Hiram was having much success with his egg farm, raising extra-large and jumbo eggs right from the ground. But one morning, he woke to find his crop all cracked, with half-cooked egg white and runny yolks all over the soil.
So he replanted the field, the eggs started growing, and all was fine until, again, one morning, all was cooked and cracked.
So he replanted a third time, and he told his oldest son, “I think I know what’s going on. Tonight we’ll hide in the fields and see for ourselves.”
Hiram and Hiram Jr. did just that: hidden behind some bushes, they camped out overnight and watched the egg field. Just after midnight, three men stole into the field and, with giant canisters, began pouring boiling water all over the eggs.
“Just as I suspected,” Hiram whispered to his son. “Poachers.”
Segment aired Jan. 30, 2016 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2016 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
55. Among the surprisingly controversial events at this year’s agricultural fair was an insult contest. Farmers with inventions would go before a “Shark Tank”-like panel, and not only would the best inventors get awards, but the panelists would get trophies for the best put-downs.
One chicken farmer came up with an egg protector, which was met with awful puns by all the judges. A soybean farmer invented a bean extractor that broke when he demonstrated it, so the jokes came thick and mean. Finally, a gardener presented his invention designed for lawn care. For hot summer days, he created a special air hose that would keep moss cool so it wouldn’t turn brown and die. The panelists were impressed but still made withering jokes. In fact, one judge who mercilessly dissed the invention was presented with the grand prize.
However, as soon as they gave it to him, he began to shake and stammer and had to be put in a wheelchair.
“What just happened?” said the gardener to a fellow contestant. “One minute he’s making fun of my moss air conditioning, the next he’s all spastic.”
The farmer replied, “No shock there. He got the Moss Cooler Diss Trophy.”
Segment aired Aug. 15, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 49. A French astronomer thrills his colleagues when he calls them over to his telescope and shows them his discovery: a new planet.
“That’s amazing!” they say. “Can you tell what it’s made out of?”
“From what I can see, it’s a bunch of molecular clusters that formed into a giant polymer.”
“We must alert the whole scientific community,” says another colleague. “Hey, have you named it yet?”
“No,” says the astronomer. “I’m stuck on that part.”
“Well, what about naming it after yourself?”
“I thought about that, but my first name is Jean, which would sound silly: Planet Jean. And my last name is Eugenia, which, as you know, already is a planet.”
Another scientist chimes in, “Well, what about naming it based on how it looks?”
“Not a bad idea,” says Jean, looking through his telescope. “Well, its surface is smooth, and the color is yellowish white. It’s slightly more ovoid than round. Maybe we should call it, Planet Egg.”
“Okay,” says the head of the lab. “We should sent out a press release to all the journals, Scientific American, Astronomy Now, Sky and Telescope, and Italian Cuisine Magazine.
“Wait,” says the astronomer. “I get the journals and the science books. But why Italian Cuisine?”
“Because,” says the colleague. “You found an Egg Planet Polymer, Jean.”
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 28th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, April 13, 2003. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon explains Passover traditions. Plus: the satirical News Gone By and Dave says hello to snow and farewell to TV’s Egg.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – Snow 00:13:00 NEWS GONE BY (Respiratory Esther, the Haircut Bandit, Voodoo, and the Concorde’s last flight) 00:29:00 SKIT: Rabbi Sol Solomon – On Pesach 00:47:00 DAVE’S GONE CULTURAL – Egg 00:50:00 DAVE GOES OUT
April 13, 2003 Playlist: “Exodus” (Bob Marley), “Dayenu” (Rabbi Sol Solomon, 43:00), “We’re All Working for Pharaoh” (Richard Thompson).
