May 2011 – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #16 (5/14/2011): Israel’s Birthday

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #16 (5/14/2011): Israel’s Birthday

(Aired May 14, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8SWeaSKKVY)

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 14th, 2011.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Israel –

You adorable 63-year-old country, you –

You-bastion-of-democracy-in-the-middle-of-Muslim-lunatics, you –

You military marvel even though you’re surrounded by enemies always attacking you, you –

Happy birthday to you!

This past Tuesday, May 10th, marked the Israeli holiday of Yom Ha’atzma’ut – Independence Day! The day back in 1948 that Israel told the United Kingdom, “Thanks for looking after the place for a few years. But, really, it’s time for you to go. We’re a big little country; we can take care of ourselves.”

And do that they have. From the minute Israel booted out the English protectorate, the Arabs attacked. They attacked in 1948, they attacked in 1956, they attacked in 1967, they attacked in 1973 – on Yom Kippur, yet. In 1978, PLO terrorists kept attacking, so in 1982, we attacked. Was nice for a change.

Each time, with the admitted help of American money and missiles, Israel kicked tuchas. All the while, we built schools, farms, hotels, theaters, falafel stands, high-class brothels – don’t ask me how I know about that last one.

Despite having to dump six percent of its gross national product into the military every year, Israel thrives. Despite Jihad rockets launched into Gaza, and threats from charming neighbors like Syria, Lebanon, Libya and Iran, Israel thrives. Despite occasional rotten oranges, like that former Israeli president who raped a girl – (please, Israeli women are loose enough, you don’t have to go raping them. Don’t ask me how I know about that) – despite all that, Israel thrives.

So now we hear that Hamas, the Palestinian party that governs the Gaza strip, has made peace with its old enemy, Fatah, the reincarnated version of the PLO. What kind of names are those anyway? Sounds like you’re coughing up phlegm: Chhhhamas.. F’tah!

For years, these two organizations did what most Arabs have tended to do: hate and kill each other. Ahh, the good old days! But now they’ve made peace…not with Israel, but among themselves, so they can gang up in Israel. Isn’t diplomacy wonderful?

In fact, it works so well that America’s chief envoy to the middle east just resigned. He gave up. After two years of begging for a two-state solution, from a two-terrorist problem. Now, since the death of Yasser Arafat – who should rot in gehenna with scorpions laying eggs in his anus – Fatah has appeared more moderate. Leader Mahmoud Abbas gave indications he might actually work with Israel and the United States to make something decent happen.

But now he’s joined forces with Hamas, aka the Islamic Resistance Movement, aka the kinds of people who think 9/11 was a lucky number. These are the Jihadists, the suicide bombers, the type of folks who could watch an entire episode of Family Guy without one giggle. In other words, terrorist scum.

But hey, Israel has negotiated with bloodthirsty mongrels before. We just wear gloves.

All it would take this time is for Hamas to say two little words: Israel Exists. That’s it. Acknowledge to the world that Israel is a sovereign country that has a right to be exactly where it is. You wanna have a laugh? Go look on google for maps of the Middle East. Do it. I’ll wait.

Okay, if you get a regular website run by normal people, you see little Israel and the rest of the Arab world. Now check ANY Arab-run website. The same map will not even have the name “Israel” on it. It’s either blank or called Palestine. It’s not Palestine, you Bedouin schmucks, it’s Israel – live with it. So we can finally live with you.

You know, I hate Germany. Germany turned a bunch of my ancestors into fertilizer. But I don’t look at a map of Western Europe and go, “Hey, what’s that blue thing between Poland and Belgium? Maybe if I close my eyes, it will go away. Ohhp, no.. still there.”

Israel will talk about two states, the west bank, the Golan Heights – all the land we won fair and square in the Six Day War. We will even listen to ideas about carving up Jerusalem – we’ll listen, doesn’t mean we’ll do it.

But nothing happens – just as it hasn’t happened in 63 years – nothing happens until all the Arabs admit that we are here and here to stay.

Happy Birthday, Israel! Yes, we’re going to a party-party. Just not the Hamas-Fatah party.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches.

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/14/2011): MARK RUSSELL

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Dave Lefkowitz interviews satirical comedian Mark Russell

Topics include: politics, comedy.

Segment originally aired May 14, 2011 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By #354 (5/14/2011): RUSSELLMANIA

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Here is the 354th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, May 14, 2011. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest: political satirist Mark Russell

Featuring: Dave chats with satirist Mark Russell. Plus: Inside Broadway (The Book of Mormon, Tony nominees), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Italy), Saturday Segue (Italians), Etta James get-well tribute, and Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Israel’s birthday.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:20:00 SATURDAY SEGUE: Italy
00:33:00 GUEST: Mark Russell
01:31:30 Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later: Italy
02:01:30 Items in the news
02:05:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (Tony nominees (02:05:00), The Book of Mormon (02:09:00) & news (02:16:30))
02:19:00 Get Well – Etta James
02:32:30 Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Israel’s birthday
02:59:00 DAVE – Friends & Sponsors
03:09:00 DAVE GOES OUT

May 14, 2011 Playlist: (part one) “The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine Anymore” (00:10:00; Walker Brothers); “Mambo Italiano” (00:22:00; Dean Martin); “Calypso Italiano” (00:24:00; Bobby Darin); “Be Italian” (00:27:00; Nine, 2009 film soundtrack); “We Open in Venice” (00:31:00; Kiss Me, Kate, 1949 Broadway cast); Excerpt from 1976 PBS special (01:22:00; Mark Russell, youtube clip); “Tangled Up in Blue” (01:31:30), “Down the Highway” (01:37:00), “Joey” (live w/ The Grateful Dead) (01:40:30), “House Carpenter” (01:49:30) & “When I Paint My Masterpiece” (01:54:00; Bob Dylan); “These Foolish Things” (02:21:30) & “Slow and Easy” (02:25:30; Etta James), “Let’s Get Away from it All” (02:39:00; Frank Sinatra); “Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day” (02:41:00; Sam Cooke); “Fly Me to the Moon” (02:43:30; Tony Bennett); “Young at Heart” (02:47:30; Jimmy Durante); “Opus I, No. 2, 2nd Movement – Minuetto Grazioso” (02:50:00; Frank Zappa); “The Vatican Rag” (02:52:30; Tom Lehrer).
(pictured: Mark Russell, Etta James, Italian flag, happy birthday Israel!)

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #15 (5/7/2011): Dead! Dead! Dead!

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #15 (5/7/2011): Dead! Dead! Dead!

aired May 7, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSe5fXOC018

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 7th, 2011.

YAHOOOOOOO! Dammit. I am writing this while still under the euphoria, the magic spell of the big news on Sunday night: Bin Laden…been liquidated. Public enemy number one – and let’s hope when they came for him, he made number two!

This animal, this bastard, this ARAB, who created more chaos than a Loehmann’s white sale, has finally been found and put to death. It took nine and a half years. I don’t know why it took nine-and-a-half years. A six-foot-four, middle-aged man with a beard and a dialysis machine roaming around caves for a decade, sending out audio tapes – and we don’t know where he is? George Bush couldn’t find him, but then again, George Bush couldn’t find his ass in his underpants.

But finally, after thousands of days, hundreds of American casualties, billions of tax dollars, it took just one bullet. To kill the man responsible for four planes, a truck bomb, a dozen suicide squads, and 3000 bodies in lower Manhattan – one bullet: Allah not so akbar.

Was bin Loser the tip of the iceberg? Of course. Terror cells are like pimples; you squeeze off the head, a little pus oozes out, but an hour later, there’s a new head on it. So certainly, we must remain vigilant, and we shouldn’t be surprised if this strike at the heart of international terrorism only redoubles the efforts of the bad guys to be bad guys.

But for this window of time, let us be joyful, and grateful, and even a little giddy. This is Disneyland, Lotto, the Super Bowl and a Lady Gaga concert rolled into one dirty turban. Now, I know, on Passover, we spill a bissel wine from our glasses because we are not supposed to rejoice when our enemy suffers. But COME ON.

In fact, if I am less than completely ecstatic, it’s only because bin Laden did not suffer. In 30 seconds he went from sitting around his million-dollar mansion to taking a slug in the noggin’. Too quick. Too easy. This is the kind of guy you shoot in the foot, then in the knee, then in the hip, then in the arm, then you cut off his fingers, then you pull out his eyes, then you press his face on a Forman grill, then you cut off his ears – and then you start torturing him.

If it sounds like I’ve spent too much time thinking about these things, you’re right – nine-and-a-half years. Thanks to our good, close friends in Pakistan. “Osama who? Al Qaeda what? Nawwww… not in our country. You must be thinking of Canada.” Let me tell you something: venture just another mile or two from Islamabad, and I will bet you find Jimmy Hoffa, Natalee Holloway, Amelia Earhardt and my left blue sock that never made it out of the dryer.

Pakistan has a lot to answer for – and not just `cause their spicy food makes you crap blood. They could have helped us; they could have delivered Osama bin Laden to Washington D.C., put a bow in his hair and dropped him on the White House lawn. Instead, we have to sneak in like Jethro and that Israeli chick on NCIS. After it was over, then we call the Paki prime minister and say, “Oh, by the way, that library book you had out? Wink-wink. The one you said you couldn’t find, that you already returned, and that the dog ate? We came and got it. And the next time we ask if you have one of our DVD’s, you better rush the return box or you lose all borrowing privileges. Have a nice goddamn day.”

I do have to wonder – with everybody dying to see the pictures and the proof – why did the Navy Seals dispose of bin Laden so quickly? Obama said his body was prepared according to Islamic tradition – although where they got 100 pounds of camel dung on a Sunday night is beyond me. But really, did we have to give bin Laden a respectful cleanup? Of all people – we should have rubbed his lips with pork and hung a Jewish star around his neck.

And beyond that, we could’ve put him on display! Maybe a Pay-Per-View special with Geraldo Rivera; every hour he reveals another inch of the corpse. Vegas would go crazy. But what do we do? We bury the him at sea. If we wanted bin Laden to drown, just put him in a tank and let the families of 9/11 victims piss on him for an hour. Why deny America the satisfaction of seeing our mortal enemy vanquished? Instead, we have to take the word of the White House, the military, the DNA tests – and I’m willing to. But if there are people out there who deny the Holocaust and disbelieve that we ever put a man on the moon, how the hell are we supposed to make a bunch of Jihad jugheads believe their martyr didn’t really live out his life playing pinochle in Morocco?

I know. I’m being negative. It comes with the Jewitory. If there was ever a time to leap up and do a hora of delight, this is it. But there are still too many questions, too many terrorists, too many memories.

Osama, you ugly dead son of a bitch, you’re with your 72 virgins now. Bet you never figured they’d all be men. And they all look like Gary Busey. And they all have razor blades on the ends of their shmeckels. Let the eternal raping begin.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches. Vengeance is mine saith New York.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=30740

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/7/2011): JOHN RUANE

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Dave Lefkowitz interviews political pundit John Ruane

Topics include: The Wizards of Spin, Osama Bin Laden, politics.

Segment originally aired May 7, 2011 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/7/2011): BOB CUDMORE

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Dave Lefkowitz guests and discusses the 2011 Tony nominations on the WVTL FM morning show hosted by Bob Cudmore

Topics include: Broadway, Tony Awards, Book of Mormon, Rabbi Sol Solomon.

Segment originally aired on WVTL FM (Amsterdam, NY) and was re-broadcast May 7, 2011 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/7/2011): BENJAMIN WELCH

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Dave Lefkowitz interviews University of Northern Colorado’s The Mirror newspaper editor, Benjamin Welch

Topics include: journalism, University of Northern Colorado.

Segment originally aired May 7, 2011 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2011 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #14 (5/1/2011): Royal Wedding

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #14 (5/1/2011): Royal Wedding

aired April 30, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By (davesgoneby.com). Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZGSzxPDOS4

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 1, 2011.

Mazel tov, mazel tov – it’s over. Finally, it’s over. The biggest merger since A&P took over Waldbaums in 1986. I’m talking, of course, of the wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, which, barring someone not forever holding their peace, happened Friday in England.

I have to say, I feel terrible. Not for the bride and groom; he’s rich, she’s hot – they’re set for life. No, I feel bad for the morning TV news shows. What will they talk about now that they have to send their cameras back across the Atlantic? How will they fill twenty minutes out of every half hour if they can’t stop English people on the street and say, “Hey, aren’t you excited?” If they’re not careful, these news programs are gonna have to resort to something drastic – like reporting news.

I know, I’m being a killjoy. But find me a Jew who isn’t!

More to the point, I do have mixed feelings about the overdose of media coverage for what is, at its core, a simple ceremony between a man and a woman. Or, if you’re in Massachusetts, a man and a man. Or if you’re in Rhode Island, a woman and a woman…which is my favorite. But turning this semi-sacred ritual into an international media circus rankles, mainly because so much pomp and circumstance and money is frittered away on a one-time event.

Pundits have said the marriage of Billy and Kate is just another distraction, a shiny bauble that hypnotizes us into briefly forgetting just how screwed we are by every corporation in the world. It’s the media saying – “Don’t look at that gas pump with five dollars a gallon on it; look at Buckingham Palace with the horses, pretty horses. What? You’re worried that your home value just depreciated another ten percent? Come watch a princess shop for a dress that’s 30 times the value of your house! Doesn’t that make you feel better?”

Now, I’m not saying there aren’t positives about the whole marital megilla. Certainly England is getting tons of tourism and free publicity, and part-time jobs for people willing to stand on street corners and hawk souvenirs that say, “He gets to bone her in the Palace, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

And I will also say that while the wedding is definitely a mindless distraction, it’s also happy news. How much of that do we get? Every day it’s Syria this and Democrats-versus-Republicans that, and a fire in the foothills and a serial rapist in the suburbs, and Tokyo melting down and Charlie Sheen melting down, and cancer victims throwing up and glaciers thawing out until you just wanna pack it in.

So for once, we get a big, bright, beautiful happening: a ritual that upholds tradition while giving everyone a parade and a party. Two nice young kids, the gorgeousness of London, and the old woman can die now, she has an heir – it’s all good.

So while the temptation is to be a sourpuss and go, “millions of people are homeless and starving, and these bluebloods are eating cake; the reality is, people are gonna be homeless and starving no matter what, and a few hours of nuptial noodling isn’t gonna make a farthing’s worth of difference.”

And hey, for those of you who are really jealous of the prince and princess and their billion-dollar wedding just remember: They had one of these 30 years ago – and we all know how that turned out. Let’s just hope this time, when the princess gets slammed in the tunnel, it’s only a metaphor.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches, in Great Neck, NY. To the happy couple, L’chaim!

—> https://youtu.be/2ZGSzxPDOS4

—> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=30747

Dave’s Gone By #353 (5/7/2011): RACK AND RUANE

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Here is the 353rd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, May 7, 2011. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: editor Benjamin Welch (UNC Mirror) and author John Ruane, radio host Bob Cudmore

Featuring: Dave chats with college newspaper editor Benjamin Welch and political pundit John Ruane (“The Wizards of Spin”). Plus: Inside Broadway (news, nominations & reviews), Saturday Segue (mother songs), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (mothers), Dave’s appearance on WVTL’s “Coffee with Bob Cudmore,” and Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on the death of Osama bin Laden.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:08:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Osama
00:22:30 GUEST: Benjamin Welch
00:45:30 DAVE on “Coffee with Cudmore” w/ Bob Cudmore (WVTL-AM 1570, taped 5/3/11)
00:58:00 INSIDE BROADWAY, pt. 1 – Tony Nominations
01:14:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (mothers)
01:40:00 GUEST: John Ruane
02:30:30 Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection – Dead! Dead! Dead!
02:40:00 INSIDE BROADWAY, pt. 2 – Obits (02:40:00) & Reviews (Potato Needs a Bath (02:52:00) & War Horse (02:55:30)
03:04:30 SATURDAY SEGUE: Mothers
03:17:30 Friends & Thank Yous
03:23:00 DAVE GOES OUT

May 7, 2011 Playlist: (part one) “Gimme Some Truth” (00:18:00; John Lennon); “Ain’t That News” (00:43:30; Tom Paxton); “Tell Me, Momma” (01:14:30), “Mama, You Been on My Mind” (w/ Joan Baez; 01:19:30), “Shake Shake Mama” (01:22:30), “Tough Mama” (01:26:00); “Call Letter Blues” (01:30:00) & “Clothes Line Saga” (01:34:30; Bob Dylan); “Turn on the News” (02:26:00; Husker Du); “Small World” (02:37:00; Gypsy 1959 Bway cast w/ Ethel Merman); “A Fact Can Be a Beautiful Thing” (02:48:00; Promises, Promises, 1968 Bway cast w/ Jerry Orbach & Marian Mercer); “Your Mother Should Know” (03:04:30; rehearsal version); “Your Mother’s Here to Stay” (03:07:30; Allan Sherman); “Mother” (03:10:00; Tiny Tim); “Mother Dear” (03:12:30; The Divine Comedy); “What Would My Mama Say” (Roger Miller; 03:24:30).

Pictured from top: John Ruane, UNC Mirror newspaper, Osama bin Laden, 2011 staff of the UNC Mirror (Dave – front row, second from left; Benjamin Welch – back row, third from right), Bob Cudmore, Tony Award, John Ruane’s “The Wizards of Spin,” War Horse, Shona Reppe in Potato Needs a Bath.