Here is the 462nd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, March 15, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews “Family Affair” actress Kathy Garver. Plus: Inside Broadway, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (masks), Saturday Segues (St. Pat’s, Springtime), Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (Purim jokes)
Guests: actress Kathy Garver, Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (strange humming, parades, weather, marmot art, Bernard Marsonek, Amy Herbst, tobacco warning, missing plane, onesies) 01:02:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – St. Pat’s 01:34:30 INSIDE BROADWAY (news (01:35:00) & review (Sweeney Todd (01:54:00)) 02:14:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Kathy Garver 02:52:30 DAVE SAYS BYE – Wesley Warren 02:58:30 Sponsors 03:06:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (masks) 03:29:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #96 – Purim Jokes 2014 03:36:30 Friends & Thanks 03:43:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Springtime 04:01:30 Weather 04:06:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 15, 2014 Playlist: “Hojotoho! Hojotoho!” (00:30:00; “Die Walkure” – Vienna Philharmonic). “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk (Reprise)” (01:09:00; Rufus Wainwright). “What Makes the Irish Heart Beat” (01:12:30; Van Morrison). “I’m Actually Irish” (01:16:30; Adrift in Macao 2008 off-Broadway cast). “Medley of Irish Fiddle Tunes” (01:19:30; David Bromberg). “Buachaill on Eirne” (1:21:30; Liam Clancy). “You and Me” (01:23:30; The Cranberries). “Is That All” (01:27:00; U2). “Belly Up to the Bar, Boys” (02:12:00; The Unsinkable Molly Brown 1960 Broadway cast). “Family Affair” (02:48:30; Sly & the Family Stone). “Masters of War” ({“Real Live” live version}; 03:06:00), “When He Returns” (03:12:30) & “Up to Me” (03:17:00). “It’s Spring” (03:44:00; A Year with Frog & Toad original cast). “Rite of Spring” (03:47:00; Bill Morrissey). “Spring is Here” (Carly Simon; 03:49:00). “Spring in Manhattan” (03:52:00; Bruz Fletcher). “Spring” (03:55:00; The Roncy Boys). “In the Spring (When I was Young)” (04:09:00; Stephin Merritt & Chen Shi-zheng).
Kathy Garver
Purim masks
Irish yogaBernard MarsonekTammi Brazee’s “By All Appearances, He Had All His Sneaky Marmots in a Row,” Wesley Warrenflowers
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #58 (2/24/2013): More Purim Jokes
aired February 23, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/e9ICds0fO8k
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 24th, 2013.
Happy Purim everybody! A wonderful day on the Jewish calendar where we give thanks that we weren’t all killed by Persians a couple of thousand years ago. We celebrate by reading the book of Esther, giving shalach manos – which is a charitable donation of food and snacks to people we care about. We celebrate by putting on costumes, getting drunk, and, in certain areas of the world, watching Nascar.
I like to celebrate by spreading laughter, by telling a joke or two, and then explaining the joke for people who are too shikkered up on Kedem to get the punchlines. Or, more importantly, the moral.
Let’s begin with the tale of three sons, nice grown Jewish boys, all of them successful abroad, all of them forever trying to impress their mama back in Brooklyn.
They meet for lunch in London, and the oldest son, Moishe, says, “I built mama a three-story house near Prospect Park. She just moved in last week.”
The second boy, Yitzchak, says, “Well, I bought mama a brand-new Mercedes with a round-the-clock driver to take her anywhere she wants to go.”
Avi, the youngest son, says, “I’m the only one who’s really thinking of mom’s needs. I bought her a parrot!”
“A parrot?” the other two go. “What are you meshuggeh?”
“Not at all,” says Avi. “Mama’s a widow, she’s lonely. I got her a beautiful parrot that is also brilliant. I spent thousands of dollars getting language teachers to teach the bird English, Hebrew and Yiddish. And then I paid a Rabbi even more money to help the parrot memorize all five books of the Torah, so whenever mama wants, he can recite.”
Just at that moment, Moishe’s cellphone rings, and it’s mama on the phone. He puts her on speaker and says, “Mama we’re all here. How do you like our gifts?”
And the old woman’s voice comes out the phone and says, “Well, to be honest, the house is very nice, Moishe, but it’s so big. I can’t deal with the cleaning, and I get lost from room to room. I think I’ll move back to my apartment.”
Moishe sighs and hands the phone to his brother. “Yitzchack,” the mother says, “I know you mean well, but a German car? And that driver, he never shuts up. Really, I’d rather walk.”
Yitzchak deflates and hands the phone to the third brother. “Avi, my youngest,” the mama says. “Thank you! Thank you! What a perfect gift! The chicken was delicious!”
We have all heard the old adage, “It’s the thought that counts.” It’s not how much money it costs or how puffed up you feel by making an impression. It’s trying to please the person you are gifting. You could buy a $200 pair of Nikes, but if you give them to Oscar Pistorius, what’s the point? Of course, if you gave him a Smith-Wesson, that he might have use for.
A studious but poor young Rebbe would sit in the backyard of his little shul and ponder and ponder and ask questions of God. This went on for months, years, until one day, HaShem decides to make it a conversation.
“I’m here,” He says, “What do you wanna know?”
“Well,” says the Rebbe, “I’ve been thinking about the nature of time. For example, what is a million years to you?”
God says, “You’re a human. A million years to you is just one second to me.”
The Rabbi thinks a little bit and says, “What about money? What is a million dollars to you?”
“Ha!” God laughs, He says, “a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It’s a pittance.”
“In that case,” the Rabbi says, “can I have a million dollars?”
“Sure,” says God, “in a second.”
If there’s one thing that Jews seem to know better than almost any other religion is that God, if He exists, follows His own rules and principles. We can assuage him with prayers and good deeds, we can interpret the Torah six ways to Shabbos, but really, HaShem does what He does, and we all follow furtively along. Like storm chasers. Get too near the tornado, you’ve got the Tower of Babel; stray too far from the tornado, and you wander for forty years. So the best bet is to pursue God with a lot of awe, a little fear, and a good pair of binoculars.
Last joke: What’s the difference between an Orthodox Jewish wedding, a Conservative wedding, a Reform wedding and a Reconstructionist wedding?
Simple. In an Orthodox wedding, the bride’s mother is pregnant. In a Conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant. A Reform wedding, the Rabbi is pregnant. And in Reconstructionist, both brides are pregnant.
What I love about this joke is that despite the mockery, it embraces all the different strands of Jewish practice. You don’t have to wear a fur hat and payes – especially if you’re a woman. Or if modern ways are a little too modern, you can create the niche of Jewish custom that works for you. So, if you want to celebrate Purim by going to synagogue and singing and hearing the megillah, great! If you don’t observe Purim at all, but you’re a good person and Jewish in your heart, also great. And if you’re somewhere in the middle, but you wanna send me some shalach manos – prune is my favorite, though the apricot isn’t bad.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. Purim Sameach!
Here is the 413th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 23, 2013. Info: davesgoneby.com.
A pre-Oscar show featuring Rabbi Sol Solomon chatting with Hollywood expert Stephen Schochet and with Dave’s dad, Philip Lefkowitz. Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection (Purim jokes), Inside Broadway, the News Gone By, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later and a Saturday Segue dedicated to recent passings in music.
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: author Stephen Schochet, Dave’s dad, Philip Lefkowitz
00:00:01 PRE-SHOW 00:07:00 DAVE GOES IN 00:17:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Passings 01:00:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (news (01:00:00) & “Madea Gets a Job” review (01:22:30)) 01:33:00 Sponsors 01:41:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Stephen Schochet 02:19:00 NEWS GONE BY 02:26:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #58: More Purim Jokes 02:33:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (movies) 02:57:00 Friends 03:02:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Philip Lefkowitz 03:25:30 Weather 03:27:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Feb. 23, 2013 Playlist: “The Birthday Present” (00:05:00; Loudon Wainwright III). “The Saints” (00:20:00), “My Bonnie” (00:29:30), “Why” (00:36:00) & “Nobody’s Child” (00:48:00; Tony Sheridan & the Beatles). “Leader of the Pack” (00:22:00) & “Remember” (Walking in the Sand)” (00:34:00; The Shangri-Las). “Midnight Blues” (00:25:00) & “The Sky is Crying” (00:39:00; Magic Slim). “A Girl’s Gotta Do What a Girl’s Gotta Do” (00:31:30) & “You’ll Never Know” (00:44:30; Mindy McCready). “A Beautiful Morning” (01:10:30; The Rascals). “The Color Purple (Reprise)” (01:18:30; The Color Purple Broadway cast). “Life Can Be Like the Movies” (01:39:30; Chaplin, 2012 Broadway cast). “If You were in My Movie” (02:16:00; Suzanne Vega). “Things Have Changed” (02:34:00), “Hero Blues” (02:39:00), “Clean Cut Kid” (02:40:30) & “Brownsville Girl” (Bob Dylan). “Prisoners of Love” (03:22:30; “The Producers” (1969 film soundtrack).
Stephen SchochetPhilip LefkowitzMadeaTony SheridanMagic SlimShadow MortonMindy McCreadyHappy Purim!Rabbi Sol Solomon
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 347th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, March 19, 2011. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest: radio personality Dr. Demento.
Dave chats with radio legend Dr. Demento. Also: the Saturday Segue (novelties), Bob Dylan: Sooner & Later (funny ones), Inside Broadway (Spamalot in Greeley), Dave Says Bye to Joe Morello, and Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Purim.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN 00:17:00 SATURDAY SEGUE: Novelties 00:30:00 GUEST: Dr. Demento 01:47:00 SATURDAY SEGUE, pt. 2 – More Novelties 01:57:30 DAVE – Sponsors 02:06:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later: Funny Ones 02:37:30 INSIDE BROADWAY (Spamalot) 02:54:00 Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection: Purim jokes 03:00:30 DAVE SAYS BYE: Joe Morello 03:04:30 DAVE – Weather & Friends 03:11:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 19, 2011 Playlist: “Fish Heads” (00:17:00; Barnes & Barnes); “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park” (00:19:30; Tom Lehrer); “One Hippopotami” (00:21:30; Allan Sherman); “I’m My Own Grampaw” (00:25:00; Homer & Jethro); “Cocktails for Two” (00:27:30; Spike Jones). “They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Ha” (01:47:00; Napoleon XIV); “One More Minute” (01:49:30; Weird Al Yankovic); “My Name is Larry” (01:53:30; Wild Man Fischer); “Mixed Up Confusion” (02:07:00), “Baby, I’m in the for You” (02:09:30), “The Ugliest Girl in the World” (02:12:30), “I Shall Be Free No. 10” (02:16:00), “Man Gave Names to All the Animals” (02:20:30), “Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat” (02:25:00), “All I Really Want to Do” (live, 02:29:00) & “Must Be Santa” (02:32:00; Bob Dylan). “You Can’t Succeed on Broadway” (02:38:00; Spamalot original 2005 Broadway cast), “Take Five” (Dave Brubeck Quartet; 02:59:00), “Knockers Up” (excerpt, 03:09:00; Rusty Warren); “Shaving Cream” (03:17:00; Paul Wynn/Benny Bell).
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).Larry Cuocci
Here is the 120th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, March 24, 2005. Info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz guests: author Larry Cuocci (“A Very Good Year”) and Rabbi Sol Solomon, spiritual leader of Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, NY.
Featuring: Dave chats with author Larry Cuocci. Plus: Dave Goes Off on Parking and Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Purimspiel.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN 00:08:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Parking 00:16:00 DAVE’S GOT GUESTS – author Larry Cuocci (“A Very Good Year”) 00:38:00 SKIT: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Purimspiel 00:52:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 24, 2005 Playlist: “A Wake Up Call” & “A Viennese Freilach” (New Orleans Klezmer Allstars).
Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 24th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, March 16, 2003. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz
Featuring: The history of St. Patrick’s Day; memories of Dublin; Seamus, The Urine Man; Irish music. The story of St. Patrick, and special guest Rabbi Sol Solomon making a whole megillah out of Purim. Also, News Gone By (Moron Moran; The Lost Little Whorehouse, Victoria’s Secret Dylan, the Defibrillators, stolen GEDs and Baseball Camp) and the story of Seamus, The Urine Man.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN (St. Patrick’s Day & Purim) 00:08:00 DAVE ON ST. PATRICK’S DAY 00:16:00 DAVE ON IRELAND 00:20:00 DAVE ON THE CLANCY BROTHERS 00:30:00 DAVE ON DUBLIN 00:36:00 DAVE ON IRISH POLITICS 00:45:00 NEWS GONE BY 01:06:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S PURIMSPIEL 01:16:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 16, 2003 Playlist: “Seamus the Urine Man” & “Sailor Song (Cover’d With Crap)” (Dave), “Don’t Mess With Us” (Rabbi Sol Solomon), “If I Should Fall From Grace With God” (Pogues, 14:00), “The Moonshiner” & “Paddy West” (Clancy Brothers), “I Am Enough for Myself” (Sinead O’Connor), “The Luck of the Irish” (John Lennon & Yoko Ono).
click above to listen (video file of audio content)click above to listen (audio only)
This skit, an early version of what would become Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflections, first aired March 16, 2003 on the 24th episode of the Dave’s Gone By radio program.
(c)2003 David Lefkowitz & Rabbi Sol Solomon
Shalom, Shalom oovrachah, everyone, and chag sameach [happy holiday]. Happy Purim to all of you!
Oy, it was such a long, miserable, goyische winter; it’s time we had a little happiness in our lives. A bit of craziness! Drinking and eating of sweets and turning the whole world a little tohu vavohu—topsy turvy—to celebrate our continued survival on the planet.
I’m Rabbi Sol Solomon on Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York, and I wanna thank Dave Lefkowitz, the host of Dave’s Gone By, for having me back on the show.
Last time, I was here in December for another happy holiday, Chanukah, which too many secular Jews mistake for being just a Yiddish version of Christmas. Well, now all I hear is people calling Purim a Hebraic adaptation of Halloween. Ptooey! Wrong and wrong again! Purim is its own happy holiday; it doesn’t need John Carpenter for validation.
The story of Purim in a nutshell is this: the King of Persia got angry at his first wife, so he killed her. Single again, he went looking around for a shiskeh goddess to be wife number two. Just like in Cinderella, he found her—only, she wasn’t what he thought she was. Her name was Esther, and she was being raised by her uncle, Mordecai. Morty told her, “Look, when you meet the king, be on the safe side: don’t tell him you’re Jewish.”
“Nu, vu den?” [what then?] said Esther. “My name’s Esther, and yours is Mordecai. It’s not like we can pass for Irish.”
“I dunno. Say you’re Presbyterian. And for God’s sake, don’t show him your Lord & Taylor gift certificate!”
So, Esther played it cool, and soon enough she was queen of the land. And Uncle Mordecai visited Esther often. And he kept reminding her: “Remember, if you get your nails done more than three times a week, he’s gonna suspect.”
Mordecai even foiled an assassination attempt on the King by two of his servants. Morty warned Esther, Esther warned her husband, and the plotters were hanged. So Mordecai and Esther were doing fine…except: Esther was not the King’s chief advisor. That position went to a fellow in the Amalak tribe, a man by the name of Haman (spins grogger). Yes, Haman (spins grogger). Haman was a motherf — (spins grogger). A wicked man. A vain man. As the King’s Henry Kissinger, he expected everyone to bow down to him, including Esther’s Uncle Mordecai. But Morty said, “Sorry, I will not bow to you. I bow only before God and my proctologist. And at least God trims His fingernails.”
This got Haman (spins grogger) so mad, he craved revenge not only on Mordecai—who I guess he didn’t realize was Esther’s uncle—but all the Jews in the kingdom. So he drew lots. In fact, he drew lots and lots of lots to determine which day all of the Jews in Persia should be annihilated. And by the way, the word “Purim” means “lots” in old Persian.
Anyway, it turns out that astrologically, the 14th of Adar was the most salubrious day. He actually looked in the horoscope in the Persian Post. It said, “You will make many short-term enemies. Don’t mind them! It’s a great day for a holocaust. However, your love life is still dormant and will remain so for some time. Don’t wear purple.”
Haman (spins grogger) then went to the King and told him all these terrible lies about the Jews: “Oy, they own the media! Oh, they have undue influence calling for a war with Mesopotamia! Oh, they’re ruining Michael Jackson’s career!” All these horrible slanders which the King believed. His Highness, never one to turn down the opportunity for some bloodletting, went along with his advisor’s plan for genocide.
Mordecai heard this and went meshuggah, crying and screaming and tearing his clothes and warning that all the Jews were gonna die. Esther got wind of it and told him, “Calm down. Tell everybody to fast for three days. Pray for me. Pray for all of us.”
She was nervous because a queen isn’t allowed to summon a king. It’s an offense punishable by—you got it—wifeicide. But after the fast, Esther goes to the King and invites him to a big banquet. Typical man, he hears the word “food,” and he’s thrilled to be alive. So they have the feast, and the King notices Mordecai there. So does Haman (spins grogger). The King is then reminded that Mordecai once saved his tuchas. So before evil Haman (spins grogger) can ask the King to kill Mordecai, the King tells him to dress Mordecai like a royal hero and lead him through the streets in a parade. Gritting his teeth, Haman (spins grogger) does what he’s told.
The next night, another banquet, and this time, Esther says the magic words, “Guess who married a Jew? You! And guess what else. There’s a guy in your employ who wants to murder me and all my tribe.”
“Who?” says the KIng. “That Chief of Homeland Security?”
“No,” replied Esther. “Your closest advisor. You know his name. It starts with an `h.’ It’s not Hubert. It’s…HAMAN!” (spins grogger)
Well, that did it for the Haymaster; he was hung on the same gallows he had built for Mordecai. And all ten sons of Haman (spins grogger) were hung. A couple were well-hung, but that’s something different. Mordecai was made prime minister and given a directive that the Jews could defend themselves against anyone who tried to vanquish them.
It all happened on the 14th day of the month of Adar—Purim day. A day the Jews could have been butchered but instead were spared and celebrated. So Mordecai declared it an annual feast day, which over the years has come to include lots of drinking and wearing costumes and masks.
Mordecai also started the custom of giving money to the poor and giving gifts of food and candy, called “shalach manos,” to our neighbors. That’s why it’s different from Halloween; the kids go door to door giving people treats rather than taking. No wonder they grow up cranky.
But seriously, in the synagogue we read the story of Esther, called “The Megillah,” first word to last. We dance around, and, as you’ve heard, make a tremendous amount of noise when we hear the name of that megillah gorilla…Haman! (spins grogger) It’s to blot out his name, to erase him from our thoughts and from our history. Esther and Mordecai, however, are among the most beloved figures in Jewish lore, which leads me to this limerick:
There once was a hero named Mordecai
An upstanding mensch, and a sporty guy
His clever instruction
saved Jews from destruction
and gave them permission to fortify!
And now, get your singing caps on! Time for a little music. A tune I came up with, if you want to sing along. I love the title: “Don’t Mess with Us.”
“If you try to kill the Jews
here’s a little piece of news
God will stop you and he’ll drop you dead instead.
He got Hitler, He got Haman
and a dozen I’m not namin’
So don’t mess with the Jews `cause you’ll lose.
If your aim is genocide
then you better run and hide
`cause HaShem will turn the tide until you drown
Every exile and pogrom
we’ve emerged triumphant from
`cause the Lord is our sword and our drum.
So if you’re a neo-Nazi
and you think you’re hotsy-totsy
or you’re blowing up civilians on a bus
You had best leave us alone
or we’ll hora on your bones
You’ll be stuck, Chuck, so don’t muck with us.
So listen here, you goyim,
every girl and every boyim
anti-Semitism brings you only tears
`cause HaShem is in our corner
He will make your mom a mourner
For the sake of your kids
be a friend to the Yids
Treat us nice, treat us well
or you’ll barbecue in hell
It’s been like this for 5,000 years.
Yagadagadagadee badabaaay
buh buh buh buh bum
Yoyboybaybay daybaybayba
yubuhbuhbuh bum. Hoi!”
So, yes, on this holiday I’m here to spread some joy, to celebrate this merry holiday with music and humor and my basic undercurrent of rage. No, I’m kidding. You can’t get upset on Purim; it’s a wonderful day! And it’s a bigger deal in Eretz Yisroel than it is here. Everyone gets into the spirit. A nice boychick who was in Israel last Purim wrote on his website, “It’s a nationally celebrated party, and everyone is invited! Indeed, it is not uncommon to see rabbits, angels, and Harry Potters sitting at the bus stop or wandering around the supermarket. Nor is it unusual to pass by wizards, policemen, or monsters in the street without a second thought. At one carnival extravaganza, there were flamethrowers, singers and dancers, and I’m sure there were also the ultimate Jewish lifeline, jokes:
The year is 2015 and the situation is grim. The earth’s ozone layer has eroded to where the ice caps are melting and the entire world is about to flood. All the major religions call enclaves on how to lead the people through the crisis. The Pope issues a statement that Catholics should write out a long confession and beg Jesus for salvation. The Protestant church urges its follows to eat only vegetables and cleanse themselves for the final judgment. The Muslim clerics order their people to fast all day and pray from morning to night. The head rabbis argue for an hour. And then they immediately start giving lessons on how to live underwater.
That’s what it’s all about for us: survival. Belief, but pragmatism. Prayer and practicality.
I want to wish you all a Purim sameach [happy].A glorious springtime. May we all have peace—or at least a great piece of hamentaschen. This is Rabbi Sol Solomon saying shalom oovrachah from every one of me to every one of you.
(Pictured: Dr. Demento)
