Dave Lefkowitz interviews friends Fred Cleaver & Wendy Highby
Topics include: UNC, film, documentaries, Chicago
Segment aired March 7, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” 500th Anniversary Special radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
click above for episode #500 (audio only)click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 500th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, March 7, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave’s 500th episode: 500 minutes plus 1 hour to grown on! Dave plays classic bits, novelty numbers, interview clips and more from years gone by. Plus: chats with return guests, Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on Dave’s 500th, musician Christine Lavin, actress Carole Demas, radio legend Dr. Demento, Greeley Crime Beat, visits from UNC Radio general manager Thomas Hoffman, UNC Radio programming director Matthew Davis, UNC Mirror journalist Will Costello, UNC Radio host Alex Kirschner and friends Fred Cleaver and Wendy Highby. Also: Calls from former programming director Sam Wood, singer Carole Demas, Dave’s mom & dad Philip and Brenda Lefkowitz, Dave’s friend Ozer Teitelbaum, and former guest co-host Jeff Goodman
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: radio host Dr. Demento, musician Christine Lavin, actress Carole Demas, UNC Mirror journalist Will Costello, UNC Radio general manager Thomas Hoffman, UNC Radio programming director Matthew Davis,, UNC Radio former general manager Sam Wood, radio personality Joe Salzone, friends Wendy Highby, Fred Cleaver, Ozer Teitelbaum and Jeff Goodman, Dave’s mom & dad (Philip & Brenda Lefkowitz), Dave’s wife Joyce.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (#500!, Purim narwhal) 00:24:30 GREELEY CRIME BEAT, pt. 1 00:27:00 GUESTS: Fred Cleaver & Wendy Highby (new!) 00:52:00 GREELEY CRIME BEAT, pt. 2 w/ Will Costello 00:58:00 GUESTS: Will Costello 01:04:00 GREELEY CRIME BEAT, pt 3 01:14:30 GUESTS: Will Costello, Alex Kirshner, Thomas Hoffman (new!) 01:36:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN 01:51:00 GUEST: Bonnie Franklin (aired 10/1/11) 02:00:30 SKIT: The Giving Chimp (aired 11/3/02) 02:07:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #3: Taco Bell (aired 1/29/11) 02:21:00 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #26: Autopsy (aired 2/21/15) 02:23:00 SONG: Take Your Underoos Down (aired 7/19/14) 02:32:30 GUEST: Karinna Kittles-Karsten (aired 2/11/07) 02:50:30 SONG: Jeopardy Ken (aired 10/14/04) 02:53:30 Sponsors 03:01:30 GUEST: Joe Franklin (aired 4/1/07) 03:06:30 SKIT: Pre-Tampered Yummies (aired 10/27/02) 03:12:00 GUEST: Tom Paxton (aired 9/2/04) 03:20:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’s RABBINICAL REFLECTION #11: Circumcisions (aired 4/2/11) 03:31:30 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #23: Screenwriter (aired 2/7/15) 03:37:30 More Sponsors 03:40:30 GUEST: Jill Sobule (aired 9/22/05) 03:52:00 SKIT: Blarney O’Bunions (aired 3/12/06) 03:57:30 GUEST: Christine Lavin (new!) 04:39:00 GUEST: Al Aronowitz (aired 1/20/05) 04:46:00 GUEST: Dr. Demento (new!) 05:14:00 WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #20: Beatles (aired 1/10/15) 05:11:00 Emails & Epistles 05:21:00 SKIT: Handyman Yoni (aired 7/29/04) 05:26:30 GUESTS: Brenda & Philip Lefkowitz (new!) 05:44:30 GUEST: Joe Salzone (new!) 05:56:30 GUEST: Carole Demas (new!) 06:15:30 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION: Jewish GPS (aired 1/27/12) 06:20:30 GUEST: Sam Wood (new!) 06:48:30 GUEST: Gilbert Gottfried (aired 12/17/11) 06:59:00 SONG: A Dingo Ate My Baby (aired 1/26/03) 07:00:00 GUEST: Matthew Davis (new!) 07:16:00 More Emails & Epistles 07:22:00 Excerpt: First Show – opening (aired 10/6/02) 07:32:30 GUEST: Ozer Teitelbaum (new!) 07:34:30 SONG: Undies (aired 8/24/13) 07:59:00 SKIT: Buttboink Mountain w/ Peter Fitzgerald (aired 1/22/06) 08:06:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #119: Dave’s 500th (new!) 08:15:30 Thanks 08:18:30 GUEST: Jeff Goodman, pt. 1 08:42:30 A Call from Joyce 08:46:00 Sponsors 08:47:30 SKIT: Bob Dylan for WaxVac 08:49:00 Excerpt: First Show – closing (aired 10/6/02) 08:54:00 GUEST: Jeff Goodman, pt. 2 09:19:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 7, 2015 Playlist: “Buckets of Rain” (01:44:00; Bob Dylan). “Take Your Underoos Down” (02:23:00), “Jeopardy Ken” (02:50:30) & “A Dingo Ate My Baby” (06:59:00; Dave). “I Hold Your Hand in Mine” (02:26:00; Tom Lehrer). “Don’t You Let Nobody Turn You `Round” (03:17:30; Tom Paxton). “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” (03:33:30; The Rolling Stones). (03:49:00; Jill Sobule). “Never Go Back” (04:28:00; Christine Lavin). “Shaving Cream” (05:11:00; Benny Bell). “Have a Peanut Butter Sandwich” (06:43:00; Art Paul Schlosser). “Across the Universe” (08:50:00; The Beatles). “`Heroes'” (09:22:00; David Bowie).
Fred Cleaver
Wendy Highby
Christine Lavin
Dr. DementoDave & Philip LefkowitzJoe SalzoneCarole DemasSam WoodOzer TeitelbaumJeff GoodmanMatthew Davis
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of March 1, 2015.
(sings) Shout hallelujah, come on, get happy! It’s the Purim holiday Though the rest of the year is crappy We can drink all our blues away.”
Yes, my friends, this Wednesday night, the Purim holiday arrives, bringing with it the chance to celebrate our Jewishness, to dress up in funny costumes, and to recall a time in our history when, like the Crusades and the Holocaust, we were almost wiped out but saved at the last minute. Actually, no Jews died on Purim, so as happy holidays go, this one’s like hitting Lotto on the day your baby’s born.
On Purim, we read the Book of Esther — returning it to her after we’re done — and we rejoice in a holiday that is truly about fun. F – U – N. I spell it out, not because I’m worried the FCC thought I said something else, but because “fun” is not a word we often associate with my tribe, so we grab it when we can get it. And I get it on these Rabbinical Reflections by sometimes sharing jokes with a Jew-y theme and a Purim-packed punchline.
Our first joke is about my cousin Irving, who lives in Brooklyn and gets on a bus. He’s carrying this big duffel bag, and he asks the driver if he can get a senior discount. The driver looks at him funny and says, “You don’t look a day over 40. Show me some ID.” “I left my wallet at home,” says Irving. “All I have is change for the bus. But I still I demand a senior discount.”
“You’re not old enough!” yells the driver. “What are you trying to pull?”
“How dare you!” screams Irving. “I demand my rights!”
The two start arguing and going back and forth and screaming. Finally, the bus driver gets fed up. He pulls to the curb, opens the doors, grabs the duffel bag and hurls it from the bus onto the sidewalk.
“You bastard!” says Irving. “Just because I wouldn’t pay full fare, you try to kill my son?”
Now, this joke trades upon two of the worst stereotypes you can foist upon the Jewish people: we’re cheap and conniving. We would do anything to save a penny, including lying and cheating. How this became a quote-unquote “Jewish” characteristic is beyond me. Ask a Scotsman. And it’s a hard stereotype to fight because I am stingy and proud of it! I’ll clip every coupon, I’ll visit museums only on free nights, I’ll bring a doggy bag to restaurants – not just for my leftovers, but from anyone else who wants to donate. In a world where one percent of the population keeps 90 percent of the money, who am I to play the big shot?
However, to intimate that the Jewish race is so miserly as to commit knowing and brazen fraud is an ugly over-generalization. For every Bernard Madoff, you’ll find a dozen philanthropists. For every Yid who doesn’t tip a waitress, there are two dozen who overpay just so they don’t look cheap. So please, bear that in mind when you see me in the hallway at the multiplex next week, sneaking from “American Sniper” to the SpongeBob movie. I’m already in the building; I should pay twice to go in a different room?
Anyhoo, let’s move on to our next verbal amusement. Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin are sitting in a Berlin bar in the late 1920s. They’re planning and plotting and dreaming and scheming when an American tourist takes the stool next to them. “Hiya,” says the stranger. “I’m Chris from Ohio.”
“Nice to meet you,” says Hitler. “I’m Adolf, and this is my friend, Josef from Russia. We’re in politics, and we’re strategizing a great social undertaking. We’re going to murder six million Jews and a bicycle repairman.”
“Wow,” says the stranger. “Why a bicycle repairman?”
“See?” Hitler whispers to Stalin. “I told you nobody cares about the Jews.”
This joke has a dark underpinning because had these lunatics stayed friendly and non-aggressive, they truly would have succeeded in exterminating the Jewish population. Mercifully, this did not occur because HaShem hardened Hitler’s ego and made him fight on two fronts. Why God waited until 1945 to stop Der Fuhrer is a question that even the wisest Talmudic spin doctors lose sleep over, but since this is Purim, I’m not going to. I’m just going to tell one more joke.
An Italian mafioso and his Jewish lawyer are walking down the streets of Rome when they see a curvaceous lady bend over to fix her shoe. “Mamma mia!” says the mafioso. “I would love to screw her.”
“Really?” says the lawyer. “Out of what?”
Ahh, lawyers. Where would humor be without them? Actually, on the scale of evil, Wall Street tycoons have leapfrogged over attorneys in the annals of disdain — maybe because we need lawyers to put all these stockbrokers in prison. Still, with litigation the second-most popular American pastime after football, it’s hard to stick up for lawyers, since they’ve been sticking up taxpayers for years.
And before women complain that the joke has a sexist component because just the sight of an attractive lady bending over turns grown men into wolverines, please remember that just the sight of an attractive lady bending over turns grown men into wolverines. It’s funny because it’s true. So…
(sings) Hallelujah, come on, get happy We’re gonna laugh at offensive yoks So if hot women get you fappy Grab some baby oil and two old socks
Happy Purim everybody! This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
The 27th Wretched Pun of Destiny segment aired Feb. 28, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
* 27. Shalom, Dammit! this is Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches. Since it is Purim time, I am proud once again to be an honorary guest reader for The Wretched Pun of Destiny:
A terrible hurricane strikes the east coast, doing untold damage to the farmlands. Hearing about this, the first Jewish President cuts short her vacation to come survey the destruction.
First, she visits a sugarcane field in Louisiana, where the crop has been depleted by the storm.
“Oy,” she says. Then the she flies up to New York to see a cabbage farm that has been torn to shreds. “Oy,” says the President.
Finally, they drive her to Massachusetts to see the twisted remains of what had been a thriving vineyard. “Oy,” says the president once more.
The next morning at her press conference, a reporter asks, “Madame President, what were your thoughts on seeing what happened to the sugar and the cabbage and the grapes?”
“Well,” comes the reply. “Oy Cane, Oy Slaw, Oy Concord.”
click above for episode #499 (audio only)click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 498th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 28, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave chats with actor-director Ruben Santiago-Hudson. Plus: Inside Broadway, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (hurricane), Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (march), Greeley Crime Beat, Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection (New Purim Jokes), Saturday Segues (Hudson, 500).
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: actor Ruben Santiago-Hudson, Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (the early years, affect/effect) 00:23:00 GREELEY CRIME BEAT 00:45:00 DAVE’S GONE BY 500th EPISODE PROMO 00:50:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Hudson) 01:09:00 Sponsors 01:17:30 INSIDE BROADWAY 01:39:30 GUEST: Ruben Santiago-Hudson 02:11:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #27 (Hurricane) 02:14:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (march) 02:32:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #119 (New Purim Jokes) 02:44:00 Friends 02:55:00 SATURDAY SEGUE (#500).
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 22nd, 2015.
Problems in the Middle East got you down? Sick of the fighting over healthcare and immigration between the left and the right? Constipated by last night’s meal? (I know I am.) We’re still in the ass-end of winter, the Super Bowl has come and gone, and Purim is mainly for kids, so hurray for the Academy Awards, here to give grownups a shpritz of glitz and a glimpse of glamour, if only for a night. It’s a chance to forget our woes and wallow in Hollywood worship. Three-and-a-half hours of people who make more money in a week than you will in a lifetime, patting each other on the back over just how hard their jobs are.
I’m being sarcastic but, you know, you can take 80 million dollars and make a piece of drek, or you can take that same amount of money and create something memorable and touching and fun. Or best of all, you can take 80 million dollars, give me two million, and I don’t give a crap what you do with the rest.
Anyhoo, this year’s Oscar roster is an eclectic bunch. It seems they always are now that they allow something like 37 movies up for Best Picture. There’s been controversy this season over how white all the acting nominees are. Not one best or featured actor is a person of color – unless you count Robert Duvall, who’s grey, or Benedict Cumberbatch, who, if he were a paint, would be eggshell.
This could be pushback from last year, when “12 Years a Slave” won for best picture, and you had African actors up for other prizes. Considering what John Travolta did to that nice Jewish girl Idina Menzel, maybe the Academy is just terrified of what he’d do to “Selma” actors like David Oyelowo and Carmen Ejogo.
Up for Best Picture is “Selma” – so I feel bad for her sister, Patti – as is “American Sniper,” which is also controversial because in one scene, Bradley Cooper is holding a baby, but it’s obviously a plastic doll. The screenwriter later tweeted that the first infant got sick and the second didn’t show up, so they had to go with a fake. Still, viewers are crying foul, saying how dare Clint Eastwood ask us to use our imaginations and suspend disbelief. That’s what Fox News is for.
Vying with “Selma” and “American Sniper” for Oscar honors are “Birdman,” “Whiplash,” “Boyhood,” The Grand Budapest Hotel,” The Imitation Game,” and “The Theory of Everything.” “Birdman” is about a washed-up actor who keeps trying to make a comeback on Broadway. Or, as I like to call it, the Tony Danza Story. “Whiplash” stars J.K. Simmons as a music teacher so obnoxious and abusive, he missed his calling and should have become a New York City cop.
Then you’ve got “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” a Wes Anderson confection about an old man who can’t give up the one thing that keeps him young. Or, as I call it, The Bill Cosby Story.
We also have “The Imitation Game,” which tells the tale of Alan Turing, a genius who cracked the Nazi code in World War II, only to be hounded to suicide because he was a faigeleh. The tragedy of Alan Turing is that he voluntarily underwent chemical castration, when all he had to do was find the right woman, marry her, and she’d castrate him every day of his life.
Also up for the big prize is “Boyhood,” a story of adolescence that has the critics kvelling because Richard Linklater shot it over the course of 12 years. That’s not inspiration, that’s laziness. Instead of using makeup and padding to make Patricia Arquette look old and fat, he let God do it.
And finally we come to “The Theory of Everything,” a bio-pic about astrophysicist Stephen Hawking. You know, the guy who wrote “A Brief History of Time,” which everyone bought but no one could understand. Kind of like Reaganomics. The point of the movie is that Hawking didn’t let Lou Gehrig’s disease cramp his mojo, especially since it didn’t affect his brain. Well, not until 2013, when that homely hobbit chose to boycott Israel over its supposed mistreatment of the Palestinians. The only black holes Stephen Hawking should be concerned with are the ones in Muslims’ hearts.
So there you have it: the nominees for the 87th annual Academy Awards in Los Angeles. I would be remiss, however, not to mention one of the nominees for best Foreign Film: “Ida,” about a Polish woman who’s about to become a Catholic nun when she learns that her parents, murdered during the Holocaust, were actually Jewish. You can tell that the movie is Polish because it’s set in 1872. Just kidding. You might also check out the Animated Feature Film nominee called “The Boxtrolls,” just because that’s what they really should rename the remaining women on “The View.”
So everyone get your popcorn, your ballot sheets, your No-Doz for Sunday night, February 22nd, when the Oscars arrive and all’s right with America. I’ll miss Joan Rivers on the Red Carpet. Though she was more fun on the kitchen table. Again, just kidding. In closing, I’d like to thank the Academy, my parents and the Lord. And I’m not even schvartz.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
click above for episode #498 (audio only)click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 498th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 21, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave chats with theatrical designer Lloyd Burlingame. Plus: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection on the Oscars, Saturday Segue (Lesley Gore), The Wretched Pun of Destiny (autopsy), Greeley Crime Beat, Dylan – Sooner & Later (fathers)
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (UNC Radio, promoting #500) 00:20:30 Sponsors 00:29:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN (truth in journalism) 41:00:00 GREELEY CRIME BEAT 01:18:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Lesley Gore) 01:41:30 More Sponsors 01:45:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION #117 (Oscars 2015) 01:51:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 02:19:00 GUEST: Lloyd Burlingame 03:20:30 The Archives 03:26:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #26 (autopsy) 03:28:30 Weather 03:32:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (fathers) 03:54:00 Friends 04:04:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Feb. 21, 2015 Playlist: “Just Let Me Cry” (01:26:30), “Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows” (01:28:30), “My Body” (01:30:00), “It’s My Party” (01:33:30), “The Old Crowd” (01:36:00) & “Off and Running” (04:13:00; Lesley Gore). “Where Do I Begin? (Love Story)” (02:16:00; Andy Williams). “If You Can’t See My Mirrors” (03:16:30; The New Pornographers). “Precious Memories” (03:38:00), “Please, Mrs. Henry” (03:44:30) & “Bye and Bye” (03:47:00; Bob Dylan). “Silver Dagger” (03:41:00; Joan Baez & Bob Dylan). “R.I.P. Jon Stewart” (03:57:30; Sean Altman).
click above for episode #497 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 497th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Feb. 14, 2015. Info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with theatrical producer Stewart F. Lane and Dave chats with UNC Radio’s Sam Wood and Matthew Davis. Plus: Inside Broadway, Greeley Crime Beat, The Wretched Pun of Destiny (disco), Saturday Segue (romance).
Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guests: producer & author Stewart F. Lane, Former UNC program director Sam Wood, UNC program director Matthew Davis, Dave’s wife Joyce
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN w/ Joyce (#500, endorsements, bundling, call-letter blues, sriracha ketchup, producers) 00:53:30 GREELEY CRIME BEAT 01:17:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN (Dave’s phone, V-Day options) 01:36:30 SATURDAY SEGUE (Romance) 01:57:00 GUESTS: Sam Wood & Matthew Davis 02:26:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Stewart F. Lane 03:11:00 INSIDE BROADWAY 03:35:00 Sponsors 03:43:30 THE WRETCHED PUN OF DESTINY #25 (Disco) 03:45:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (the speech) 04:21:00 Weather & Thanks 04:26:00 Friends 04:33:00 DAVE GOES OUT
Feb. 14, 2015 Playlist: “Weird Romance” (00:49:30; Weird Romance; 1992 off-Broadway cast). “Romance” (01:36:30; Wild Flag), “My Romance” (01:40:30; Doris Day). “Romance” (01:43:00; The Jacobites w/ Nikki Sudden). “A Fine Romance” (01:45:30; Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers). “Groucho Romances Margaret Dumont” (01:48:30; “The Cocoanuts” soundtrack w/ Groucho Marx & Margaret Dumont). “This Romance Will Be Different for Me” (01:51:30; Jonathan Richman). “Final Bows” (03:09:00; Thoroughly Modern Millie Bway cast). “I Know About Love” (03:32:00; Do Re Mi 1961 Bway cast w/ John Reardon). “The Ballad of Hollis Brown” (03:55:00; Nina Simone). “Farewell Angelina” (04:03:00; Joan Baez). “It Ain’t Me, Babe” (04:09:30; Johnny Cash & June Carter Cash). “Red Hot” (04:17:00; Billy Lee Riley). “Marry Me Again” (04:35:30; Tom Paxton).
Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews theatrical producer Stewart F. Lane
Topics include: A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder, Black Broadway, The Will Rogers Follies. theater, Broadway, Jews.
Segment aired Feb. 14, 2015 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com More information about Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com
Shalom Dammit! This is Rabbi Sol Solomon with a Rabbinical Reflection for the week of February 8th, 2015.
What is the purpose of education? In an idealistic sense, it is to broaden the mind, to open young people to a world greater than themselves that they have to wade into in order to become productive members of society. Or, more simply put: live and learn. But one can also say the purpose of education is to take a bunch of kids who are too stupid to be left alone during post-adolescence, and corral them all in one place before we inflict them willy-nilly upon the planet.
Well, you don’t get kids much dumber – or potentially dangerous – than the yutzes at UC Davis, the University of California, Davis. Pro-Palestinian, liberal wackjob teenagers, who comprise the rotting corpse that is the student body, voted to boycott Israel over the country’s treatment of the poor, poor Palis. In a vote that passed 8 to 2, these bleeding-heart buttheads recommended that the University divest itself of all business dealings with the land of milk and honey. The SJP, whose letters stand for Students for Justice in Palestine (though they could just as easily stand for Suck my Jewish Penis), the SJP cheered and waved Palestinian flags as the vote went down in their favor. Best of all, as Jewish and pro-Israel students shuffled out of the meeting hall, the Arab-sympathizers began chanting, “Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.”
Now, where have we heard that poem before? Oh yeah, every time a Muslim with a grudge and an AK-47 decides to vent his spleen on a bunch of innocent civilians, those are the words: “Allahu Akbar.” It may sound like a religious prayer, but it’s more like a death yell. We heard it from Nidal Hasan, who killed 13 people in Fort Hood a few years ago, and we heard it last month, with a French accent, when the Koran Krazies lit into Charlie Hebdo for drawing cartoons.
I don’t need to tell you how I feel about the Israeli-Palestinian situation. But I will anyway. As I’ve said fifteen quadrillion times, Israel is a country — the size of a postage stamp — created after the Holocaust for Jewish people to finally have their own homeland. Anyone else on it either has to live by Israel’s rules or get the Allah out. And if you live in a country bordering Israel, or on land Israel gave back in the vain hope of trading acreage for peace, you better not be hostile, or we’re gonna stomp you like a wine glass at a wedding. But alas, up until that time, it’s the Arabs and their misguided sympathizers that do the violence, over and over again.
After the UC Davis vote – that the SJP won – the anti-Semites weren’t even satisfied with that! Two days later, someone painted swastikas on the walls of the Jewish fraternity, Alpha Epsilon Pi. (Actually, they should call it Aleph Epsom-Saltz Chai, but that’s for another time.)
It’s unclear whether this act was perpetrated by Arabs or just white kids goaded by all the latent Hebrewphobia stirred up by the vote. Either way, UC Davis has a nasty hurricane coming. I don’t mean a riot. I mean the whooshing sound of Jewish students exiting a place of higher learning that has sunk to a valley of lower squirming. It’s the sound of Jewish alumni divesting their donations and bequests from UCD and sending them to the UJA. It’s the whooshing sound of freshman applications – and application fees – being turned into paper kites because little Missy Horowitz and her 1500 SAT score now chooses to attend USC or UC Berkeley instead.
People at the University say the graffiti and the protests and threats are coming from outside sources and not the college kids themselves. How convenient. You light a torch and you wonder why someone behind you screams fire. Well, I’m screaming, too. Screaming at the retarded students of UC Davis who buy into this wahh-wahh, right-of-return, push-Israel-off-the-map garbage. And all this time, what’s been happening in the Arab world? More beheadings, hostages being burned alive, kidnapping and attacks – business as usual in the radical Muslim cyclone everywhere they are. And yet Israel is the bad guy.
Students of UC Davis, in my gradebook, you get an F for Flunk and a U for Uninformed. I realize you probably can’t spell, so I’ll put them together for ya: F. U.
This has been a Rabbinical Reflection from Rabbi Sol Solomon, Temple Sons of Bitches in Great Neck, New York.
