click above for episode #517 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 517th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, July 11, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Rabbi Sol Solomon deconstructs The Beatles, Wretched Pun of Destiny (UPenn), Dylan – Sooner & Later (Pat Garrett), Saturday Segues (Peter Schickele, In the News), Inside Broadway.
Host: Dave Lefkowitz Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (7-Eleven on 7/11, Long Johns update) 00:35:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES, part 1 00:50:00 Sponsors 01:00:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES, part 2 01:17:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Peter Schickele 01:40:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:11:00 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #44 (UPenn) 02:14:00 Friends 02:23:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Pat Garrett) 02:43:00 Weather 02:48:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #129 – With a Little Help 02:58:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 03:31:00 Upcoming DAVE GOES OUT
July 11, 2015 Playlist: “This is Professor Pete” (01:21:30), “Triumph of Thusnelda (Two Madrigals)” (01:22:30) & “The Stoned Guest (Completion)” (01:28:30; P.D.Q. Bach). “I Have a Noble Cock” (02:09:30; Canterbury Tales 1969 Bway cast). “Turkey Chase” (02:28:30), “Billy 4” (02:32:00), “River Theme” (02:37:00), “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” (Bob Dylan). “With a Little Help from My Friends” (02:51:30) & “Can’t Buy Me Love” (03:04:00; The Beatles). “I Go to Extremes” (02:59:30; Billy Joel). “Kill the Mockingbird” (03:06:00; House of Freaks). “Dear Mr. Supercomputer” (03:09:00; Sufjan Stevens). “Tennis Court” (03:13:30; Lorde). “With a Little Help from My Friends” (03:38:00; Richie Havens).
The 44th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired July 11, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 44. The summer before his senior year, a University of Pennsylvania student proposes to his girlfriend. He wants the wedding in Philadelphia, but she demands they get married in Jefferson County because her family, from her great-great-grandfather all the way to her dad, has lived and worked in the coal mines there for generations.
After the ceremony and a little drunk, the guy is driving his bride back towards campus.
Unfortunately, a cop stops him for speeding and weaving a little out of his lane. “Aw, come on, officer,” says the student. “It’s my wedding day.”
“Don’t argue,” says the cop. “You’re speeding and driving under the influence.”
“I may be a little tipsy,” admits the student, “but if you bring this to court, no jury on earth would convict me. I’d even represent myself!”
“Ha!” says the cop. “You’re just a college kid. Studying what, history?”
“Engineering,” comes the reply.
“So you’re an engineer, and you’re gonna defend yourself in court?”
“That’s right,” says the student. “Engineering is my major. But thanks to her dad, now I have a Miner In-Law.”
The 43rd Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired July 4, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com * 43. On his first trip to Thailand, Dick Van Dyke goes walking through the streets of Bangkok to take in the sights. He comes to the French quarter and notices all sorts of decorations, such as flowers, hearts and cupids. His translator explains that, just like in America, it’s Valentine’s Day, which is celebrated all over Thailand but especially by the romantic French.
“How nice!” says Dick Van Dyke, who waves at a passerby and says, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
“Happy co-star!” comes the reply.
Puzzled, the comic actor waves at another stranger and wishes her a happy Valentine’s Day.
“Happy co-star to you!” the woman answers.
Flummoxed, Van Dyke turns to his translator and asks, “What does French Valentine’s Day have to do with my co-star?”
“It’s an abbreviation,” says his companion. “Happy co-star is short for `Merry Thai L’amour.’”
click above for episode #516 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 516th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, July 4, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Inside Broadway, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (Dick Van Dyke), My Sick Mind (Churches), Saturday Segues (July 4th, In the News), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (July 4th).
Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (non-fine dining, Stampede, I don’t love a parade) 00:24:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES, Pt. 1 00:44:00 Miracle of Long Johns Update 01:02:30 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES, Pt. 2 01:27:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (Parker, roundabouts) 01:36:30 Weather 01:40:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – July 4th 02:00:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:40:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #43 (Dick Van Dyke) 02:44:00 Sponsors 02:51:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (July 4th) 03:10:30 DAVE GOES EVEN FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (hot dog!) 03:10:00 Friends 03:27:00 MY SICK MIND (Churches) 03:30:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 03:35:00 DAVE GOES OUT
July 4, 2015 Playlist: “Roses on the Fourth of July” (01:41:00). “Fourth of July” ({live}, 01:44:30; Aimee Mann). “Fourth of July” (01:48:00; Galaxie 500). “Fourth of July” (01:53:00; X). Excerpt (Jack Carter & Judy Garland). “Tears of Rage – Take 2” (02:51:30), “Gypsy Lou” (02:57:30) & “All American Boy” (03:01:30) “Ain’t No Man Righteous, No Not One” (02:54:00; Jah Malla). “Church of the Poisoned Mind” (03:31:30; Culture Club). “Greek Song” (03:35:00; Rufus Wainwright). “Cold Sweat” (03:38:30; James Brown). “Going Down to Cuba” (03:41:30; Jackson Browne). “Kicks” (03:47:00; Paul Revere and the Raiders). “America” (04:00:30; Andre Williams).
Dick Van Dyke & Mary Tyler Moore
David Lefkowitz in “The Miracle of Long Johns” at Studio Theater in Theater Row NYC, October 23, 2015. Photo by Farnaz Taherimotlagh.
RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #128 (6/28/2015): Scalia
(aired June 28, 2015 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: http://youtu.be/TzqQMAOhz7g)
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 28, 2015.
Well, it’s taken awhile, but I know what I wanna do when I grow up. I wanna trade places with Antonin Scalia. Appointed by Ronald Reagan, he’s the longest-running chief justice on the U.S. Supreme Court. Thirty years on the bench voting strictly along conservative lines and interpreting the constitution so narrowly, you couldn’t fit a dragonfly’s wing between “we” and “the” in “we the people.”
This man has held back—or tried to—the progress of American civilization, be it women’s rights for abortion, minorities facing discrimination, immigrants facing deportation, and gays being able to do their thing…gaily. They should just pull Antonin Scalia off his bench and replace him with a television airing Fox News; it’d be the same thing.
Of course, Scalia got his head handed to him twice last week. First, the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare. Surprisingly, they voted the spirit of the law–rather than the letter of the law. “So what if the wording is vague,” said the Court. “The President meant well, and he’s trying to help people.” Six justices agreed, including all the liberals, plus Roberts and Kennedy. Scalia dissented, angrily, as did Alito and the schvartze.
Twenty-four hours later, the court made another historic ruling, this one on gay marriage. They’re for it. Well, five out of nine of them were. Amazing how this Court had more consensus on a twisted insurance law than they did on two people wanting to tie the knot.
John Roberts was the stick-in-the-mud this time. He argued that he had nothing against same-sex chupahs, but making it the law of the land somehow circumvented peoples’ rights to vote yes or no on it. Whatever. The fun part is reading Scalia’s dissent. In challenging the idea that sanctioning gay marriage would expand personal freedom, he argues: “hey, on what planet has any marriage ever expanded freedom? You’re stuck together, day in, day out; you can’t leave unless you separate or divorce, and in the bedroom…?” I think comedian Chuck Bartell put it best when he said, “If you enjoy watching the same porno film over and over and over again . . . you’re great marriage material.” So Scalia has a point when he writes, quote, “One would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask the nearest hippie.”
Granted, the last time anyone saw a hippie was 1973, but you get the gist.
Unfortunately, it’s the gism that bothers Scalia, and he’ll torture the words of the constitution to make sure that his good religious values aren’t ruffled by anything as upsetting as two dudes feeding each other cake on a dais.
Which is why I belong up there in Washington DC holding forth on legal and moral issues, while Scalia would kill on radio and TV. The man’s got a gift for phrasing, like when he likened Roberts’s opinions to the contents of a fortune cookie. Or back when he was asked whether he found it difficult to vote on complex issues. “The death penalty?” he said. “Give me a break. It’s easy. Abortion? Absolutely easy. Homosexual sodomy? Come on. For 200 years, it was criminal in every state,” unquote.
So this is a dangerous guy, but a funny guy. He doesn’t b.s., and like Bill O’Reilly, he gives really good soundbyte. He expresses himself with crystal clarity — even when his morality becomes a fatality. So he’d be terrific doing these mini-sermons, my amusing, Robert Fulghumian ruminations. Meanwhile, I should be in the Supreme Court, agreeing with Justice Kagin, arguing with Justice Thomas, diapering Justice Ginsberg . . .
See, I can spout crazy, offensive things, and the occasional brilliant, profound thing, and listeners can take it or leave it. I’m an entertainer, a pundit, a gadfly, a horsefly even. And so is Scalia. It’s just that his word is law, literally.
We do have commonalities. Scalia is a devout, Italian-American Catholic; I’m a depraved Jewish-American Jew. But I’m not sitting on the highest court in the land trying to turn the clock back on social progress.
So Anto, bubbie, let’s do celebrity life swap. I’ll take your robe; you take my tallis. I’ll listen to people drone on and on about the most tedious minutiae; you listen to my wife talk about her day. I’ll make laws that advance human rights and personal freedoms; you get on the radio once a week and tell prostate jokes. Whaddya say? I’ve even come up with your catchphrase: “Buongiorno Cazzo!” Heh? Not bad, right? Scal, my pal, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York. Court is adjourned.
Segment aired June 27, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 42. This isn’t well known, but one of the many men artist Frida Kahlo dated when she was on the outs with Diego Rivera was Joseph Souter, the father of former Supreme Court Justice David Souter.
At the time, the older Souter was in the cosmetics industry, and he was so besotted with Frida that he designed a whole line of lipsticks after her. They were very high end and subtle in
their colors, although customers were warned to be gentle with them because the wax was quite delicate and broke easily.
All is going great until Souter gets a call from none other than Walt Disney—who is not in a good mood. “You idiot!” blasts the animation king. “My wife Lillian wasted hundreds of dollars on your crappy cosmetics!”
“W-what do you mean?” Souter stammers.
“She bought dozens of your lipsticks because she liked the colors so much, but half of them break the second she touches them, and, well, here, honey, you tell him.” Disney hands the phone to his wife.
“I apologize for my husband’s temper,” begins Lillian, “but this really is embarrassing. When I put your product on my lips, it gives me bad breath!”
“Oh no,” Souter groans. “Mrs. Disney, are you sure about this?”
“I’m afraid so,” she replies. “Your Souter-Kahlo Fragile Lipstick Gives Me Halitosis.”
click above for episode #515 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 515th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, June 27, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Antonin Scalia. Plus: Inside Broadway, Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Wretched Pun of Destiny (Mrs. Disney), My Sick Mind (Trump), Dylan – Sooner & Later (blues), Saturday Segues (mom & In the News)
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest: Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (egg supreme, no guests, 515, wedding speech) 00:44:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:11:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (second cousin, belly vs. uterus) 01:22:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – mom 01:45:00 Friends 02:05:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #128 (Scalia) 02:11:30 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:30:00 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #42 (Mrs. Disney) 02:32:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (blues) 02:53:00 Weather 02:56:30 MY SICK MIND (Trump) 03:01:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 03:29:30 Thanks & Sponsors 03:41:30 DAVE GOES OUT
June 27, 2015 Playlist: “Brenda’s Got a Baby” (01:22:30; Tupac Shakur). “Solomon Song” (01:26:30; The Threepenny Opera 1954 off-Broadway cast w/ Lotte Lenya). “Momsong” (01:29:00; The Be Good Tanyas). “Happy Mama” (01:34:30; Hugh Masekela). “I Like My Mother” (01:39:30; Art Paul Schlosser). Dave interviews Dick Van Patten (01:47:30; 2007 excerpt). “Misery” (02:28:30; Professor Longhair). “Dirt Road Blues” (02:34:00), “Down in the Flood” ({live}; 02:37:30), “It Takes a Man to Laugh (It Takes a Train to Cry)” (02:41:00) & “Blind Willie McTell” (02:45:00; Bob Dylan). “Jubilation T. Cornpone” (03:02:30; “Li’l Abner” 1959 film soundtrack w/ Stubby Kaye). “The Great Health Care Trial Balloon” (03:06:00; Capitol Steps). “South of the Border” (03:09:00; Patsy Cline). “Marrying for Love” (03:11:00; Call Me Madam 1950 Broadway cast w/ Ethel Merman). “The Mercy Seat” ({live}; 03:14:00; Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds). “Wedding Day” (03:44:30; Ian McLagan & The Bump Band).
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 21, 2015.
After World War II, the nation of Israel was so depleted that Hitler’s final solution felt most of the way there. But we survived, and at least the way the Orthodox are being fruitful and multiplying, we’re on the right track, and on the welfare track, but still. . . We also must be grateful for converts: people from other religions who are crazy enough to switch from Benson and Hedges to Bernstein and Hedgowitz. Sammy Davis Jr., Elizabeth Taylor, Tom Arnold, Joan Lunden, Helen Reddy, the late Anne Meara–they all put down the rosaries and picked up the rugelach.
Most of them did this for marriage. The nice Jewish boys these women hijacked from their mothers, the boyfriends said, “Look, I’d like to marry you, but the idea of a Christmas tree in the living room, or our baby, Herod, taking communion–it’s just too much. It’s like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof tolerating every obstacle except intermarriage. Jewish boys will date a debutante, they’ll shtup a shikseh (if they’re lucky), and they’ll even co-habitate with a Catholic. But when you bring marriage into it and the continuation of the Jewish race, well, it’s easier for you to give up Jesus than me to swear off Purim.
Now, the issue of who is a Jew–convert or otherwise–has been plaguing the various sects of Judaism for decades. For some, if your mother’s Jewish but your daddy’s not, fine, have a brisket. If your daddy’s Jewish and your mommy’s not, goodbye, get a ham sandwich. If they’re both Jewish, but they like mayonnaise and sailboats, that’s confusing. Talmudists wrangle with all sorts of permutations to ensure the so-called purity of Jewish lineage. I understand the impulse, but from where I stand–which is usually three inches away from the refrigerator–I say we must welcome those who wish to join our people. It’s not as if we have such a surplus of Jews that we can afford to turn away a few hundred. So if converts are willing to abide by the rules–and I don’t even mean kashrut, daily prayers, and the holidays–I just mean no New Testament and, at 68, you have to move to Florida. If you’re willing to be part of our misunderstood, maligned but magnificent people, by all means welcome. Bring pastry.
I mention all this because news broke last week that Jenna Jameson—oh, don’t make believe you never heard of her—Jenna Jameson, the former pornographic actress, will be converting to Judaism. She’s marrying an Israeli Jew, a diamond merchant noch besser, and to make him happy–though I’m sure she makes him happy in other ways–Jenna has begun keeping shabbos, cooking Jewish foods, and doing all the things a Jewish wife does, like . . . bitching and nagging.
Some Jewish feminists are not happy about adding Jenna Jew-ison to the fold. They ask, “How can this woman who’s had so much sex on camera become Jewish, since Jewish women never want sex anywhere?” These ladies find Jameson’s behavior degrading to women, not to mention that her husband to be is a typical Jewish man: instead of going out with dumpy J-Dates, he has the hots for a skinny blonde shikseh.
I object to this objection to Jenna Jameson’s years as a sex object. Who among us, Jewish or not, is without blemish or has no kinky fetishes? Me, I like to dip my testicles in warm borscht while I’m being spanked with a yad. As did Rashi, by the way. Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. The rest of us will enjoy her skin and grow the worst boners.
For even if Jenna Jameson had not retired from the intercourse industry, what’s so terrible and anti-Jewish about her past? She showed off her beauty? She gave men a thrill? She proved that a tuchas could be used for more than constipation and proctology?
I just hope that if she ever goes back into the porn business, she’ll bring some Jewishness into her films and even her film titles. Instead of her famous, “Where the Boys Aren’t,” she could do, “Where the Goys Aren’t.” Instead of “Jenna’s Built for Speed,” she’ll do “Jenna’s Built for Shopping.” Instead of “I Love Lesbians” she could do . . . well, she can still do “I Love Lesbians”; that totally works for me.
So if Jenna Jameson Judaifies, God bless her, literally. If some frummie wummies resent her intrusion into our culture, maybe that isn’t prudishness at all. Maybe they just feel threatened by a woman who made it rich on her own, can whip up a gourmet meal, can boink like a buffalo and is used to faking it, and doesn’t mind putting something in her mouth bigger than a Midol once in awhile. So welcome, Jenna Jameson, and baruch habah, which literally means “blessed is the comer.” You may find it hard at first, and sometimes you’ll blow it, but I hope you can feel me deeply behind you.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
The 41st Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired June 20, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 41. The Coast Guard receives a call to intercept a fishing boat off the waters of Maine. When they reach the vessel, they see it’s a small, weatherbeaten craft, yet it’s piled high with Atlantic herring. On board are just a 14-year-old boy and his ancient grandfather.
“Why have you stopped us?” says the boy.
“Overfishing,” the Coast Guard captain says. “You’ve got more than five times the allowable limit for a single trawl.”
“I know,” says the boy. “It’s my grandpa. Once he starts pulling `em out of the ocean, he can’t stop. It’s a compulsion.”
“Well, I’ll just have a word with him,” replies the Captain. “Old man. Do you realize you’re overfishing in these waters?”
“What’s that?” says the grandfather.
“You’re fishing too much. It’s illegal.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” says the senior.
“I said, you can’t keep stockpiling like this!” shouts the captain.
The old man shrugs uncomprehendingly. The captain says to the boy, “What’s the matter with him? Is he deaf?”
click above for episode #514 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 514th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, June 20, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (Jenna Jameson), Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Saturday Segues (Davies/Wilson, In the News), Inside Broadway, Wretched Pun of Destiny (fisherman), Dylan – Sooner & Later (saved before the flood).
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (one-word non-jokes, test taking, Indiegogo, over-rehearsing) 00:50:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES 01:34:00 Sponsors 01:36:30 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN w/ Joyce (prince of some media) 01:41:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Davies/Wilson) 02:09:00 Weather 02:13:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:33:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #41 (Fisherman) 02:36:00 Friends 02:49:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (saved before the flood) 03:12:00 Sponsors 03:16:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – In the News 03:45:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #127 (Jenna Jameson) 03:56:00 DAVE GOES OUT
June 20, 2015 Playlist: “Fun Fun Fun” (01:49:00) & “When I Grow Up to Be a Man” (01:55:00; The Beach Boys). “Some Mother’s Son” (01:52:00; The Kinks). “Working Man’s Cafe” (01:57:30; Ray Davies). “Goodnight Irene” (02:01:00; Brian Wilson). “Dandy” (02:04:00; The Rockin’ Vickers). “In this Wide, Wide World” (02:31:30; Gigi 2015 Broadway cast w/ Corey Cott & Vanessa Hudgens). “(Most Likely) You Go Your Way and I’ll Go Mine” (02:53:30), “Solid Rock” (02:57:30), “In the Garden” (03:01:30) & “Ballad of a Thin Man” (03:07:30; Bob Dylan). “Warriors” (03:17:00; Gary Numan). “Black and White” (03:21:30; Earl Robinson). “Maybe They Won’t Kill You” (03:24:00; Henry Philips). “Bush Must Be Defeated” (03:27:00; Dan Bern). “This Note’s for You” (03:31:00; Neil Young). “Summer” (04:01:30; War).
Segment aired June 27, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
