Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with actors JILL EIKENBERRY & MICHAEL TUCKER
Click above to watch in-studio footage of Rabbi Sol Solomon’s phone interview with Jill Eikenberry and Michael Tucker.Click above to listen to the interview.
Topics include: Fern Hill, L.A. Law, breast cancer, marriage, Woody Allen, Mandy Patinkin, Meryl Streep, Trelawney of the Wells, Dustin Hoffman, religion.
Segment airs Sept. 7, 2019 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
Click above to watch in-studio footage of the entire episode.Click above to listen to the episode.
Here is the 712th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired live on Facebook Saturday, Sept. 7, 2019. More info: davesgoneby.com.
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: Michael Tucker & Jill Eikenberry, Dave’s wife Joyce
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews actors Jill Eikenberry & Michael Tucker, Inside Broadway, StoryTime (more fish n’ farts), Colorado Limerick of the Damned (Del Norte), My Sick Mind (Dead Hewlett Train Guy), Greeley Crimes & Old Times.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (LIRR suicide, ATMs, new taters) 00:57:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:39:30 INSIDE BROADWAY (news & review (01:58:00; Betrayal)) 02:14:00 GUESTS: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Michael Tucker & Jill Eikenberry 03:00:00 TODAY YESTERDAY – Sept. 7, 2019 03:29:30 MY SICK MIND – Dead Hewlett Train Guy 03:35:00 STORYTIME – Why Fish Fart, pt. 9 03:44:00 Friends of the Daverhood 03:49:00 COLORADO LIMERICK OF THE DAMNED – Del Norte 03:52:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Click above to watch in-studio footage of Rabbi Sol Solomon’s phone interview with playwright Wendy A. SchmidtClick above to listen to the interview (audio only).
Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with playwright WENDY A. SCHMIDT
Topics include: religion, playwriting, Maker of Worlds, Chicago theater.
Segment aired Aug. 31, 2019 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
Click above to listen to the interview (audio only).
Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews humorist Dylan Brody
Topics include: comedy, Paul Provenza, depression, Judaism, religion, Steve Allen, George Carlin, Garry Shandling, Robin Williams.
Segment aired May 21, 2016 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2016 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 21, 2015.
After World War II, the nation of Israel was so depleted that Hitler’s final solution felt most of the way there. But we survived, and at least the way the Orthodox are being fruitful and multiplying, we’re on the right track, and on the welfare track, but still. . . We also must be grateful for converts: people from other religions who are crazy enough to switch from Benson and Hedges to Bernstein and Hedgowitz. Sammy Davis Jr., Elizabeth Taylor, Tom Arnold, Joan Lunden, Helen Reddy, the late Anne Meara–they all put down the rosaries and picked up the rugelach.
Most of them did this for marriage. The nice Jewish boys these women hijacked from their mothers, the boyfriends said, “Look, I’d like to marry you, but the idea of a Christmas tree in the living room, or our baby, Herod, taking communion–it’s just too much. It’s like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof tolerating every obstacle except intermarriage. Jewish boys will date a debutante, they’ll shtup a shikseh (if they’re lucky), and they’ll even co-habitate with a Catholic. But when you bring marriage into it and the continuation of the Jewish race, well, it’s easier for you to give up Jesus than me to swear off Purim.
Now, the issue of who is a Jew–convert or otherwise–has been plaguing the various sects of Judaism for decades. For some, if your mother’s Jewish but your daddy’s not, fine, have a brisket. If your daddy’s Jewish and your mommy’s not, goodbye, get a ham sandwich. If they’re both Jewish, but they like mayonnaise and sailboats, that’s confusing. Talmudists wrangle with all sorts of permutations to ensure the so-called purity of Jewish lineage. I understand the impulse, but from where I stand–which is usually three inches away from the refrigerator–I say we must welcome those who wish to join our people. It’s not as if we have such a surplus of Jews that we can afford to turn away a few hundred. So if converts are willing to abide by the rules–and I don’t even mean kashrut, daily prayers, and the holidays–I just mean no New Testament and, at 68, you have to move to Florida. If you’re willing to be part of our misunderstood, maligned but magnificent people, by all means welcome. Bring pastry.
I mention all this because news broke last week that Jenna Jameson—oh, don’t make believe you never heard of her—Jenna Jameson, the former pornographic actress, will be converting to Judaism. She’s marrying an Israeli Jew, a diamond merchant noch besser, and to make him happy–though I’m sure she makes him happy in other ways–Jenna has begun keeping shabbos, cooking Jewish foods, and doing all the things a Jewish wife does, like . . . bitching and nagging.
Some Jewish feminists are not happy about adding Jenna Jew-ison to the fold. They ask, “How can this woman who’s had so much sex on camera become Jewish, since Jewish women never want sex anywhere?” These ladies find Jameson’s behavior degrading to women, not to mention that her husband to be is a typical Jewish man: instead of going out with dumpy J-Dates, he has the hots for a skinny blonde shikseh.
I object to this objection to Jenna Jameson’s years as a sex object. Who among us, Jewish or not, is without blemish or has no kinky fetishes? Me, I like to dip my testicles in warm borscht while I’m being spanked with a yad. As did Rashi, by the way. Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. The rest of us will enjoy her skin and grow the worst boners.
For even if Jenna Jameson had not retired from the intercourse industry, what’s so terrible and anti-Jewish about her past? She showed off her beauty? She gave men a thrill? She proved that a tuchas could be used for more than constipation and proctology?
I just hope that if she ever goes back into the porn business, she’ll bring some Jewishness into her films and even her film titles. Instead of her famous, “Where the Boys Aren’t,” she could do, “Where the Goys Aren’t.” Instead of “Jenna’s Built for Speed,” she’ll do “Jenna’s Built for Shopping.” Instead of “I Love Lesbians” she could do . . . well, she can still do “I Love Lesbians”; that totally works for me.
So if Jenna Jameson Judaifies, God bless her, literally. If some frummie wummies resent her intrusion into our culture, maybe that isn’t prudishness at all. Maybe they just feel threatened by a woman who made it rich on her own, can whip up a gourmet meal, can boink like a buffalo and is used to faking it, and doesn’t mind putting something in her mouth bigger than a Midol once in awhile. So welcome, Jenna Jameson, and baruch habah, which literally means “blessed is the comer.” You may find it hard at first, and sometimes you’ll blow it, but I hope you can feel me deeply behind you.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
The 37th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired May 23, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast. All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 37. College student Wang Chow is starting to see his grades slip and his GPA threatened because of his terrible problem with sex addiction. The more he promises to study, the more he finds himself compulsively chasing women, watching porn and giving himself over to pleasures of the flesh.
Ashamed, he confesses to his academic advisor, who suggests that religion might be a solution. Wang Chow tries Buddhism, but that doesn’t work. He then studies to be a Catholic, but no luck there, either. He goes through a half-dozen different religions before turning to Orthodox Judaism. For weeks, Wang Chow concentrates on keeping Kosher, studying Torah, going to synagogue—leaving him no time to sink back into addiction.
However, whenever he gets a few minutes free, Wang Chow still feels urges, so he finds the nearest private place and starts masturbating, several times a day. At first, he keeps his weakness a secret, but he feels so guilty that one day he visits the Rabbi in his study and says, “Rabbi, I no good. I do bad thing.”
“What do you mean?” says the Rebbe. “You’ve so sincere on the road to conversion. What’s wrong?”
Wang Chow whispers his dirty secret. “And you can’t control it?” says the Rabbi. The young man shakes his head.
“Wait,” says the Rebbe. “In the main office I have the book, `Kosher Sex,’ and there’s sure to be a chapter in there that’ll help.”
So the Rabbi excuses himself and heads to the office. After a minute, Wang Chow starts getting antsy. After two minutes, he’s breathing heavily and his heart is pounding. By the third minute, his pants are down around his ankles, and he’s rubbing one out to a poster of Jerusalem.
The Rabbi comes back just in time to see this and says, “Oy! I know you warned me, but this is too much. Even though you follow all our customs, you’re not ready to convert if you’re always doing this!”
“I know,” sobs Wang Chow, “I sorry! I Beat Off More than I Good Jew.”
Here is the 464th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, March 29, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave chats with Tony-winner Ben Vereen. Plus: Inside Broadway, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (The 80s), Saturday Segues (Tracy Chapman, knees)
Guest: actor-singer Ben Vereen
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN 00:18:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Tracy Chapman) 00:50:30 Sponsors 00:54:30 INSIDE BROADWAY 01:18:00 GUEST: Ben Vereen 02:02:00 Friends 02:15:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (the 80s) 02:46:00 Sponsors 02:51:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION – Fred Phelps 03:02:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (knees) 03:34:00 Weather & Thanks 03:39:30 DGB in the News! 03:48:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 29, 2014 Playlist: “Hard Wired” (00:21:00) , “Dreaming on a World (00:24:30), “Be and Not Be Afraid” (00:29:30), “Say Hallelujah” (00:34:00), “Devotion” (00:36:30) & “Open Arms” (00:39:00; Tracy Chapman). “Watch What Happens” (Newsies 2012 Broadway cast; 01:13:00). “Magic to Do” (Pippin 1972 Broadway cast w/ Ben Vereen; 01:15:00). “Greatest Love of All” (01:38:00; Ben Vereen). “Superstar” (01:55:30; Jesus Christ Superstar 1971 Broadway cast w/ Ben Vereen). “Shalom Santa” (02:04:00; Carole J. Bufford). “Unbelievable” (02:20:00), “Sweetheart Like You” (02:24:00), “Pressing On” (02:28:00) & “Dark Eyes” (02:36:30; Bob Dylan) . “Congratulations” (02:33:00; Traveling Wilburys). “Dancer with Bruised Knees” (03:05:30; Kate & Anna McGarrigle). “Hangman’s Knee” (03:09:00; Jeff Beck). “Stand on My Own Two Knees” (03:14:00; George Jones). “Einstein on the Beach – Knee Play 3” (03:16:30; Philip Glass). “Oh Susannah” (03:22:00; Neil Young & Crazy Horse). “Knee Drops” (03:27:00; Louis Armstrong). “One April Day” (03:50:30; Stephin Merritt).
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of December 1st, 2013.
When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars – who gives a shit? I don’t follow astrology. But when two happy holidays intersect, that can be a time of much joy and reflection.
Now, all too often, Christmas and Chanukah fall around the same time. This has been hell on Jews, because the media conflates the two festivals into one big secular holiday, which it is not. There’s no such thing as Chrismukkah. Judah Maccabee did not find the baby Jesus in the Syrian temple, and Christ was not crucified on the shamash of a giant wooden menorah.
And yet, the proximity of Yuletide and Chanukah made for an uneasy coexistence. Jewish children would see their goyishe friends on Christmas Day riding new bicycles, playing X-box, unwrapping a new drum set. Then the Yiddishe children would come home, light a candle, sing a song, and then hold out their hands for a big present. Wow! Two ounces of chocolate money. A day-glo dreidel. Next door, the blonde kid gets a Vespa; in the Jewish house, “happy Chanukah, here’s a dollar. Give half to charity.” Is it any wonder the yidlach would look longingly at outside culture and say, “I want to go to there!”?
So Jewish families started playing catch-up. It wasn’t enough to put a menorah in the window. Now we have to decorate, just like the goyim. And the first night of Chanukah is meant to approximate Christmas Eve, so the kid gets a half decent gift. That way, the Jewish child can go next door and say, “Ha ha! Sure, you got all that stuff from Santa. But at 12:01am on Christmas Day, you’re done. No more presents. I got an iPad tonight, and there are seven more days of presents to come. Good stuff like chocolate or money, or chocolate that looks like money. Have fun cleaning up pine needles for a month, you foreskin-totin’ suckaah!”
Even so, the drawbacks of an omnipresent Christian holiday overshadowing a Jewish one can be oppressive. It’s like people who have their birthday on Christmas. You get screwed, because not everyone double-gifts. You receive a single present, and it’s marginally better than the two items you would have scored had your parents shtupped in February instead of April.
But sometimes, holiday alignment isn’t a bad thing. This year has a rare occurrence of Chanukah falling at the same time as Thanksgiving. Wednesday night we light the first candle, and Thursday is turkey day, with Chankuah continuing all through Thanksgiving weekend.
We can draw parallels between the two festivals. First of all, they both call for gratitude. On Thanksgiving, Americans are grateful that the Indians were trusting and outmatched in warfare, so the Pilgrims could take advantage of them, give them smallpox and take their land. Thanks Pocahontas, pass the giblets. In the Chanukah story, Jews had to fight against Hellenism. I don’t know what they had against girls named Helen, but there you go.
After decades of treating the Jews fairly, the Syrians changed their tune to a song of anti-Semitism. They killed and pillaged, they made Judaism illegal, and they defiled the Hebrew temple in Jerusalem. This caused a number of Jewish families to revolt – and God knows, I’ve met some revolting Jewish families. But you had Mattathias and his son, Judah Maccabee, who fought the Syrians of the Greek empire and drove them out of Judea. They Hebrews and re-dedicated the temple, so we’re grateful to them and to HaShem for saving the Jewish people from conversion, death and unidentifiable gyro meat.
Chanukah and Thanksgiving have other things in common, as well. They’re both pretty secular. Chanukah is post-bible; it’s a cultural tradition rather than a top-down mandate. And Thanksgiving is for anyone happy to be living in the good ol’ USA. Both holidays also share special foods associated with each. Chanukah, you have potato latkes and jelly donuts. Thanksgiving, you have turkey and Dunkin’ donuts. Sports are also a part of both holidays. Thanksgiving, you sit in your armchair and you watch people who aren’t fat and lazy play football. Chanukah, children sit on the floor with a dreidel and learn the basics of gambling. You start with a pot of money, and then try to take money from everyone else. Is it any wonder Jewish children grow up to be bankers?
Chanukah is the festival of lights; Thanksgiving is a feast of lite beer. Both holidays also incorporate fire. Thanksgiving, we recall the way our ancestors burned down Indian teepees and villages. Chanukah, we stand at a menorah holding a colored candle while molten wax runs down our hands. You’d think after 5,000 years they could invent a candle that doesn’t make you look like the accident guy on “Dancing with the Stars.”
Most of all, both holidays are about spending time with family and friends. They’re about women arguing in the kitchen, men falling asleep during halftime, children getting loaded up on snacks and then being forced to eat cranberry sauce – does anybody enjoy eating cranberry sauce? Chanukah and Thanksgiving are about expressing our appreciation to HaShem for keeping us alive, either by letting us defeat empires or giving us delicious crops to harvest. Either way, it’s something worth singing about:
“Over the river and through the woods to Bubbie’s apartment we shlep;
It takes quite a while, and she’s kind of senile And the baby comes home with strep.
Out of the tunnel, across the bridge and through the old neighborhood The latkes were yucky, the presents were sucky And yet, and yet, life’s good.”
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of August 18th, 2013.
A judge in Newport, Tennessee – and I think just by the location, you know this is going to be good – a judge in Newport, Tennessee took it upon herself to re-name a baby. The parents were in court to change the tyke’s last name, and they couldn’t agree which to use: the father’s last name or the mother’s last name. So Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew – and I think just by that name, you know this is going to be really good – Judge Lu Ann Ballew had to make the call on this seven-month-old infant.
She gets distracted, however, by the baby’s first name; the parents have named the kid Messiah. Apparently this is a very popular choice. According to Social Security, it’s one of the fastest-rising baby names. It’s rising so fast, you could actually escape with it out of Egypt while other names had to stay flat and unleavened.
I don’t know what that means, but the point is: they named the kid Messiah, and the judge is not pleased. So Heronor took upon herself to change not the baby’s last name – well, she changed that, too, to include the names of both parents, very wise – but she also changed the infant’s first name, to Martin. Why? Because, gavel girl said, “The word Messiah is a title that has only been earned by one person, and that one person is Jesus Christ.” Unquote.
I told you, it’s Tennessee. Leaving aside religion for a moment – which is tough because I’m a Rabbi, or at least I’ve played one on TV – what business is it of this judge to be changing a name that the parents agreed upon for their zygote? If I go into traffic court to fight a ticket, is she gonna tell me I gotta fix my garage door, too?
Judge Ballew said she was doing the name switch for the benefit of the child who is too young to have any control over a name that might bring him difficulty with his peers. Really? So tell that to every kid named Irving, Bertha, Dick, Scott – which he learns very early rhymes with “snot” – Luke, which rhymes with puke, Regina, Yussel and Mulva. I wonder, if this judge had been around 50 years ago, would the biggest pop superstar in the world be named Millicent instead of Madonna?
This judge is letting Christianity affect her sanity. What about all the millions of Hispanics who go around naming their kids “Jesus”? That’s a pretty damn big burden to live up to, and I don’t even believe in the guy. Why is Madonna acceptable, why is Jesus kosher – well, he probably was – why is Moshe (Moses) perfectly common for a name, and God knows there isn’t a Muslim driving a taxi who isn’t named Mohammed, but Messiah is off limits?
I can understand why some baby names are seen as borderline child abuse. A couple in New Zealand were forbidden from naming their child, Talulah Does the Hula from Hawaii. A Chinese mom and dad tried to name their kid the @ symbol. And let’s not forget that New Jersey couple who named their offspring Adolf Hitler and Aryan Nation before – big shock – losing custody.
But Messiah? Who could object to that? The goyim think he’s already come; the Jews are worried he’ll never come – either way, it’s a hopeful, happy name. If I and my dear wife Miriam Libby decide to have another baby – to add to our 21 and a half mostly beautiful children we have now – I’d be proud to name him Moshiach. First of all, we need another M because my great uncle Melchy just died, but also because naming your child something that means leader or savior seems a lot more promising than calling them Apple, or Laquisha, or Moon Unit, or the Artist Formerly known as Blanket.
The mother of Martin – fka Messiah – is appealing the name change, and I hope she wins. The ACLU is in her corner because the courts have no more right to tell women what to name their babies than Southern politicians have to force women to deliver babies. Uncle Sam, stay out of the bedroom, stay out of the nursery and stay out of the kitchen, too, unless you can cook a brisket, in which case: come by Friday night, we’re having people, and go easy on the paprika because my wife’s allergic.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, aka Flora does the Hora in Bora Bora, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #65 (5/5/2013): Joking Around
Aired May 5, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/Vb03UPLHc2U
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of May 5th, 2013.
So many of my friends and family and colleagues have been having a difficult year, I thought it would be fun to take a breather and do what I love more than anything. No, not eating herring in wine sauce while watching Jerry Springer. I mean telling jokes. Cracking a couple of funnies, and then analyzing and learning from their wisdom.
A priest and a Rabbi are next-door neighbors, so they decide to buy an automobile together for carpooling to work. They come out of the dealership with a spanking-new Nissan and bring it to the priest’s driveway. The priest goes into his house and comes out with a bowl of water. He begins sprinkling this all over the hood.
“What are you doing?” the Rabbi asks.
“It’s a new car,” says the Priest. “It needs to be blessed and baptized.”
Soon, the priest finishes his blessing, only to see the Rabbi coming out of the garage with a hacksaw.
“What’s that for?” says the priest.
The Rabbi begins sawing two inches off the tailpipe. “You have your rituals; I have mine.”
From this joke, we learn that every religion has its own seemingly archaic and silly practices. We do what we do because our parents did them, and our grandparents did them, and we’d feel a little queasy if we didn’t continue the tradition. Like serving fruitcake at Christmas or raisin kugel on Passover. Nobody wants these things but . . . they have to be done.
What I like about this joke is that it’s also about one-upsmanship. When the Priest does his thing, the Rabbi is forced to be riding in a baptized car. Only fair that the Rebbe gets to say, “This is my vehicle, too. If I have to ride under your holy water, you gotta live with a snipped tip.” I just wonder: if the Nissan lasts for 13 years, will the Rabbi throw it a huge party with long speeches, a lousy deejay, and the car jacked up on a hydraulic lift and carried around the room by drunken mechanics? “Today I am a hybrid.” And years later, when the engine dies, the Priest can hang a cross on the rear-view mirror and read selected passages from the manual, while the Rabbi puts the car in salvage with a closed hood and a tfillin bag in the glove compartment. Again, fair’s fair.
A robber breaks into the house of an Orthodox Jew. No one’s home, but the thief hears a voice say, “Be careful. HaShem is watching you.”
The thief whirls around. “Who said that?”
“Be careful. HaShem is watching you.”
The thief notices a parrot in a cage. He sighs with relief. “Stupid parrot. Tell me, birdie, what’s your name?”
“My name is Moses,” says the parrot.
“Moses?” says the thief. “Who names a parrot `Moses’?”
Says the bird, “Same person who named the rottweiler behind you `HaShem.’”
What we learn from this joke is that wrongdoing has its consequences, even if they are not immediately visible. This criminal chooses a house because he thinks it’s empty; easy to steal from, easy to escape. He is disabused of this notion first by a little birdie and then by a dog that, presumably, will tear him a new one from nose to pupick.
So, the next time you want to do something wrong, and you assume you’ll get away with it because no one’s around or they’re not paying attention or you don’t even care, just remember, there’s a dog named “God” waiting in the yard for ya. He may not maul you immediately, but he remembers your smell. And years later, you’re gonna meet that dog again in a dark alley. You can move toward the light at the end of that alley, but you gotta get past fido first. If you did some small bad things, maybe the dog’ll pish on your leg and let you pass. If you really hurt people, well, there are worse things than having a wild animal rip you open and chew on your intestines. I’m not sure what those worse things would be, but they must be out there.
Last joke: “Mr. Feinbaum,” says the Rabbi. “It’s been years since you’ve come to Saturday services. So nice that you came this morning. To what do I owe?”
“Actually, it’s very shameful,” says Feinbaum. “The only reason I came was: I lost my hat.”
“Your hat?” says the Rabbi. “I don’t understand.”
“Earlier this week, I lost my hat. I thought I would come to shul, look on the coat rack and steal someone else’s. But then I heard your sermon, all about the Ten Commandments, and I immediately changed my mind.”
“That’s wonderful,” says the Rebbe. “See the way HaShem works? But tell me, what part of the sermon got to you? Was it when I was going over `Thou Shalt Not Steal?’”
“Actually, no,” says Mr. Feinbaum. “When you came to, `Thou Shalt Not
Commit Adultery,’ I remembered where I left my hat.”
When I tell this joke, my congregants sometimes ask me, “Rabbi, which is worse? Stealing or committing adultery?” I have to think about this because in many ways, they’re similar. They both involve disruption and deceit. It’s just that in one, you’re taking something away, and in the other, you’re putting something in. With stealing, you remove something valuable and appreciated. With adultery, you take something that’s no longer appreciated and of rapidly diminishing value. Finally, with stealing, you hurry to a pawn shop to get rid of the spoils. With adultery, you hurry to a clinic to get rid of the rash. Not that I would know such things from personal experience, of course. I am, of course, proudly faithful to my dear wife, Miriam Libby, a strong, opinionated Jewish woman. So who needs a Rottweiler?
I’m kidding, honey, I’m kidding! This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
