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Dave’s Gone By Skit: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #69 (6/9/2013): THE TONYS 2013

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #69 (6/9/2013): The Tonys 2013

Aired June 8, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kY7pP-rSoQ

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a special theatrical Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 9th, 2013.

It is that merry time again when the Broadway community – those special people who sing and dance and check their voicemails twenty times a day – Broadway pats itself on the tuchas and gives out the Tony Awards.

For folks like me who love the theater, it is a time to celebrate the artistry of show business. Even in this age of Netflix and X-Box and downloaded apps and uploaded crap, something about Broadway still causes relatively sane individuals to reach into their depleted bank accounts and pony up the bills for an hour or two of live stage magic.

This season’s Tony Awards feature an array of stars, genres and talents. But as I always ask this time of year: Where are the Jews? Where do my people fit in – as they always do – in the fabric of 42nd Street. Look no further than the Best Play category, where nice Jewish boychik Richard Greenberg has a show called, The Assembled Parties, all about a New York family on the Upper West Side. It’s an annoying play, frustrating and not worth the effort. Why? For one thing, the Jewish family in The Assembled Parties is so assimilated, they celebrate Christmas! No explanation is given for that, so I’ll simply ascribe it to the playwright having a few too many at Joe Allen’s before tackling rewrites.

I much preferred Lucky Guy, a lively look at the newspaper business from the pen of that late Jewess, Nora Ephron. Played by Tom Hanks, the lead character is a hard-bitten, hard-drinking, morally suspect loudmouth – but he’s Irish, so that’s fine. Lucky Guy is up against The Testament of Mary, a one-woman show about Jesus Christ’s mother – ughhhhh – and Christopher Durang’s wonderful comedy, Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike and Irving and Leopold and Morris the Cat. The play doesn’t have any Jews in it, but it feels like good Neil Simon, so we’ll give it our blessing.

Broadway musicals up for the Tony are a distinctly goyische bunch, so we’ll skip those, although Harvey Fierstein did write the book for Kinky Boots, and Benj Pasek co-wrote the songs for A Christmas Story. I know, I know. The things Jews will do for money.
Not surprisingly, the category – Best Revival of a Musical is hopping with Hebrews. Annie has a score by Martin Charnin and Charles Strouse. It also has a Christmastime finale. Again with Jews and that farshtunkeneh holiday! Honestly, how many Mormons are writing about Kwanzaa?

Also in Musical Revivals you’ve got Pippin by Stephen Schwartz, and The Mystery of Edwin Drood written by Rupert Holmes. You know what his real name was before he changed it? David Goldstein. God forbid Rupert Holmes should keep his original handle. I guess he wanted to pass and not get beaten up by the other English boys, because, you know, “David” is such a funny, exotic name. Much better to go with Rupert. I hope he got his tuchas kicked. Oh, and filling out the Best Revival category: Cinderella, by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II. Oscar was brought up Episcopalian – but he had a Jewish grandfather, which explains why so many characters in R&H musicals are wracked with guilt.

Returning to our Jew-spotting: special Tony Awards this season are going to producers Bernard Gersten and Paul Libin and set designer Ming Cho Lee – well, two out of three ain’t bad. And considering how much Jews love Chinese food, Ming’s borderline anyway.

A special Tony will also be awarded to Larry Kramer, who wrote The Normal Heart and founded the Gay Men’s Health Crisis. He’s not only a Jew, and not only a gay Jew, but he’s an angry, kvetching, sentimental, in-your-face Jew – that’s like five Jews in one!

But no matter what your religion, the Tony Awards are about healthy competition and the elevation of entertainment into an art form. If that doesn’t sound like a big deal, remember: other organizations give out awards for things like advertising and, God help us, country music. So hooray for the theater and blessings to Broadway. Just like the Jews, it’s a tiny little subculture, but how poor the world would be without it.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection with a standing ovation from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

—> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=28961

Dave’s Gone By Interview (6/1/2013): GARY U.S. BONDS & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews rock-and-roll veteran Gary U.S. Bonds

Topics include: That’s My Story, Otis Redding, Elvis Presley, touring, family.

Segment originally aired June 1, 2013, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #68 (5/26/2013): Angelina Jolie

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #68 (5/26/2013): Angelia Jolie

Aired May 26, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/0hEA-xui9ds

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 26th, 2013.

I don’t know about you, but I already miss Angelina Jolie’s boobs. They were great. They were firm, they were bouncy, there were two of them. They added to the stunning persona that was this fascinating, unstable but smokin’-hot actress. It was a sad day indeed when Ms. Jolie went under the knife to discard her dumplings.

Why did she do this – especially at a time when so many actresses are getting boob lifts and tucks and inflations and lactations? Hollywood always wants to be doing something to a woman’s boobs. Well, so do I, but at least I’m not surgically tampering with HaShem’s natural gifts. I presume, indeed I hope, that plastic surgery has become as safe as crossing the street. Still, I would think twice before running across Queens Boulevard; so you’d hope women would think three times before turning their silver-dollar pancakes into Egg McStuffins.

But back to Miss Angelina. She elected to have a double mastectomy as a preventative measure. Her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was in her mid-40s, and she lived only ten more years after that. Genetic testing proved that Jolie had a 50/50 shot of getting the same thing. So, rather than play cushion roulette, Brad Pitt’s wife went under the knife.

I admit, I’m ambivalent about this choice. Of course, it’s her body, she can do what she wants with it. I know what I’d do with her body. I know what I’d do with my body – take it down to a pawnshop and trade it in for a 20-year-old athlete’s with a working prostate. And let’s remember that Angelina Jolie has about – what, 314 kids? If she dies young, most of those children would become triple orphans. That’s a heavy thing to lay on a child, even if they’re from some brown country we don’t really care about.

But I don’t know, there’s proactive medicine, and then there’s jumping the gunboats. What would have been the harm of waiting until the first hints of cancer showed up in one hooter? Early detection, aggressive response – yes. But do you really jettison the jugs when they’re still healthy? Last month in Boston, it would have been nice if the FBI had caught the Tsarnaev brothers before they set down their knapsacks, but cancelling the Marathon on a hunch isn’t the answer, either. If I’ve got sour cream in the fridge that expires next Friday, I don’t throw it out today because I know in a month it’ll taste like New Jersey.

Again, Angelina Jolie made a personal decision that she felt was right for her medical profile. It’s not a proclamation that every woman with a headcold should go under the melon baller. After all, too many tug-happy dentists pull wisdom teeth that still have some wisdom in `em. How wise is that? I say this, because Ms. Jolie apparently has a 30 percent chance of getting ovarian cancer. So, what is she doing? That’s right, she’s yanking those out, too. Go figure, the one woman in America who doesn’t have to lose weight is gonna walk around weighing 30 pounds.

If this all pays off and she lives to 90, I’ll be the first one to doff my cap to her. Heaven knows, I’ve doffed my pants to her often enough. And we should be grateful to Angelina Jolie for her openness, for braving media scrutiny, and for showing the world her sweater-fillers many times before they wound up in a jar. In fact, if there’s a lesson to be learned from this actress’s actions, it’s that women: you only get young, nubile bodies one time in your life; show them off! Girls, go wild! Try that nude beach! Flash those construction workers! Wives, take the indiscreet cellphone pictures and tweet them to those curious 14 year olds.

If you’re an actress, do the nude scene, even if it’s not integral to the character. Showing your tits IS redeeming social value. Ladies, I know this because I’m a Rabbi. Trust me.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, NY.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=28968

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/25/2013): DANNY ABOSCH & SUSAN DILALLO & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews “Fancy Nancy” theater composers Danny Abosch & Susan DiLallo

Topics include: musical theater, NYU, Fancy Nancy – The Musical.

Segment originally aired May 25, 2013, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #67 (5/19/2013): Tax Evasion

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #67 (5/19/2013): Tax Evasion

Aired May 18, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmZ2gCJc0ro

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 19th, 2013.

Okay, everybody reading or hearing this: raise your hands if you like Adolf Hitler. Okay, now, raise your hands if you like leukemia. Fine, Fine. Now, raise your hands if you like the Internal Revenue Service.

I am guessing that not one hand went up for all three of those plagues upon the universe. Hitler’s dead, and leukemia comes from God, but the IRS . . . That is a man-made horror that, like so many government programs, began as a good little fish, then ballooned into a whale, and eventually morphed into a poison octopus.

Nobody likes paying taxes, but intelligent people who don’t throw tea over the sides of boats realize that roads, bridges, schools, police, parks, community groups and concert halls are made possible, in part, by the chunk of money Uncle Sam takes out of our paychecks. Now, old Uncle Shmuel may take a lot more than he needs, and spend a ton more than he should, but most of us understand the need for a reasonable taxation with representation.

What we don’t want is to be hounded, or audited, or visited by white men in black suits with affidavits in one hand and padlocks I n the other. What we also don’t want is for the IRS to play favorites. When a billionaire fills his return with enough loopholes to fit a dozen city buses, this is bothersome. When the working poor break their backs for companies that break the bank – and then get tax breaks, something’s broken. And when charities and non-profits and religious institutions come pleading for special cuts, they damn well better make the cut.

So for the past couple of years, the IRS has been targeting certain organizations that asked for tax breaks but may not have been exemplary examples for exemption. Unfortunately, the groups Uncle Shmuel went after tended to be right-wing, conservative, tea-party lobbyists. When names would crop up like “Patriot” or “Constitution” or “Basement Stockpiled with Canned Meat,” the IRS would look extra hard at their requests and returns.

This, of course, is not right. In a country where all men are created equal – and some of the women, too, if they wear jeans – all tax-paying citizens should be treated equal . . . ly. I don’t know about you, but I want the flag-waving, gun-carrying, Sarah Palin Fan Club scrutinized extra-carefully. However, it’s only fair that the solar-paneled, vegan, hemp smoking, Arianna Huffington Fan Club be vetted with the same vigilance.

Almost every western religion follows a variation on the same creed: Do Unto Others. In America, we pay dues unto others, and we should expect the government to give us our due, even when we’re dunned. Just the way a black guy shouldn’t have to be more, or less, worried about the cop car driving behind him than a white guy, and just the way a young male Muslim getting on an airplane shouldn’t have to endure anything more involved than a screening, a wanding, a pat-down, a dog sniff, a full cavity search and three dunks on a waterboard, so it is that a 501c4 group trying to put prayer in schools should get the same treatment as a group trying to keep guns out of schools.

Having said all this, I do have to make a full-disclosure and say that my synagogue, Temple Sons of Bitches, does not pay taxes. Not only are we a religious institution, but we’re so poor, we start the Sabbath on Thursday afternoon just as an excuse to shut the lights off. We’re so poor, we had to sell our Torah and use a kindle. We’re so poor, on Purim we dress up as tramps and the homeless; the rest of the year, we dress worse.

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating but shhhhh! Don’t tell the IRS. And I won’t tell them about your questionable deductions and second set of books. See? That’s how this country should work: everyone gets away with the same percentage of fraud. God bless America, and God help the IRS.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, NY.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=28973

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #66 (5/12/2013): Jodi on HLN

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #66 (5/12/2013): Jodi on HLN

Aired May 11, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/igCxYCb4zLo

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 11th, 2013.

After four months of testimony and two days of deliberation, an Arizona jury found Jodi Arias guilty of first-degree murder. The next step is deciding whether she’ll get the death penalty for whacking her boyfriend, Travis Alexander.

Demure, bespectacled, cute and goofy, Arias tried to prove she killed in self-defense. But considering that her significant other was stabbed multiple times, shot, and then almost decapitated, the defense of “he hit me one time too often” seems just a little suspect.

My heart goes out – no, not to the victim, but to the HLN cable network. What will they do now that their only form of programming for the past half a year has been snatched from them? If it wasn’t for Jodi Arias, HLN would be showing disputes in traffic court. I can just hear Nancy Grace now, “Twelve minutes past the meter! Why didn’t they boot his car? Someone in law enforcement dropped the ball; where’s the justice?”

HLN was so addicted to Jodi Arias that when those Russian kids bombed the Boston Marathon, and then a giant fertilizer factory exploded in Texas, and every other channel in America was, like, “We should cover this,” HLN said, “Ooh…Jodi is dabbing her eyes and showing emotion – we can’t cut away now!”

And what the hell does HLN stand for, anyway? It used to be CNN Headline News; CNN – Cable News Network. There was a logic to the acronym. Just like an IUD is an intra-uterine device, and my BVD’s were first produced by Bradley, Voorhees and Day, and IBM stands for when I go to the bathroom and make number two, HLN should signify something intelligent. HN would stand for Headline News. So what the hell is up with the “L”? I think HLN stands for, “Hey, Listen, we have Nothing to offer except five months of Jodi Goddamn Arias.”

Now, there probably will not be a trial of that Tsarnaev animal, or of that Aurora shooting lunatic. If they take a plea, HLN ratings take a dive. But somebody’s bound to kill somebody soon. And maybe they’ll look like a hot librarian. And maybe they’ll hire enough lawyers to push the trial into sweeps week. And maybe there’ll be a confession video and experts in forensics, and lawyers who rhyme. So that when we start bombing North Korea, and Syria sends chemical-tipped missiles over Tel Aviv, while a 9.3 earthquake caused by global warming pushes Los Angeles into the Pacific Ocean, by God we’ll have something interesting to watch on television. HLN – Here Lies News or How Low? Neverending.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, NY.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=28977

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/11/2013): CARL REINER & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews comedy legend Carl Reiner

Topics include: The Dick Van Dyke Show, Your Show of Shows, Mel Brooks, David Burns, George Burns, Estelle Reiner, family.

Segment originally aired May 11, 2013, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Sad Note: Our Friend of the Daverhood, Carl Reiner, passed June 29, 2020 at age 98.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #65 (5/5/2013): Joking Around

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #65 (5/5/2013): Joking Around

Aired May 5, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/Vb03UPLHc2U

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 5th, 2013.

So many of my friends and family and colleagues have been having a difficult year, I thought it would be fun to take a breather and do what I love more than anything. No, not eating herring in wine sauce while watching Jerry Springer. I mean telling jokes. Cracking a couple of funnies, and then analyzing and learning from their wisdom.

A priest and a Rabbi are next-door neighbors, so they decide to buy an automobile together for carpooling to work. They come out of the dealership with a spanking-new Nissan and bring it to the priest’s driveway. The priest goes into his house and comes out with a bowl of water. He begins sprinkling this all over the hood.

“What are you doing?” the Rabbi asks.

“It’s a new car,” says the Priest. “It needs to be blessed and baptized.”

Soon, the priest finishes his blessing, only to see the Rabbi coming out of the garage with a hacksaw.

“What’s that for?” says the priest.

The Rabbi begins sawing two inches off the tailpipe. “You have your rituals; I have mine.”

From this joke, we learn that every religion has its own seemingly archaic and silly practices. We do what we do because our parents did them, and our grandparents did them, and we’d feel a little queasy if we didn’t continue the tradition. Like serving fruitcake at Christmas or raisin kugel on Passover. Nobody wants these things but . . . they have to be done.

What I like about this joke is that it’s also about one-upsmanship. When the Priest does his thing, the Rabbi is forced to be riding in a baptized car. Only fair that the Rebbe gets to say, “This is my vehicle, too. If I have to ride under your holy water, you gotta live with a snipped tip.” I just wonder: if the Nissan lasts for 13 years, will the Rabbi throw it a huge party with long speeches, a lousy deejay, and the car jacked up on a hydraulic lift and carried around the room by drunken mechanics? “Today I am a hybrid.” And years later, when the engine dies, the Priest can hang a cross on the rear-view mirror and read selected passages from the manual, while the Rabbi puts the car in salvage with a closed hood and a tfillin bag in the glove compartment. Again, fair’s fair.

A robber breaks into the house of an Orthodox Jew. No one’s home, but the thief hears a voice say, “Be careful. HaShem is watching you.”

The thief whirls around. “Who said that?”

“Be careful. HaShem is watching you.”

The thief notices a parrot in a cage. He sighs with relief. “Stupid parrot. Tell me, birdie, what’s your name?”

“My name is Moses,” says the parrot.

“Moses?” says the thief. “Who names a parrot `Moses’?”

Says the bird, “Same person who named the rottweiler behind you `HaShem.’”

What we learn from this joke is that wrongdoing has its consequences, even if they are not immediately visible. This criminal chooses a house because he thinks it’s empty; easy to steal from, easy to escape. He is disabused of this notion first by a little birdie and then by a dog that, presumably, will tear him a new one from nose to pupick.

So, the next time you want to do something wrong, and you assume you’ll get away with it because no one’s around or they’re not paying attention or you don’t even care, just remember, there’s a dog named “God” waiting in the yard for ya. He may not maul you immediately, but he remembers your smell. And years later, you’re gonna meet that dog again in a dark alley. You can move toward the light at the end of that alley, but you gotta get past fido first. If you did some small bad things, maybe the dog’ll pish on your leg and let you pass. If you really hurt people, well, there are worse things than having a wild animal rip you open and chew on your intestines. I’m not sure what those worse things would be, but they must be out there.

Last joke: “Mr. Feinbaum,” says the Rabbi. “It’s been years since you’ve come to Saturday services. So nice that you came this morning. To what do I owe?”

“Actually, it’s very shameful,” says Feinbaum. “The only reason I came was: I lost my hat.”

“Your hat?” says the Rabbi. “I don’t understand.”

“Earlier this week, I lost my hat. I thought I would come to shul, look on the coat rack and steal someone else’s. But then I heard your sermon, all about the Ten Commandments, and I immediately changed my mind.”

“That’s wonderful,” says the Rebbe. “See the way HaShem works? But tell me, what part of the sermon got to you? Was it when I was going over `Thou Shalt Not Steal?’”

“Actually, no,” says Mr. Feinbaum. “When you came to, `Thou Shalt Not

Commit Adultery,’ I remembered where I left my hat.”

When I tell this joke, my congregants sometimes ask me, “Rabbi, which is worse? Stealing or committing adultery?” I have to think about this because in many ways, they’re similar. They both involve disruption and deceit. It’s just that in one, you’re taking something away, and in the other, you’re putting something in. With stealing, you remove something valuable and appreciated. With adultery, you take something that’s no longer appreciated and of rapidly diminishing value. Finally, with stealing, you hurry to a pawn shop to get rid of the spoils. With adultery, you hurry to a clinic to get rid of the rash. Not that I would know such things from personal experience, of course. I am, of course, proudly faithful to my dear wife, Miriam Libby, a strong, opinionated Jewish woman. So who needs a Rottweiler?

I’m kidding, honey, I’m kidding! This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=28981

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/04/2013): YVONNE CONSTANT & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews cabaret chanteuse Yvonne Constant

Topics: Broadway, La Plume de ma Tante, The Gay Life, Johnny Carson.

Segment originally aired May 4, 2013, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Note: Yvonne Constant passed Feb. 28, 2023 at age 87.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #64 (4/21/2013): The Brothers Tsarnaev and the “M” Word

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #64 (4/21/2013): The Brothers Tsarnaev and the “M” Word

Aired April 20, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPaOUN4N1Io

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of April 21st, 2013.

What a sad and tragic week it has been. As we all know, the guy who played Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver has died. But beyond that, welcome to the new world order of bombs to the left of us, bombs to the right of us.

Following the events of the Boston Marracre, everyone’s wringing their hands and their tallises, going “what a sick world this is,” “violence is taking over.” I’m not disagreeing that there are meshuggenah murderers in society, but ask anyone in Europe from the 60s and 70s, what it was like with the Basque Separatists and the IRA and the SLA and the NRBQ – you couldn’t walk by a mailbox for fear of the thing exploding. And, of course, Israel has lived for decades with bombs going off in restaurants and missiles flying in, special delivery, from their neighbors. I dare say, it is almost surprising we haven’t had more terrorist acts in recent times, which is a credit both to vigilant police work and the high price of pressure cookers as Walmart.

It is true that in this age of free information, you can find terrorist cookbooks all over the internet. Take a stick of dynamite, unsalted, add four tablespoons of rusty nails, sprinkle with fertilizer, set timer to 3 minutes, walk away. Serves 180. Caution: served very hot.

Should this kind of information be widely available? Hard to say. You can go on the web, look up how to build and wire a desk lamp, then take the lamp and bash your husband over the head. You can’t necessarily blame the messenger. Then again, all too often, the messenger is Al Qaeda, and unlike a lamp, you can’t use a pipe bomb to read by.

Watching the events in Boston, how careful we all were, all week long, not to use the M word. Not to blame the religion of peace. When the New York Post all but hanged two Saudi nationals who turned out to be 100% innocent, the paper was pilloried, and rightly so. Days later, we find out that the real perpetrators were originally from Russia. Okay, not Iran. Not Pakistan. Reserve the judgment. And they’d been in this country since they were-pre-teens. Bodybuilding, boxing, partying, lying to their relatives – typical American college doofuses.

But over the past two years, the brothers had a religious experience, and discovered what? Judaism, no. Sufism, no. Zoroastrianism? I don’t even know what the hell that is. No, they chose Islam. Surprise!

We tried, didn’t we folks? We made our best efforts not to blame the Arabs, not to pin the tail on the Muslims. We should’ve known better. Mohammedian madness strikes again. What is it about that fakakteh religion? What do these people put in their goat stew that turns young men into homicidal maniacs? Maybe we’ll find out soon from this wounded younger brother; maybe we won’t find out until some fellow prisoner at Sing Sing rapes it out of him.

Really, the best news about both of these animals being caught is that they had not taken credit for the marathon bombs. Usually, the Talibastards are jumping up and down and can’t wait to say, “We did it Western pigs. God is Great; carnage is greater.” But these Chechen chuckleheads merely strolled away. That is undoubtedly because they planned more damage to do; a couple o’ dead joggers was just a trial run. The FBI and the Boston police had to get these guys, and they did, for which America owes them tremendous thanks.

But it’s just a matter of time before the next brainwashed kids, or terror cell, or sand-covered douchebag on a prayer mat tries again. Come to think of it, there’s nothing all that dangerous about a bomb-making cookbook written by some half-brained chemistry student. The hazardous book was written 1400 years ago by a bunch of quarter-brained Caliphates in Persia. It’s brutal, it’s destructive, and it fits all too easily in a knapsack.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

—> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=28985