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Dave’s Gone By #476 (8/30/2014): BUDDY BOY

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Here is the 476th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Aug. 30, 2014. Info: Davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with comedian Sandy Hackett. Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection (“Eventful August”), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Highway 61 Re-revisited), Saturday Segues (Lewis Black, Van & Liam), Inside Broadway (Joan Rivers), The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Nose Wear).

Guest: comedian Sandy Hackett

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:13:00 SATURDAY SEGUE (Van Morrison & Liam Clancy)
00:41:30 Sponsors
00:43:30 INSIDE BROADWAY (00:56:30; Joan Rivers)
01:09:00 Friends
01:13:00 Wretched Pun of Destiny – Nose Wear
01:14:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Sandy Hackett
02:04:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Highway 61 Re-Revisted)
02:28:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #105 (Eventful August)
02:29:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Lewis Black)
02:55:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Aug. 30, 2014 Playlist: “Portlairge” (00:17:30; The Clancy Brothers). “Buachaill on Eirne” (00:22:30) & “The Band Played Waltzing Matilda (00:29:30; Liam Clancy). “What Makes the Irish Heart Beat” (00:19:00), “Raglan Road” (00:24:30) & “Song of Home” (00:35:30; Van Morrison). “Part One” (01:04:00; Joan Rivers). “The Original Chinese Waiter” (01:59:30; Buddy Hackett). “Shipoopi” (02:02:00; The Music Man film soundtrack w/ Buddy Hackett). “Queen Jane Approximately” (02:10:00) & “Ballad of a Thin Man” (02:21:30; Bob Dylan). “Highway 61 Revisited” (02:18:30; PJ Harvey). “Dead President” (02:41:00), “A Great Headline” (02:45:30) & “Hitting 60” (02:48:00; Lewis Black).

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #003 (8/9/2014): NERDS

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The 3rd Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Aug. 9, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

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3.
A big event for seniors happens here every year, where all the nursing homes take part in a math-and-science Olympics. On Sunday afternoon, senior residents from all the different nursing homes arrive by bus to the town recreation center to compete for prizes and bragging rights. The rules are: you have to be really smart, over 85, wear glasses and a pocket protector, and you can’t have more than nine teeth in your head.

Unfortunately, last year it was embarrassing because one of the buses had engine trouble and had to be towed to the location. It took hours, with everybody standing in the parking lot, waiting for the seniors to arrive.

Finally, after two hours, one parking-lot attendant looked down the road and shouted, “Here it Comes! Here Comes Your Nine-Teeth Nerd-Bus Breakdown.”

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #002 (7/30/2014): FOOTBALL

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The 2nd Wretched Pun of Destiny aired on Dave’s Gone By, Aug. 2, 2014.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

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2.
This huge football fan is excited that the new season is starting soon, so he wants to invite all his buddies for a party on the day of the first game. He heads to the local printing shop and tells the owner he wants to send out invitation cards that would be fun for them to RSVP.

“No problem,” says the shop owner. “We can make the perfect cards. We’ll put the team logos right on the cover and all the information. How do you want the words to look?”

“Well, that’s your department,” says the fan. “I just want something that’s right for sports, guys, football – you know.”

“I know the perfect style,” says the shop guy. “The American Library Association uses a typeface and font that we always use for this kind of invitation.”

The fan says, “Fantastic, go for it! It’s the Broncos vs. the New York Jets. Here’s a list of the Broncos fans I’m inviting, so put their logo on those cards; and here’s a list of the Jets fans. Just make the same exact card, only with the Jet logo, instead.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”

“What do you mean, you can’t do that?”

“Well, we can do it for the Bronco fans, no problem. But not New York.”

“Why the heck not?” asks the fan.

“Haven’t you ever heard the expression, “An ALA Font, Never For Jets?”

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #001 (7/19/2014): OPRAH

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The 1st Wretched Pun of Destiny aired July 19, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

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1.
If you’ve been to Starbucks recently, you know that Oprah Winfrey has a new line of Chai teas. Well, they’ve been so successful, Oprah goes to her marketing and research-and-development people and asks if they could create more lines of tea that she could brand in the same way.

“I’m glad you asked,” says the head R&D guy. “We’ve been working on this new project that we think is perfect for your brand. It’s a line of tea made from essential fish oils.”

Oprah makes a face. “You’re not serious?”

“No, really! I know how it sounds, but they taste great. They’re healthy, they smell amazing, people get their omega fatty acids – here, just try one!”

So the guy brings out a hot cup of tea. “This is yellowtail. Just taste it.”

Oprah does and gasps, “This is delicious! No bad smell, and it looks lovely. And it’s fish oil?”

“Exactly!” laughs the R&D guy. “And we can have whole line of them: Oprah Salmon Tea. Oprah Tilapia Tea. Oprah Swordfish Tea. And I haven’t even shown you the best part!”

The guy brings out all these cups of dry tea and gives Oprah a big kettle of hot water.

“Go ahead, pour!” he says.

So Oprah pours boiling water into the first cup. As soon as she does, she hears this loud, incessant, knocking sound. “What’s that?” she laughs.

“That’s the surprise! The tea leaves are so tightly compacted, the second the boiling water hits them, it sets off chemical reactions that make a racket. It’s a great novelty, and you can market it like crazy. Try some more!”

So Oprah pours water onto the Flounder Tea, and she hears, “knock knock knock knock…” She does it on the Monkfish Tea – same thing. Pretty soon there’s a riot of noise as she’s boiling the Mackerel Tea, the Redfish Tea, the Trout Tea . . .

Finally, she gets to the one with tuna fish and pours the water on it, but all she hears is one single “knock.” “Hmm, let me try another one,” she says. So they hand her another cup of the tuna, she pours the water in, but again, just a single “knock.”

“Well, this is incredibly promising,” Oprah raves. “I love the whole line, and I can’t wait to get it going. Of course, you’re gonna have to bring this last one back for more testing. All the others made so much noise; it’s a shame the tuna is so quiet. Can you fix it?”

The R&D man looks at her aghast and replies, “Oh, heavens no! Oprah Tuna Tea Only Knocks Once!”

Dave’s Gone By #89 (8/12/2004): DERAILROADED

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Here is the 89th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Aug. 12, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Featuring: Dave Goes Off on the Long Island Rail Road. Plus: the satirical News Gone By and Inside Broadway looks at the funny Fringe.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – The Republicans R Coming
00:11:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – Fringe Fest Funnies
00:19:00 DAVE GOES OFF – the LIRR, Again
00:33:00 NEWS GONE BY – Travel Fears; Prozac Water; Breathtaking Teacher (w/ Bad Pun of the Week); Lott’s Trots; Orange You Glad?; Radio Radio; Isley Stroke; Paris Burgled; MSG vs. TW; Glavine’s Choppers; Judo Jumpers; Historical Garages; Rick James.
00:48:00 DAVE GOES OUT – w/ Mark Knopfler birthday tribute

August 12, 2004 Playlist: “Derailroaded” (Wild Man Fischer), “Why Worry” (Dire Straits).

Dave’s Gone By #65 (2/16/2004): DEROY ON DE SHOW

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Here is the 65th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Feb. 16, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest: theatrical producer & cabaret hostess Jamie DeRoy

Featuring: Dave chats with producer & cabaret emcee Jamie deRoy. Plus: Dave Goes Off on Hankies, Mysteries & Referrals, and the satirical News Gone By, religion

Featuring: Dave chats with producer & cabaret emcee Jamie DeRoy. Plus: Dave Goes Off on Hankies, Mysteries and Referrals, and the satirical News Gone By.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN: What’s on the show; Animal Tracks
00:11:00 NEWS GONE BY: Uncle Sam at the Carnival; Dear Abby Dear Abby; The Lion Sleeps Tonight; Twin Turtles; Forty Lashes (Bad Pun of the Week); Speeding Tickets; Funereal Wedding; Dr. Fatkins; Barbie’s Breakup; Death Freshener.
00:30:00 GUEST: Jamie deRoy.
01:04:00 DAVE GOES OFF: Hankies, Mysteries and Jewish Plumbers
01:17:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Thank yous; Complaint Letter

February 16, 2004 Playlist: “Dolphins” & “A Snake Named LaRue” (Steve Ross & George Wurzbach).

Dave’s Gone By #61 (1/19/2004): FORTY WINKS

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Here is the 61st episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM Jan. 19, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
Featuring: Dave Goes Off on turning 40 and on working overtime. Plus: The satirical News Gone By and “The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald.”

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN: Turning the Big 4-0.
00:14:00 DAVE GOES OFF: Wages, Overtime, and being quartered and half-dollared in America
00:42:00 NEWS GONE BY: Braun Bows Out; Palestinian Mommy; Punishing Mepham; Fingerbang; Dr. Death; Zoloft; The Governator; Pink Steel; Oui Starbucks; Taco Belle; Kodakrime; Doggy Dancing; Not in My Neighborhood; Roostie (Bad Pun of the Week); Jed Petrick Steps Down; Tabooed; Ted Nugent’s Leg; Bethany Hamilton’s Arm; Death Count 500.
01:20:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Birthday songs & thanks.

January 19, 2004 Playlist: “Tojojo” (Oysten Sewag & Lakki Patey); “The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald” & “Ben Gazzara” (Dave, unreleased); “Kodachrome” ({live}; Simon & Garfunkel); “In My Life” (Judy Collins).

Dave’s Gone By #54 (12/1/2003): 54 STUDIO

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Here is the 54th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Dec. 1, 2003. More info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Featuring: Dave celebrates Woody Allen’s birthday and offers the satirical News Gone By. Plus: Inside Broadway (Wonderful Town) and Dave’s skits, Woody Allen Calls His Analyst and Wrong Island Cablevision.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN: Greetings
00:05:00 BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE: Woody Allen (w/ Woody’s Analyst skit)
00:30:00 NEWS GONE BY (War of Attrition, Clark’s Bark; Neil Bush’s Orientation; Football Escorts; Down Smelldrome (Bad Pun of the Week); Glen Campbell in the Soup; DVD Stampede; Mrs. Santa Claus; Bad Bus-ness; Good Samomitan; Dinner with Meiweiss; Smoke `em If You Steal `em”; Country Road 6FU; Geuda Guns; Garbage Man; Mouthy Python; Cablevision of Wrong Island (skit); Squid or Get Off the Pot; Too Cool To Do Ticonderoga; Boy Dog Pondering; Klan BBQ; Orgasmatron).
01:10:00 DAVE’S GONE CULTURAL: Theater Review & music from Broadway’s Wonderful Town.
01:22:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Farewells, Mailbag & Thank Yous.

December 1, 2003 Playlist: “Phoenix Envy” (Dave, 39:00), “The Ballad of Woody & Mia” (Loose Bruce Kerr), “The Great Renaldo, “Summing Up” (Woody Allen).

Donna Murphy and Jennifer Westfeldt in Wonderful Town

Dave’s Gone By #51 (11/10/2003): THE YOUNG BOSTONIAN

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Here is the 51st episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Nov. 10, 2003.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest: theater critic Caldwell Titcomb

Featuring: Dave’s trip to Boston and catching Robyn Hitchcock in concert there. Plus: theater critic Caldwell Titcomb, the satirical News Gone By, a birthdave tribute to Neil Young, and the skit, “Eggs, Bacon and Penis.”

Note: Caldwell TItcomb passed away in June 2011 at age 84.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN: A trip to Boston – Amtrak, quails, Havard Square, Robyn Hitchcock at Johnny D’s.
00:22:00 DAVE’S GONE CULTURAL: Boston theater, w/ critic Caldwell Titcomb. Reviews of Butley, Les Miz, Shear Madness
00:34:00 NEWS GONE BY: Gucci Goners; EU New; Happy Ram (Bad Pun of the Week); The Reagan Mini-series; Muscle Ache; Egg, Bacon & Penis; My Client Shot the Sheriff; Hunting Accident; Daddy Letterman; Sick Britney; Nuts to You; The Big Sloppy.
00:45:00 SKIT: Eggs, Bacon & Penis
01:01:00 SEGUE: Neil Young
01:20:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Nov. 10, 2003 Playlist: “Uncorrected Personality Traits” (Robyn Hitchcock), “Flying on the Ground is Wrong,” “Southern Man,” “Scattered” (Neil Young), “Eggs, Bacon & Penis” (Dave).