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Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #5 (2/20/2011): PRESIDENTS DAY

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #5 (2/20/2011): Presidents Day

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aired February 19, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: https://youtu.be/nZT9N_r13ag

Shalom Dammit, this is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 20, 2011.

Happy Washington’s Birthday everybody. No, wait – Happy Lincoln’s Birthday everybody. No – wait, make that Happy Presidents Day. Who the hell knows what day it is?

Back in olden times, George Washington’s birthday was celebrated on February 22nd because it was … wait for it… George Washington’s birthday! What could be simpler? Venerate this important statesman on the actual day of his birth.

But everybody knows the best holidays fall on a Monday. If you keep Washington’s Birthday on the 22nd, there’s only a one-in-seven chance of scoring a three-day weekend. Politicians fixed this problem by moving the holiday one week earlier. Leave it to the Federal Government to ensure Washington’s Birthday never actually falls on Washington’s Birthday. These are the people we pay to fix our sewers.

Anyway, let’s not forget about Lincoln’s Birthday, February 12th. God forbid we should have two national holidays so that working people get two days off in the middle of godforsaken February. No, even though Lincoln’s Birthday was never officially shlunked into Washington’s, most people assume Presidents Day covers both these guys.

But who’s to say it doesn’t cover more? Some of the founders of Presidents Day intended it to honor the office of the presidency, rather than any particular leader. But does that mean, when we celebrate Presidents Day, we’re glorifying Warren G. Harding? Richard Nixon? Jimmy Carter? George W. Bush? I’d sooner celebrate Bernie Madoff’s birthday!

Why couldn’t we leave things the way they were? Celebrate a holiday on the holiday. I feel bad for Lincoln; I really do. He’s like the goyische kid whose birthday falls on Christmas Eve. So all his relatives bring him one present instead of two – but it’s a slightly nicer, more expensive gift because it covers both occasions. They think this is fairness. When the kid grows up, he should tell the relatives, “You know.. years from now, when you’re lying in a nursing home, I would have come to visit twice a year, but instead, I’ll come once, but I’ll stay ten minutes longer. Cheap bastards.”

Speaking of goyim, you notice – they don’t touch Christmas. The other holidays they move like backgammon chips, but Christmas, no. Or New Year’s Day – but that one at least has a built-in safety. Nevertheless, I’m sure there’s a schmuck politician out there who’s thinking, “January 1st would be so much more convenient on December 28th.” Only thing stopping the madness is the calendar.

Christmas, on the other hand – why not move it? Who knows when Jesus was actually born, if Jesus was actually born. So keep New Year’s Day, and move Christmas to July. This way the goyim can put up their decorations without freezing their balls off, we get a nice Federal holiday between Memorial and Labor Day, and Jews wouldn’t have to keep explaining to our children why Christmas and Chanukah have nothing in common.

Well, except the fat guy who comes into people’s houses for a nosh while they’re asleep. One is Santa Claus, the other is crazy uncle Mort who needs a restraining order.

And as for Presidents Day – well, if we set aside one holiday for every president who wasn’t a disaster, you’d need half a dozen days. So lumping all the leaders into Presidents Day does have its logic. In fact, why not add Statesman Day? That way, you could honor all these noble speakers – Martin Luther King, Madeleine Albright, Mister Rogers – without going through the controversies: “oh, this one’s an adulterer, that one’s too liberal, this one wears lame sweaters.”

And how about a holiday dedicated to the guy who put all the holidays on Mondays? For the sake of three-day weekends and half-a-day Fridays, the guy who disregarded birthdays, anniversaries, bombings, assassinations, all in the name of commerce, convenience and white sales. We should find out who this guy is and celebrate his birthday… whenever.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection by Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

—> https://youtu.be/nZT9N_r13ag

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=32945

Dave’s Gone By #343 (2/19/2011): LIVE LAVIN

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Here is the 343rd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 19, 2011. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: actress Linda Lavin & Dave’s dad, Philip Lefkowitz

Featuring: Dave chats with actress Linda Lavin (“Alice,” Other Desert Cities) and his dad, Philip Lefkowitz. Plus: Dave Says Bye to Kenneth Mars and Betty Garrett. Also: Inside Broadway (The Importance of Being Earnest, Colin Quinn: Long Story Short, The Divine Sister, Baby Wants Candy), Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Presidents Day, and Bob Dylan: “Sooner & Later” (Presidents Day).

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:14:30 GUEST: Linda Lavin
00:39:00 DAVE SAYS BYE – Betty Garrett & Kenneth Mars
00:53:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (Reviews of The Importance of Being Earnest (00:53:30); Colin Quinn: Long Story Short (01:02:30) The Divine Sister (01:07:30); Baby Wants Candy (01:13:00); thoughts on Spider-Man (01:17:30).
01:33:30 GUEST: Philip Lefkowitz
02:09:30 Dave’s Sponsors
02:15:30 Bob Dylan: Sooner & Later (Presidents Day)
02:47:30 Weather
02:49:30 Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (Presidents Day)
02:55:30 Friends
03:04:30 DAVE GOES OUT

Feb. 19, 2011 Playlist: “Mr. President” (00:07:00; Randy Newman); “Funky President” (00:10:00; James Brown); “You’re Awful” (00:36:30; Frank Sinatra & Betty Garrett). “Franz Liebkind Scene” (00:44:30; “The Producers” film); “The Lullaby of Broadway” (00:48:30); “The President” (01:29:00; Robyn Hitchcock). “End Titles” (02:05:00; “To Kill a Mockingbird” score by Elmer Bernstein). “Dear Mrs. Roosevelt” (02:16:00), “Talkin’ World War III Blues” (live) (02:22:00), “Joey” (live) (02:27:30), “Must Be Santa” (02:36:30) & “It’s All Right Ma, I’m Only Bleeding” (live) (02:39:00) (Bob Dylan).

Dave’s Gone By #201 (12/31/2006): THE WGBB NEW YEAR’S CRAPTACULAR

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Here is the 201st episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Dec. 31, 2006. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest co-host: Jeff Goodman

guests: Mike Chimeri, Tom Ross, Bonnie D. Graham, Charles Gross, Rozanna Beaumont, Brother Clarence Thomas, James Hodge, Joel Blumberg, and Dave’s wife Joyce.

Featuring: A special episode with Dave and co-host Jeff Goodman ushering in the New Year with guests from WGBB’s roster, phone callers and fun.

Note: Joel Blumberg passed away Dec. 17, 2010 at age 64.

Note: The program was edited down from its broadcast length to fit onto three CDs. Remember CDs?)

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:12:00 Guest: Mike Chimeri
00:27:30 Guest: WGBB Programmer Tom Ross
00:37:30 Party Favors
00:41:00 Yo Soy Sauce
00:46:00 Guest: Brother Clarence Thomas
00:56:00 DAVE & JEFF: Dave Hates Xmas
00:59:00 Guest: Charles Gross
01:17:00 Guest: Rozanna Beaumont
01:24:30 Nova Scotia New Year w/ Joel Blumberg
01:29:00 Plugz
01:40:30 Dave’s Family (w/ Philip Lefkowitz, David Lippman)
01:53:00 Guest: Larry Gange from Galaxie Caterers
01:58:00 The Passings of 2006
02:03:30 The Pinnacle! w/ Joyce
02:27:00 “Frank Rizzo”
02:40:30 Guests: James Hodge & Nana
02:51:00 A message from Bonnie D. Graham
02:53:00 Thank Yous
03:19:00 Midwest New Year
03:23:00 The Finale

Dec. 31, 2007 Playlist: “Ring Out Solstice Bells” (00:07:00; Jethro Tull). “New Coat of Paint” (01:37:00; Tom Waits). “Happy Days are Here Again” (02:31:30; Tiny Tim). “Auld Lang Syne” (02:57:00; Guy Lombardo). “Forever Young” (live; 03:05:00; Bob Dylan & the Band). “These are Days” (03:24:00; 10,000 Maniacs).

Dave’s Gone By #195 (11/5/2006): LES MS.

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Here is the 195th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Nov. 5, 2006. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest co-host: Jeff Goodman
guest: actress Daphne Rubin-Vega (Rent)

Featuring: Dave chats with actress Daphne Rubin-Vega. Plus: Inside Broadway (Butley, Grey Gardens, The Times They are a-Changin’).

00:00:01 Pre-Show: Halloween (00:00:01) & Foley (00:06:00))
00:09:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:26:00 GUEST: Daphne Rubin-Vega
00:53:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (Grey Gardens (00:53:00), The Times They are a-Changin’ (00:60:00), Butley (00:63:00))
00:65:00 DAVE GOES OUT

November 5, 2006 Playlist: “Mental Tenant” & “The Rainbow Connection” (Daphne Rubin-Vega), “Light My Candle” (Rent original cast).

Dave’s Gone By Interview (12/22/2005): RON CLANCY & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Christmas music expert Ron Clancy

Topics include: Christmas carols, Irving Berlin, holidays.

Segment originally aired Dec. 22, 2005, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2005 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By #154 (12/22/2005): XMESS

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Here is the 154th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM Dec. 22, 2005. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest: musical archivist Ron Clancy and Rabbi Sol Solomon (spiritual leader of Temple Sons of Bitches, Great Neck, NY)

Featuring: Dave celebrates Christmas and Chanukah with novelty songs and holiday music expert, Ron Clancy

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:15:00 Guest: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Ron Clancy
00:51:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Dec. 22, 2005 Playlist: “My Doggy’s Christmas Gift” (00:10:00), “We Killed Santa Claus” (00:14:00), “The Twelve Complaints of Christmas” (00:35:00), “Santasia” (00:41:00), “Anal Dreidel” (00:49:00) & “The Twelve Perversions of Christmas” (00:51:00; Dave), “(I’m Having a) Gay Christmas” (00:46:00; Peter Fitzgerald), “Blue Christmas” (Tammy Wynette).

Dave’s Gone By #120 (3/24/2005): A VERY GOOD SHOW

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Here is the 120th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, March 24, 2005. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guests: author Larry Cuocci (“A Very Good Year”) and Rabbi Sol Solomon, spiritual leader of Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, NY.

Featuring: Dave chats with author Larry Cuocci. Plus: Dave Goes Off on Parking and Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Purimspiel.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:08:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Parking
00:16:00 DAVE’S GOT GUESTS – author Larry Cuocci (“A Very Good Year”)
00:38:00 SKIT: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Purimspiel
00:52:00 DAVE GOES OUT

March 24, 2005 Playlist: “A Wake Up Call” & “A Viennese Freilach” (New Orleans Klezmer Allstars).

Dave’s Gone By #112 (1/27/2005): REINDEER GAMES

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Here is the 112th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Jan. 27, 2005. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest: novelty musician Dr. Elmo

Featuring: Dave chats with Elmo Shropshire (aka Dr. Elmo), of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” fame. Plus: Sports talk.

00:00:00 DAVE GOES IN – Sports
00:20:00 DAVE’S GOT GUESTS – musician Dr. Elmo
00:49:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Jan. 27, 2005 Playlist: “Christmas Without Martha” & “Christmas All Across the USA” (Dr. Elmo).

Dave’s Gone By #105 (12/9/2004): CIGGY STARBURST

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Here is the 105th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Dec. 9, 2004. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest: Rabbi Sol Solomon, spiritual leader of Temple Sons of Bitches, Great Neck, NY

Featuring: Dave celebrates Chanukah with Rabbi Sol Solomon and goes off on smoking on stage. Plus: La Cage returns Inside Broadway.

0:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – Daylight
00:20:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – La Cage
00:31:00 DAVE GOES OFF – Smoking
00:38:00 SKIT: Rabbi Sol Solomon on Chanukah
00:50:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Dec. 9, 2004 Playlist: “Daylight” (Kinks); “Song on the Sand” (La Cage aux Folles, original cast); “Is it Good for the Jews?” (Rabbi Sol Solomon); “Anal Dreidel” (Dave, unreleased).

Gary Beach and Daniel Davis in La Cage aux Folles

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/23/2004) (I’m Having a) GAY CHRISTMAS (w/ Peter Fitzgerald)

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ZZ-Song-GayChristmas

Gay icon Peter Fitzgerald sings a Yuletide jolly.

Segment originally aired Dec. 23, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

(I’M HAVING A) GAY CHRISTMAS

by Peter Fitzgerald (as transcribed by David Lefkowitz)

Oh oh oh!

I’m having a gay Christmas, just my lover and me
We’ve got a goose in the oven,
and vibrating novelties on the tree.
I’m having a gay Christmas! Makes me feel so young.
The lights are glowing, the wind is blowing,
And the stockings are well-hung.

I’m having a gay Christmas, carolers at the door
Each one gets a flavored condom
If I can put it on `em, I give `em one more
I’m having a gay Christmas, shouting Ho Ho Ho!
I sing and dance and unzip my pants
Underneath the mistletoe.

Now, too many people are too uptight,
And they miss the beauty of a silent night
But ask my partner, that’s not how I am
When I poke his long, and he smokes my ham.

I’m having a sissy Christmas, full of yuletide cheer
I’m greasin’ up my chimney `cause between you and me, Santa’s queer!
He’s a bringing a load of presents
I’m gonna wear them all
And if candy canes leave sticky stains,
I’ll return them at the mall.

Now Christmas is a wonderful word
The sexiest word I’ve ever heard.
It starts with Christ, and ends in ass,
And “mm” in between for a great big mass!

I’m having a gay Christmas, just like Jesus did
The thought of him kissing Judas makes me want to molest a kid (no!)
I’m having a gay Christmas, eggnog by the fire
I wax my thighs and fantasize
About the Vienna Boys Choir.

Now Christmas is a time of joy
For every girl and, especially, boy.
And on December 24th, Santa’s pole points north, north, north!

I’m having a gay Christmas, yule log on the tube
I’m making my special icing, and basting the goose with k.y. lube
I’m having a gay Christmas, fruitcakes filled with rum
I shake and bake until I make all ye faithful cum!

Hurry Santa, please! I’m on my knees.