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Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #046 (7/25/2015): SURGEON

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The 46th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired July 25, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

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46.
A surgeon is being considered for a major position at a hospital. He tells the board his specialty is curing various forms of hepatitis.

“How do you do it?” they ask.

“I have two methods,” the doctor says. “If the disease hasn’t spread much, I open the patient up, and I use a piece of volcanic rock to sand down parts of the liver, while leaving the healthy tissue to heal.”

“Sounds fascinating,” says the board. “But what about when the organ is unsalvageable?”

“Then I operate,” the doctor replies, “but in a much less invasive way than usual because I make a tiny incision and pull the liver out through the belly button, reducing both scarring and healing time.”

Excited by these explanations, the hospital board puts the surgeon to the test. Over a grueling day, they have him see six patients, three with liver inflammation, three with full-blown hep.

As he described, the doctor uses lava rock on the first three people, and his special surgery on the rest. The next morning, all six patients are x-rayed, with the board members gauging the results.

Alas for the surgeon, he proves only half successful. The first three patients look fine, with their abraded organs already starting to reconstitute. But the sicker patients are a shock:

although the surgeon said he took their livers out, the x-rays show conclusively that the organs are still there, in their bodies.

“I’m sorry,” says the board, “you did fine with the sanding down, but your surgical procedure doesn’t work at all.”

“You mean, I don’t get the job?” sighs the surgeon.

“Of course not,” says the board. “You Pumiced, But you couldn’t De-Liver.”

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #039 (6/6/2015): SOPRANO

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The 39th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired June 6, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

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39.
A young singer is becoming the toast of the Metropolitan Opera for her beauty, her acting ability, and especially, her vocal range. She’s a contralto but almost as comfortable in soprano roles—a lucky thing, since she’s just taken on a new opera that makes her hit the D over high C in almost every aria.

After the first performance, however, she feels queasy and suffers cramps. After the second show, she’s nearly doubled over. There’s a two-week break before her next performance, and she feels fine, so she chalks it up to nerves. But as soon as she makes her next appearance, she suffers terrible stomach pain.

The next morning, she hurries to the doctor who takes an x-ray and discovers all these worm-like creatures in her abdomen. He frowns, “I’m afraid you have parasitic eels.”

“What? Eels in my stomach?”

“Yes,” says the MD.

“But I felt fine the last two weeks. It’s only when I’ve been singing . . .”

“Exactly,” says the doctor. “They’re born from vocal strain. And as long as you’re in that opera hitting those high notes, they’ll keep coming back. We call it `Wendy Wasserstein Syndrome.’”

“Really?” says the singer. “Did she have it, too?”

“No, she just inspired it. Haven’t you ever heard of `The High D Chronic Eels?’”

Dave’s Gone By Interview (2/1/2014): MIKE BALL & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews humor columnist Mike Ball

Topics include: newspapers, writing, Dr. Mike and the Sea Monkeys, water skiing.

Segment aired Feb. 1, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By #387 (5/26/2012): NOSTRILDAMUS

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Here is the 387th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, May 26, 2012. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Dave chats with theatrical director Michelle Bossy. Plus: Rabbi Sol Solomon and his dear wife Miriam Libby chat with nasal expert Dr. Hana Solomon. Also: Inside Broadway, Saturday Segues, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later, and Dave Goes Off on the Seven Words.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guests: director Michelle Bossy, physician Dr. Hana Solomon

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:10:30 DAVE’S GONE CULTURAL – Taj Mahal
00:14:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Taj & Doc
00:28:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon & Miriam Libby Solomon interview Dr. Hana Solomon
01:10:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:32:00 GUEST: Michelle Bossy
02:03:00 Sponsors
02:08:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later: Bein’ Born
02:39:30 DAVE GOES OFF – Carlin’s Words
02:54:30 Thanks & Friends
02:58:30 DAVE GOES OUT

May 26, 2012 Playlist: “Lovin’ in My Baby’s Eyes” (00:15:00) “Fishin’ Blues” (00:22:00; Taj Mahal). “Make Me a Pallet on Your Floor” (00:18:00; Doc Watson). “Everybody Knows” (00:26:00; Leonard Cohen). “Noses Run in My Family” (01:06:00; Benny Bell). “Everybody’s Trying to Be My Baby”; 01:21:00; The Beatles). “Plug Me In” (01:59:00; George Harrison). “Born in Time” (02:09:30), “Jokerman” (02:13:30), “Subterranean Homesick Blues” (02:19:30), “Freight Train Blues” (02:27:30) & “Shelter from the Storm” (02:30:00; Bob Dylan). “Seven Words You Can Never Say on TV” (02:47:00; George Carlin).

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/26/2012): DR. HANA SOLOMON & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon, joined in-studio by his dear wife, Miriam Libby, interviews pediatrician and nasal-irrigation expert, Dr. Hana Solomon.

Topics include: noses, Neti Pots, the Holocaust.

Segment originally aired June 2, 2012 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com