satire – Page 38 – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By #522 (8/15/2015): KOSHER PICKLES

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Here is the 522nd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Aug. 15, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with Christina Pickles. Plus: Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (in need of a bed), Wretched Pun of Destiny (new planet), Saturday Segues (Colin Moulding, in the news).

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: actress Christina Pickles (“Break a Hip,” “Friends”), UNC programming director Matthew Davis, Dave’s wife Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (death metal, pickles)
00:26:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:14:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Colin Moulding
01:35:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:52:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Christina Pickles
02:25:00 Sponsors
02:32:00 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY – new planet
02:34:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (in need of a bed)
03:03:30 Friends
03:11:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News w/ Matthew Davis
03:52:30 Weather w/ Matthew Davis
03:55:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Aug. 15, 2015 Playlist: “I’m the Meany” (00:22:30; Wild Man Fischer). “Fruit Nut” (01:17:00), “Generals and Majors” (01:20:30), “Grass” (01:24:30) & “King for a Day” (01:27:00; XTC). “Here I Go” (If/Then 2014 Bway cast w/ Idina Menzel). “Lay Lady Lay” (02:40:00), “From a Buick 6” ({alternate version}; 02:47:30) & “Isis” (02:50:30; Bob Dylan). “Tomorrow is a Long Time” (Sandy Denny; 02:43:30). “You Beat Me to the Punch” (03:11:00; Mary Wells). “I Predict a Riot” (Kaiser Chiefs; 03:14:00). “Funny Cancer Greeting Cards” (03:18:00; Tig Notaro). “Crazy ABCs” (03:19:30; Barenaked Ladies). “9-5 Pollution Blues” (03:23:30; Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band). “How Much is that Pickle in the Window?” (03:46:30; Mickey Katz).

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #049 (8/15/2015): NEW PLANET

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Segment aired Aug. 15, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

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49.
A French astronomer thrills his colleagues when he calls them over to his telescope and shows them his discovery: a new planet.

“That’s amazing!” they say. “Can you tell what it’s made out of?”

“From what I can see, it’s a bunch of molecular clusters that formed into a giant polymer.”

“We must alert the whole scientific community,” says another colleague. “Hey, have you named it yet?”

“No,” says the astronomer. “I’m stuck on that part.”

“Well, what about naming it after yourself?”

“I thought about that, but my first name is Jean, which would sound silly: Planet Jean. And my last name is Eugenia, which, as you know, already is a planet.”

Another scientist chimes in, “Well, what about naming it based on how it looks?”

“Not a bad idea,” says Jean, looking through his telescope. “Well, its surface is smooth, and the color is yellowish white. It’s slightly more ovoid than round. Maybe we should call it, Planet Egg.”

“Okay,” says the head of the lab. “We should sent out a press release to all the journals, Scientific American, Astronomy Now, Sky and Telescope, and Italian Cuisine Magazine.

“Wait,” says the astronomer. “I get the journals and the science books. But why Italian Cuisine?”

“Because,” says the colleague. “You found an Egg Planet Polymer, Jean.”

Dave’s Gone By Interview (8/15/2015): CHRISTINA PICKLES & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews actress Christina Pickles

Topics include: Break a Hip, Friends, Another World, Broadway.

Segment scheduled to air Aug. 15, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By #521 (8/8/2015): WHAT I LEARNED

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Here is the 521st episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Aug. 8, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with actor-producer Gary Waldman and Dave chats with UNC Radio programming director Matthew Davis. Plus: Inside Broadway, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Zoo), Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Another Side Loaded), Saturday Segues (Buck Owens; In the News).

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guests: entertainer Gary Waldman, UNC Radio Programming Director Matthew Davis, Dave’s wife, Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (dull week, car battery, Trump, sea captain)
00:33:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:08:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN (long johns)
01:15:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Buck Owens
01:41:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:04:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Gary Waldman
02:49:30 Friends
02:57:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY (zoo)
03:00:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later – Another Side Loaded
03:16:00 Weather w/ Matthew Davis
03:20:00 GUEST: Matthew Davis
03;43:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News
04:04:30 DAVE GOES OUT

Aug. 8, 2015 Playlist: “Where Does the Good Times Go” (01:21:30), “Only You (Can Break My Heart)” (01:24:00), “Together Again” (01:26:30), “Buckaroo” (01:28:30) & “It Will Never Be Over for Me” (01:30:30; Buck Owens). “Alexander Hamilton’s Rap Song” (01:59:30; Lin-Manuel Miranda). Musical Excerpts (02:44:00; Gary Waldman). “Motorpsycho Nightmare” (03:03:00), “Driftin’ Too Far from Shore” (03:07:30) & “I Don’t Believe You” ({live Last Waltz version}; 03:11:00; Bob Dylan). “Life in Prison” (03:44:00; The Byrds). “Debate Exposes Doubt” (03:46:30; Death Cab for Cutie). “Broken Aeroplanes” (03:51:00; Richard Butler). “Daily News” (03:56:00; Tom Paxton).

David Lefkowitz in “The Miracle of Long Johns” at Studio Theater in Theater Row NYC, October 23, 2015. Photo by Farnaz Taherimotlagh.

Dave’s Gone By Interview (8/8/2015): MATTHEW DAVIS

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Dave Lefkowitz interviews UNC radio programming director Matthew Davis

Topics include: Little Theater of the Rockies, Marathon `33, University of Northern Colorado.

Segment scheduled to air Aug. 8, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #048 (8/8/2015): ZOO

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Segment aired April 4, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
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48.
A new trainee at the L.A. Zoo is learning the ropes of both the apiary and the small aquatic mammals section.

On his first morning, the supervisor tells him, “You’re in luck. We just got a huge beehive shipped from a zoo in San Francisco. These are great bees to work with because the Bay Area weather makes them very docile. That’s why we’re going to crossbreed them with our more aggressive honeybees from Africa.”

So they spend a productive morning with the bees, and then after lunch, they look at the muskrats and beavers and otters and other small mammals.

The next day, they do the same routine. They check the beehive and see how many are mating, how many aren’t, and how many didn’t survive. Amazingly, only one bee from San Francisco hasn’t survived through the night. The trainee delicately scoops it up in a container and is about to throw it away when the supervisor says, “No time! I just got a text. We have to head over to the mammals.”

They get there and they see one of the otters floating face down. “What happened?” says the supervisor.

“Well, he was old,” answers the veteran zookeeper. “He was getting his medicinal bath when his heart gave out. I’m afraid you two will have dispose of him.”

So the supervisor and the trainee delicately remove the otter from the bath. The trainee then puts the mammal in a crate with the dead bee from San Francisco. He’s about to toss them both in the dumpster when the supervisor stops him. “No, no, no!” he cries. “They have to be separate.”

“How come?” the trainee asks.

“Don’t you know?” says the supervisor. “You can’t throw the Bay Bee out with the Bath Otter.”

Dave’s Gone By Interview (8/8/2015): GARY WALDMAN & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews actor-director Gary Waldman

Topics include: What I Learned in Fallsburg, Paul Simon, Catskills

Segment aired Aug. 8, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #047 (8/2/2015): CHIMNEY

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Segment aired Aug. 2, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

*
47.
Before he moved into his big house in the Hollywood Hills, actor Joaquin Phoenix needed to have the place cleaned out. He hired a crew for the job, who inspected the house and made their report. The crew chief told Phoenix that the interior was in good shape except for the fireplace. “It’s a disaster up there,” he said. “First, there’s all this rotting wood just stacked in a mound halfway up the chimney.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” says the actor.

“It wouldn’t be,” replies the chief, “but the rot has been a breeding ground for thousands of insects. In order to kill the bugs, we have to clean and disinfect every inch of the chimney.”

The actor responds, “Well, I’m sure you have your own chemicals. But if you want, I’ve also got two bottles of ammonia under the sink.”

“Sure,” says the chief, who sets his crew to work. A half hour later, he checks on the chimney, only to see his best worker sprawled out with a thermometer in his mouth.

“Oh, boss,” he says, “I don’t feel so hot.”

“What’s the matter?” says the chief.

“Can’t you tell?” says the worker. “I’ve got the Joaquin Ammonia in the Buggy Woody Flue.”

Dave’s Gone By #520 (8/1/2015): HARRI’S ON TOUR

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Here is the 520th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Aug. 1, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with author Louise Harrison (“My Kid Brother’s Band, aka The Beatles”); Inside Broadway; The Wretched Pun of Destiny (chimney); Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Harrison); Saturday Segues (Bennett/Spence, Jerry Garcia); Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (Cecil the Lion); Greeley Crimes & Old Times.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: author Louise Harrison, Dave’s wife, Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (Tom McNally, Keurig, dancing, The Neville, Beatles, Hare Krishna)
00:40:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
00:59:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN (dog phlegm, Come Blow Your Horn)
01:15:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Tony Bennett/Joseph Spence
01:37:00 Sponsors
01:46:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:07:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Louise Harrison
03:15:00 Weather
03:19:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #47 (Chimney)
03:21:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Harrison)
03:43:00 Long Johns Update
03:52:00 Friends
04:04:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #120 (Cecil the Lion)
04:11:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Jerry Garcia
04:33:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Aug. 2, 2015 Playlist: “My Sweet Lord” (00:27:00), “Beware of Darkness” (02:40:30), “Cheer Down” (03:07:30), “I’d Have You Anytime” (03:26:00), “Absolutely Sweet Marie” (03:32:30) & “Mama You Been on My Mind” (03:36:30; George Harrison). “Hare Krishna” (00:32:00; MC Yogi). “Our Love is Here to Stay” (01:23:30) & “Old Devil Moon” (01:29:30; Tony Bennett). “Conch Ain’t Got No Bone” (01:25:30) & “Happy All the Time” (01:33:00; Joseph Spence). “Easy as Life” (02:03:00; “Easy as Life” Aida Broadway cast). “If I Needed Someone” (02:27:00; The Beatles). “Something” (03:29:00; Bob Dylan). “Grateful Dawg” (04:15:30; Jerry Garcia & David Grisman). “Dire Wolf” (04:19:30) & “Wharf Rat” (04:22:30; Grateful Dead). “Time for August” (04:44:30; Julie London).

Dave’s Gone By #519 (7/25/2015): JUST BE CROS

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Here is the 519th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, July 25, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with actress Kathryn Crosby. Plus: Inside Broadway, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (surgeon), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Newport `65), Saturday Segues (Juliana/Jagger, Ray Jessel), Greeley Crimes & Old Times, My Sick Mind (Crosby).

Guests: actress Kathryn Crosby, Dave’s wife, Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (Cosby/Crosby)
00:20:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
00:53:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN (curling!, Long Johns)
01:03:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Ray Jessel
01:24:00 Sponsors
01:32:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:55:30 Friends
02:05:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Kathryn Crosby
02:54:00 Weather
02:58:00 MY SICK MIND – Cosby
03:02:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Newport `65)
03:25:00 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #46 (surgeon)
03:27:00 SATURDAY SEGUE (Juliana/Jagger)
03:43:30 DAVE GOES OUT

July 25, 2015 Playlist: “Walking the Cow” (00:42:00; Daniel Johnston). “Cold Clear World” (01:06:30; Baker Street 1965 Broadway cast). “Whatever Happened to Melody” (01:09:00) & “The Things You Do” (01:16:00; Ray Jessel). “I’m Outta Here” (01:13:00; Maude Maggart & Ray Jessel). “Edelweiss” (01:52:00; The Sound of Music 1959 Broadway cast w/ Theodore Bikel). “(Opening) Our State Fair” (State Fair 1996 Broadway cast w/ John Davidson & Kathryn Crosby). “Dream” (02:20:30; Bing Crosby & Kathryn Crosby). “The Second Time Around” (02:33:30; Kathryn Crosby). “I’ll be Seeing You” “It’s Easy to Remember” (02:49:30) & “I’ll Be Seeing You” (03:46:00; Bing Crosby). “Maggie’s Farm” ({live Newport version}, 03:09:00), “It’s Takes a Man to Laugh, It takes a Train to Cry” ({alternate version}, 03:14:00) & “It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue” ({live, Rolling Thunder version} 03:18:00). “Not Fade Away” (03:30:30), “Faith in our Friends” (03:32:00) & “Dying Proof” (03:38:30; Juliana Hatfield). “Running Out of Luck” (03:25:30; Mick Jagger).