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Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #016 (5/14/2011): Israel’s Birthday

click above to listen (audio file)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #16 (5/14/2011): Israel’s Birthday

(Aired May 14, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8SWeaSKKVY)

Shalom, Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon, with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 14th, 2011.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Israel –

You adorable 63-year-old country, you –

You-bastion-of-democracy-in-the-middle-of-Muslim-lunatics, you –

You military marvel even though you’re surrounded by enemies always attacking you, you –

Happy birthday to you!

This past Tuesday, May 10th, marked the Israeli holiday of Yom Ha’atzma’ut – Independence Day! The day back in 1948 that Israel told the United Kingdom, “Thanks for looking after the place for a few years. But, really, it’s time for you to go. We’re a big little country; we can take care of ourselves.”

And do that they have. From the minute Israel booted out the English protectorate, the Arabs attacked. They attacked in 1948, they attacked in 1956, they attacked in 1967, they attacked in 1973 – on Yom Kippur, yet. In 1978, PLO terrorists kept attacking, so in 1982, we attacked. Was nice for a change.

Each time, with the admitted help of American money and missiles, Israel kicked tuchas. All the while, we built schools, farms, hotels, theaters, falafel stands, high-class brothels – don’t ask me how I know about that last one.

Despite having to dump six percent of its gross national product into the military every year, Israel thrives. Despite Jihad rockets launched into Gaza, and threats from charming neighbors like Syria, Lebanon, Libya and Iran, Israel thrives. Despite occasional rotten oranges, like that former Israeli president who raped a girl – (please, Israeli women are loose enough, you don’t have to go raping them. Don’t ask me how I know about that) – despite all that, Israel thrives.

So now we hear that Hamas, the Palestinian party that governs the Gaza strip, has made peace with its old enemy, Fatah, the reincarnated version of the PLO. What kind of names are those anyway? Sounds like you’re coughing up phlegm: Chhhhamas.. F’tah!

For years, these two organizations did what most Arabs have tended to do: hate and kill each other. Ahh, the good old days! But now they’ve made peace…not with Israel, but among themselves, so they can gang up in Israel. Isn’t diplomacy wonderful?

In fact, it works so well that America’s chief envoy to the middle east just resigned. He gave up. After two years of begging for a two-state solution, from a two-terrorist problem. Now, since the death of Yasser Arafat – who should rot in gehenna with scorpions laying eggs in his anus – Fatah has appeared more moderate. Leader Mahmoud Abbas gave indications he might actually work with Israel and the United States to make something decent happen.

But now he’s joined forces with Hamas, aka the Islamic Resistance Movement, aka the kinds of people who think 9/11 was a lucky number. These are the Jihadists, the suicide bombers, the type of folks who could watch an entire episode of Family Guy without one giggle. In other words, terrorist scum.

But hey, Israel has negotiated with bloodthirsty mongrels before. We just wear gloves.

All it would take this time is for Hamas to say two little words: Israel Exists. That’s it. Acknowledge to the world that Israel is a sovereign country that has a right to be exactly where it is. You wanna have a laugh? Go look on google for maps of the Middle East. Do it. I’ll wait.

Okay, if you get a regular website run by normal people, you see little Israel and the rest of the Arab world. Now check ANY Arab-run website. The same map will not even have the name “Israel” on it. It’s either blank or called Palestine. It’s not Palestine, you Bedouin schmucks, it’s Israel – live with it. So we can finally live with you.

You know, I hate Germany. Germany turned a bunch of my ancestors into fertilizer. But I don’t look at a map of Western Europe and go, “Hey, what’s that blue thing between Poland and Belgium? Maybe if I close my eyes, it will go away. Ohhp, no.. still there.”

Israel will talk about two states, the west bank, the Golan Heights – all the land we won fair and square in the Six Day War. We will even listen to ideas about carving up Jerusalem – we’ll listen, doesn’t mean we’ll do it.

But nothing happens – just as it hasn’t happened in 63 years – nothing happens until all the Arabs admit that we are here and here to stay.

Happy Birthday, Israel! Yes, we’re going to a party-party. Just not the Hamas-Fatah party.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches.

Dave’s Gone By #354 (5/14/2011): RUSSELLMANIA

click above for episode #354 (audio only)

Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).

Here is the 354th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, May 14, 2011. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest: political satirist Mark Russell

Featuring: Dave chats with satirist Mark Russell. Plus: Inside Broadway (The Book of Mormon, Tony nominees), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Italy), Saturday Segue (Italians), Etta James get-well tribute, and Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Israel’s birthday.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:20:00 SATURDAY SEGUE: Italy
00:33:00 GUEST: Mark Russell
01:31:30 Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later: Italy
02:01:30 Items in the news
02:05:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (Tony nominees (02:05:00), The Book of Mormon (02:09:00) & news (02:16:30))
02:19:00 Get Well – Etta James
02:32:30 Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Israel’s birthday
02:59:00 DAVE – Friends & Sponsors
03:09:00 DAVE GOES OUT

May 14, 2011 Playlist: (part one) “The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine Anymore” (00:10:00; Walker Brothers); “Mambo Italiano” (00:22:00; Dean Martin); “Calypso Italiano” (00:24:00; Bobby Darin); “Be Italian” (00:27:00; Nine, 2009 film soundtrack); “We Open in Venice” (00:31:00; Kiss Me, Kate, 1949 Broadway cast); Excerpt from 1976 PBS special (01:22:00; Mark Russell, youtube clip); “Tangled Up in Blue” (01:31:30), “Down the Highway” (01:37:00), “Joey” (live w/ The Grateful Dead) (01:40:30), “House Carpenter” (01:49:30) & “When I Paint My Masterpiece” (01:54:00; Bob Dylan); “These Foolish Things” (02:21:30) & “Slow and Easy” (02:25:30; Etta James), “Let’s Get Away from it All” (02:39:00; Frank Sinatra); “Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day” (02:41:00; Sam Cooke); “Fly Me to the Moon” (02:43:30; Tony Bennett); “Young at Heart” (02:47:30; Jimmy Durante); “Opus I, No. 2, 2nd Movement – Minuetto Grazioso” (02:50:00; Frank Zappa); “The Vatican Rag” (02:52:30; Tom Lehrer).
(pictured: Mark Russell, Etta James, Italian flag, happy birthday Israel!)

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #004 (2/12/2011): Egypt

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #4 (2/12/2011): Egypt

click above to listen (audio file only)

Aired February 12, 2011 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube: https://youtu.be/vAiG4Xajf30

Shalom Dammit, this is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 13, 2011.

Well, it’s been a quiet week in the Middle East . . . nothing much going on there. (laugh) Is there ever quiet in the Middle East? In the Arab world, quiet is when they send only two missiles a day into Israel instead of the usual five.

But of course, these past three weeks, the world has been watching Egypt with a mixture of excitement, hope, fear and “oy, is gas four dollars yet?”

Doesn’t it figure that the one country Israel gets along with, the one country that has been a stable, peaceful neighbor for 30 years is the one that goes tohu-va-voho crazy? Does Iran go berserk, does Libya? No. Egypt is where they riot in the streets.

And they got what they wanted; Hosni Mubarak stepped down. One day before he quit, he sneaked away to a fancy resort. Got himself a massage, maybe a nice pedicure, calls Al Jazeera and says, “Okay, I’m done. I was gonna leave in a couple of weeks anyway. Help you guys transition to…whatever it is you’re transitioning to. But the people have spoken, and the regime is broken.” He’s probably shopping for a condo in Fort Lauderdale as we speak.

But of course, the big question is: what’s next? Mubarak’s vice president is trying to hold power – good luck on that. And as we ideally interpret the situation in the Western World, we hear the chant: “Democracy! Democracy! A democratic government by and for the people.” Crap, we don’t even have that here!

But do ya think they’ll even get that there? If and when Egypt does hold an election, the top candidate is gonna be backed by an outfit called the Muslim Brotherhood. I don’t mind the Brotherhood much, it’s the Muslim I’m worried about.

The Muslim Brotherhood is an organization across the Arab world that supports Muslim Sharia law as the law of the land. Supposedly, they’re non-violent, as opposed to Hamas, or Al Qaeda, or your typical Irish soccer fan. If we believe their press releases, they are a harmless, moderate, political group – like Shriners with different turbans. If we believe history, they’re anti-West, anti-Israel, ultra-religious – and just waiting for their day in the sun.

The question is not, “will Egypt become a Muslim state?” but “When they’re a Muslim state, will they march into Czechoslovakia?”

Now, I hate to sound pessimistic because I am, by nature, such a fun-loving goddamn bon vivant. So I will say this: when Anwar Sadat first came to the peace talks all those years ago, I didn’t trust him one bit. After all, 1979 was only six years after the Yom Kippur War, when Egypt and Syria picked the holiest Jewish day of the year to sneak-attack Israel. We kicked their asses, of course, but what were we to make of Sadat suddenly cramming an olive branch between his teeth? How do you trust the untrustable?

Except, of course, and to his everlasting credit, he kept his word. Egypt stopped attacking Israel. And Israel kept its word, too. We didn’t attack Egypt. Well, we weren’t attacking Egypt to begin with, but such is the unbalanced balance that passes for fairness in the Middle East.

My point, though, is that Mubarak also kept Sadat’s word. Maybe he was a dictator, maybe his economics didn’t trickle down to the people, maybe he was a western puppet. All I know is, now that the strings are cut, we’d love to see this puppet replaced by Jerry Mahoney, King Friday, even Kukla.

So why does my gut tell me we’ll end up with Chucky?

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection by Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

—> https://shalomdammit.wordpress.com/2011/02/12/39/

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=38040