such a heart; They’re lucky to have you at this mega-mart. Don’t let us disturb you; we’ll be on our way. Merry Christmas, dear Santa, and have a nice day.”
And quick as a wink, the cops left the store, And Santa went back to his under-age whores. He looked at his penis, all hairy and bent and said, “Thank God five is the age of consent.”
He saw one child laughing and said, “Think that’s funny? I’m gentle compared to my pal, Easter Bunny.” Now, line up in order, and don’t you get fresh. I’m harder than granite and crave sweet young flesh.
He gave the kids candy; he gave the moms cash. He gave the whole town a venereal rash. And when the last child had been raped and defiled Santa Claus looked at his winkie and smiled.
He stood up and leered and did a cute dance And tasted the smears that were left on his pants. The children said, “Santa, where is your sleigh?” “Out there,” he said, pointing to a black Chevrolet.
“Do you have any reindeer? Do you have any toys?” “Just the ones I used on you, girls and boys.”
Said one little girl still rubbing her rear, “Please tell us, dear Santa, you’ll be back next year.” Santa paused for a moment, then leaned down and kissed her. “Of course I will,” he whispered, “if you bring your sister. Now carry my suitcase. I warn you, it’s heavy.” And quick as a wink, they were off to his Chevy.
The engine did rev, and the tires did screech. The upholstery smelled of whiskey and bleach and beer and tobacco and dog diarrhea as off Santa went to the next galleria.
But they heard him exclaim as he drove off the lot, “Merry Christmas to all! Goddamn, that was hot.”
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 106th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Dec. 16, 2004.
host: Dave Lefkowitz
Featuring: Dave Goes Off on Donuts, Donald Rumsfeld and Scott Peterson. Plus: Inside Broadway (The Rivals) and the satirical News Gone By.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN 00:14:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – The Rivals 00:21:00 NEWS GONE BY 00:31:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Donuts, Donald & Death 00:52:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Dec. 16, 2004 Playlist: “Waist Deep in the Big Muddy” (Pete Seeger).
donutScott PetersonDana Ivey & Brian Murray in The Rivalsyour host
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 105th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Dec. 9, 2004. Info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz guest: Rabbi Sol Solomon, spiritual leader of Temple Sons of Bitches, Great Neck, NY
Featuring: Dave celebrates Chanukah with Rabbi Sol Solomon and goes off on smoking on stage. Plus: La Cage returns Inside Broadway.
0:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – Daylight 00:20:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – La Cage 00:31:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Smoking 00:38:00 SKIT: Rabbi Sol Solomon on Chanukah 00:50:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Dec. 9, 2004 Playlist: “Daylight” (Kinks); “Song on the Sand” (La Cage aux Folles, original cast); “Is it Good for the Jews?” (Rabbi Sol Solomon); “Anal Dreidel” (Dave, unreleased).
Gary Beach and Daniel Davis in La Cage aux FollesRabbi Sol Solomon
A holiday song to warm the cockles of pet lovers’ hearts everywhere. 
