Some jokes to mark the recent passing of pass rusher O.J. Simpson.
“My Sick Mind: O.J. Simpson” first aired on Dave’s Gone By, Sat, April 13, 2024. Host: Dave Lefkowitz All content (c)2024 TotalTheater Productions.
MY SICK MIND – O.J. Simpson What’s the best thing about worms and maggots’ breakfast this week? They’re having O.J.
Why will O.J. have a quick funeral? Because he was known for rushing.
When OJ was having money troubles, he tried his hand at stand-up comedy. He killed.
To O.J. Simpson, what’s the difference between first down and second down? Nicole was first down; Ron Goldman was the second down.
Why are college kids so disappointed that O.J. Simpson was killed by cancer? Because they can’t blame Israel for it.
Why will Kim Kardashian never live up to the standard set by her father? Kim Kardashian has a big ass and fucked a guy named Ray-J. Robert Kardashian was a big ass and fucked the whole legal system.
How do we know a dying O.J. still missed doing car-rental commercials? He kept moaning, “Hertz! Hertz!”
Did you know that O.J.’s father was an African drag queen? “Awisha Yuzdarubba”
How did O.J. Simpson mature from child to grownup? As a boy, he did ticket scalping. As a man, he said, “Who needs tickets?”
They found O.J. Simpson’s diaries. Turns out he never used hyphens. Just a lot of slashes.
What made Nicole Brown Simpson the ideal Jewish wife? She stopped moving, but O.J. kept penetrating her… and he got off!
Here is the 919th episode of the long-running radio show/video podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired live on Facebook Saturday morning, Nov. 25, 2023.
Featuring: Bunion Watch, Greeley Times, Colorado Limerick of the Damned (Vilas).
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (prime rib, HVAC, Johns Hopkins University, the Jets) 01:23:00 GREELEY TIMES 01:43:00 BUNION WATCH 01:57:30 Friends of the Daverhood 02:05:30 COLORADO LIMERICK OF THE DAMNED (Vilas, CO) 02:10:30 DAVE GOES OUT
Here is the 763rd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired live on Facebook Saturday morning, Sept. 12, 2020. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews sportscaster Troy Coverdale; Greeley Crimes & Old Times; Colorado Limerick of the Damned (Pierce); Today/Yesterday Quiz (Sept. 12 w/ Leslie (Hoban) Blake vs. the Shubs `n Shy.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN (no Potato Day, KFKA, egg timer, safe video) 01:01:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:24:00 COLORADO LIMERICK OF THE DAMNED (Pierce) 01:28:30 TODAY/YESTERDAY (Sept. 12 w/ Leslie (Hoban) Blake vs. the Shubs 02:31:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Troy Coverdale 03:17:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 03:33:00 Friends of the Daverhood 03:36:30 DAVE GOES OUT
Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with sportscaster TROY COVERDALE
Topics include: college sports, University of Northern Colorado, KFKA, coronavirus.
Segment aired Sept. 12, 2020 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio/podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
Here is the 548th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio March 5, 2016. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (astronaut Scott Kelly), Inside Broadway, Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Saturday Segues (In the News, John Cale), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Tulsa archives).
Host: Dave Lefkowitz Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (the sniffles, pep talks, kale, gravity, the Oscars, Big Sky blahs) 00:23:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:00:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (GPS, good karma) 01:06:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 01:31:00 Sponsors 01:38:30 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:02:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Tulsa archive) 02:31:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #137 (astronaut Scott Kelly) 02:38:00 Friends 02:50:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – John Cale 03:14:00 Weather 03:18:00 DAVE GOES OUT (ghostopus!)
March 5, 2016 Playlist: “She was Naked” (01:07:00; Supersister). “Ben” ({live}, 01:11:00; Michael Jackson). “Knife” (01:14:00; Robyn Hitchcock). “The Space Race is Over” (01:17:00; Billy Bragg). “Buds Won’t Bud” (01:58:30; Barbara Cook). “Hard Times in New York Town” (02:07:30), “All Along the Watchtower” ({live w/ Tom Petty}, 02:09:30) & “Dignity” ({live} 02:14:00; Bob Dylan). “The Ballad of Cable Hogue” (02:52:00), “Days of Steam” (03:01:30), “Indistinct Notion of Cool” (03:03:00). “Hey Ray” (03:06:00; John Cale). “Empty Frames” (02:57:00; John Cale & Brian Eno). “Neon Meate Dream of a Octafish” (03:22:00; Captain Beefheart). “Octopus’s Garden” (03:25:30; The Beatles).
Here is the 480th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Oct. 11, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave chats with broadcast legend Dick Cavett and Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with comedian Vicky Kuperman. Also: Saturday Segue (Siberry & Simon), Dylan – Sooner & Later (Manchester in the Heart) and the Wretched Pun of Destiny (Tiara).
Guests: broadcast legend Dick Cavett and comedian Vicky Kuperman
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – Tailgating 00:26:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Siberry n’ Simon 00:51:00 Sponsors 01:00:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Vicky Kuperman 01:31:00 Friends 01:39:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Manchester in the Heart) 01:50:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY – Tiara 01:51:30 GUEST: Dick Cavett (part one) 02:19:30 Thanks 02:22:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Oct. 11, 2014 Playlist: “Goodbye, My Sweet Pumpkinhead” & “Sail Across the Water” (Jane Siberry). “Goodbye, My Sweet Pumpkinhead” (00:32:00) & “Sail Across the Water” (00:40:30; Jane Siberry). “Song About the Moon” (00:36:30; Paul Simon). “Keep the Customer Satisfied” (00:46:00; Simon & Garfunkel). “untitled” (00:57:30 & 01:28:30; Vicky Kuperman, from youtube). “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” (01:42:00) & “Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat” (01:45:00; Bob Dylan). “Gone, Movin’ On” (02:29:00; Paul Revere & the Raiders).
The 2nd Wretched Pun of Destiny aired on Dave’s Gone By, Aug. 2, 2014.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast. All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 2. This huge football fan is excited that the new season is starting soon, so he wants to invite all his buddies for a party on the day of the first game. He heads to the local printing shop and tells the owner he wants to send out invitation cards that would be fun for them to RSVP.
“No problem,” says the shop owner. “We can make the perfect cards. We’ll put the team logos right on the cover and all the information. How do you want the words to look?”
“Well, that’s your department,” says the fan. “I just want something that’s right for sports, guys, football – you know.”
“I know the perfect style,” says the shop guy. “The American Library Association uses a typeface and font that we always use for this kind of invitation.”
The fan says, “Fantastic, go for it! It’s the Broncos vs. the New York Jets. Here’s a list of the Broncos fans I’m inviting, so put their logo on those cards; and here’s a list of the Jets fans. Just make the same exact card, only with the Jet logo, instead.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”
“What do you mean, you can’t do that?”
“Well, we can do it for the Bronco fans, no problem. But not New York.”
“Why the heck not?” asks the fan.
“Haven’t you ever heard the expression, “An ALA Font, Never For Jets?”
Here is the 446th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Nov. 30, 2013. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with cheese sculptor Sarah Kaufmann. Plus: Inside Broadway, Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection on Thanksgiving Meeting Chanukah, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (grateful), and Thanksgivukkah Saturday Segue.
host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: cheese sculptor Sarah Kaufmann, Dave’s wife Joyce
Note: Because of recording difficulties, some of the spoken portions of this episode are of less-than-optimal audio quality
00:00:00 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (football, nostalgia & New Orleans) 00:54:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Thanksgivukkah 01:18:00 Sponsors 01:21:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 01:50:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Sarah Kaufmann 02:12:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (grateful) 02:35:00 Friends & Thanks 02:41:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #83 – Thanksgiving Meets Chanukah 02:48:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Current Events 02:56:00 Upcoming 02:59:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Nov. 30, 2013 Playlist: “Give Thanks and Praise” (00:55:00; Bob Marley). “Chanukah” (00:58:00; Lewis Black). “I Have a Little Dreidel” (01:03:00; Groovebarbers). “Thanks to You” (01:04:00; Chris Smither). “Grateful” (01:06:30; Blake Babies). “Thanks” (01:09:30; Pere Ubu). “Thanks for the Memory” (01:12:00; Bing Crosby). “Julie Taymor & Bono in Spider-Man” (01:33:30; Forbidden Broadway – Alive & Kicking!). “Question and Answer” (01:43:30; Violet 1997 off-Broadway cast). “The Cheese Alarm” (01:46:00; Robyn Hitchcock). “The Cheeky Cheese” (02:10:30; Sexton Ming & Billy Childish). “Covenant Woman” (02:13:00), “Tough Mama” (02:19:00), “One More Cup of Coffee” ({live 1975 version}; 02:23:00) & “We Better Talk This Over” (02:28:30; Bob Dylan). “Shir Amami” (03:00:30; Jane Siberry).
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of November 3rd, 2013.
In 1932, the Boston Braves football team changed their name to another Indian-related moniker: the Redskins. A few years later, they moved to Washington D.C., but they kept their name and have ever since. No one really paid attention to whether the name “Redskins” was offensive – not until 1992, when a group of Native Americans filed a trademark lawsuit against the team. The details are too complicated for me to explain here – because I have no idea what the hell they are. But I do know that arguing went back and forth in the courts for nearly two decades, and still, nobody really gave a crap.
But recent times and sensitivities have changed, and there’s a legitimate movement afoot to get the Washington Redskins to change their name to something that doesn’t bring to mind tomahawks, smoke signals and sunburned skin color.
Team owners remain adamant that the Redskins have an 80-year history that would be needlessly negated by a name change. Not to mention the cost of changing the signage on everything from souvenir jackets to Rex Grossman bobblehead dolls. And let’s not forget having to change all the signs at Washington’s Jack Kent Cooke Stadium – wait, that was changed to FedEx Field in 2000. How terribly sad for the undying legacy of Jack Kent Cooke. I guess.
Anyhoo, people who are against keeping the Redskins ruby tinted always use this example: What if you had the same situation with a different ethnicity? The Florida Yids? The Pittsburgh Polacks? What if there was a basketball team in the NBA called the Darkies? Well, they all are, but you know what I’m saying.
For 80 years, the University of North Dakota nicknamed its team The Fighting Sioux – which sounds pro-Indian until you realize that “Sioux” was a blanket name given by the whites to cover several different Indian tribes. No doubt, the blanket had smallpox on it, too. But hey, if North Dakotans can adapt, why can’t Washingtonians? I realize that asking someone in Washington DC to be flexible is like asking Stephen Hawking to catch a fly ball, but still.
America’s history with its indigenous peoples is one of lies, bullying and bloodshed – which is America’s history with everything. It was only two generations ago that Cowboys and Indians was a game in which the macho anglo, chaps-wearin’, chaw-chewing Cowboys were the good guys trying to tame the savage, sneaky, tomahawk chopping, paint-wearing, ugga-wugga, smoke-signaling red man. Howevermuch scriptwriters tried to make him noble and clever, Tonto was the Lone Ranger’s bitch. Even his name, “tonto,” means stupid in Spanish. I know this because I looked it up – when my junior high school teacher nicknamed me that in Spanish class. I told my parents, and they made her change it. From then on, she called me “hijo de puta,” which she said means “wise one.” I should probably look that one up, too, but I trust her.
Getting back to the Redskins: as someone who comes from an oppressed people – New Yorkers – I empathize with the desire to undo a little piece of ugly history. There’s no good reason not to change the team name if enough people find it derogatory. When teams move, they change – look at the L.A. Dodgers and the Brooklyn Nets. Even the Beatles went through name-revisions. Do you think John, Paul, George and Ringo sat around saying, “No, we can’t change; we have such an important legacy as `The Quarrymen’”?
Of course, the fun part is finding a new name for the Redskins. One blogger suggested “The Washington Monuments,” which is brilliant, especially if it’s a defensive team; you try toppling a monument to get to the end zone. Others have suggested The Washington Warriors, or the Renegades. Then you had the punsters with their government jokes: The Washington Shutdown, The Washington Impasse, The DC Douchebags. And, for those of you getting old enough to eat your steaks in liquid form, how about The Watergates? Or the Reaganomics?
Polls have shown that most people – even Native Americans – are fine with the name “Redskins.” They’re used to it; they’ve even coopted it, the way black people have made the “n” word their own. And by the “n” word, I mean Nikes. Still, why are Americans still eating Aunt Jemima syrup and Uncle Ben’s rice? How many decades have the movies given us fast-talking Hispanic sidekicks, Asian dragon ladies, Italian guidos and Jewish mothers? There’s truth in stereotypes, and even some good things implicit in stereotypes, but there’s also a time to break the mold. So come, Washington Redskins, let’s smoke-um peace pipe and move forward. How? And how.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
Here is the 410th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 2, 2013. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave offers a pre-Super Bowl Saturday Segue and a Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later segment for the big game. Plus: Dave Says Bye to Major Koch; Dave Goes Off on fortune cookies; Inside Broadway; Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (Oldies but Goodies); a Bob Marley tribute.
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN 00:10:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Super Bowl 00:41:30 Sponsors 00:49:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 01:06:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Fortune Cookies 01:23:00 DAVE SAYS BYE – Mayor Ed Koch 01:50:00 Weather 01:52:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #54 – Oldies but Goodies 01:59:30 BOB DYLAN: Sooner & Later – The Super Bowl 02:35:00 NEWS GONE BY 02:46:00 Friends 02:50:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Bob Marley 03:04:30 DAVE GOES OUT
Feb. 2, 2013 Playlist: “I Wish I was in New Orleans” (00:12:00; Tom Waits). “Baltimore Fire” (00:16:30; Kate & Anna McGarrigle & Loudon Wainwright). “San Francisco Blues” (00:19:30; The Weavers). “Raven” (00:24:00; Jewel). “Clementine” (Neil Young; 00:28:00). “Because All Men are Brothers” (00:33:30; Peter, Paul & Mary). “Children of Paradise” (01:01:30; Boney M). “Tales from the Hood” (01:40:30; Nas). “The Only Living Boy in New York” (01:44:30; Simon and Garfunkel). “Running Out the Clock” (02:02:00; Tim Heidecker). “Who Killed Davey Moore?” (02:05:30), “Days of 49” (02:08:30), “Arthur McBride” (02:16:30), “Sitting on a Barbed-Wire Fence” (02:23:00), “I Shall Be Free” ({Witmark Demos version}, 02:27:00; Bob Dylan). “Love Minus Zero/No Limit” (Joan Baez; 02:14:00). “It’s All in the Game” (02:42:00; The Four Tops). “Lively Up Yourself” (02:51:30), “The Heathen” (02:54:30), “Three Little Birds” (02:57:00), “Sun is Shining” (03:00:00), “Redemption Song” (03:08:30; Bob Marley).