Rabbi Sol Solomon’s celebrity interviews, Rabbinical Reflections (sermons), songs, and other appearances on the show.
INDEX: http://davesgoneby.net/?p=25407
Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews actress Julie Halston
Topics include: Charles Busch, Classical Julie, Vampire Lesbians of Sodom.
Segment originally aired March 16, 2013 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2013 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #60 (3/10/2013): Whose Line Returns
Aired March 9, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/Yhyv7lhIT6E
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of March 10th, 2013.
A bit of happy, wonderful news from the world of television: “Whose Line is it Anyway” is coming back for a summer run. That delightful show, where improvisers take suggestions from people and do crazy things with them – kind of like Congress – it’s been off the air for six years. Even though reruns make it feel like it was just last Wednesday.
Still, the CW Network, which is co-owned by CBS and Warner Brothers – CW – that’s how they got their initials – did you know that? It’s a good thing it wasn’t Fox and Universal. Anyhoo, they’ll be airing the brand-new season of “Whose Line is it Anyway.” And it’ll be just like old times. Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie and Wayne Brady will all be back to do their thing. Which means Ryan will be genius, Colin will be bald, and Brady won’t be that funny but he can sing the phone book and shake his tush for the ladies.
Drew Carey will not be back to host, and let’s face it, that’s a blessing. He meant well, but he was the weak link when he was in scenes. And when he wasn’t, the camera would spend half the program showing him laughing instead of showing us what he was laughing at. If I wanna spend a half hour watching someone giggle like an idiot, I’ll go visit my uncle Brian in the mental home. And the tragic part is he works there in personnel. But I digress.
For all its flaws, “Whose Line is it Anyway” was an oasis of old-fashioned entertainment. And by old-fashioned, I don’t mean like barbershop quartets and public hangings. I mean simple, live-by-your-wits live performance. Look around: all the sitcoms now are shot like movies, all the movies look like video games, and all the video games look like the end of the world. “Whose Line” is just four brave souls and a piano-playing lesbian. How can you beat it?
I admit, I have had my secret dreams of being part of an improv troupe. I’m quick-thinking, I’m funny, I can imitate noises. Here, listen, listen: shhhhhhh – that’s a shower. Shhhhhhhhhh. Not bad, right. Sssssssssssss. That’s a bicycle tire running out of air. Or my Cousin Velvel pishing his pants. See? My talents are protean.
I can also spin comic monologues out of thin air. Here, wait wait. Okay. Hi, my name’s Rabbi Sol. Great to be here. Hey . . . how about those . . . sports teams. You ever notice how they, uh, play sports? One time I met a friend, he was going off to play tennis – no wait, softball. I was like, “Hey, friend. Where you going?” And he’s like, (different voice) “I’m going to play softball.” And I’m, like, (different voice) “Why” – no, wait, that’s his voice. I’m like, “Why?” And he says, (different voice) “Because I like it. Football’s too dangerous.” And then he hurts himself. See? My stories have an arc!
But I know improvisation is really about the other person, working with your partner to create magic. So let’s do this. You say something funny, and I’ll build on it. Go ahead: Uh huh, yes, and . . . Yes, and . . . Yes and . . . And how long have you been a gynecologist? The ostrich farm. Aaaand scene.
Of course, to be on a show like “Whose Line is it Anyway,” you also have to be musical. You have to take a topic and instantly fashion it into a song. I can do that! Here: Doi doi doi doi-doi-doi-doi-doi-doi-doi. I went to the synagogue to pray to HaShem. There were many people there, I said hello to them. They threw me on the beemah and started feeling up my crotch. And when it was over I was missing my tallis and my watch. My tallis, my wallet, and my watch. Yeah!
CW, you have my resume. I’m sure the show will be great as it is, but there’s always room for . . . improv-ment.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. You may now read the Talmud in the style of your own devising.
Segment originally aired March 9, 2013 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2013 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #59 (3/3/2013): Disappearing Delis
Aired March 2, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/dXEmeT2NOd8
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of March 3rd, 2013.
Oh, woe is me. Woe are all of us. There was a story in the Los Angeles Times this week about the decline of the Jewish deli in American life. The story bemoaned the closing of the 50-year-old Junior’s Deli in L.A., and the 75-year-old Stage Deli in New York. There used to be thousands of delicatessens in Manhattan, now there are dozens. And delis are being deleted from other major cities, too.
Why is this? All sorts of reasons. Changing demographics, the generation that grew up feasting on tubes of salami is now eating through a tube, and the younger people have so many choices of where to eat and what to eat. It’s hard to blame them when they don’t go for the old pickles-on-the-table, toothpick-in-the-brisket standbys. Also not helping is our so-called health consciousness, which sees fatty meat and red meat and cured meat and smoked meat as the four horsemeats of the apocalypse. Oh sure, McDonald’s and Burger King aren’t exactly dishing out broccoli quinoa, but you can buy a happy meal for five dollars. Try finding a heaping brisket sandwich for less than a sawbuck.
Deli owners complain they have to increase prices because food costs keep rising, rent goes up, and insurance is through the roof. Which, if you figure every third person in a Jewish deli is a candidate for a bypass or old enough for a plot in Baron Hirsch, you can see why.
Some delicatessens are going with the flow. They’re serving egg-white omelettes, they’re offering Cajun burgers, they’re doing paninis instead of blinis. The co-owner of Canter’s restaurant told the L.A. Times, “You don’t need to just have rye bread and pastrami to have a deli sandwich.” I agree. You also need Russian dressing and potato salad.
Yet we have to endure stories about delis in San Francisco bringing in homemade sodas and drinks – and removing Dr. Browns. A deli without Dr. Brown’s cream or black cherry soda? Is the world truly coming to an end? My God, Dr. Brown’s are the people who made a soda out of celery. The single most useless, hated vegetable on earth, and some genius at Dr. Brown’s made a delicious – well, tolerable – carbonated beverage out of it. And they say deli’s not health food. Pooey!
Look, I understand the need to change with the times, but you don’t fix what isn’t broken, and a good pastrami sandwich, cut thick, on fresh rye, with a shtickel of red pepper, is going to outlast doomsday – let alone garden burgers and tofu chicken. Things are cyclical, and just the way Yiddish has been brought back around by a new generation of Orthodox Jews, and just like record albums are selling again thanks to audiophiles and scary black people, I believe the virtues of an old-fashioned Jewish deli are bound to rebound in the public imagination. Much the way a chopped-liver sandwich ricochets from your stomach to your heart to your throat to your intestines to your eyes. You eat it once, you’re still eating it three days later – that’s value!
So let us not yet say kaddish for kishke and hymns for Hebrew National. Let us hope that owners of Jewish and Kosher delis – which are not the same, by the way. If someone hands you a corned beef on white toast with Swiss cheese over it, you’re probably not in a kosher establishment. If somebody hands you a pastrami with ham over it, you’re probably in hell. But either way, let us hope the deli owners find a way to keep prices down, quality up, hot dogs on the grill, pickles on the dill, kasha and knishes, herring and whitefishes, Cel-Ray in our glasses, and cellulite on our asses.
Anyone who has a belly knows the beauty of a deli.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with actor and singer Chuck Muckle.
Topics include: At Wit’s End, Oscar Levant, Robert Goulet, John Astin.
Segment originally aired March 2, 2013 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2013 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with mime artist Avner Eisenberg (aka “Avner the Eccentric”).
Topics include: “Exceptions to Gravity” returns to NY, The Jewel of the Nile, Woody Allen, Jacques LeCoq, Marcel Marceau, Maine.
Segment originally aired March 2, 2013 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2013 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #58 (2/24/2013): More Purim Jokes
aired February 23, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/e9ICds0fO8k
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 24th, 2013.
Happy Purim everybody! A wonderful day on the Jewish calendar where we give thanks that we weren’t all killed by Persians a couple of thousand years ago. We celebrate by reading the book of Esther, giving shalach manos – which is a charitable donation of food and snacks to people we care about. We celebrate by putting on costumes, getting drunk, and, in certain areas of the world, watching Nascar.
I like to celebrate by spreading laughter, by telling a joke or two, and then explaining the joke for people who are too shikkered up on Kedem to get the punchlines. Or, more importantly, the moral.
Let’s begin with the tale of three sons, nice grown Jewish boys, all of them successful abroad, all of them forever trying to impress their mama back in Brooklyn.
They meet for lunch in London, and the oldest son, Moishe, says, “I built mama a three-story house near Prospect Park. She just moved in last week.”
The second boy, Yitzchak, says, “Well, I bought mama a brand-new Mercedes with a round-the-clock driver to take her anywhere she wants to go.”
Avi, the youngest son, says, “I’m the only one who’s really thinking of mom’s needs. I bought her a parrot!”
“A parrot?” the other two go. “What are you meshuggeh?”
“Not at all,” says Avi. “Mama’s a widow, she’s lonely. I got her a beautiful parrot that is also brilliant. I spent thousands of dollars getting language teachers to teach the bird English, Hebrew and Yiddish. And then I paid a Rabbi even more money to help the parrot memorize all five books of the Torah, so whenever mama wants, he can recite.”
Just at that moment, Moishe’s cellphone rings, and it’s mama on the phone. He puts her on speaker and says, “Mama we’re all here. How do you like our gifts?”
And the old woman’s voice comes out the phone and says, “Well, to be honest, the house is very nice, Moishe, but it’s so big. I can’t deal with the cleaning, and I get lost from room to room. I think I’ll move back to my apartment.”
Moishe sighs and hands the phone to his brother. “Yitzchack,” the mother says, “I know you mean well, but a German car? And that driver, he never shuts up. Really, I’d rather walk.”
Yitzchak deflates and hands the phone to the third brother. “Avi, my youngest,” the mama says. “Thank you! Thank you! What a perfect gift! The chicken was delicious!”
We have all heard the old adage, “It’s the thought that counts.” It’s not how much money it costs or how puffed up you feel by making an impression. It’s trying to please the person you are gifting. You could buy a $200 pair of Nikes, but if you give them to Oscar Pistorius, what’s the point? Of course, if you gave him a Smith-Wesson, that he might have use for.
A studious but poor young Rebbe would sit in the backyard of his little shul and ponder and ponder and ask questions of God. This went on for months, years, until one day, HaShem decides to make it a conversation.
“I’m here,” He says, “What do you wanna know?”
“Well,” says the Rebbe, “I’ve been thinking about the nature of time. For example, what is a million years to you?”
God says, “You’re a human. A million years to you is just one second to me.”
The Rabbi thinks a little bit and says, “What about money? What is a million dollars to you?”
“Ha!” God laughs, He says, “a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It’s a pittance.”
“In that case,” the Rabbi says, “can I have a million dollars?”
“Sure,” says God, “in a second.”
If there’s one thing that Jews seem to know better than almost any other religion is that God, if He exists, follows His own rules and principles. We can assuage him with prayers and good deeds, we can interpret the Torah six ways to Shabbos, but really, HaShem does what He does, and we all follow furtively along. Like storm chasers. Get too near the tornado, you’ve got the Tower of Babel; stray too far from the tornado, and you wander for forty years. So the best bet is to pursue God with a lot of awe, a little fear, and a good pair of binoculars.
Last joke: What’s the difference between an Orthodox Jewish wedding, a Conservative wedding, a Reform wedding and a Reconstructionist wedding?
Simple. In an Orthodox wedding, the bride’s mother is pregnant. In a Conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant. A Reform wedding, the Rabbi is pregnant. And in Reconstructionist, both brides are pregnant.
What I love about this joke is that despite the mockery, it embraces all the different strands of Jewish practice. You don’t have to wear a fur hat and payes – especially if you’re a woman. Or if modern ways are a little too modern, you can create the niche of Jewish custom that works for you. So, if you want to celebrate Purim by going to synagogue and singing and hearing the megillah, great! If you don’t observe Purim at all, but you’re a good person and Jewish in your heart, also great. And if you’re somewhere in the middle, but you wanna send me some shalach manos – prune is my favorite, though the apricot isn’t bad.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. Purim Sameach!
Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with author and Hollywood expert Stephen Schochet.
Topics include: Hollywood stories, film, movie stars.
Segment originally aired Sept. 22, 2012 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2013 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #57 (2/17/2013): Pope Benedict Retires
aired February 16th, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/H3KYHpwGAFs
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 17th, 2013.
Big news for goyim this week when Joseph Ratzinger – aka Pope Benedict the 16th – announced that he would be stepping down from his Popery at the end of the month. It’s an unusual step, since most Popes either die in office or quit to take on consulting work in the fashion industry. But Pope Benedict felt that both his mind and body were starting to go, so rather than decline into a senile figurehead, he’s gracefully bowing out so the cardinals can groom someone else for the most important job in all Christendom. Well, apart from being CEO of Hobby Lobby.
In his eight years of Popeing, Benedict has racked up a decidedly mixed record. To be fair, he had a hard act to follow. In 2005, he succeeded Pope John Paul II, who not only traveled extensively but won the Miss Congeniality pageant four out of the seven years he entered. Following Pope JPII is like coming after Jimi Hendrix at Monterey; you can either burn two guitars and play a third with your shmeckel, or you go the other way, hang back, do your thing, and try to make your own little contribution while half the crowd is stumbling to the concession stands.
Let us also not forget that Pope Benedict did not exactly have the saintliest early life. He was a German. In the `30s. So when he was 14 years old, he was forced to join the Hitler Youth. He wasn’t crazy about it, but he didn’t exactly take a martyr’s stand against it, either. Two years later, he was a soldier in the German air force and then the infantry. Again, he wasn’t thrilled to be there, but tell that to any western allies he flew over or shot at. Then, when the war was all but over, he deserts and runs home. Interesting qualifications for being the holiest man in the world and spiritual guide to millions: be part of the most racist, homicidal regime in history, fight and be ready to kill for that country, and when the going gets rough, escape and be a traitor. In the same shoes, would I have had the moral fiber to be any different? Probably not, but I’m not Pope.
Nor am I likely to be. My application for the open position has already been rejected, they say because I don’t have Quark Express, but ehhh… I think it’s anti-Semitism.
Anyhoo, once he became Pope, no question, Benedict had the courage of his convictions. He was a conservative who believed in sticking with time-honored traditions and pulling Catholicism back from what he perceived to be a hastening secularized decay. When a religion is 2000 years old, there’s a comfort in that – hearing the Latin, upholding the old guard, knowing that the geezer charge has more in common with a monk from the 1200s than with a slacker from 2012. I compare it to the ultra-Orthodox Jews you see at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem every day. They’re incredibly insular and right wing, and they believe the bible word for word, and anything new you throw at them is so terrifying, they shrink into their black coats like potato bugs curling up into a ball. But they’re also a link to the past that would be really sad to lose. They’re out there being perfect so the rest of us don’t have to.
Except, nobody’s perfect. And Pope Benedict’s back-to-the-dark-ages position on certain issues isn’t even close. Women priests? No way. Abortion? No, but no surprise there. Same-sex marriage? He likened it to anarchy and called it “contrary to human love.” Because a celibate ex-Nazi is certainly my go-to expert on love and matrimony.
He did better, much better, on Jewish matters, making sure to renounce the whole “Jews killed Jesus” thing and visiting Auschwitz in 2012 – and not just to reminisce with old classmates and relatives. He did restore to the liturgy a Latin prayer that had a part in it about making sure to convert the Jews. But they cut that line years ago. I think they replaced it with some lyrics from Led Zeppelin IV. And when it’s come to Israel and the Arabs, Benedict has tried to be even-handed and a champion of peace, which is exactly what you’d want and expect from the Pope. He also pissed off the Arabs when he audaciously mentioned that Islam doesn’t exactly have a peaceful reputation. That’s about as self-evident as saying Paulie Shore movies don’t reach the level of high art – but when the Pope says it, it’s news.
Did Benedict do too little, too laity about all those pedophile priests? Of course! Heck, as a Cardinal, he was as guilty as anyone of hushing things up and making sure all the horrors stayed inside the church. Heaven forbid they should get in the clutches of such pesky outsiders as police and courts and the public’s right to know. But ultimately, the biggest disappointment about Pope Benedict is the hypocrisy that I’m sure he doesn’t even see. He’s willing to leap into the modern era with a Facebook page and Twitter tweets, and he’s the first Pope in 600 years to step down instead of drop dead. So why is he willing to break those traditions, yet making the church evolve in its stance on women and gays and embryos – that would be heresy.
When all is said and done, the real story of Pope Benedict is that he’s a smart guy whose career was spent either saving his skin or salvaging the status quo. If the Nazis come, salute; if they put you in a uniform, fight; if they lose, run; if your colleagues are shtupping little boys, juggle; if you say something risky, backpedal; but if the world turns forward, stand still.
The Vatican has an opportunity now to turn the corner. They can get a Pope from Africa, or Latin America, or Passaic. They can elect a guy who’ll separate important moral principles from stuff that’s been done just because it’s always been done. I’m not expecting to see Catholicism suddenly embrace pro-choice rallies, lady priests and gay honeymoons – but why not? If a black man can become president, and a Hitler Youth can be Pope, and Honey BooBoo can be a TV star, anything can happen.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. Dominus vobiscum, zie gezundt.
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #56 (2/10/2013): Valentine’s Day
aired February 9th, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/yK-2Mmg9-yk
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 10th, 2013.
Would you be my Valentine? Actually, you’re wise if you wouldn’t. St. Valentine, upon whom the Valentine’s Day holiday is kind of, sort of, not exactly really based, was a possibly apocryphal figure – well, all the saints were apocryphal to Yids like me. But if you’re a goy, and you believe in such stories, St. Valentine was one of two things: He was either a composite of a couple of different saints because he was so undistinguished as a saint himself. Or he was a good guy, a hard-working believer – who was clubbed to death and martyred on February 14th. Either way, who the hell wants to be him?
As for Valentine’s Day itself, very likely it was the Catholic Church’s response to a pagan celebration – the feast of Lupercal. Personally, I think Sustacal and Metrecal are more slimming. But the point is, the church couldn’t have some idolatrous holiday interfering with their practice, so like Halloween and Christmas, they morphed the comical into something canonical.
How did hearts and cupids and $180 Zales receipts creep into it? I have no idea, but I’m glad they did, because it makes Valentine’s Day a holiday everyone can celebrate. That human beings need an excuse to express affection is a sad thing. But if one day of the year, you can turn to your partner or spouse or well-paid escort and say, “I love you. Thank you for all you bring to my life. Please pick up some rye bread on the way home.” That’s a beautiful thing.
I realize that for those who are alone and lonely, Valentine’s can be a hollow holiday indeed. Seeing all those Hallmark cards in the Rite Aid, watching couples on the street holding hands, watching couples in porn holding glands, and finding 2-for-1 restaurant coupons in the Sunday paper, then wondering if it’s worth the embarrassment to go solo and put the second entrée in a doggie bag.
My single friends, I feel your pain. It’s just below the ribcage and spasms uncontrollably, but it’s okay, I’m on medication. The solution for everyone is to not look at Valentine’s Day as just for romantic couples. It’s for everyone who has loved you or you have loved in the course of your travels: family, neighbors, pets, inflatable dolls with lifelike genitalia. As Stephen Stills once put it, “Love the one you’re with.” Just make sure you have warm towels and a disinfectant.
And let us not forget that Valentine’s Day now has a whole other context thanks to The Vagina Monologues. Eve Ensler’s play about women and their nether parts became a global phenomenon. And now, February 14th is a day to protest violence and abuse against women, for women themselves to take pride in their achievements, and, of course, for us all to pay tribute to those hairy little pusselehs.
So let this and every Valentine’s Day be not just about $70 restaurants and 7-11 roses, but mutual appreciation. A day of smiles, and hugs, and thank yous and vaginas. If you’re lucky, not necessarily in that order.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with author and Hollywood expert Stephen Schochet.