Segment aired Aug. 2, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
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47.
Before he moved into his big house in the Hollywood Hills, actor Joaquin Phoenix needed to have the place cleaned out. He hired a crew for the job, who inspected the house and made their report. The crew chief told Phoenix that the interior was in good shape except for the fireplace. “It’s a disaster up there,” he said. “First, there’s all this rotting wood just stacked in a mound halfway up the chimney.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” says the actor.
“It wouldn’t be,” replies the chief, “but the rot has been a breeding ground for thousands of insects. In order to kill the bugs, we have to clean and disinfect every inch of the chimney.”
The actor responds, “Well, I’m sure you have your own chemicals. But if you want, I’ve also got two bottles of ammonia under the sink.”
“Sure,” says the chief, who sets his crew to work. A half hour later, he checks on the chimney, only to see his best worker sprawled out with a thermometer in his mouth.
“Oh, boss,” he says, “I don’t feel so hot.”
“What’s the matter?” says the chief.
“Can’t you tell?” says the worker. “I’ve got the Joaquin Ammonia in the Buggy Woody Flue.”
