The 57th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Feb. 20, 2016 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
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57.
Bob Dylan and Moby are touring together and stay overnight in upstate New York. In the morning, they decide to visit an apple orchard and pick fruit. They have a fabulous time until early afternoon, when Moby returns to his trailer to work on some music.
Dylan stays behind and takes a tour of the facilities—specifically where the owners bottle their homemade juice and cider. They love showing the rock star their warehouse and the giant outdoor drums where apples are turned into different beverages. So eager is Dylan to get a look at the inner workings of the equipment that he leans too far over a giant cider tub and falls in. The tub’s only a quarter full, so drowning’s not an issue, but it is gross because floating on the surface of the cider are all these tiny brown pellets.
“This is insect poop, isn’t it?” Dylan calls up to the workmen.
“How’d you know?” they yell back.
“This happened to me before, also in the northeast.”
“You’re right,” shout the workmen. “This time of year, we get infested with praying mantises, and they poop all over the place. Now hold on for a few minutes, and we’ll find a ladder to help you climb out.”
Dylan agrees, and while he’s waiting for the workmen to return, his cell phone rings.
“Bob!” says Moby on the phone. “We’re onstage in three hours. Where are you?”
“Well,” says Dylan, “remember what happened that time in Vermont with the apples and the insects?”
“Oh, no!,” says Moby. “You fell in the juice tub?”
“That’s right,” says Dylan. “I’m Stuck in Cider, Moby, with the Mantis Poos Again.”
