Here is the 16th Wretched Pun of Destiny, which aired on Dave’s Gone By, Dec. 13, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Segment aired as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program/podcast hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com * 16. Shalom, Dammit! this is Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches. I am proud to be an honorary guest reader for The Wretched Pun of Destiny:
In order to combat male-pattern baldness in Jewish men, the United Jewish Appeal recently set up a charity to buy wigs for bald fellows in need. Mendel Horowitz, bald since 30, immediately signs on and waits excitedly for his wig in the mail. When it arrives, he tears open the box but is dismayed to find a ratty, dirty-looking toupee that seems nothing like the smooth, beautiful wigs in the TV ads.
“Maybe it just needs to be washed,” shrugs Mendel. So he runs to the cupboard and grabs Tide laundry detergent, which he sprinkles liberally on the hairpiece. Much to his horror, the wig begins to separate, leaving a gaping hole down the center.
“Gevalt!” cries Mendel. “This is making things worse!”
He flips open the owner’s manual and calls the manufacturer’s 800 number. “Help!” Mendel shrieks into the phone. “I got this UJA wig from tzedakah, but it looked filthy, so I poured detergent on it, and now there’s a giant hole in the middle!”
“Don’t panic,” comes the reply from customer service, “this happens all the time when people use detergent instead of our special solvent. But it’s easy to fix. There’s a chemical in human saliva that pulls the hair together while disbursing the detergent.”
“Saliva?” says Mendel. “You mean I have to lick the wig to get the Tide detergent off? Ugh!”
“Well, you can lick it, or you can just use drool or spit.”
“Oh,” Mendel says, “that’s not so bad.” So he lays the hairpiece out on a table and gets to work. It’s an arduous job, but he makes the time go fast by singing a song he makes up on the spot. It goes: “I’m spittin’ on tzedakah toupee, washing the Tide hole away…”
click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 488th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Dec. 13, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with singer-songwriter Sophie B. Hawkins. Plus: Inside Broadway, Saturday Segues (Spike Jones, Keef), The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Wig), Greeley Crime Beat.
Guests: singer-songwriter Sophie B. Hawkins; Dave’s wife, Joyce Weil
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce Weil (Dog Toilet, Barefoot) 00:49:30 GREELEY CRIME BEAT 01:21:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Spike Jones 01:38:30 Sponsors 01:45:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:14:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Sophie B. Hawkins 03:33:00 Friends 03:45:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #16 w/ Rabbi Sol Solomon (Wig) 03:50:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (candles) 04:12:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Keith Richards 04:35:30 Weather 04:46:30 DAVE GOES OUT
Dec. 13, 2014 Playlist: “Siam” (01:24:30), “Red Wing” (01:27:00), “I’m Forever Blowing Bubble Gum” (01:29:30) & “People are Funnier than Anybody” (01:33:00; Spike Jones). “Brand New You” (02:07:00; 13 Broadway cast w/ Ariana Grande). “Right Beside You” (02:10:30), “Lose Your Way” (02:25:30), “Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover” (02:39:30), “As I Lay Me Down” (03:01:00) & “Georgia” (03:28:30; Sophie B. Hawkins). “Women Walking Wearing Wings” (03:43:00; Christine Lavin). “Subterranean Homesick Blues” (03:52:00) & “Black Diamond Bay” (04:03:00; Bob Dylan). “Love Minus Zero (No Limit)” (03:55:00; Joan Baez). “Gates of Eden” (03:57:30; Arlo Guthrie). “Happy” (04:16:30), “Thief in the Night” (04:19:30), “Little T&A” (04:24:30) & “Slipping Away” (04:28:00; The Rolling Stones). “How I Spent My Fall Vacation” (04:39:00; Bruce Cockburn).
Sophie B. Hawkinsdog on a toiletSpike JonesKeith Richards
Segment scheduled to air Dec. 6, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
The 15th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Dec. 6, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 15. The head of Milwaukee’s restaurant bureau was in the hospital recovering from a heart attack.
He didn’t mind the downtime until he heard that a big Hollywood movie was coming to town, and he felt awful that he couldn’t escort the stars to the best restaurants the way he usually did. He begged his doctors, “Please, let me bring them to my favorite places!” But the doctors said, “No, you’re not ready.” “Please!” he said. “It’s George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Bill Murray, Laura Dern — I’ll sleep the whole rest of the day, just let me do my celebrity restaurant tours; it’s what we’re known for!”
He begged and pleaded until finally, against their better judgment, the doctors gave in and let him take the movie stars to dinner. He took George Clooney to a French bistro. He took Julia Roberts to the best Mexican place. He brought Bill Murray to a great burger joint. And everything was fine until the last day, when he collapsed in the delicatessen where he had taken Laura Dern for beer and brats.
The coroner held a press conference, and reporters asked him if the doctors were negligent for allowing the guy to resume the tour. “No, said the coroner, “They checked on him every day, and he was doing great. But then he took a Dern for the wurst.”
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 487th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Dec. 6, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with film expert Nan Bauer(Nanettesfeast.com). Plus: Dave and his wife Joyce go Inside Broadway (Peter Pan). Also: Saturday Segues (Waits & Sinatra, Jim Morrison), Dylan – Sooner & Later (Beacon), The Wretched Pun of Destiny, Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection on Bill Cosby, and the brand-new segment, “Greeley Crime Beat.”
Guest Co-Host: Dave’s wife Joyce Weil
Guest: Film expert Nan Bauer.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN (k-cups) 00:13:00 GREELEY CRIME BEAT 00:35:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN 00:55:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Jim Morrison 01:15:00 Sponsors 01:23:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (news (01:23:30), Peter Pan on TV (01:42:30)) 02:05:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Nan Bauer 03:13:30 Friends 03:20:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #15 (Restaurants) 03:23:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Beacon) 03:48:30 DAVE GOES OFF – Bill Cosby 04:00:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #112 – Bill Cosby 04:07:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Tom Waits & Frank Sinatra 04:39:30 Weather 04:43:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Dec. 6, 2014 Playlist: “Midtown” (00:13:00), “Warm Beer and Cold Women” (04:12:30), “Barcarolle” (04:22:00), “How’s it Gonna End” (04:29:00) & “Lucky Day” (04:49:00; Tom Waits). “Back Door Man” (00:56:30), “I Looked at You” (01:00:00), “Hyacinth House” (01:02:30), “The Spy – Version 2” (01:05:30) & “Love Me Two Times” (01:09:00; The Doors). “I Gotta Crow (Reprise)” (01:42:30) & “Hook’s Waltz” (01:57:30; Peter Pan 1997 Broadway cast w/ Cathy Rigby & Paul Schoeffler). “Like in the Movies” (02:01:30; The Pretenders). “If You were in My Movie” (03:09:00; Suzanne Vega). “Things have Changed” (03:26:30), “Scarlet Town” (03:31:30), “She Belongs to Me” ({alternate take}; 03:38:30) & “Beyond Here Lies Nothin'” (03:42:00; Bob Dylan). “Come Rain or Come Shine” (04:18:00), “I See Your Face Before Me” (04:26:00) & “Old Devil Moon” (04:34:00; Frank Sinatra).
Nan BauerJim MorrisonTom WaitsFrank SinatraBill Cosby
Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews singer Baby Jane Dexter
Topics include: cabaret, depression, rape, AIDS.
Segment aired Nov. 29, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Sad Note: Our Friend of the Daverhood, Baby Jane Dexter, passed May 20, 2019.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
The 14th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Nov. 22, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 14. For his work on “30 Rock,” comedian Tracy Morgan was in London to be knighted by the queen. Unfortunately, right after the ceremony, Morgan begins suffering terrible maladies related to his near-fatal car accident.
They bring him to the Royal Hospital where he complains of dizziness and a burning sensation in his left hip.
The doctor examines Morgan for a few minutes and makes some brief notes on a chart, which he hands to the head nurse. But she stops him in the hall. “I’m sorry, doctor, but I don’t understand your notes,” she tells him.
The doctor says, “It’s simple. We put the patient in a spinning centrifuge to counteract his vertigo. Then we drain off some fluid from his hip to ease the inflammation. It’s all there on the chart.”
“Oh, now I get it!” gasps the nurse. “Spin Sir Tracy, and Catheter in Hip Burn.”
Here is the 486th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Nov. 29, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with singer Baby Jane Dexter. Plus: Saturday Segue (this week), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Real Live), The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Tracy Morgan).
Guests: singer Baby Jane Dexter, Dave’s wife, Joyce Weil
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce Weil (late start, Thanksgiving with Frendy, Paul Williams) 01:04:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – This Week 01:27:00 More with Dave & Joyce (auto-correct, Sting) 01:35:00 Sponsors 01:53:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Baby Jane Dexter 03:26:00 Friends 03:31:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #14 – Tracy Morgan 03:34:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Real Live) 03:54:30 Weather 03:57:30 DAVE GOES OUT
Nov. 29, 2014 Playlist: “Baby Jane” (00:45:00; Rod Stewart). “Jelly Roll Gum Drop” (01:07:30; Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention). “Everybody’s Wrong” (01:12:30; Buffalo Springfield). “Little Wing” (01:14:30; Jimi Hendrix). “Norwegian Wood” (01:17:00; The Beatles). “Gimme Shelter” (01:19:00; The Rolling Stones). “The Kids are All Right” (01:23:30; The Who). “I Got Thunder” (01:50:30), “You Really Got a Hold On Me” (02:11:30), “One Meatball” (02:25:00), “Chickie Chickie Chickie” (02:46:30), “Fifteen Ugly Minutes” (02:51:30), “Everybody Hurts” (03:16:00) & “Zing Went the Strings of My Heart” (04:02:00; Baby Jane Dexter). “Tombstone Blues” ({Real Live version}; 03:44:00), “License to Kill” ({Real Live version}; 03:45:30) & “Ballad of a Thin Man” ({Real Live version}; 03:49:00; Bob Dylan).
Baby Jane DexterWhatever Happened to Baby JaneStreemaDylan’s Real Live
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of November 23, 2014.
And here I was, all set to do a gentle sermon about Thanksgiving. How grateful we should all be for friends and co-workers and family — well, maybe not family — but for all the loving, helpful people in our lives. How we must be thankful to HaShem if we still have good health, functioning limbs, working brain cells, food on the table, a roof overhead — preferably one with a fiddler on it — a decent job, a couple of hobbies, a warm winter coat and a not-bad summer vacation.
Saying grace after every meal has never been my thing. What, I should sit there thanking God for his bounties, and by the time I’m finished, the food gets cold? No wonder goyim are so skinny; by the time they finish praying, their entrees are back in the microwave. Nevertheless, a couple of times a year, it’s good to remember that everything comes to us by the courtesy of God above and the hard work of our peers and forebears.
How lovely to offer a Rabbinical Reflection on such a spiritual and fraternal topic. However, the news this week forbids me from doing such a gentle, joyful sermon. I am, once again, detoured from being my usual snuggly marshmallow of delight into sounding like a vindictive, vituperative expounder of hate and revenge. Last Tuesday, two Palestinians armed with guns and meat cleavers burst into a Jerusalem synagogue and began firing and chopping. They murdered five people, including a policeman, three American Rabbis and an Orthodox Jewish Brit. For their troubles, the assassins, Ghassan Abu Jamal and his cousin, Oday Abu Jamal, were sent to martyrdom and their 72 ugly-ass virgins in the sky.
As an extra-punitive measure, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu then ordered that the killers’ houses be demolished. Honestly, I don’t know how upsetting that is to a dead terrorist. What’s he gonna say? “Aww, I was gonna make hummus tonight. No wait, I’m being shoveled into an unmarked grave. Gee, I’m gonna miss the sun room.”
Still, hurrah for any action by the Israeli government that warns Arabs we will not stand for such horrors as violence, murder and television programs featuring Jane Velez Mitchell. Let there be no doubt: bloodthirsty Palestinians may not storm into a temple in Yerushalayim and start executing people. Not unless it’s the high holy days and they bought a ticket.
Seriously, do you know why these terrorists embarked upon their rampage? Was it eye-for-an-eye revenge? Were they mad about Jews who went on a killing spree in the local Falafel Mart? No, because that didn’t happen. The Palestinians were irate because Jews have been visiting a holy site on the Temple Mount that the Arabs think should be off-limits to Hebrews. Doesn’t matter that Arabs in East Jerusalem can go anywhere they damn well please; Jews are forbidden from going where the Arabs don’t want them. Apparently, the penalty for trespassing in the Arab world is being hacked to death. Which makes sense, since the penalty for stealing is cutting off a hand, and the penalty for adultery is, well, let’s just call it extreme circumcision and leave it at that.
Following the synagogue attack, lame-duck President Obama is calling for peace and restraint on both sides, downplaying the savagery of the event and, as usual, doing nothing. Hey Barry! We had three Americans murdered by agents of a foreign regime. Isn’t that like, war, or something? I know the dead Rabbis weren’t black, but you could at least raise an eyebrow.
In the weeks ahead, you can bet your burqa Israel will do a lot more than snivel and call for moderation. There’ll be raids, roundups, demolitions and, alas, probably some vigilantism, too. I won’t deny that there’s a back-and-forth, you-did-this-so-I-do-that element to Israeli/Arab conflagrations. Remember last time? They killed those hitchhikers, so some misguided, hyped-up Israelis murdered some soccer-playing kids. Much as I hate the radical Arabs, killing innocent people is never an answer to anything. In fact, that’s what got us here. If the Palestinians would stop being terrorists, we’d stop being enemies. And if we stop being enemies, they can visit our synagogues, and we can be tourists at their shrines. And we’ll talk, and we’ll laugh, and we’ll bitch about the government, and we’ll share music and art and sports and do business deals, and food! We’ll sit down together with pastrami and goat and borscht and eggplant and kugel and yogurt, and we’ll watch TV, and we’ll fall asleep, and you know what we’ll call it? Thanksgiving.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews actor Chazz Palminteri
Topics include: A Bronx Tale, Yankees, theater, Bullets Over Broadway, Robert De Niro.
Segment aired Nov. 15, 2014 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
