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Dave’s Gone By Song (2/14/2026): THE WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN

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Dave sings his tender and aptly titled love song, “The Worst Song Ever Written”

This segment airs Feb. 14, 2026 on the “Dave’s Gone By” video podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: shalomdammit.com.

THE WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN

I love you
I love you-woo-woo
I love you
I’ll always be true-ue-ue

First you made me sad
Then you made me glad
I was so blue
When you said we were through
But you came back to me
I’m as happy as can be `cause

I love you
I love you-woo-woo
I love you
I’ll always be true-ue-ue

My heart is on fire
It’s alive with desire
You’re bright as the moon
On a clear night in June
Oh, I love you so!
Don’t you ever go `cause

I love you
I love you-woo-woo
I love you
I’ll always be true-ue-ue

You have got me
Oh so high
Floating in the big blue sky
I’m so glad I’ve won your love
I shout to the heavens above.

You’re so divine
Will you say that you’re mine? Our love is so fine
It’s one of a kind
Never go away
Believe me when I say that

I love you
I love you-woo-woo
I love you
I’ll always be true-ue-ue

You are like a work of art
You make joy-joy in my heart
I’m so glad you are my girl
Greatest in the whole wide worl’

You are the best
And it’s not just your breasts
You are so sweet
From your hair to your feet

You’re the girl I adore
I’ll repeat what I sang just before:

I love you
I love you-woo-woo
I love you
I’ll always be true-ue-ue

Doo-wah-diddy dum-day-voo
Shooby dooby dooby doo
Tra la la la boom day-oo
Vo-dee-o do-do I love you
Vo-dee-o do-do I love you.

SONGS – List & Links

Hi folks! Here are audio archives and written lyrics of original songs performed on DAVE’S GONE BY.
All material is copyright protected by the author, as noted.

As Rears Go By
(see listing under “The Pervert’s Song”)

Captain Liflander’s War Madrigal
(5/3/03) Dave unearths a patriotic war song from the not-so-good-old days.
Listen / Full Episode

Cover’d with Crap
(3/16/03) Dave sings a delightfully repugnant sea shanty.
Listen / Full Episode

Dayenu 2003
(4/13/03): Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a Purim song about the resilience of the Jews.
Listen / Full Episode

Deep in the Heart of Dallas
(7/9/16): Dave sings a socio-political ditty.
Listen / Full Episode

A Dingo Ate My Baby
(1/26/03) Dave goes down under to sing of a tasty tragedy.
Listen / Full Episode

Don’t Mess with Us
(3/16/03): Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a Purim song about the resilience of the Jews.
Listen / Full Episode

Enema Blues
(1/19/03): Joined by Scott Rodolitz, Dave Lefkowitz sings the Fisch-Heads song, “Enema Blues.”
Listen / Full Episode

Hey Jews
(2/7/2026): Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a pro-Israel Beatles song.
Listen / on youtube

(I’m Having a) Gay Christmas
(12/23/04): Gay icon Peter Fitzgerald sings a Yuletide ditty.
Listen / Full Episode

I’m Too Sexy (For My Prostate
(9/2/17): The medical complaints of…who else? Rabbi Sol Solomon
Listen / Full Episode

Is it Good for the Jews?
(12/9/04): Rabbi Sol Solomon asks an age-old question in song.
Listen / Full Episode

It Won’t Get Long
(1/24/2026): A dysfunctional Beatles parody.
Listen / on youtube ‘

It’s a Stiff
(12/8/03): A holiday ditty based on the true story of a woman who disposed of her unwanted infant in a not-so-Christmassy way.
Listen / Full Episode

Jeopardy Ken
(7/22/04): A song of tribute to Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings.
Listen / Full Episode

Jerree
(8/26/17): A plea from one of Jerry’s Kids.
Listen

Joey, the Spastic Kangaroo
(1/26/03): Dave goes down under to relate the tale of a mentally retarded marsupial.
Listen / Full Episode

Look What They Done to My Head
(6/24/04): With Muslim terrorists now staging decapitations for video, let’s imagine a song to go with them.
Listen / Full Episode

Makin’ Poopies
(11/4/04): A song celebrating the joys of relief.
Listen / Full Episode
M-O-T-H-E-R
(5/11/03): Dave sings a Mother’s Day tribute to moms, acronymically.
Listen / Full Episode
My Doggy’s Christmas Gift
(12/30/04): A holiday song to warm the cockles of pet lovers’ hearts everywhere.
Listen / Full Episode
The New Tzuris
(1/17/2026): Travails of a shlimazel.
Listen / on Archive.org / on youtube
Nirvanity
(12/1/02): Dave sings about the merchandising of Kurt Cobain.
Listen / Full Episode

Oh, Dat Ben!
(11/14/15): Dave found this beautiful, spiritual hymn sung by presidential candidate Ben Carson. Or at least about him.
Listen / Full Episode

The Pervert’s Song (As Rears Go By
(7/16/2025): A song parody that is truly not safe for children.
Listen

Rabbi Sol Solomon’s Rabbinical Reflection Theme
(2017): How the good Rabbi introduces his mini-sermons.
Listen

The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald
(1/19/04): A ballad not-so-loosely based on the Mepham High School sodomy trial on Long Island.
Listen / Full Episode

Santasia
(12/23/04): A deeply warped and perverted take on “The Night Before Christmas,” for your holiday pleasure.
Listen / Full Episode

Seamus, the Urine Man
(3/16/03): Recently back from Dublin, Dave sings of his encounter with an Irish legend.
Listen / Full Episode

Sniper’s Lullaby
(10/27/02): A song, to the tune of “Hobo’s Lullaby,” that celebrates the capture of the Beltway Snipers
Listen / Full Episode

Stupid Pupil
(5/25/2024): A toast to the college graduates of 2024
Listen / on Archive.org

Take Your Underoos Down (The Rolf Harris Song)
(7/19/14): In July 2014, legendary Australian TV personality Rolf Harris was sentenced to 69 months in prison for molesting numerous under-aged women over the course of two decades. Let’s hear his song, shall we?
Listen / Full Episode

Thumb in My Bum
(7/8/2025): Dave gives the Rolling Stones a thumbs up in this pervy parody.
Listen / on youtube

Trayvon
(7/20/13): A song about the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman confrontation and trial.
Listen / Full Episode

The Twelve Complaints of Christmas
(12/22/02): Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a crabby holiday classic.
Listen / Full Episode

The Twelve Months of Dave’s Gone By
(12/22/02): Dave sings a holiday carol for his radio show.
Listen / Full Episode

Undies
(8/24/13): At last, Joey Eugene Gallegos, the Greeley Underwear Bandit, has been apprehended, and here is his song.
Listen / Full Episode
We Killed Santa Claus
(12/23/04): A humbuggy holiday carol.
Listen / Full Episode
When Bushie Goes Marching In
(3/23/03): Dave’s rah-rah ballad to mark the start of the war in Iraq.
Listen / Full Episode

Dave’s Gone By Song: HEY JEWS

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Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a new Beatles parody, “Hey Jews.”

This segment airs Feb. 7, 2026 on the “Dave’s Gone By” video podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: shalomdammit.com.

HEY JEWS

(Sung to the melody of The Beatles’s “Hey Jude” by John Lennon & Paul McCartney)

Hey Jews
I know it’s bad
These are sad times but they’ll get better
Remember although it’s hard to be sure
We will endure
If we stick together

Hey Jews
Don’t be afraid
They may hate us, but we can get them
The minute you let them under your skin
They start to win
So just don’t let them.

So any time you’re losing hope
Hey Jews, don’t mope
Don’t go through the world like woeful sad sacks
`Cause we all know the world’s a mess
But if you stress
And carry that weight, you’ll just get bad backs

Oy oy oy oy oy, oy oy oy oy

Hey Jews
They’ll shout you down
Stupid students so loud and phony
They’re screaming and holding up silly signs
Just let them whine
In their sanctimony

So any time you feel despair
Just say a prayer
A bracha will keep you on the right track
Well don’t you know your enemies
May swarm like fleas
But please rest assured, we always fight back

Oy oy oy oy oy, yasher koach

Hey Jews,
We’ll be okay
Keep your heads down in your Siddurim
Remember to always wear your kippot
From Shavuot to Shushan Purim
Purim Purim Purim Purim Purim oyyyyyyyy!!

Nah nah nah, Wear your kippah
Rosh Hashanah, Hey Jews
Hey Jews: you can’t lose

Nah nah nah, Read your Mishnah
Read the Torah, Hey Jews
Susan Sarandon will soon be abandoned

Nah nah nah, Cut the challah,
Light havdalah, Hey Jews
Greta’s flotilla will tumble and spill`er

Nah nah nah, Dance the hora,
Mourn the Shoah, Hey Jews
Cynthia Nixon: her brain could use fixin’

Nah nah nah, sittin’ shiva
In the Sukkah, Hey Jews
Here is what we know: screw Brian Eno

Nah nah nah, join kehilla
Do amidah, Hey Jews
Javier Bardem: oh, just disregard `im

Nah nah nah, Learn the parsha
Whole Megillah, Hey Jews
Hide your daughters from Roger Waters

Nah nah nah, Learn halacha
Learn Kabbalah, Hey Jews
Hey John Cusack a brain is what you lack

Nah nah nah, do a mitzvah
with Kavanah, Hey Jews
Mandy Patinkin: I’m thinkin’ you’re stinkin’

Nah nah nah, Hallelujah
Give tzedakah, Hey Jews
Dave Chappelle can go to hell

Nah nah nah, eatin’ halvah
In the mikvah, Hey Jews
We love Debra Messing; that girl is a blessing!

Nah nah nah, lit menorah
On the bimah, Hey Jews
Tovah Feldshuh is really a swell Jew!

Nah nah nah, say a bracha
Eatin’ matzah, Hey Jews
Michael Rappaport…I can’t rhyme that but you’re great!

Shalom, dammit.

Dave’s Gone By Song: IT WON’T GET LONG

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Dave sings a new Beatles parody, “It Won’t Get Long.”

This segment airs Jan. 24, 2026 on the “Dave’s Gone By” video podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

LYRICS:

IT WON’T GET LONG

(sung to the melody of The Beatles’s “It Won’t Be Long” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney)

It won’t get long (No no no no no no)
It won’t get long (No no no no no no)
It won’t get long
Oh, what am I to do?

Every night I try to get in the zone
She is tight, but there’s no starch in my bone

It won’t get long (No no no no no no)
It won’t get long (No no no no no no)
It won’t get long
My schlong won’t do the do

I eat healthy
I take solid poops
But my peepee
My dingy just droops
Life’s no good
`cause I can’t get wood
My little worm
Just won’t get firm

In the bed I try to act like a pimp
But instead my pocket rocket goes limp

It won’t get long (No no no no no no)
It won’t get long (No no no no no no)
It won’t get long
My dong won’t do the do

In my twenties I was adored
I had long hair and my prick was a sword
Now I’m fat
And my dick falls flat
Not even porn
Can rouse my dead horn

Every night I try to get my wife hot
She is tight, but I fall out of her slot

It won’t get long (No no no no no no)
It won’t get long (No no no no no no)
It won’t get long
My balls are turning blue.

Dave’s Gone By Song: THE NEW TZURIS

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THE NEW TZURIS

(Sung to the melody of E. Barton, M. Barton, Irv Carroll, and Wright’s song, “Tzooris”)

“Heyyyy lucky!”

“What I’m lucky? Couple years ago I’m in Israel at a music festival. Suddenly, the concert stops, and everyone’s screaming.”

“Could be worse.”

“Could be worse? We were attacked! Hamas came swarming in, shooting people right and left, killing, maiming, torturing—a massacre!”

“Could be worse.”

“Worse? The terrorists beat me to a pulp, stabbed my wife, raped my daughter, and left us all for dead.”

“Could be worse.”

“Could be worse? How could it be worse???”

“It could’ve happened to me.”

Oy, Tsuris, Tsuris. Trouble all day long.
It’s hard to feel all right these days when everything is wrong.

“Heyyyy lucky!”

“What I’m lucky? Months later I’m go to teach my class at Columbia University, and I can’t get to the building. All these kids were occupying the campus, marching on the lawn, shouting how much they hate Zionism.”

“Oy, did you engage?”

“Yes, `cause I saw one of my own students, a Jewish kid, waving a Palestinian flag and hollering that Jews don’t deserve Israel.”

“Gevalt, stupid kids. What can you do?”

“What I could do was tell him: `Jews have always lived in Israel. And God knows, we’re entitled to it after the Holocaust.’”

“Good for you!”

“Not so good. The kid says his other professors taught him about colonialism and how Israel is stolen from the Arabs. Finally, I said, `You wanna talk about stolen? The ground you’re standing on was stolen from the Indians. The house you grew up in sits on land stolen from a different tribe. Those sneakers you’re wearing were made by Indonesian children laboring in factories that steal their childhood. And that essay you turned in last week? You stole it from the internet.’ The student got quiet. Then he hugged me, and I walked away.”

“That’s wonderful!”

“It was wonderful all the way to the subway. Then I realized…the little momzer stole my wallet!”
Oy, Tsuris, Tsuris. Everything’s the worst.
If trouble were a suitcase, my hernia would burst.

“Heyyyy Lucky!”

“Again with the lucky? Last week I’m passing by my synagogue, and I see this young twerp in a hoodie with sweatpants, spray painting on the front door.”

“Oy, grafitti?”

“Not just graffiti! It’s a swastika. I tell him, `I’m calling the cops. You can’t make this garbage!’ He says, `Don’t talk to me like that. I’m an artist!’ I say, `Mona Lisa is art. Impressionism is art. Even dogs on velvet playing poker is more art than this.’”

“I’m guessing he didn’t agree?”

“You’re guessing right. So I tell him, `If you’re so proud of your “street art,” why don’t you sign it? Not tag it; put your full name under the swastika and really own your work.’ And he does.”

“Really? Did the police get him?”

“Police? The next day men in suits take the door off the hinges, wrap it, and put it in a van. Two months later a gallery sells the door for $80,000.”

“Well, could be worse.”

“It was worse. The artist donated every penny to BDS.”

Oy, Tsuris, Tsuris. Trouble every minute.
Happiness is fleeting. But misery’s infinite.

Oy, Tsuris, Tsuris. Trouble, pain, and woe.
There’s more that we could tell you
But now we have to go.

Dave’s Gone By Song (7/16/2025): THE PERVERT’S SONG (As Rears Go By)

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THE PERVERT’S SONG (As Rears Go By)

Dave sings the parody song, “The Pervert’s Song (As Rears Go By),” based on Mick Jagger and Keith Richards’s “As Tears Go By.”

This segment aired July 19, 2025 as part of the 991st “Dave’s Gone By” video podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

SONG: The Pervert’s Song (As Rears Go By) (parody) (sung to the music of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards’s “As Tears Go By”) It is near-evening of the day I come to watch the children play How it makes me pant and drool To hear the words “middle school” I grab my crotch as rears go by With voices high and eyes that shine They’re just so sexy when they’re nine Seeing them so pure and fresh Makes me crave their creamy flesh I rub my crotch as rears go by Oh, the things that I would do If the age of consent were two I spurt a splotch as rears go by It’s time I came up with a plan That’s why I bought a small white van When you see me draw the drapes You’ll know I’m committing rapes I won’t just watch as rears go by. (c)2025 David Lefkowitz

SONG: Thumb in My Bum

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Thumb in My Bum

(Sung to the music of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards’s “Under My Thumb”)

Thumb in my bum
Feels good when you wriggle your wrist
Thumb in my bum
And a forefinger but not your whole fist

It’s down in me, yes it is
The way you do me in my hole
Down in me
It makes me cum
A thumb in my bum

Thumb in my bum
And a rockin’ motion are all that I need
Thumb in my bum
With a fingernail that won’t make me bleed

It’s down in me, oh yeah
Take command of my prostate gland
Down in me
It makes me hum
A thumb in my bum

(Take it easy baby)

Thumb in my bum
Which you do with such grit and aplomb
Thumb in my bum
I’m sorry if I shit in your palm

It’s down in me, yes it is,
The way you fiddle with a digital diddle
Down in me
Pull out that plum
A thumb in my bum

It’s down in me, oh yeah.
A super-duper pooper scooper
Down in me
Until I’m numb
From a thumb in my bum.

Thumb in my bum
It loosens places I used to clench
Thumb in my bum
It’s so much fun if you don’t mind the stench

It’s down in me, that’s what I said,
A brown-eyed wink when you hit the stink
Down in me
Beatin’ like a drum
A thumb in my bum!

(Take it easy, babe,
Make it greasy, babe…)

–> https://davesgoneby.net/?p=126932

–> https://youtu.be/qdOtC1B_-OE

SONG: Stupid Pupil

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SONG: Stupid Pupil

(sung to the tune of Neil Sedaka and Howard Greenfield’s “Stupid Cupid”)

Stupid Pupil you’re a real disgrace
You don’t contribute; you just take up space
You go to college on your parents’ dime
But you ain’t learnin’, you’re just wastin’ time.
Hey hey, brainless punk
Stupid Pupil, get ready to flunk

Can’t do your homework and you can’t think straight
Too busy watching TikTok while you masturbate
Sitting through classes with your earbuds in
Looking so dead they call your next of kin
Boo-hoo, throw your fit
Stupid Pupil, your pronoun is “it.”

You mixed-up little twerp, with your protest sign upheld
But you can’t read or write, so the words are all misspelled

You think you’re curing social-justice ills
But meanwhile mom and dad are paying all your bills
You’re chugging Red Bull and you’re vaping weed
the only things you learn are from your Twitter feed
You don’t work, you don’t pay rent
Stupid Pupil, come out of your tent

Your hair is greasy and your armpits stink
You think that other people really care what you think
And if you graduate, then you’ll be through
`Cause you’ll be serving burgers to the likes of you
Hey hey, don’t you see
You just crapped on your Bachelor’s Degree

Hey hey, higher ed
Stupid Pupil, I wish you were dead.

SONG: Mr. Poodangles

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A ballad about a man in distress.

Song scheduled to air April 22, 2023, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” video podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

All content (c)2023 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

MR. POODANGLES

(Note: Sung to melody of Jerry Jeff Walker’s “Mr. Bojangles”)

I met a man, Poodangles, in a portajohn
And he was in pain
He said that he’d been sittin’ there all afternoon
Dead-tired from the strain

He started to cry
I asked him why
And then he explained

“When I was young so long ago, I ate some beef
That stuck in my gut,
And ever since I’ve been backed up with no relief
it’s ruptured my butt.”  The poor man did shout,
“It’s half in, half out.
And my anus won’t shut.”

Mr. Poodangles, Mr. Poodangles, Mr. Poodangles:
Squeeze.

He said he spent ten thousand bucks on Dulcolax
and all kinds of lube
But still he’s got a wad of turd that won’t go back
or drop from his tube

Lamenting his trials
He kneels on the tiles
Then he shows me his piles

Mr. Poodangles, Mr. Poodangles, Mr. Poodangles:
Pinch.

The last time I saw `dangles he was skin and bones
but still on the bowl
Sore and sad and bleedin’ bad and all alone
with his unwholesome hole

And yet he still pushed
On his mush
But it clung to his tush

They tell me Poo was buried in the portaloo
His final request
They sent him off with flowers and a Charmin roll
And all the towels he messed

And when the earth dropped
Everyone stopped…
Did they hear a “plop”?

Mr. Poodangles. Mr. Poodangles. Mr. Poodangles.
Rest.

Dave’s Gone By Song: HELLO COVID (A Letter from Cramps)

Dave Lefkowitz sings the song, “Hello Covid.”

click above for a video file of the song.

click above to listen to the song (audio only)

(with apologies to Ponchielli and Allan Sherman)

Segment airs Aug. 29, 2020, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program/podcast hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com