Dave Lefkowitz – Page 156

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #006 (9/20/2014): MURPHY

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ZZ-PUN-006-Murphy
Segment aired Sept. 20, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

6.
A food writer is compiling a book about the best cups of tea from all over the world. He sends a first draft to his editor, who writes back, “Great job. You’ve been to India, China, Sri Lanka, Russia – but I notice you haven’t been to Australia. You need to go and report on this incredible tea I’ve heard about that’s only served in one tiny shop in the western outback. We can’t do a proper book without it. I’ll extend your deadline, just get there asap.”

So the writer books a plane ticket for Australia where he winds up taking two trains, three puddle-jumpers and a rickshaw before reaching a tiny village. Worried that he’s been sent on a wild goose chase, the writer asks a woman at the local market if she’s heard of this fabled tea shop. “Oh, of course! Best tea in the world.”

“What makes it so special?” asks the writer, grabbing his notebook.

“Well, the shop is owned by Johnny Murphy, this Irish fella who moved here thirty years ago and has been making tea ever since.”

“Fine, but what’s so great about the tea itself?”

“It’s not just the leaves; it’s what happens to them. They grow high on these gum trees. And the koala bears climb all over them and chew on them making them really tender. That’s why no other leaves have their flavor.”

Intrigued, the writer asks the woman for directions to Murphy’s Tea Shop. After a three-mile trek, he arrives at this little hut where a burley, deeply suntanned Irishman stands at the counter.

“A cup of tea, please,” the writer orders.

Murphy nods and sets a kettle on the stove. He then produces a small teacup and a wee bag of brown leaves. He pours two heaping spoonfuls of dry leaves into the cup, and, when the water boils, sloshes the hot water into the tea. “Here you go,” he says, handing the writer the cup and a plain napkin.

The writer looks into the cup but isn’t particularly enthused. Though the beverage smells okay, visually it looks like muddy brown water, with twigs and dirt and dead things floating about. “Whatsamatter?” says the Irishman. “Too strong for ya?”

“No,” says the writer, making a face. “It’s just so unfiltered. Why don’t you use a strainer?”

“Sir,” gasps the owner, affronted. “The Koala Tea of Murphy Cannot Be Strained!”

Dave’s Gone By #478 (9/20/2014): IVOR-Y COAST

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Here is the 478th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Sept. 20, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with journalist Ivor Davis (“The Beatles and Me on Tour”). Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection (“Gwyneth”), Inside Broadway, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Oh Mercy), Saturday Segues (Cohen n’ Cave, The Beatles), The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Murphy)

Guests: journalist Ivor Davis, Dave’s wife Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce
00:46:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Cohen n’ Cave
01:29:00 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:52:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Ivor Davis
02:53:00 Friends
02:59:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #107 (Gwyneth)
03:08:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – The Beatles
03:27:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY – Murphy
03:30:30 Sponsors
03:33:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Oh Mercy)
03:47:30 DAVE GOES OUT

Sept. 20, 2014 Playlist: “Faraway, So Close” (00:55:00), “Nobody’s Baby Now” (01:01:00) & “Cassiel’s Song” (01:10:00; Nick Cave). “On That Day” (00:59:00) & “Closing Time” (01:13:30; Leonard Cohen). “Famous Blue Raincoat” (01:05:00; The Handsome Family). “Who Will Love Me as I Am?” (01:50:00; Side Show 2014 Broadway cast). “Please Please Me” (02:49:00), “Come Together” ({Anthology version} 03:09:30), “Hey Bulldog” (03:13:00), “That Means a Lot” (03:16:00), “Good Morning, Good Morning” (03:18:30), “Golden Slumbers” (03:21:00) & “In My Life” (03:23:00; The Beatles). “Most of the Time” (03:36:00) & “Where Teardrops Fall” (03:41:00; Bob Dylan). “Ring Them Bells” (03:43:30; Barb Jungr). “On a Golden Autumn Day” (03:51:00; Van Morrison).

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #106 (9/7/2014): Uzi Does It

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #106 (9/7/2014): Uzi Does It

aired Sept. 6, 2014 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM9w34BrJf8. AUDIO: https://davesgoneby.net/?p=27571

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of September 7, 2014.

Chuck D once rapped, “My Uzi weighs a ton.” If only Uzi submachine guns did weigh a ton, then children couldn’t pick them up and fire them. But, of course, submachine guns are made purposely to be lightweight and portable yet still cause massive damage in a brief amount of time. Like eating sugar-free Gummi Bears.

Last week near Las Vegas, a nine-year-old girl was practicing on a gun range. As Lewis Black would say, I shall repeat that. There’s an Arizona firing range, about an hour from Sin City, where tourists can go practice their marksmanship under instructional supervision. Among those tourists last week: a nine-year-old child. (Not that there are any nine-year-old grownups – unless you count kids with the aging disease that makes them look like Mr. Magoo.) This little girl was doing so well with regular weapons, that her instructor, Charles Vacca – the late Charles Vacca – said, “Oh, what the hell. Let’s give her a repeating assault weapon, and see how she does.”

She did not do well. I think most parents will tell you that a nine-year-old girl can barely control her bladder, let alone a semi-automatic machine gun. Charles Vacca instructed the precocious tyke to pull the trigger and fire off one round at the target. Which she did. But you know, bullets are like potato chips; you fire one, before you know it, you’ve emptied the whole bag. The difference between a snack food and an Israeli-made weapon of mass destruction is that a can of Pringles doesn’t have a kickback. Well, unless they’re made with Olestra. A machine gun, however, in the hands of someone who weighs fifty pounds, is gonna squeeze off fifty rounds. One of those bullets managed to find its way to the middle of Charles Vacca’s forehead, which is why he had to cancel the rest of his classes through next Thursday. His return after that depends on whether Moshiach comes on Friday and revives him.

Otherwise, you’ve got a dead guy, a child who has to go through life knowing she killed him, and a gun industry saying, “Hey, freak accident. We don’t need minimum age requirements, just height and weight suggestions.” Morons.

But there is some good that can come out of this tragic incident. When this moppet murderess grows up and goes to college, she is the last chick any frat boy is gonna date rape. (“Steer clear, bro. Remember what she did to the last guy who grabbed her arm?”) Also, in the big book of karma, you gotta figure this is payback for every deer that was ever minding its own business, frolicking in the woods and suddenly, BAM!, she’s on the hood of a four-by-four. For once, Bambi’s mother gets to snicker and go, “How’s it feel, asshole?”

Lastly and bestly, this episode does serve to showcase the glorious superiority of Israeli technology. Arabs can fire a thousand rockets out of Gaza, with two or three – almost by accident – hitting targets and causing damage. But the Uzi submachine gun? You pick that up and point, and you’re looking at a Jonestown massacre in seven seconds. That’s craftsmanship!

Anyhoo, the Arizona Last Stop shooting range where all this went down, is still open, still packed with customers, still promoting, quote, “a Desert Storm” atmosphere with a base age requirement of eight. I shall repeat that: eight. Folks, I have an eight-year-old kid, and I won’t even let her use a cheese grater. Yes, I have to tolerate chunky wedges of parmesan on my linguini, but she keeps her fingers, and I keep my sanity. Well, such as it is.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, going out with a bang, from Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

Dave’s Gone By Interview (9/6/2014): JANIS IAN & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews singer-songwriter Janis Ian

Topics include: At Seventeen, LGBT, Judaism.

Segment aired Sept. 6, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #005 (9/6/2014): NAZI MUFFINS

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Segment aired Sept. 6, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
*

5.
At the end of World War II, an English madame sets up a brothel in Berlin, figuring to capitalize on all the western soldiers around. Unfortunately, the Yanks just find local girlfriends, and there are no German men with any money, so the brothel struggles terribly.

Worse, next door, a small German bakery grabs whatever business there is to be had. Desperate, the English madame visits the bakery one morning to see if she can work out some kind of deal.

As soon as she walks in, a blueberry muffin leaps off the oven tray, rolls across the floor, flies under her skirt and bites her on the vagina. The woman screams, and all the workers in the bakery come running.

“That bloody thing just bit me!” she said.

“What are you talking about?”

Before the madame can repeat herself, another muffin leaps off the pan, zips under her skirt and gives her a nip on the cooch.

“Oww! What kind of bakery is this?” the madame screams.

“Go away, old woman!” the workers say.

“Go away? This is dangerous! I’m telling everyone!”

So the madame starts raising a ruckus, people gather in the shop door, and the bakery people try to hustle her out of the shop. But the madame points at them, and she sings, “Come all without! Come all within! Your Nazi Muffins Like to Bite Me Quim!”

Dave’s Gone By #477 (9/6/2014): SOMETHING TO FINK ABOUT

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Here is the 477th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Sept. 6, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with singer-songwriter Janis Ian. Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection (“Uzi Does It”), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (#11), Saturday Segues (Moby, Chrissie & Aimee), Inside Broadway, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Muffins)

Guest: musician Janis Ian, Dave’s wife Joyce

Note: This episode has some audio issues, including some sections being monophonic on only one track. Apologies!

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce Weil (back at last, chalk talk, potato!, teachin’, scripted comedy, Uzi girl, polka!)
01:12:00 SATURDAY SEGUE (Moby)
01:39:00 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:56:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Janis Ian
02:42:00 Friends
02:50:00 Wretched Pun of Destiny – Muffins
02:52:00 Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (the 11th)
03:18:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #106 – Uzi Does It
03:24:00 SATURDAY SEGUES – Chrissie & Aimee
03:51:30 Thanks
03:54:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Sept. 6, 2014 Playlist: “Honey” (01:15:30), “Mothers of the Night” (01:19:00), “Dream About Me” (01:22:00), “South Side” (01:25:30), “Guitar, Flute and String” (01:29:00) & “We are All Made of Stars” (01:31:30; Moby). (01:52:30; Big Broadway cast w/ Barbara Walsh). “At Seventeen” (01:56:30), “On the Dark Side of Town” (02:18:30), “Play Like a Girl” (02:26:00), “Searching for America” (02:33:00) & “When the Party’s Over” (04:01:30; Janis Ian). “Wiggle Wiggle” (02:56:00), “Tin Angel” (02:58:00), “Cry A While” (03:07:00) & “God Knows” (03:12:00; Bob Dylan). “You Didn’t Have To” (03:29:00) & “Human” (03:35:30; The Pretenders). “Like in the Movies” (03:43:30; Chrissie Hynde). “(Believed You Were) Lucky” (03:32:00; `Til Tuesday).” “Slip and Roll” (03:39:30) & “Ballantines” (03:47:00).

Dave’s Gone By Interview (8/30/2014): SANDY HACKETT & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews comedian Sandy Hackett

Topics include: Buddy Hackett, Rat Pack, comedy, Jerry Vale, George Carlin, Sam Kinison.

Segment scheduled to air Aug. 30, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #004 (8/30/2014): NOSE

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The 4th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Aug. 30, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

4.
Years ago, Neil Young visits a tattoo and piercing shop. The girl shows him a case of wearable jewelry. “Wow, those are nice,” he says, pointing to a pair of studs. “I could put one in each ear.”

“No, you can’t do that,” she replies.

“Oh, well, what about this thing?” he says, pointing to an ivory bar. “I could put that in my cheek.”

“No, Mr. Young, that wouldn’t be appropriate, either.”

“Man, this is tough,” Neil Young says. “Okay, how about this ring? It could go on the side of my lip.”

“Absolutely not,” says the girl.

Exasperated, Neil Young throws up his hands. “Miss, you’ve got all this jewelry. You tell me I can’t put it in my ears, my cheek, my lip . . . Why the heck not?”

“Because, Mr. Young,” she replies, “Everybody Knows This is Nose-Wear.”

Dave’s Gone By #476 (8/30/2014): BUDDY BOY

click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 476th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Aug. 30, 2014. Info: Davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with comedian Sandy Hackett. Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection (“Eventful August”), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Highway 61 Re-revisited), Saturday Segues (Lewis Black, Van & Liam), Inside Broadway (Joan Rivers), The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Nose Wear).

Guest: comedian Sandy Hackett

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:13:00 SATURDAY SEGUE (Van Morrison & Liam Clancy)
00:41:30 Sponsors
00:43:30 INSIDE BROADWAY (00:56:30; Joan Rivers)
01:09:00 Friends
01:13:00 Wretched Pun of Destiny – Nose Wear
01:14:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Sandy Hackett
02:04:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Highway 61 Re-Revisted)
02:28:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #105 (Eventful August)
02:29:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Lewis Black)
02:55:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Aug. 30, 2014 Playlist: “Portlairge” (00:17:30; The Clancy Brothers). “Buachaill on Eirne” (00:22:30) & “The Band Played Waltzing Matilda (00:29:30; Liam Clancy). “What Makes the Irish Heart Beat” (00:19:00), “Raglan Road” (00:24:30) & “Song of Home” (00:35:30; Van Morrison). “Part One” (01:04:00; Joan Rivers). “The Original Chinese Waiter” (01:59:30; Buddy Hackett). “Shipoopi” (02:02:00; The Music Man film soundtrack w/ Buddy Hackett). “Queen Jane Approximately” (02:10:00) & “Ballad of a Thin Man” (02:21:30; Bob Dylan). “Highway 61 Revisited” (02:18:30; PJ Harvey). “Dead President” (02:41:00), “A Great Headline” (02:45:30) & “Hitting 60” (02:48:00; Lewis Black).