Dave’s Gone By #596 (3/4/2017): ON YOUR TOCE

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 Here is the 596th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC radio, March 4, 2017. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: songwriter Tom Toce, Dave’s wife Joyce

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews songwriter Tom Toce. Plus: Rabbi Sol’s Rabbinical Reflection on Playboy, Inside Broadway, Greeley Crimes & Old Times, Potato News, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Joan Osborne), Saturday Segues (Gary Numan, In the News)

00:00:01 DAVE’S GONE BY w/ Joyce (sabbatical, no critics, Columbia)
00:36:00 POTATO NEWS
00:42:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN (dead horses & mump titers, hpv)
00:50:00 GREELEY CRIMES & OLD TIMES
01:11:30   SATURDAY SEGUE – Gary Numan
01:32:00 INSIDE BROADWAY

02:00:00  GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Tom Toce
02:35:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Joan Osborne)
03:03:00 Friends
03:17:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #145 (Playboy)
03:24:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (In the News)
03:52:00 Weather
03:54:00 DAVE GOES OUT

March 4, 2017 Playlist: “Are `Friends’ Electric?” (01:13:30), “Complex” (01:19:00) & “Walking with Shadows” (01:22:00; Gary Numan). “Live for Loving You” (On Your Feet 2016 Broadway cast). “You Could Have Fooled Me” (01:58:00), “Our Fair City” (02:11:30), “Better than Rock `n’ Roll” (02:32:30) & “Welcome to Another Day” (03:57:00; Tom Toce). “I’ll Remember You” ({live}; 02:37:30) & “Quinn the Eskimo” ({take 1} 02:50:00; Bob Dylan). “Man in the Long Black Coat” (02:41:30; Joan Osborne). “Take Me to the Mardi Gras” (03:26:00; Paul Simon). “Moonlight Serenade” (03:29:00; Frank Sinatra). “Have You Ever Seen a Prettier Little Congress & Stability” (03:33:00; The Rothschilds 1970 Broadway cast). “World Tour Sessions” (03:36:30; Public Enemy).


(pictured: Tom Toce’s “Songwriter in the House,” Tom Toce, Potato News, Gary Numan, Playboy magazine)

Dave’s Gone By Skit: RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #70 (6/16/2013): Michael Douglas

click above to listen (audio file)

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #70 (6/16/2013): Michael Douglas

Aired June 15, 2013 on Dave’s Gone By. Youtube clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNNbhdtkQgw

Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of June 16th, 2013.

How much do we really need to know about the private lives of celebrities? Everything – these days, it seems. We know what Gwyneth Paltrow eats for breakfast, what Kirstie Alley eats for dinner, and now, what Michael Douglas eats in bed.

No one forced him. No one put a gun to his head – I don’t mean the eating part, I mean telling the world about it. Three weeks ago, Douglas told the Guardian magazine of London that his throat cancer probably did not come from his smoking or his drinking. He said, hint hint, you can also get the Big C from doing the little C: cunnilingus. Until last month, I had no idea what the hell that was. Cunnilingus. I thought it a was low-cost Irish airline.

But it is not. Cunnilingus is when a man, or a woman, or, on certain internet sites, a German shepherd, performs oral sex on a lady. Please don’t get me wrong; muff munching is a normal, enjoyable, intimate part of the sexual experience, providing the woman doesn’t smell like a trench, and the man has muscles in his jaw that don’t lock up after three minutes, or five minutes, or, well, honestly, after ten minutes, the woman should either fake it or lie back and think of Jerusalem.

Even though high-school health teachers, aka gym teachers, taught us that you can certainly contract VD from oral sex, I don’t think people take that as seriously as the other kinds of nookie. A girl on a date figures, “Ehhh, I don’t wanna go all the way with this guy, and Biff doesn’t like to deal with condoms. But if I give him a little mouth love, maybe he won’t dump me for Darlene with the bangs, the boobs and the booty.”

When we think of venereal disease in this country, we think of . . . the Kardashians. But we also think of regular penetrative sex or, perhaps, tushie sex. The more intolerant among us would point to the gays during the AIDS crisis and say, “If you can’t stop doing that, at least wear a condom. And stop writing bad Broadway musicals.” As a culture, we all modified our behavior as a way to stem the plague of HIV, as well as gonorrhea, herpes, and Sunday afternoon phone conversations that started with, “Yes, we did have fun last night. But I noticed this rash…”

In his own paradoxically embarrassing and self-aggrandizing way, Michael Douglas has reminded us that HPV isn’t just a high-definition sister channel of HBO. It’s a disease you can get from licking someone in the place that they pee. Such as the Penn Station men’s room.

Much the way Angelina Jolie made breast-cancer prevention a national conversation when she bid tah tah to her tah-tahs, Michael Douglas may be doing us the same service by telling us where he put his tongue, and where his tongue has put him. How does Catherine Zeta Jones fit into all this? That’s a private conversation for the Douglas home. I certainly don’t see her putting her name on a line of douches anytime soon. Unless they start making them with penicillin. Or industrial-strength Raid.

But I do wish Mrs. Douglas good mental health; we know she’s been struggling with mood disorders. Well, who hasn’t? And I hope Mr. Douglas has licked his cancer. God knows, he’s licked everything else. And I advise all my listeners to be sensible and careful in all your carnal endeavors. If you meet a girl who smells like a petri dish, find another way to stuff her knish. Carry condoms, use dental dams – or, as I like to call them, dental goddamns. In other words, if you can’t eat `em, groin `em.

This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.

(c) 2013 TotalTheater. All rights reserved.

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