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Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #24 (9/24/2011): Statehood?

click above to listen (audio file)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #24 (9/24/2011): Statehood?

aired Sept. 24, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube Clip: https://youtu.be/TLOkZL4hvOY

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of September 25th, 2011.

So the Palestinians want a state. Whoopdeefreakin’-doo. All these years of fighting Israel, blowing up restaurants in Israel, sabotaging peace talks with Israel – and all they wanted all along was to BE Israel. Of course, they have to have THEIR Israel inside the current Israel, which is why Obama and Bibi Netanyahu are telling them where they can stick their kebabs.

I have nothing against the Palestinians having a state of their own. Besides their usual state of confusion. They can have a homeland in Jordan, they can have one in Saudi Arabia. Even Turkey can throw `em a few kilometers. Why does it have to be in Israel? Israel is 10,000 square miles; the rest of the middle east is 8.6 million square miles. It’s like Walmart coming to town and saying, “We could build our superstore in that huge abandoned parking lot, but we’d rather squeeze it into your kitchen.”

What people forget is that in the 1920s, when England was controlling Palestine, the Arabs were offered half of it. They turned it down because they didn’t want to share it with Jews. In 1947, they turned down a two-state solution for the same reason. A year later, Israel became a nation, the Arabs attacked, and their turbans have been soaked in blood ever since.

So suddenly, they turn to the United Nations – which has been sucking the shmeckel of the Arabs for six decades – and the Palestinians say, “Declare us a state.” They don’t say where, they don’t say how. If there’s Jews on it, that’s where they want to be.

In the 63 years since Israel came to be, what have the Arabs done to prove that they can co-exist side by side with Jews? Or any living thing, for that matter? 9/11, Lockerbie, bombings in Gaza, the Yom Kippur War, the Munich Olympics, the London subways. What a record of accomplishment!

So here’s my idea for the Palestinians – they should all go to the zoo. No, really. Bring them to the biggest zoo in Lebanon with lots of land and food and vegetation. Then partition the zoo so that the Arabs have half of it and the lions and tigers and bears have the other half. Just make sure to put up signs around the zoo that say: “Caution! Wild and Vicious Animals.” It’s only fair to warn the lions, tigers and bears.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches. Shana Tovah!

—> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=30007

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #23 (9/17/2011): Ten Years

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #23 (9/17/2011): Ten Years

aired Sept. 17, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koxCrkPZuM8

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of September 11th, 2011.

Boy, just hearing that date gets you in the kishkes, doesn’t it? September 11th 2011. Somehow that just sounds more meaningful than September 11th 2009 or September 11th 2003 – even though more time has passed. I suppose a ten-year anniversary makes you realize that, no matter what, life goes on, years pass; while at the same time, you recall how much younger you were a decade ago, and what an impact the event had on your life.

Ten years ago, Wall Street was destroyed, not by corruption from within – that came later – but by evil from without. Arabs, in airplanes, with box-cutters. How these scumpuppets were able to circumvent the FAA, the Air Force, the civil defense and any air-traffic controller with eyes remains a mystery greater than how Drakes gets that crème filling into Yodels. I mean, it’s all rolled up; how the hell do they do that?

Anyway, this week we’re hearing a lot of talk about closure. Ten years – it’s almost another generation. The world moves forward, the dead are not coming back, and, of course, we got Bin Laden. When the bullet sailed through his forehead, it made a satisfying parallel to those planes pushing through the buildings. As I mentioned in a previous Reflection, Osama’s death was a wonderful thing, but killing him kills him, not Jihad, not terrorism, not the memories.

As we all know, grief does not follow a time-table. Time heals wounds, but you never know when a scab will come off and start bleeding again. Looking at downtown Manhattan, remembering the 3000 victims, watching any movie that opens with a shot of that old New York City skyline – it all kicks up a sandstorm of memories.

And much as we all want mental therapy and ways to feel better about 9/11, let’s not go overboard making believe something good came out of the attacks. Nothing good came out of that. It was a nightmare; we suffered emotionally, financially, physically. Don’t be looking for feel-good post-mortems because how could there be a silver lining from such a thing? Well, maybe if one of those airplanes had the Kardashian family on it, but it would have to be the whole family, including Bruce Jenner, you know what I’m saying?

Seriously, though, at least there has finally been some progress rebuilding Ground Zero, and it is already possible to foresee a time when our children will think of 9/11 as “mom and dad’s Pearl Harbor Day,” rather than that day. Whether or not we fudged the endgame in Afghanistan, I’m glad we killed a lot of people there. Iraq may have been a blunder, but I’m glad we killed a lot of people there, too. God, I sound like a homicidal Andy Rooney.

On the other hand, they’re saying pretty soon we can once again go through airports keeping the shoes on our feet. Why? Because those feet kicked some ass.

Somewhere, in hell, there’s a dozen Arabs being mocked and brutalized by 72 appallingly ugly virgins, all of them holding box cutters in one hand and Moslem shmeckels in the other. Happy goddamn anniversary.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=30015

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #16 (5/14/2011): Israel’s Birthday

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #16 (5/14/2011): Israel’s Birthday

(Aired May 14, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8SWeaSKKVY)

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 14th, 2011.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Israel –

You adorable 63-year-old country, you –

You-bastion-of-democracy-in-the-middle-of-Muslim-lunatics, you –

You military marvel even though you’re surrounded by enemies always attacking you, you –

Happy birthday to you!

This past Tuesday, May 10th, marked the Israeli holiday of Yom Ha’atzma’ut – Independence Day! The day back in 1948 that Israel told the United Kingdom, “Thanks for looking after the place for a few years. But, really, it’s time for you to go. We’re a big little country; we can take care of ourselves.”

And do that they have. From the minute Israel booted out the English protectorate, the Arabs attacked. They attacked in 1948, they attacked in 1956, they attacked in 1967, they attacked in 1973 – on Yom Kippur, yet. In 1978, PLO terrorists kept attacking, so in 1982, we attacked. Was nice for a change.

Each time, with the admitted help of American money and missiles, Israel kicked tuchas. All the while, we built schools, farms, hotels, theaters, falafel stands, high-class brothels – don’t ask me how I know about that last one.

Despite having to dump six percent of its gross national product into the military every year, Israel thrives. Despite Jihad rockets launched into Gaza, and threats from charming neighbors like Syria, Lebanon, Libya and Iran, Israel thrives. Despite occasional rotten oranges, like that former Israeli president who raped a girl – (please, Israeli women are loose enough, you don’t have to go raping them. Don’t ask me how I know about that) – despite all that, Israel thrives.

So now we hear that Hamas, the Palestinian party that governs the Gaza strip, has made peace with its old enemy, Fatah, the reincarnated version of the PLO. What kind of names are those anyway? Sounds like you’re coughing up phlegm: Chhhhamas.. F’tah!

For years, these two organizations did what most Arabs have tended to do: hate and kill each other. Ahh, the good old days! But now they’ve made peace…not with Israel, but among themselves, so they can gang up in Israel. Isn’t diplomacy wonderful?

In fact, it works so well that America’s chief envoy to the middle east just resigned. He gave up. After two years of begging for a two-state solution, from a two-terrorist problem. Now, since the death of Yasser Arafat – who should rot in gehenna with scorpions laying eggs in his anus – Fatah has appeared more moderate. Leader Mahmoud Abbas gave indications he might actually work with Israel and the United States to make something decent happen.

But now he’s joined forces with Hamas, aka the Islamic Resistance Movement, aka the kinds of people who think 9/11 was a lucky number. These are the Jihadists, the suicide bombers, the type of folks who could watch an entire episode of Family Guy without one giggle. In other words, terrorist scum.

But hey, Israel has negotiated with bloodthirsty mongrels before. We just wear gloves.

All it would take this time is for Hamas to say two little words: Israel Exists. That’s it. Acknowledge to the world that Israel is a sovereign country that has a right to be exactly where it is. You wanna have a laugh? Go look on google for maps of the Middle East. Do it. I’ll wait.

Okay, if you get a regular website run by normal people, you see little Israel and the rest of the Arab world. Now check ANY Arab-run website. The same map will not even have the name “Israel” on it. It’s either blank or called Palestine. It’s not Palestine, you Bedouin schmucks, it’s Israel – live with it. So we can finally live with you.

You know, I hate Germany. Germany turned a bunch of my ancestors into fertilizer. But I don’t look at a map of Western Europe and go, “Hey, what’s that blue thing between Poland and Belgium? Maybe if I close my eyes, it will go away. Ohhp, no.. still there.”

Israel will talk about two states, the west bank, the Golan Heights – all the land we won fair and square in the Six Day War. We will even listen to ideas about carving up Jerusalem – we’ll listen, doesn’t mean we’ll do it.

But nothing happens – just as it hasn’t happened in 63 years – nothing happens until all the Arabs admit that we are here and here to stay.

Happy Birthday, Israel! Yes, we’re going to a party-party. Just not the Hamas-Fatah party.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches.

Dave’s Gone By #320 (11/14/2009): PRICE CHECK

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Here is the 320th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which debuted Nov. 14, 2009. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guests: Rabbi Sol Solomon (spiritual leader of Temple Sons of Bitches, Great Neck, NY) and radio personality Nina Price (San Francisco’s KFJC-FM).

Featuring: Dave chats with radio personality Nina Price (San Francisco’s KFJC-FM). Plus: Inside Broadway (The Royal Family, Forbidden Broadway), and Rabbi Sol Solomon offers his thoughts on the Fort Hood massacre.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:13:00 GUEST: Nina Price
00:49:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON – on Fort Hood
01:01:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (News (01:01:00) & Review – The Royal Family (01:07:00))
01:12:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Dave’s Gone By #181 (7/23/2006): HEZBOOMBAH!

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Here is the 181st episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio July 23 2006. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest: Rabbi Sol Solomon

Featuring: Dave and Rabbi Sol Solomon pick apart the Hezbollah and the situation in Lebanon.

00:00:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:08:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Hezbollah
00:35:00 DAVE GOES OFF – (for once) Go Bush!
00:45:00 SKIT: HezBoomBah! w/ Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Lebanon Top Ten
00:54:00 DAVE GOES OUT

July 23, 2006 Playlist: “Killing an Arab” (The Cure), “Neighborhood Bully” (Bob Dylan).

Dave’s Gone By #140 (9/1/2005): DEVIATED SEPTEM

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Here is the 140th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Sept. 1, 2005. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Featuring: Dave talks about his vacation and Goes Off on the oil situation. Plus: Inside Broadway Says Bye to playwright August Wilson.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – My Summer Vacation
00:32:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Oil
00:42:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – August Wilson
00:49:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Sept. 1, 2005 Playlist: “Mobutaba” & “On the Bayou” (Robert Klein), “September Cones” (Robyn Hitchcock).