Tag: Harry Potter

The 29th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired March 21, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

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29.
On their first trip to America, Harry Potter and Professor Dumbledore pay a visit to The United Nations. Ban-Ki Moon gives them a personal tour, pointing out that every place in the building is named after a previous Secretary General.

“Here’s the Dag Hammarskjold Dining Room,” he tells them, “named after our second Secretary General. And over there is the Boutros Boutros-Gali Ballroom, named after our sixth. And these long corridors are named after U Thant, our third.”

“That’s nice,” says Dumbledore, “but before we forget, we have magical gifts for you as thanks for your hospitality. Show him Harry.”

Harry Potter smiles and points his wand at the dining room shouting, “Silvercadabra!”

There’s a puff of smoke, but nothing actually materializes. Perplexed, Harry tries again.

“Abracadiamond!” He waves his wand at the ballroom, more smoke, but again, no gift. “I don’t understand,” he says.

“Try once more,” says Dumbledore, unconcerned. “Hocus Pocus Porcelainus!” Harry shouts.

Again, lots of smoke, but no gift. He starts crying. “I’m so embarrassed,” he tells Moon.

To snap Harry out of it, Dumbledore waves his wand, and who should appear but Woody Allen’s wife, Soon-Yi, dressed in sexy lingerie and rubbing herself lasciviously against the young wizard.

Harry can’t help but smile and say, “Gosh, Professor, thanks. But I still don’t understand why my magic failed.”

“It didn’t,” Dumbledore chortles, pointing to the long corridors. Down one hallway, silver chalices as far as the eye can see. Down another, heaps and heaps of diamond jewelry. Down the third corridor, a treasure trove of fine porcelain china.

“Oh, thank goodness,” says Harry, pulling himself away from the girl. “But how? I pointed my wand at the Hammarskjold room, the Gali room, the Waldheim room, but every time, the stuff appeared only in the corridors. What happened?”

“Simple,” says Dumbledore. “U Thant Hallways Get What You Wand. But If You Cry Sometimes, You Get Hot Soon-Yi’d.”