Valentines Day – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #174 (2/14/2022): Poems for Valentine’s Day

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #174 – Poems for Valentine’s Day

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a special poetical Rabbinical Reflection for Gingold Theatrical Group’s Virtual Open Mic Night on this Valentine’s Day, 2022.

You know, poetry is central to the Jewish people, from biblical psalms to Leonard Nimoy’s “Warmed by Love.” Since poetry expresses love, I wish to share with you some classic Jewish poems of romance and arousal. For example, Rabbi Tseitlin of Detroit gave us this most appetizing sonnet:

Shall I compare thee to a hot knish?
Thou art more tasty and much cuter
With boobs as plump as gefilte fish
And scrumptious nipples on each hooter.

A knish is square, but thou do curve
With far more spice than hot pastrami
Thy sexiness makes me a perv
When thou dost swallow my salami

Thou art chicken soup for my soul
and matzoh farfel for my heart
Your kugel makes me lose control
In a good way — not like when I shart

So long as Jews can shlep and kvetch and daven
I eat you up and give you all my lovin’.

Is it any wonder Rabbi Tseitlin has restraining orders in twelve different Michigan counties?

Let us consider this poem from the great Rabbi Vogel of Omsk:

Roses are red, violets are thrilling me
I love you so much,
but my prostate is killing me.

Inspired by Rabbi Vogel, I, too, have written short verse, many in the haiku form. For example, this Chanukah-ku:

Dreidels made of clay.
When they’re dry, it’s time to play.
Women? The reverse.

Of course, not all poems about love are so refined. For an earthier exploration of desire, we turn to Rebbetzin Meyrowitz, widow of the great Estonian Rabbi, Leroy. Here’s a gem from her shocking blue period, shocking because it was her first period since her thirties.

There was a young girl from Tiberias
whose horniness made her delirious
They found her in Gaza
Undressed in a plaza
Her pregnancy ain’t that mysterious

In her latter years, Rebbetzin Meyrowitz became more audacious, disgusting even, as when she wrote:

In order to brighten his sukkas
Reb Mendelsson hired three hookas
They pulled on his payess
and sat on his fayess
and jammed an etrog in his tukas.

My friends, somewhere in the Torah — I’m not sure where — it says “Love Thy Neighbor.” — not possible. But we can still aspire to love, if only as a poetic ideal.

My hope for all of you during these times is that you receive love. And when you do, may you have enough money to pay the girl and her pimp.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. Happy Valentine’s Day.

—> https://wp.me/pzvIo-2go

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=29579

Dave’s Gone By #545 (2/13/2016): CYRA-YES!

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Here is the 545th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 13, 2016. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with actor-director Gabriel Barre. Plus: Inside Broadway, Saturday Segues (in the news, Peter Gabriel), Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Wretched Pun of Destiny (mad scientist), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Dylfunkel)

Guests: director Gabriel Barre, Dave’s wife Joyce.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (library room, footbinding, Cyramilton, Dylan’s voice, Starmites,)
00:41:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:32:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Peter Gabriel
01:54:00 Sponsors
02:00:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:30:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Gabriel Barre
03:28:00 Weather
03:32:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Dylfunkel)
03:46:00 SKIT: Bob Dylan for WaxVac
03:58:00 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY – Mad Scientist
04:02:00 Friends
04:29:30 Thanks
04:35:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (Valentine’s Day)
04:40:30 DAVE GOES OUT

Feb. 13, 2016 Playlist: “Abandoned Love” (01:24:00) & “The Boxer” (03:47:30; Bob Dylan). “Higher” (02:26:30; Lea Salonga). “Starmites” (03:22:00; Starmites on the 1989 Tony Awards). “Mercy Street” (01:35:30) & “More than This” (01:45:30; Peter Gabriel). “Voices of Freedom” (01:40:00; Lou Reed w/ Peter Gabriel & Youssou n’dour). “The Sound of Silence” (03:39:00; Bob Dylan & Paul Simon). “The Times They are a-Changin'” (03:50:30; Simon & Garfunkel). “This is All Very New to Me” (04:14:30; Carol Lawrence). “All Alone on the Road” (04:16:30; Paul Tracey). “Our Kind of Love” (04:20:00; The Beautiful Game 2000 UK cast w/ Hannah Waddingham). “To Love Somebody” (04:24:00; The Flying Burrito Brothers). “The Sound that Love Makes” (04:41:30; Sarah McLachlan).

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #043 (7/4/2015): DICK VAN DYKE

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The 43rd Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired July 4, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
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43.
On his first trip to Thailand, Dick Van Dyke goes walking through the streets of Bangkok to take in the sights. He comes to the French quarter and notices all sorts of decorations, such as flowers, hearts and cupids. His translator explains that, just like in America, it’s Valentine’s Day, which is celebrated all over Thailand but especially by the romantic French.

“How nice!” says Dick Van Dyke, who waves at a passerby and says, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Happy co-star!” comes the reply.

Puzzled, the comic actor waves at another stranger and wishes her a happy Valentine’s Day.

“Happy co-star to you!” the woman answers.

Flummoxed, Van Dyke turns to his translator and asks, “What does French Valentine’s Day have to do with my co-star?”

“It’s an abbreviation,” says his companion. “Happy co-star is short for `Merry Thai L’amour.’”

Dave’s Gone By Wretched Pun of Destiny #036 (5/16/2015): SALK

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The 36th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired May 16, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

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36
One afternoon, early in his career, Jonas Salk is so busy with his medical research that he forgets it’s Valentine’s Day. When a lab technician reminds him, Salk drops everything, runs to his car, and picks up his wife to give her a whirlwind romantic evening.

First, he stops at a florist and buys her a long-stemmed red rose. Then he brings her to an ice-cream parlor and gives her a strawberry cone—her favorite. Finally, he drives her to his lab and exhibits all his petri dishes, telling her, “one day this will change the world!”

His wife hugs him and says, “Jonas, I love you. But I have to say, this was a very unusual Valentine’s itinerary.”

“I know,” smiles the scientist. “I call it my `Spanish dinner plan.”

“Spanish dinner?” says Mrs. Salk. “You gave me a flower, an ice-cream cone, and a vaccine.

What does that have to do with Spanish food?”

“Darling,” Salk replies. “Haven’t you ever heard of A Rose Cone Polio?”

Dave’s Gone By #457 (2/8/2014): DEE LIGHT FULL

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Here is the 457th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 8, 2014. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with actress Dee Wallace. Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection on SodaStream and ScarJo. Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (advertising), Inside Broadway and Saturday Segues (Robert Klein, Valentine’s Day)

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guests: actress Dee Wallace, Dave’s wife Joyce

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce Weil (davorites, stupor bowl, waxvac, Leno)
00:39:00 Dave in Plays (w/ Joyce Weil)
01:05:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Robert Klein
01:29:00 Sponsors
01:35:00 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:59:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Dee Wallace
02:51:30 More Sponsors
02:55:00 Friends
03:03:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (advertising)
03:34:00 Weather
03:42:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #91 (SodaStream & Scarjo)
03:54:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Valentine’s Day
04:11:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Feb. 8, 2014 Playlist: “The Borscht Belt” (01:08:00), “Public Service Commercials” (01:10:30), “F.M. Disc Jockey” (01:12:00), “Fear is the Greatest Salesman” (01:15:00), “School Assembly” (01:18:00) & “Young People’s Guide to the Orchestra” (01:21:00). “How it Ends” (Big Fish 2013 Bway cast w/ Norbert Leo Butz; 01:55:30). “I Want You” (03:06:30), “Things Have Changed” (03:09:30), “All I Really Want to Do” ({Live at Budokan version}; 03:14:30), “Love Sick” (03:20:00) & “Forever Young” (03:26:30; Bob Dylan). “Golden Protest” (03:18:30; National Lampoon). “Bob Dylan for WaxVac” (Dave Lefkowitz; 03:25:00). “Love is Everything” (Mark Cote; 03:58:00). “Hallelujah, I Love Her So” (04:02:30; Ray Charles). “The Love Song” (04:08:00; Donovan). “Loving Cup” ({alternate take}; 04:19:00; The Rolling Stones).

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #56 (2/10/2013): Valentine’s Day

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RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #56 (2/10/2013): Valentine’s Day

aired February 9th, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/yK-2Mmg9-yk

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 10th, 2013.

Would you be my Valentine? Actually, you’re wise if you wouldn’t. St. Valentine, upon whom the Valentine’s Day holiday is kind of, sort of, not exactly really based, was a possibly apocryphal figure – well, all the saints were apocryphal to Yids like me. But if you’re a goy, and you believe in such stories, St. Valentine was one of two things: He was either a composite of a couple of different saints because he was so undistinguished as a saint himself. Or he was a good guy, a hard-working believer – who was clubbed to death and martyred on February 14th. Either way, who the hell wants to be him?

As for Valentine’s Day itself, very likely it was the Catholic Church’s response to a pagan celebration – the feast of Lupercal. Personally, I think Sustacal and Metrecal are more slimming. But the point is, the church couldn’t have some idolatrous holiday interfering with their practice, so like Halloween and Christmas, they morphed the comical into something canonical.

How did hearts and cupids and $180 Zales receipts creep into it? I have no idea, but I’m glad they did, because it makes Valentine’s Day a holiday everyone can celebrate. That human beings need an excuse to express affection is a sad thing. But if one day of the year, you can turn to your partner or spouse or well-paid escort and say, “I love you. Thank you for all you bring to my life. Please pick up some rye bread on the way home.” That’s a beautiful thing.

I realize that for those who are alone and lonely, Valentine’s can be a hollow holiday indeed. Seeing all those Hallmark cards in the Rite Aid, watching couples on the street holding hands, watching couples in porn holding glands, and finding 2-for-1 restaurant coupons in the Sunday paper, then wondering if it’s worth the embarrassment to go solo and put the second entrée in a doggie bag.

My single friends, I feel your pain. It’s just below the ribcage and spasms uncontrollably, but it’s okay, I’m on medication. The solution for everyone is to not look at Valentine’s Day as just for romantic couples. It’s for everyone who has loved you or you have loved in the course of your travels: family, neighbors, pets, inflatable dolls with lifelike genitalia. As Stephen Stills once put it, “Love the one you’re with.” Just make sure you have warm towels and a disinfectant.

And let us not forget that Valentine’s Day now has a whole other context thanks to The Vagina Monologues. Eve Ensler’s play about women and their nether parts became a global phenomenon. And now, February 14th is a day to protest violence and abuse against women, for women themselves to take pride in their achievements, and, of course, for us all to pay tribute to those hairy little pusselehs.

So let this and every Valentine’s Day be not just about $70 restaurants and 7-11 roses, but mutual appreciation. A day of smiles, and hugs, and thank yous and vaginas. If you’re lucky, not necessarily in that order.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=29240

Dave’s Gone By #411 (2/9/2013): CHARN SCHOOL

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Here is the 411th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 9, 2013. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with Broadway director and lyricist Martin Charnin (Annie, Two By Two); a pre-Valentine’s Day celebration with love songs, hate songs, Dylan songs, and Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection on the holiday; Inside Broadway; Dave Says Bye to Reg Presley of The Troggs.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guest: Martin Charnin

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:15:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Love Songs
00:46:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Martin Charnin
01:45:30 Sponsors
01:50:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
02:05:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Valentine’s Day)
02:39:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #056 – Valentine’s Day
02:43:30 DAVE SAYS BYE to Reg Presley
02:56:00 Friends
03:01:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Hate Songs
03:19:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Feb. 9, 2013 Playlist: “Silver & Gold” (00:16:00; Neil Young). “Me About You” (00:19:00; The Turtles). “Kiss” (00:21:30; Richard Thompson). “I Live for You” (00:25:30; George Harrison). “True Love Leaves No Traces” (00:29:00; Leonard Cohen). “Stay in Touch” (00:33:30; Joni Mitchell). “Love Colours” (00:36:30; The Pretenders). “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile” (00:46:30), “Tomorrow” (01:23:00) & “Maybe” (01:34:00) (Annie, 1999 TV film). “Ninety Again” (01:00:00), “An Old Man” (01:08:00) & “Two By Two” (01:40:00; Two By Two, 1970 Broadway cast w/ Danny Kaye & Joan Copeland). “Annie Ain’t Just Annie Anymore” (01:30:00; Annie Warbucks, off-Broadway cast). “Betrayed” (02:01:30; Lou Reed). “Tonight I’ll Be Staying Here with You” (02:06:30), “I Want You” ({live at Budokan version}; 02:10:00), “Sara” (02:12:30), “I’m in the Mood for You” (02:18:00), “Lay Lady Lay” (02:21:00), “Wedding Song” (02:24:00) & “This Dream of You” (02:29:00; Bob Dylan). “Love is All Around” (02:43:30), “I Want You” (02:46:00), “Any Way You Want Me” (02:48:30), “Wild Thing” (02:51:00; The Troggs w/ Reg Presley). “I Don’t Really Love You Anymore” (03:04:00; The Magnetic Fields). “Living Without You” (03:06:30; Randy Newman). “Can’t We Be Friends” (03:09:00; Frank Sinatra). “Old Maid in the Garrett” (The Clancy Brothers; 03:11:30). “I’m Thru with Love” (03:14:00; Nat King Cole). “Green Valentine Blues” (03:24:00; Allen Ginsberg).

Danny Kaye with Joan Copeland in Two By Two

Dave’s Gone By #342 (2/12/2011): BRAVO CARUSO

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Here is the 342nd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio Feb. 12, 2011. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guest: entertainer Jim Caruso

Featuring: Dave chats with entertainer Jim Caruso (“Cast Party”). Plus: Dave Says Bye to Mary Cleere Haran. Also: Inside Broadway (Lombardi, Mistakes were Made), Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Egypt, and Bob Dylan: “Sooner & Later.”

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:10:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Valentine’s Day Songs
00:34:30 GUEST: Jim Caruso
01:31:00 DAVE SAYS BYE – Mary Cleere Haran
01:36:00 Dave – Sponsors
01:48:30 INSIDE BROADWAY, part 1 (Lombardi)
02:01:00 Weather
02:02:30 Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Valentine’s Day)
02:36:00 INSIDE BROADWAY, part 2 (Mistakes were Made)
02:44:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION (Egypt)
02:56:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Feb. 12, 2011 Playlist: “Heart’s Desire” (00:10:30), “Just Squeeze Me” (00:29:00) & “The Doodlin’ Song” (01:22:00) (Jim Caruso); “Lovers of Today” (00:13:30; The Pretenders); “Blue Valentines” (00:18:30; Tom Waits); “Love is Just Around the Corner” (00:24:00; Mary Cleere Haran); “Radio Sweetheart” (00:27:00; Elvis Costello). (part two): “I’m in the Mood for Love” (01:25:30) & “For Now” (01:31:30) (Mary Cleere Haran); “The Wonderful World of Disney” (01:58:00) & “The Wonderful World of Color” (01:59:00) (Walt Disney TV show), “I Wanna Be Your Lover” (02:03:00), “Is Your Love in Vain” (live, 02:06:30), “Watered-Down Love” (02:10:30), “Love Minus Zero/No Limit” (live, 02:15:00), “True Love Tends to Forget” (02:19:00), “Make You Feel My Love” (02:23:00), “I Want You” (live, 02:26:00) & “Love Sick” (02:29:00; Bob Dylan); “Valentine’s Day” (02:50:30; Bruce Springsteen).