The 53rd Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Jan. 9, 2016 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
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53.
Tired of killing people for a living, the Angel of Death applies for work at a furniture store in New Jersey. The manager is skeptical, but he’s also short staffed, so he hires Death to sell couches and love seats.
Turns out, the Grim Reaper makes an excellent salesman. He exceeds all forecasts and even makes employee of the week three times in the first month. Unfortunately, every other day, the Angel of Death forgets himself and exterminates a customer.
Finally, the manager calls Death into his office and says, “You’re fired. You’re a good guy, but funeral expenses are destroying our profits.”
Death clears out his desk and leaves. But later that day, the CEO from corporate stops in and says, “Hey, where’s that new employee who’s been selling all those couches? I wanna meet him.”
“Too late,” says the manager. “I had to let him go. He was smothering too many customers with seat cushions.”
The CEO says, “Harvey, I’m surprised at you. You’re great with customer problems. Why not this?”
“Problems I can manage,” says Harvey. “But I just can’t deal with the Reaper-cushions.”