SONG: Stupid Pupil
(c)2024 David Lefkowitz
(sung to the tune of Neil Sedaka and Howard Greenfield’s “Stupid Cupid”)
Stupid Pupil you’re a real disgrace
You don’t contribute; you just take up space
You go to college on your parents’ dime
But you ain’t learnin’, you’re just wastin’ time.
Hey hey, brainless punk
Stupid Pupil, get ready to flunk
Can’t do your homework and you can’t think straight
Too busy watching TikTok while you masturbate
Sitting through classes with your earbuds in
Looking so dead they call your next of kin
Boo-hoo, throw your fit
Stupid Pupil, your pronoun is “it.”
You mixed-up little twerp, with your protest sign upheld
But you can’t read or write, so the words are all misspelled
You think you’re curing social-justice ills
But meanwhile mom and dad are paying all your bills
You’re chugging Red Bull and you’re vaping weed
the only things you learn are from your Twitter feed
You don’t work, you don’t pay rent
Stupid Pupil, come out of your tent
Your hair is greasy and your armpits stink
You think that other people really care what you think
And if you graduate, then you’ll be through
`Cause you’ll be serving burgers to the likes of you
Hey hey, don’t you see
You just crapped on your Bachelor’s Degree
Hey hey, higher ed
Stupid Pupil, I wish you were dead.