Dave's Gone By – Page 35

Dave’s Gone By Song (1/26/2003): JOEY, THE SPASTIC KANGAROO

click above to listen (audio only)

ZZSong-JoeySpasticKangaroo

Dave goes down under to relate the tale of a mentally retarded marsupial.

Segment originally aired Jan. 26, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2003 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

JOEY, THE SPASTIC KANGAROO

by David Lefkowitz

I’ve been a trapper since I was 13
I’ve caught animals you’ve never seen
Like six-legged tigers and cows without feet
But the greatest of all, I was destined to meet

I was on contract for Sydney’s big zoo
They asked me for wombats and wallabies, too
I hid in the bush awaiting my chance
When far in the distance I saw something dance

I waved me blowgun and stood there transfixed
He twisted so fast, nearly all my darts missed
I came up behind him and made not a sound
I jumped on the `roo and brought him to the ground.

Out in the Outback where the possums play
I saw a creature who took me breath away
Got him sedated, brought him to the zoo
We called him “Joey, the Spastic Kangaroo.”

In isolation, the roo bounced and shook
So frantic was he, it was painful to look
In less than a day, he was covered with scars
From bashing his head and his bum on the bars

We gave him drugs, but they had no effect
Built him a shelter which he quickly wrecked
We thought him the saddest we ever did see
Since Chow Chow the panda with epilepsy

Out in the Outback where Koalas climb
We got a rare one once upon a time
A danger to himself and other creatures, too
We captured Joey, the Spastic Kangaroo.

We introduced Joey into a troop
But he punched the others and sprayed them with poop
Perhaps it was puberty? Repressed desire?
So we tried to mate him with Agnes, the flyer

Agnes was ferile and ripe for a male
She bit Joey’s nuts, and he started to wail
They kicked and they thrashed and they clawed and they bled
And when it was through, the two roos were both dead

Out in the Outback where the quokkas hop
I saw a whirlwind I thought would never stop
Tears did flow that morning at the zoo
When we buried Joey, the Spastic Kangaroo

Agnes was kept on display in the lab
Her body preserved and laid out on a slab
Five weeks after that, her pouch gave a rip
Then, out popped a baby we quickly named Skip.

We crossed all our fingers and hoped for the best
`Cause Skippy looked normal at play and at rest
But soon, we saw normal was not meant to be
When Skippy the roo tried to drink his own pee

He’d stare at the sun and spend hours in a crouch
He bit his own tail, and he punched his own pouch
At first it was tempting to have him destroyed
But we felt too sorry for this mongoloid

So out in the Outback we set Skippy free
Soon as we did, he ran into a tree
Moral of the story is tragic, but it’s true:
There’s nothing you can do with a spastic kangaroo.

Dave’s Gone By Song (1/19/2003): ENEMA BLUES

click above to listen (audio only)

ZZSong-EnemaBlues

Joined by Scott Rodolitz, Dave Lefkowitz sings the Fisch-Heads song, “Enema Blues.”

Segment originally aired Jan. 19, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

ENEMA BLUES

My baby went and left me
She’s gone without a doubt
But even worse than that, you know,
She really cleaned me out

I got the enema blues
Ever since we been apart
You know she flushed out my whole life
And now she’s trying to flush out my heart

You know that I was good to her
I never treated her mean
I even let her use my bathroom
And now she’s flushed me clean

I got the enema blues
Ever since we been apart
You know she flushed out my whole life
And now she’s trying to flush out my heart

She ran off with my bowling shoes
My car, my house and my kid
I told her, “Blow it out my ass!”
And that’s exactly what she did

I got the enema blues
Ever since we been apart
You know she flushed out my whole life
And now she’s trying to flush out my heart

Dave’s Gone By Skit (1/12/2003): CLEOLA BEVERS

click above to listen (audio only)

ZZSkit-CleolaBevers

Joe Salzone interviews an old acquaintance of Martin Luther King, Cleola Bevers

Segment originally aired Jan. 12, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/22/2002): TWELVE MONTHS OF DAVE’S GONE BY

click above to listen (audio only)

ZZ-Song-TwelveMonthsDGB-12-22-02

Dave sings a holiday carol for his show, “Twelve Months of Dave’s Gone By”

Segment originally aired Dec. 22, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/22/2002): THE TWELVE COMPLAINTS OF CHRISTMAS (sung by Rabbi Sol Solomon)

Rabbi Sol Solomon sings his crabby holiday classic, “The Twelve Complaints of Christmas.”

Segment originally aired Dec. 22, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/22/2002): THE TWELVE NIGHTS OF DAVE’S GONE BY

click above to listen (audio only)

ZZ-Song-ThreeNightsBeforeXmas

Dave sings “The Twelve Nights of Dave’s Gone By” (originally titled “Three Nights Before Christmas)

Segment originally aired Dec. 22, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

THREE NIGHTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

by David Lefkowitz

On the first night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
News Gone By and the World Weird Web about Shooby (shadobalabashraw)

On the second night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
A tirade about smoking
Sound effects and choking
At 11 to midnight on GBB.

On the third night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
The Puff Sullivan Letter
Angry LIPA guy
And a critique of Say Goodnight, Gracie.

On the fourth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to theen:
Pre-tampered yummies
Actress Karen Young
Jokes about Verizon
And a bunch of goodies tied to Halloween.

On the fifth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
The Giving Chimp!
A review of Movin’ Out
Crooked politicians
LaRouche on the web
And “Peter Pumpkinhead” by XTC.

On the sixth night of Dave’s Gone By, WGBB
gave Dave a new timeslot
He played William Finn
Also Lonnie Donegan
And the hippie, Donovan
Even Homer Simpson
And old Coco, the poet chimpanzee.

On the seventh night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Osama bin Laden
Good ol’ Bobby Dylan
Eilert Pilarm!
A Warren Zevon tribute
Rock throwing in India (in the Chhindwara district of Madhya Pradesh)
Eating sushi naked
And a new commuter tax for you and me.

Oh, the eighth night of Dave’s Gone By was quite a joyful spree:
Rabbi Solomon hosted
He lit the candles
He played the dreidel
He played Adam Sandler
And a little klezmer
Bitched about the Arabs
And Bobby Fischer
Plus a poem on pedophile Pee-Wee.

On the ninth day of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
“Trees” by Joyce Kilmer
“Tuesdays with Morrie”
“My Old Lady”
Wilson’s Book of Days
Dead Kurt Cobain!
A bit by Woody Allen
Sponsorship info
Two insurance sketches
And a psychic hotline like TV.

On the tenth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Steve Herbst, the Whistler
He did Stevie Wonder, Sondheim and Led Zeppelin
and Bruce Springsteen!
Drugged-out Whitney Houston
Kissinger’s back
Dave’s name on a urinal
And a poem on Cablevision fees.

On the eleventh night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Trent Lott’s apology
Critic Charlie Gross
Music by Frank Zappa
United Airlines
MTA strike
Two killer pitbulls
Scientist who burned his penis!
Right-wing Joe Salzone
Bush and the economy
Bloomberg on a bike
And the Man of La Mancha on CD.

Whoa, the twelfth night of Dave’s Gone By was full of songs and joy
`Cause the past eleven weeks, I’ve been able to annoy:
Gospel-seeking listeners
Those who worship Elvis
Those who loathe Neil Young
Republicans
Pro-Palestinians
Born-again Christians
Self-hating Jews
All my engineers!
People who hate theater
People who love theater
L.I. Cablevision
And the people who don’t want me to be me.

(spoken) But it’s all I can be. So happy holidays, everybody.