Middle East – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Skit: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #154 (3/24/2018): DIMONALAND

Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #154 (3/24/18): DimonaLand

(aired March 24, 2018 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: https://youtu.be/azlmn6yQcSs)

Click above to listen (audio only)

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of March 25, 2018.

What does Israel really need? What’s missing from the land of milk and honey? Oh, some would say peace between Jews and Arabs. Others might suggest curing cancer or irrigating more of the Negev. But a couple of Rabbis have a different idea. They say what Israel needs most of all is a theme park.

No, I am not kidding. A story in the Jerusalem Post explains that entrepreneurs have been visiting Eretz Yisroel in the hopes of building a Jewish equivalent of Disney’s Magic Kingdom. In fact, planning is well under way for a 60-acre tourist attraction in the heart of Dimona—a city which, until now, was best known for housing the secret arsenal of Israel’s nuclear weapons. What better place to bring kids for a Hebraic vacation or, as I call it, Shlepcot.

The theme park will consist of five “worlds”: “World of Spirits, World of the Jewish Nation, World of Society, World of Time, and Oasis.” Someone got lazy with the last one, there. (Either that, or Noel Gallagher is really out of ideas.) But this is beautiful – Lea Malul, CEO of the project, told the Jerusalem Post, quote, “The park will have the same rides and the same layout as Disney World but with content. It will be 90% fun and 10% content.” Because God forbid Jews should have 100% fun at anything. No, always gotta make room for disappointment and boredom. Even at Passover, a happy holiday where we escaped from slavery and entered the holy land, we pour out 10 percent of our wine glasses. Why? Because Egyptians died, and we’re not supposed to celebrate too much. So now they’ll have a theme park where the last 10 seconds of the roller coaster slows down for a physics lesson.

But seriously, although the original idea for Shlepcot was put forward by a New Jersey Rabbi, the venue won’t be one of these biblical passion pageants. Nevertheless, it will promote Talmudic values. For example—and again, this is right from the Jerusalem Post—the popular Splash Mountain ride will include a theme of six work days and then, after the drop, a calm zone representing the day of rest. There’ll also be a People of the Book Roller Coaster. Which I guess means that Genesis and Exodus go really fast, and the last three books go two miles an hour and put you to sleep before Deuteronomy. They also might consider branding the long lines in the hot sun as representing 40 years in the desert, and making The Haunted Mansion Leona Helmsley’s old apartment.

If the project goes forward, developers expect the surrounding area to be built up with shopping malls, hotels—I’d say falafel stands are a good bet. More importantly, officials from Dimona hope to make that city an international destination. Said one official, quote, “Every year, four million cars pass by en route from Beersheba to Eilat. We want them stopping in Dimona.” What they don’t say is that the city was originally settled by North Africans and later got an influx of Russians. So the theme park will have both rhythm and fixed elections.

Here’s one more quote from Malul, the CEO: “Jewish history is mostly sad – with the Holocaust and so on.” I love that, `the Holocaust and so on.’ Like she’s browsing through a catalogue. But, she says, “this will be a unique way for Jewish values and learning to become fun.” Well, 90 percent fun.

Most promising is the idea that this park will not have Mickey Mouse or Goofy but “alternative characters who will represent the heroes of tomorrow,” unquote. One can only imagine: Ephraim, the plucky lizard. Stingy Duck. Winnie the Jooh. Captain Shnook. Shmuella DeVille. Shimon E. Cricket. And of course, Lilo and Stitch, the stitch being part of grandpa’s hernia operation. And I guess you need seven dwarf-equivalents: Yitzi, Chaiki, Shloimi, Rivki, Doc (who is a Jewish doctor), Gassy, and Grumpy because, let’s face it, Grumpy was always the Jewish one anyway.

Jokes aside, I am all for anything that brings joy and tourism to Dimona. And if some shmegegge employee accidentally pushes the wrong button, and instead of starting the Magic Carpet ride blows up half of Lebanon? Well, that would sure be worth the price of an E-Ticket.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches, in Great Neck, New York. (sings) “Leave a small tip after all, leave a small tip after all…”

Dave’s Gone By Skit – Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #151 (12/24/2017): JERUSALEM

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #151 (12/24/17): Jerusalem

(Aired Dec. 23, 2017 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: https://youtu.be/nC3MIiTjsjo)

click above to listen (audio only)

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of December 24, 2017.

When you think of Israel, what’s the first place that comes to mind? Haifa? Jaffa? Ramat Gan? No, shlemiel, we think of Jerusalem. The holy city. Home of the ancient temple and the Wailing Wall. The place Jews have lived and worshipped for centuries. The site of both the Israeli Parliament and the Holocaust Museum, not to mention the markets, the Old City, the zoo, and my retired gastroenterologist. All are part of the Jewish fabric of this Jewish city in the Jewish state of Israel.

Did I say Jewish? Goddamn right, I did. Israel, the itty-bitty country that has been the unofficial Jewish homeland for 5,000 years and the official one since 1948, has a capital, and that capital is Jerusalem. Bill Clinton said it, Dubya Bush said it, Obama said it. Donald Trump said it but, unlike the others, acted upon it. And of course, the left wing goes into an orgy of self-righteous, ignorant misery. Many among them are self-hating Jews who won’t be happy until the Arabs push us into the Dead Sea. Or, as I’m sure the Muslims would prefer, push us into the sea, dead.

But here’s an example. If the governor of New York State wants to move the capital from Albany to Rochester, is it a big deal? No. It’s still New York. If Colorado wants to move its capital from Denver to Fort Collins—big whoop. The same goes for Israel. If the United States wants to move its embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, why not?

Jerusalem is not occupied, it’s not rented, it’s not on a 100-year lease; it’s a city in the Jewish homeland just like Paris is for France, like Rome is for Italy, like the Candy Kingdom was for the Land of Ooo. We can all despise Kim Jong Un and wish him dead and disarmed, but even then, we don’t tell him the capital of North Korea shouldn’t be in Pyongyang.

Hostile Arab nations and ignorant assuagers of terrorists have no business telling Eretz Yisroel what do with its own land. I can get along great with my next-door neighbor, but she better not tell me how to paint my living room. And she certainly can’t move into my bedroom . . . unless her tits are spectacular. And with all due respect to Mahmoud Abbas, his tits are unimpressive at best.

I have said time and time again on these Rabbinical Reflections, that Israel is a teeny-weeny country, the only land in the world that is specifically earmarked for the tormented Jewish nation. We are surrounded by enemies, and in world history, any place we’ve gone that has been nice to us can turn on a dime—look at Germany, Spain, Russia, CNN. Even the United States, the greatest country in the world and the best second home Jews have ever had, offers no guarantee. With Donald Trump and his half-Jewish family, we’ve got a friendly administration that puts its matzoh where its mouth is and will protect us against the Arafats and Bin Ladens and Al-Assads. But a president lasts four, maybe eight years. And who knows what comes after? Had Jimmy Carter been reelected, he would have cut Israel in half and let the PLO bomb us into Olam HaBah. We all know how well that peanut-picking putz dealt with Muslim extremists.

I have also explained in my sermons, and on my TV program, and in my highly acclaimed easily tour-able stage show that the Arabs own millions of miles of land spread out over 22 countries— not to mention countries in Africa and Asia whose populations are mostly Islamic. So when Palestinians say they have nowhere to go but Gaza or the West Bank or Jerusalem, they’re full of hummus. They could go anywhere if their Arab brothers and sisters would only let them. But no. Palestinians demand the one place they can’t have. And the Arabs send terrorists and lethal commercial airplanes into our country because we refuse to fall onto their carpets and bow before their shariah law.

And for those of you who say that Jerusalem should be an international city, a place for everyone because so many religions have sacred spaces there, I say, sure! Jerusalem already IS an international city. When has Israel prevented a Christian from stopping by to retrace Jesus’s mythical childhood and death march? And every year, millions of Muslims peacefully worship at the Dome of the Rock or the Al Aqsa Mosque, or the amazing falafel stand just outside Beit Hanina. And if Israeli police check the Mohammedans’ bags for explosives, wouldn’t you? Turn over Jerusalem, or half of Jerusalem, to the Palestinians, and within one generation, mark my word (or my many words), the place will be off-limits to outsiders, not to mention dangerous and probably mixed up in some Arab civil war.

So shut up, liberal lokshen heads, and up yours, United Nations. If calling Jerusalem Israel’s capital hurts the so-called peace process, well, the Arabs had 70 years to make nice. Instead they made trouble—all over the world and with no end in sight. 128 countries in the UN General Assembly think America has crossed a line simply by acting on the true, the fair, and the obvious? Fine, let them live without American money for awhile. Next time there’s famine in Bangladesh, or flooding in Indonesia, or a shortage of ladyboy hookers in Thailand, see how much aid they get from Lebanon or Sudan. Maybe they’ll airlift you a scorpion and a hundred Korans.

In the meantime, thank you, Donald Trump, for doing what’s right and what has been right from the beginning. And don’t let Roger Waters, Danny Glover, the aptly named Lupe Fiasco, Emma Thompson, Samantha Bee, and other celebrity know-nothings sway you with their blather. If these Hollywood types were so concerned about partitions, why didn’t they put one in front of Harvey Weinstein’s dick?

Oh, I know. Harvey Weinstein’s Jewish. And I’m not proud of that. But I am proud of our president, and considering that so many other things he and the Republicans have done are stupid, scary, and crazy, I’d call this oasis of sanity— you should pardon the expression—a Christmas miracle.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches, in Great Neck, New York, and maybe someday in Yerushalaim shel zahav.

Dave’s Gone By Skit: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #143 (1/8/2017): OBAMA AND THE U.N.

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #143 (1/8/17): Obama and the U.N.

Aired Jan. 7, 2017 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: https://youtu.be/2EY_QSuKYss

click above to listen (audio only)

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of January 8, 2017.

Remember that old Billy Joel song, “Leave a Tender Moment Alone?” He was talking about how he couldn’t just enjoy a romantic interlude; he had to undercut the good feelings with a gripe or a joke. Of course, the joke was on him, since he chose Cutty Sark over Christie Brinkley. But the idea of not leaving well enough alone, of doing your best but then having the world remember your worst — that can be applied to our outgoing commander in chief, Barak Obama.

This is a man who took on a country that was in the toilet financially, emotionally, and seemingly irremediably. Eight years ago, you couldn’t pay the bills, you couldn’t get a job, you couldn’t sell a house, you couldn’t retire, you couldn’t visit New Orleans without scuba gear. Since President Obama has been in office, change has been slow, but to deny that an epic turn-around has occurred means that either you’re a retard or a Republican. On top of this, we killed Bin Laden, pointless laws about harmless crimes have been easing up, and faigelehs can marry whomever they want and, therefore, be as miserable as the rest of us. Through it all, Obama has maintained his poise, his cool, and his through-the-roof hipness quotient, kind of like yours truly.

And yet, mistakes were made. He rammed Obamacare up the American tush like a bad thermometer, giving people who never had health insurance coverage, but giving the rest of us a severe pain in the wallet. He completely screwed the pooch on managing the rise of ISIS, or ISIL, or Islamic Gee-Whiz, or whatever nickname the religion of peace is using these days.

But the most resistible piece de resistance of Obama’s legacy came right near the end. He and his minion, John Kerry, saw an opportunity to take a little dump on Israel. The United Nations, a toothless and brainless entity that has kept exactly zero wars from happening since its founding in 1945, voted last month to condemn Israel for settlement building. These houses, built on the West Bank and East Jerusalem, are controversial because the territory was annexed when Moses kicked Mohammed’s ass in the Six Day War. In other words, it’s been legitimate Israeli land for 50 years, but the Palestinians are still screaming for it like babies ripped from their mama’s boobies. And, of course, the greater Arab world agrees because any reason to hate Israel is fine by them. England agrees because they’re still pissed at Israel for pushing them off the sand. Other countries agree because anti-Semitism has proved a lot more durable than communism. But the United States, our friend and ally, has always stood with Eretz Yisroel against these bullies and bastards. Until December.

See, the left-wing liberals don’t like Benjamin Netanyahu, Israel’s prime minister, because he cares more about the safety and security of his nation than playing diplomatic blind man’s bluff. And he says, “Why the hell should we stop building settlements on our own soil until we actually make a deal—God forbid—to give the land back?” If you’re gonna sell your house when you’re 80 years old, does that mean you can’t put in a new bathroom when you’re 58?

Like every American president, Obama wanted to be the one who made lasting peace in the Middle East. He yearned to be the great statesman who solved the Israeli-Palestinian problem. How do presidents do this? By asking Israel to suffer. Give up this, give up that, and maybe the Arabs will promise to leave you in peace. Give away land you won fair and square in 1948 and 1967 and 1973, and maybe the Palis will cease lobbing scud missiles at you. Maybe.

What do the Arabs have to give up? Ummm.. ummm.. oh yeah.. they must make the terribly difficult sacrifice of admitting that Israel exists. Oh, the poor dears. Even John Kerry, in his misguided, hot-headed speech after the UN vote, reminded the Arabs that if they want Israel to come back to the negotiating table, they have to call it “Israel” and not “that smudgy place next to Egypt on the map.” But shamefully, Kerry and Obama made the United States abstain from the UN condemnation vote, rather than veto it. It was Barry’s last dig at Benjy. His way of saying, “You won’t obey me? Fine, I’ll tell mommy, and you’ll get in trouble.” Netanyahu, hearing this, stuck his tongue out and replied, “Nyah-nyah, neener-neener. So you’re the big peacemaker with Muslims? Do they know that in Iraq, Iran, Syria, Sudan, Afghanistan, Yemen? Pick a country; there’s a genocide. But Israel is the bad guy for constructing houses and universities on its own terra firma.”

I have long said that when it comes to Jews and Palestinians, I am in favor of a two-state solution: the Jewish state of Israel, and an Arab state — in Lebanon, or Libya, or Lichtenstein or Mexico, or the North friggin’ Pole — anywhere except on the tiny sliver of real estate set aside for a Jewish homeland. To demand as a condition of peace that Israel chop itself up and bestow its backyard on its worst enemy is unfair, unsafe, and untenable. Suppose a fly is buzzing on a windowsill, and there’s a cobweb in the corner. Suppose the fly surrenders half its rightful window to the spider? How long you think that fly has before he’s an entrée in Charlotte’s web?

Now, America gives a lot of money to Israel and has throughout Obama’s term in office. The President has stood with Israel on other issues, and, in the main, relations remain beautifully strong and important. With Donald Trump coming into the White House, complete with an Orthodox Jewish son-in-law and a converted Jewish daughter, ties between the two nations are likely to get even cuddlier. So it’s just a disappointment that a mere month before he sneaks his last cigarette behind the oval office, Obama chose to snub the only democracy in the Middle East, and the only true friend America has anywhere in that part of the world — all in the name of appearances and the pie-in-the-sky lie of the two-state solution.

You know, the Democrats thought they had a two-state solution for the last election: New York and California. We all saw how that worked out.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches, in Great Neck, New York.

NON-FICTION – ESSAY – HUMOROUS: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #143 (1/8/17) – Obama & the U.N.

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #116 (2/8/2015): UC Dervish

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #116 (2/8/2015): UC Dervish

(aired Feb. 7, 2015 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/jisuZvALtjg)

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 8th, 2015.

What is the purpose of education? In an idealistic sense, it is to broaden the mind, to open young people to a world greater than themselves that they have to wade into in order to become productive members of society. Or, more simply put: live and learn. But one can also say the purpose of education is to take a bunch of kids who are too stupid to be left alone during post-adolescence, and corral them all in one place before we inflict them willy-nilly upon the planet.

Well, you don’t get kids much dumber – or potentially dangerous – than the yutzes at UC Davis, the University of California, Davis. Pro-Palestinian, liberal wackjob teenagers, who comprise the rotting corpse that is the student body, voted to boycott Israel over the country’s treatment of the poor, poor Palis. In a vote that passed 8 to 2, these bleeding-heart buttheads recommended that the University divest itself of all business dealings with the land of milk and honey. The SJP, whose letters stand for Students for Justice in Palestine (though they could just as easily stand for Suck my Jewish Penis), the SJP cheered and waved Palestinian flags as the vote went down in their favor. Best of all, as Jewish and pro-Israel students shuffled out of the meeting hall, the Arab-sympathizers began chanting, “Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.”

Now, where have we heard that poem before? Oh yeah, every time a Muslim with a grudge and an AK-47 decides to vent his spleen on a bunch of innocent civilians, those are the words: “Allahu Akbar.” It may sound like a religious prayer, but it’s more like a death yell. We heard it from Nidal Hasan, who killed 13 people in Fort Hood a few years ago, and we heard it last month, with a French accent, when the Koran Krazies lit into Charlie Hebdo for drawing cartoons.

I don’t need to tell you how I feel about the Israeli-Palestinian situation. But I will anyway. As I’ve said fifteen quadrillion times, Israel is a country — the size of a postage stamp — created after the Holocaust for Jewish people to finally have their own homeland. Anyone else on it either has to live by Israel’s rules or get the Allah out. And if you live in a country bordering Israel, or on land Israel gave back in the vain hope of trading acreage for peace, you better not be hostile, or we’re gonna stomp you like a wine glass at a wedding. But alas, up until that time, it’s the Arabs and their misguided sympathizers that do the violence, over and over again.

After the UC Davis vote – that the SJP won – the anti-Semites weren’t even satisfied with that! Two days later, someone painted swastikas on the walls of the Jewish fraternity, Alpha Epsilon Pi. (Actually, they should call it Aleph Epsom-Saltz Chai, but that’s for another time.)

It’s unclear whether this act was perpetrated by Arabs or just white kids goaded by all the latent Hebrewphobia stirred up by the vote. Either way, UC Davis has a nasty hurricane coming. I don’t mean a riot. I mean the whooshing sound of Jewish students exiting a place of higher learning that has sunk to a valley of lower squirming. It’s the sound of Jewish alumni divesting their donations and bequests from UCD and sending them to the UJA. It’s the whooshing sound of freshman applications – and application fees – being turned into paper kites because little Missy Horowitz and her 1500 SAT score now chooses to attend USC or UC Berkeley instead.

People at the University say the graffiti and the protests and threats are coming from outside sources and not the college kids themselves. How convenient. You light a torch and you wonder why someone behind you screams fire. Well, I’m screaming, too. Screaming at the retarded students of UC Davis who buy into this wahh-wahh, right-of-return, push-Israel-off-the-map garbage. And all this time, what’s been happening in the Arab world? More beheadings, hostages being burned alive, kidnapping and attacks – business as usual in the radical Muslim cyclone everywhere they are. And yet Israel is the bad guy.

Students of UC Davis, in my gradebook, you get an F for Flunk and a U for Uninformed. I realize you probably can’t spell, so I’ll put them together for ya: F. U.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=27424

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #103 (7/6/2014): Brothers’ Keepers

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #103 (7/6/2014): Brothers’ Keepers

aired July 5, 2014 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/fS3rlY_ICn0

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of July 6th, 2014.

This is for all the Israel bashers, Palestinian apologists, Muslim excuse makers, and other misinformed idiots of the world: Israel is mad as hell, and they’re not gonna take it anymore. Nor should they. You wanna talk peace? You wanna talk statehood? You wanna talk dismantling settlements? Go ahead. Press your lips to your asshole, and talk all you want.

Meanwhile, Israel is going to open a can of whoop-ass on Hamas, and it’s lonnnnnnng overdue. What’s the latest abomination? Three teenagers, 19, 16 and 16, were hitchhiking in Israel. They were kidnapped, they were brought to the West Bank – which, I remind everyone – is also a part of Israel. At some point over the last two weeks, they were murdered there, in cold blood, and the bodies were found on Monday in a shallow grave. These young people were not spies, they were not terrorists, they were not rabble rousers, and judging by their outcome, they were not great judges of character, either.

Hamas was founded in 1987 as an offshoot of the so-called Islamic Brotherhood. Their goal was to push Israel into the sea. Not just take over the West Bank and Gaza, but the whole country, that Palestinians could then turn back into a pre-historic sandpile. For awhile, Hamas made believe it was interested in negotiating. Maybe there could be a two-state solution. Maybe Israel could push back to its pre-1967 borders, and tolerate the occasional scud missile and exploding restaurant, just for old times’ sake. But just this year, Abu Marzouk, the deputy chairman of Hamas told an Arab newspaper, quote, “Hamas will not recognize Israel. This is a red line that cannot be crossed,” unquote. That’s okay, Abu baby, Israel recognizes you, and your cohorts. And when they see you, they’ll put a bullet in your head.

How many times, how many years have I spent saying that radical Islam is a scourge, that these Arab countries cannot be trusted, and that Israel has a right to defend itself by any and all means possible – including tickle torture and episodes of “Teen Mom.” If the Palestinians want to live somewhere, let them knock on the doors of Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Kuwait – we’ll see how welcoming their Arab neighbors are to these tired, huddled masses, yearning to move out of democracy and into Sharia law.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Hamas will pay for its killing. These boys, he said, “were kidnapped and murdered in cold blood by animals” – that’s his word, not mine. Well… and mine – animals! And may the punishment not only fit the crime but outscale the crime by 3000 to 1; a thousand times the pain for each of the three innocents murdered by people who use Mohammed as a weapon and Allah as an excuse. Meanwhile, Israel needs to build more settlements in the territories – not take them down, build more. Because we won that land, rightfully and righteously, in wars brought upon us by the children of Hagar. And I don’t mean Hagar the Horrible; he’s a Viking and really not that horrible. His wife’s a little unpleasant, but even she and he together are not comparable to the lawless, soulless, terrorist slime that squats on 98 percent of the Middle East.

But I will say this for the other two percent. It’s been reported that some Palestinians, and even the Palestinian Authority, helped out during the two weeks of searching for these missing boys. There was actual cooperation during the rather beautifully named “Operation Brother’s Keeper.” Certainly, gratitude and good wishes go to everyone, whatever their background, who tried to lend a hand. But, of course, Arabs being Arabs, after a few days of house-to-house searches and bad traffic and inconvenience, the rank and file turned to rebellion and violence and wishing the Israelis dead.

Well, back atcha, towelheads. Let the rockets fly, let the round-ups begin, let the falafel balls fall where they may. In the Book of Deuteronomy, God says, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” Get ready, Hamas, `cause payback’s a bitch.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=27586

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #75 (9/1/2013): Egypt Again

click above to listen (audio file)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #75 (9/1/2013): Egypt Again

Aired August 31, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/6jZy0FXcg1E

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of September 1st, 2013.

Oy, Egypt, Egypt, Egypt. Doesn’t it figure that the one country in the Arab world that seemed stable, the one place that wasn’t a scary mess of Islamic Jihad and anti-West anti-Semitism, Egypt, would collapse into chaos?

Forty years ago, Anwar Sadat made a brilliantly savvy political move – albeit a lousy personal one since it got him shot – but for the good of Egypt, he signed a peace treaty with Israel. And against all odds, it lasted! It was real. There was peace, there was economic and cultural exchange, there was falafel everywhere. Israel had a million things to worry about in the Middle East, but Egypt, which had been our worst military enemy, wasn’t one of them.

And Egypt took a Western approach to its politics. So Western, that they ended up copying our own runaway corruption. Hasni Mubarak, who succeeded Anwar Sadat – about the only thing he succeeded in – ran the country for 30 years until being deposed by the military. And then, for his replacement, they hold democratic elections. Great, right?

Not so great; the winner is Mohamed Morsi, of the Muslim Brotherhood. Which is basically Al Qaeda Lite. Young Egyptians hate this, because with radical Muslims in charge, Egypt is destined to slide into the same soul-crushing totalitarianism that made Afghanistan and Iran such glorious vacation hotspots. So what happens? There’s an uprising, the people protest and riot, and the Egyptian military pulls Morsi out of office and takes over.

This does not sit well with the Muslim Brotherhood, so they show their brotherly love by rioting, pillaging and forcing the army to crack down and make a police state. Meanwhile, the military are busy trying to drum up some kind of revised constitution and figuring out how to hold elections before the whole country implodes. In Egypt, every day is like the night the Steelers win the Super Bowl; if you weren’t in the car when they were overturning it and setting it on fire, you’re ahead of the game.

Now, the Egypt situation is more complicated than others in the Middle East because they were getting along with America and Israel. Mubarak was no great shakes as a leader, but he held to the treaties and kept things on an even keel. I’ve been on an uneven keel, and let me tell you, I got so nauseous, I almost keeled over. Of course, in those situations, it’s keel or be keeled, but I digress.

Egypt holds free and democratic elections, and the last guy in the world America wants in there wins. So, we’re happy when the army discards him, but at the same time, what kind of democracy is it when the people elect a leader, and a year later, the army says, “Ehhhh, Do over, do over!”

I mean, imagine if in this country, we have an election, the popular vote goes to one candidate, but there are problems and miscounts and shenanigans, so the Supreme Court takes over and appoints the president based on the judges’ political leanings rather than the actual voting. Thank God, something like that could never happen here.

So both America and Israel are mired in wait-and-see limbo when it comes to Egypt. If we support the army, that means we rejected the election process. If we support the Morsi Muslims, well, we might as well just send over pilot-training manuals so they can get started on the next 9/11. We’re shtupped either way.

Whatever happened to the good old days when the CIA would muscle into a country, assassinate the dictator, and prop up some crooked but pro-Western puppet with billions of our tax dollars? What’s the point of being a Superpower if you can’t be superpowerful? We used to look out for number one. Now all these countries submerge us in number two.

That said, I do really wish the Egyptians well, and I hope – against all hope – that they can somehow form a coalition government. One that puts modernized moderates in charge but allows right-wingers a voice and the freedom to worship as they please – which, since it’s the exact opposite of what they allow, will cause their heads to explode. Hey, a guy can dream.

Until then, we would do best to recall that twice the Egyptians have done the impossible: they built the pyramids, and they stunned the rest of the Arab world by making nice-nice with Israel. So is it too much to ask for another miracle? Oh wait, I’m still hoping for that one about the Jets winning another Super Bowl. Quel dommage.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=28928

Dave’s Gone By #436 (8/31/2013): THE SOUND OF SILENTS

click above to listen to the episode (audio only)

Here is the 436th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Aug. 31, 2013. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Dave’s chat with silent-film accompanist Ben Model. Also: Inside Broadway, Saturday Segues (Loudon Wainwright III & Van Morrison), Rabbi Sol Solomon on Egypt, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (another self portrait) & more!

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guests: silent-film enthusiast & accompanist Ben Model, Dave’s wife Joyce.

00:00:01 Pre-Show w/ Joyce
00:02:30 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce
00:26:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Loudon Wainwright III
00:48:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:08:30 GUEST: Ben Model
02:02:00 Sponsors & Weather
02:05:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (another self portrait)
02:25:30 Friends
02:31:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #75 – Egypt Again
02:37:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Van Morrison
02:45:30 DAVE GOES OUT

Aug. 31, 2013 Playlist: “The Swimming Song” (00:27:00), “B-Side” (00:29:30), “Whatever Happened to Us” (00:32:00), “Westchester County” (00:34:00), “Carmine Street” (00:37:00), “No Knees” (00:40:00) & “You Can’t Fail Me Now” (00:42:00; Loudon Wainwright III). “Alone with Me” (01:04:00; Hands on a Hardbody 2013 Bway cast w/ Mary Gordon Murray & Keith Carradine). “Untitled” (00:01:07 & 01:33:00; Ben Model). “Allegro Agitato” (01:50:00) & “Gaiety” (01:58:30; Arthur Kleiner). “Went to See the Gypsy (Demo)” (02:08:30), “Annie’s Going to Sing her Song” (02:11:30), “This Evening So Soon” (02:14:00), “Pretty Saro” (02:18:30) & “Time Passes Slowly #1” (02:21:00; Bob Dylan). “Youth of 1000 Summers” (02:37:00) & “Redwood Tree” (02:41:00).

Dave’s Gone By Skit: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #54 (1/27/2013): THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS

click above to listen (audio file)

Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection #54 (1/27/2013): THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS

Aired January 26, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnXLGyFEdC0

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of January 26th, 2013.

Let’s say I go to the supermarket and buy a box of donuts. “Why am I eating that?”, you ask. “Well,” I say, “donuts are a health food.” “Health food?” I hear you gasp. “But they’re loaded with sugar and white flour.” “Yes, but they’re a health food,” I reply. “But they’re glazed with chocolate coating made out of corn syrup,” you counter. “I don’t care, they’re a health food,” I persist. “But look at the box!” you yell. “Half the ingredients are red dyes and preservatives and fiberglass insulation.” “You’re making wayyy too much of that,” I say. “Donuts are a health food.”

And now you start screaming, “But if you eat donuts, you get fat, your teeth rot, eventually you’ll risk heart disease and diabetes.” “Oh, don’t be so politically incorrect,” I say. “Donuts are a health food.”

Sounds crazy, right? Like I should have my head examined for not admitting what’s plainly in front of my face – or in my stomach.

Fine. How many times have we heard left-wing pundits and middle-east apologists say that Islam is the religion of peace? That’s the big slogan – religion of peace. And no amount of 9/11’s or Munichs or Lockerbies or Benghazis will convince these people that maybe Islam isn’t such a friendly how-do-ya-do.

“Oh, it’s just a small faction; it’s just the radicals,” comes the response. True. The millions and millions of Muslims in this world aren’t out there blowing up embassies any more than every NRA member is out there shooting up schools. However, no other religion since Christianity in the Middle Ages has caused so much needless, vicious and sociopathic bloodshed. Except, perhaps, the Death to Disco Movement of the 1970s, but they had a point.

So this time, the horror springs from Algeria – instead of Iran or Pakistan or Egypt or Syria – or, well, point to a map of the Middle East and find an Arab country that isn’t a killing field. Last week, a hostage crisis in Algeria resulted in more than two dozen civilian dead, including one American. Plus, 32 dead hostage takers, or, as I like to call them, refuse.

The Algerian government is being blamed for jumping the gun on its rescue mission. After three days of a bloody stand-off, Algerian troops stormed the gas plant that was under siege – which resulted in pretty much everyone dying. Mainly because the terrorists began executing the hostages once the fun started.

Other countries are now saying, “Oh, we weren’t informed, we could have done it better, we could have ended this with more survivors, blah di bloo di blah.” Algeria’s position is, “Sorry, we don’t negotiate with terrorists.” And to that, may I add, especially not terrorists who are killing the hostages anyway, who are strapped to the gills with explosives, and who come from a radical culture where suicide is the expected outcome of a violent event. Kind of tough to negotiate with someone who actually wants you to shoot him. It’s like going up to an alcoholic at a party and saying, “Look, I can either drive you home, or I can pour you another scotch.” That’s a win-win either way for the booze-hound.

Terrorists are sick, desperate people who can be dealt with in only the most extreme, desperate ways. Like full-on raids, waterboarding and being forced to watch “Teen Mom 2.”

We can mince words all we want so as not to offend Saudi Arabia and Qatar and UAE and other countries that could afford to buy the Statue of Liberty and sell it back to us in pieces. However, until every country, east and west, takes full action in crushing radical, violent Islam, we’re just gonna get more Algerias, more World Trade Centers, more Koran-concocted carnage. Just ask Israel, which has endured sixty years of anti-Semitism and anti-Americanism disguised as Palestinian nationalism. Israel realizes: the only way to say “no more” is to say, “no,” more. And that means, when terrorism rears its ugly covered head, you gotta put the religion of peace in a world of pain.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #47 (11/25/2012): Gaza Gaza Hey

click above to listen (audio file)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #47 (11/25/2012): Gaza Gaza Hey

Aired November 24, 2012 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSL0TEmRah4&feature=youtu.be

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of November 25th, 2012.

And so we find ourselves once again on the brink of war with our Arab brothers. We warn them: stop firing rockets in Gaza; they fire rockets in Gaza, and Jerusalem, and Tel Aviv. We tell them, recognize the state of Israel so we can have a starting point for peace talks; they want to obliterate Israel, instead. We say, Hamas and the Palestinian Authority have to be on the same page so we know whom to negotiate with; Mahmoud Abbas is a figurehead and Hamas fires weapons. It’s the same drek that’s been going on for sixty five years, and the tragedy is that it will go on long after our great-great-grandchildren are sipping prune juice in what’s left of Miami.

And, of course, Israel gets blamed. We’re the aggressors, we’re the ones occupying the territories, we’re the ones who own the pro-Jewish media, we’re the ones who keep making sitcom knock-offs of “Two and a Half Men.” A million and twelve times I’ve given my speech about how Israel belongs to Israel, how the Palestinians should go live anywhere else in the Arab world, and how no matter what Israel does – even if Israel were, God forbid, wiped off the map – that would not stop the Arabs from killing and terror and dragging the world back to the fifth century. If anything, it would only embolden them: “Ooh, we destroyed a democracy filled with people who have different social values. Gee, what other country can we do that to?”

Left-wing pundits are saying that Israel should not refuse to negotiate with terrorists. You have to negotiate with Arab terrorists or else there’s no one to talk to. Fine, let Israel negotiate with Hamas, just like we did with Yasser Arafat – because that was so productive, right? If Hamas, or Al-Qaida, or the Taliban, or the PLO, or the AFLCIO want to lay down their weapons and negotiate a true ceasefire – great, get a room at the U.N., we’ll bring the chips and dip. But sixty-five years of overtures to the Arab world have given us only one peace deal, with Egypt, and God knows where that’s headed after the revolution over there.

I’ll say it one more time: if Arabs want to live in Israel, fine. Let them live IN Israel, peacefully, as Israelis, in a Jewish state carved out of a tiny nugget of the middle east as recompense for the Holocaust. If the Arabs don’t want to live IN Israel, they can move to Jordan, or Syria, or Lebanon, or Iran, or Iraq, or Mexico, or Sudan – actually, I just threw Mexico in there to see if you were paying attention. And if the Arabs want to live near Israel, they have to stop sending us exploding Christmas gifts with “Made in Iran” on them.

Yes, Israel gets gazillions of dollars of weapons from the United States – so Israel can keep the Middle East stable instead of having to send American teenagers to do it. And yes, living conditions are grueling in the occupied territories – so don’t live there! Israel won those territories in two wars, they own it – get over it, get off it.

Israel is not going away. It’s our teentsy-weentsy little homeland, and the Arab world – which really couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the Palestinians or else the Palestinians would all be living there – the Arab world hates the West, hates the Jews, and has no interest in any kind of peace that does not involve total and complete annihilation of its enemies. Well, maybe not complete annihilation. They’d probably want to leave a few hundred behind just to torture.

At this time of Thanksgiving, let us pray for a cease fire, for cool heads and hopeful headlines, for lasting peace, and for a 48-inch HD TV with surround sound. Hey, at least I have a shot at that last one.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=29318

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #4 (2/12/2011): Egypt

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #4 (2/12/2011): Egypt

click above to listen (audio file only)

Aired February 12, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: https://youtu.be/vAiG4Xajf30

Shalom Dammit, this is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 13, 2011.

Well, it’s been a quiet week in the Middle East . . . nothing much going on there. (laugh) Is there ever quiet in the Middle East? In the Arab world, quiet is when they send only two missiles a day into Israel instead of the usual five.

But of course, these past three weeks, the world has been watching Egypt with a mixture of excitement, hope, fear and “oy, is gas four dollars yet?”

Doesn’t it figure that the one country Israel gets along with, the one country that has been a stable, peaceful neighbor for 30 years is the one that goes tohu-va-voho crazy? Does Iran go berserk, does Libya? No. Egypt is where they riot in the streets.

And they got what they wanted; Hosni Mubarak stepped down. One day before he quit, he sneaked away to a fancy resort. Got himself a massage, maybe a nice pedicure, calls Al Jazeera and says, “Okay, I’m done. I was gonna leave in a couple of weeks anyway. Help you guys transition to…whatever it is you’re transitioning to. But the people have spoken, and the regime is broken.” He’s probably shopping for a condo in Fort Lauderdale as we speak.

But of course, the big question is: what’s next? Mubarak’s vice president is trying to hold power – good luck on that. And as we ideally interpret the situation in the Western World, we hear the chant: “Democracy! Democracy! A democratic government by and for the people.” Crap, we don’t even have that here!

But do ya think they’ll even get that there? If and when Egypt does hold an election, the top candidate is gonna be backed by an outfit called the Muslim Brotherhood. I don’t mind the Brotherhood much, it’s the Muslim I’m worried about.

The Muslim Brotherhood is an organization across the Arab world that supports Muslim Sharia law as the law of the land. Supposedly, they’re non-violent, as opposed to Hamas, or Al Qaeda, or your typical Irish soccer fan. If we believe their press releases, they are a harmless, moderate, political group – like Shriners with different turbans. If we believe history, they’re anti-West, anti-Israel, ultra-religious – and just waiting for their day in the sun.

The question is not, “will Egypt become a Muslim state?” but “When they’re a Muslim state, will they march into Czechoslovakia?”

Now, I hate to sound pessimistic because I am, by nature, such a fun-loving goddamn bon vivant. So I will say this: when Anwar Sadat first came to the peace talks all those years ago, I didn’t trust him one bit. After all, 1979 was only six years after the Yom Kippur War, when Egypt and Syria picked the holiest Jewish day of the year to sneak-attack Israel. We kicked their asses, of course, but what were we to make of Sadat suddenly cramming an olive branch between his teeth? How do you trust the untrustable?

Except, of course, and to his everlasting credit, he kept his word. Egypt stopped attacking Israel. And Israel kept its word, too. We didn’t attack Egypt. Well, we weren’t attacking Egypt to begin with, but such is the unbalanced balance that passes for fairness in the Middle East.

My point, though, is that Mubarak also kept Sadat’s word. Maybe he was a dictator, maybe his economics didn’t trickle down to the people, maybe he was a western puppet. All I know is, now that the strings are cut, we’d love to see this puppet replaced by Jerry Mahoney, King Friday, even Kukla.

So why does my gut tell me we’ll end up with Chucky?

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection by Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

—> https://shalomdammit.wordpress.com/2011/02/12/39/

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=38040