comedy – Page 148 – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Song (11/24/2012): SANTA QUITS

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Dave’s Gone By Song (11/24/2012): SANTA QUITS

An interview with a fed-up Santa Claus, Buchanan & Goodman style.

This song first aired Nov. 24, 2012 on the “Dave’s Gone By” program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), Spotify, and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

SANTA QUITS

(Lyrics: David Lefkowitz. Note: A mashup piece, in Buchanan & Goodman style, using short musical samples from other artists. Song titles are in parentheses with sampled quotes following.)

Y BHEKHIRST (Everytime I): Every time I think of you, la la la la la la la. . .

ANNOUNCER: We interrupt this record to bring you a special bulletin. Santa Claus is about to announce his retirement. I repeat Santa Claus is giving up the giving of gifts.

WILD MAN FISCHER (I’m a Christmas Tree): Oh, Santa Claus! Oh, Santa Claus!

ANNOUNCER: We switch you now to our on-the-spot reporter on the scene at the North Pole.

LOU REED (Caroline Says II): It’s so cold…

ANNOUNCER: Take it away John Cameron Sleazy.

JOHN CAMERON SLEAZY: This is John Cameron Sleazy at the North Pole. I’m talking to an elf.

RANDY NEWMAN (Short People): Short People…

JCS: Herman the Elf. How long have you worked in Santa’s Toyshop?

ROBYN HITCHCOCK (Sixteen Years): Sixteen years, and all I got was high.

JCS: My goodness. That’s quite a long time.

RUFUS WAINWRIGHT (Poses): No kidding.

JCS: And when did you first hear the news that Santa Claus was hanging up his stocking?

WILD MAN FISCHER (Yesterday): Yesterday.

ANNOUNCER: It must have been a shock. How did you react?

SHERRY VINE (Shit My Pants): Girl, I just shit my pants.

JCS: Well, that’s understandable. Disgusting but understandable What will you do now?

THE PRODUCERS (movie excerpt): Gonna crush Poland, then I’m gonna take over France.

JCS: Well, I certainly wish you luck with that. But we have to go over to Mrs. Claus. Santa’s wife has just emerged from a side entrance. Let’s try to catch her.

THE BEATLES (Kansas City/Hey Hey Hey Hey): Hey hey hey hey

JCS: Mrs. Claus! May we have a word?

THE WHO (Who are You): Who are you?

JCS: I’m John Cameron Sleazy from Eyewitless News. May we talk to you?

ROBERT KLEIN (Starting Your Car): Leave me alone!

JCS: We just wanna ask why your husband is quitting his job.

HANK WILLIAMS (Mind Your Own Business): Mind your own business.

JCS: But Madame, it’s the world’s business. If Santa leaves, what will the children get on Christmas?

LEON REDBONE (Ain’t Misbehavin’): What do I care?

JCS: Are you angry with your husband?

CARNIVAL (1961 Broadway cast): I hate him!

JCS: Very sad news here from the North Pole.

FRANK ZAPPA (Sharleena): I’m crying.

DEEJAY: That was the Heinous Anuses: “Crying!”

JCS: This is John Cameron Sleazy watching crowds gather outside Santa’s factory. Oh my goodness, two unemployed elves have broken into the workshop with hunting knives.

ARLO GUTHRIE (Alice’s Restaurant Massacre): Kill kill kill!

JCS: Santa fends them off with a machete!

2LIVECREW (Get the Fuck Out of My House): Get the fuck out my house!

JCS: Santa Claus is climbing up the chimney trying to escape.

ICE CUBE (When Will They Shoot?): They’ll never get me, they’ll never hit me.

JCS: The disturbed elf is giving chase.

ARLO GUTHRIE (Alice’s Restaurant Massacree): Kill kill kill!

JCS: Santa Claus has made it safely up the chimney and is surveying the crowd.

THE DRIFTERS (Up on the Roof): Up on the roof.

JCS: Santa Claus! Why have you resigned?

VAN MORRISON (So Complicated): So complicated, just want to blow my horn.

JCS: Your horn? Aren’t you Santa?

SHOOBY TAYLOR (Shooby Records): I’m Shooby Taylor, the human horn. When the fuck you gonna realize that?

JCS: No you are not, sir. And rumor has it that you have been forced to quit because of charges brought against you.

THE MAGNETIC FIELDS (I Don’t Believe You): I don’t believe you.

JCS: Children as young as five have accused you of sexual assault.

MATTHEW SWEET (What Do You Know): What do you know?

JCS: I have a child right here who says you molested him. Isn’t that right, Sonny?

AFROMAN (Colt 45): We fucked on the bed, fucked on the floor.

JCS: Santa, isn’t it true you made this boy push a lump of coal into your ass?

THE DOORS (The End): Son, I want to kill you.

DYLAN (1966 live, Like a Rolling Stone): You’re a liar!

JCS: Little boy, why did Santa make you do this?

LIZ PHAIR (Chopsticks): That way we can fuck and watch TV.

JCS: Santa, explain your behavior to this poor boy!

NEIL YOUNG (Hawks & Doves): Just don’t got nothing to say.

JCS: Why the coal, Santa? Was it to teach him something?

REDD FOXX (Wash Your Ass): You got to wash yo’ ass.

JCS: Oh Santa, is that why Mrs. Claus is abandoning you?

CEE-LO GREEN (Fuck You): Fuck you and fuck her, too.

JCS: Little boy, do you have any advice for other children in your situation?

ICE CUBE (Get Off My Dick and Tell Your Bitch to Come Here): Stay off his dick!

JCS: Santa Claus is climbing into his sleigh, and Rudolph does not look happy.

ELVIS COSTELLO (Oliver’s Army): And I would rather be anywhere else but here today.

JCS: Santa, before you go, do you have a message for the children of the world?

BOB DYLAN (Masters of War): And I hope that you die, and your death will come soon.

JCS: Santa that’s horrible. And where are you going exactly?

WING (Highway to Hell): I’m on the highway to hell.

JCS: And there he goes, the last of Santa and his reindeer.

FAIRPORT CONVENTION (Farewell, Farewell): Farewell, farewell.

JCS: This is John Cameron Sleazy bringing you back to the studio. Bye bye Santa!

FRANK ZAPPA: Goodnight. Goodnight boys and girls.

BEATLES: (A Day in the Life) Final Chord.

Dave’s Gone By Interview (11/17/2012): FRANK DECARO & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with humorist and author Frank DeCaro. (Introduction by Dave Lefkowitz)

Topics include: Hollywood, homosexuality and The Dead Celebrity Cookbook

Segment originally aired Nov. 17, 2012 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Note: Interview segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By #400 (11/17/2012): ON ALL FOUR

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Here is the 400th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Nov. 17, 2012. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Dave celebrates his 400th show with Saturday Segues (Thanksgiving, Counting Up), Inside Broadway (Parade), News Gone By, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later. Plus: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews humorist Frank DeCaro.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guest: humorist Frank DeCaro

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:02:30 DAVE GOES OFF – 400 Shows
00:21:30 SATURDAY SEGUE – Counting Up
00:37:30 Sponsors
00:45:30 INSIDE BROADWAY (news (00:45:30) & Parade (00:53:30)
01:06:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Frank DeCaro
01:42:00 NEWS GONE BY
01:48:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later
02:17:00 SATURDAY SEGUE: Thanksgiving
02:47:30 Friends & Thanks
02:55:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Nov. 17, 2012 Playlist: “One Hundred Miles” (00:22:00; Ted Hawkins). “Semi-Fraudulent / Direct-From-Hollywood Overture” (00:25:00; Frank Zappa & the Mothers of Invention). “300 Pounds of Joy” (00:27:30; Howlin’ Wolf). “400 Years” (00:30:30; Bob Marley & the Wailers). “500% More Man” (00:33:00; Bo Diddley). “Do it Alone” (01:02:30; Parade Broadway cast w/ Carolee Carmello). “Everybody Sings” (01:39:00; Allen Ginsberg). “When I Paint My Masterpiece” (01:52:30), “Lily of the West” (01:56:00), “Tomorrow is a Long Time” (01:59:30), “Sarah Jane” (02:02:30), “You Ain’t Goin’ Nowhere” (02:05:00), “Dignity” (02:08:00; Bob Dylan). “Thanksgiving” (02:20:30; Loudon Wainwright III). “Thank You” (02:25:30; Led Zeppelin). “Thank You” (02:29:30; Dave Brubeck). “Thanksgiving Day Parade” (02:33:00; Dan Bern).

Parade at the University of Northern Colorado

Dave’s Gone By Interview (11/10/2012): JORMA KAUKONEN

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Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with musician Jorma Kaukonen.

Topics include: Jefferson Airplane, Hot Tuna, guitars.

Segment originally aired Nov. 10, 2012 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By #399 (11/10/2012): HOT KAUKO

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Here is the 399th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Nov. 10, 2012. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Dave chats with guitar legend Jorma Kaukonen (Hot Tuna, Jefferson Airplane); Dave’s trip to Vancouver; Dave Goes Off on Mitt’s mistakes; Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (companions from the north); Inside Broadway.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guest: musician Jorma Kaukonen

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:08:00 DAVE GOES OFF – On Vancouver
00:35:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Canada
01:02:00 Sponsors
01:13:00 Guest: Jorma Kaukonen
02:11:00 INSIDE BROADWAY (news (02:11:30) & reviews (Eternal Hydra (02:22:00))
02:27:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (comrades from the north)
02:47:30 Friends
02:49:30 DAVE GOES OFF – Mitt’s Mistakes
03:02:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Nov. 10, 2012 Playlist: “Ten O’Clock in Toronto” (00:35:00; Christine Lavin). “Canadian Sunset” (00:39:30; Andy Williams). “The Lost Canadian (Un Canadien Errant) (00:42:30; Leonard Cohen). “A Montreal Song” (00:47:00; Bruce Cockburn). “A Case of You” ({live “Miles of Aisles” version}, 00:51:00; Joni Mitchell). “My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada” (00:55:30; Avenue Q, Broadway cast). “In Canada” (00:56:30; BJ Snowden). “Genesis” (01:09:00), “Blues Stay Away from Me” (02:00:00) & “Flying Clouds” (02:05:00; Jorma Kaukonen). “Embryonic Journey” (01:21:30) & “She Has Funny Cars” (01:26:00; Jefferson Airplane). “Sunrise Dance with the Devil” (01:38:30; Hot Tuna). “Gridlock” (01:50:00; Warren Zevon). “Alberta #1” (02:28:00), “Canadee-I-O” (02:31:00), “Seven Days” (02:39:00) & “Alberta #2” (02:43:00; Bob Dylan). “Girl from the North Country” (02:35:00; The Clancy Brothers).

Dave’s Gone By Interview (10/27/2012): DAVID YAZBEK & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with musician and Broadway composer-lyricist David Yazbek.

Topics include: Broadway, The Full Monty, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.

Segment originally aired Oct. 27, 2012 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Interview (10/27/2012): JEFFREY GURIAN & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with comedian and comedy club emcee Jeffrey Gurian.

Topics include: The Comic Strip and Jeff’s book, “Make `em Laugh.”

Segment originally aired Oct. 27, 2012 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By #398 (10/27/2012): DAVID BEEN GURIAN

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Here is the 398th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Oct. 27, 2012. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with Broadway tunesmith David Yazbek and comedy emcee Jeffrey Gurian. Plus: Inside Broadway, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (scary).

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guests: composer David Yazbek, emcee Jeffrey Gurian

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:06:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Scary
00:18:00 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews Jeffrey Gurian
01:07:30 GUEST: Rabbi Sol Solomon interviews David Yazbek
02:15:30 Sponsors
02:26:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – news (02:26:00), reviews (An Enemy of the People (02:28:00), Siren’s Heart (02:36:00))
02:42:30 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (scary)
02:52:30 DAVE GOES OUT

Oct. 27, 2012 Playlist: “Fear (is a Man’s Best Friend)” (00:06:30; John Cale). “You’re a Whole Different Person When You’re Scared” (00:10:00; Warren Zevon). “The Joke” (00:15:00; Reggie Hall). “Two Crows” (01:05:00) & “Sandy Koufax” (02:11:30; David Yazbek). “Great Big Stuff” (01:14:30; Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Bway cast w/ Norbert Leo Butz). “Lights Out” (01:22:00; Shooby Taylor). “Invisible” (01:45:30; Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (2010 Bway cast w/ Patti LuPone). “One Short Day” (02:39:00; Wicked 2003 Bway cast w/ Kristin Chenoweth & Idina Menzel). “Seven Curses” (02:44:00) & “The Death of Emmett Till” (02:48:00; Bob Dylan). “Running Scared” (02:54:00; Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds).

Dave’s Gone By Interview (10/13/2012): RABBI SAMUEL INTRATOR & Rabbi Sol Solomon

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Rabbi Sol Solomon chats with Samuel Intrator, former Rabbi of NYC’s Carlebach Synagogue and member of Real Peace Middle East.

Topics include: Israel, Shlomo Carlebach, politics, Real Peace Middle East.

Segment originally aired Oct. 13, 2012 on the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: http://www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By #397 (10/13/2012): RABBIS, RUN

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Here is the 397th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on UNC Radio, Oct. 13, 2012. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon’s chat with Rabbi Samuel Intrator. Plus: Saturday Segues (Paul Simon n’ peace), Inside Broadway, Bob Dylan – Sooner & Later (Canadian setlist) and the News Gone By.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz

Guest: Rabbi Samuel Intrator

00:13:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Paul Simon
00:46:30 INSIDE BROADWAY
01:03:00 Sponsors I
01:19:00 GUESTS: Rabbi Sol Solomon & Rabbi Samuel Intrator
01:58:00 Weather & more sponsors
02:05:00 BOB DYLAN – Sooner & Later (Canadian setlist)
02:35:00 NEWS GONE BY
02:42:00 SATURDAY SEGUE – Peace
02:53:00 Friends & Thanks
02:55:30 DAVE GOES OUT

Oct. 13, 2012 Playlist: “Red Rubber Ball” (00:15:30), “Hey Schoolgirl” (00:20:30, {as “Tom & Jerry”}), “Blessed” (00:23:00), “Cloudy” (00:31:00) & “The Only Living Boy in New York” (00:37:00; Simon & Garfunkel). “You’re Kind” (00:17:30), “Graceland” (00:26:00), “Rewrite” (00:33:00). “Happily Ever After” (00:57:30; Once Upon a Mattress 1997 Bway cast w/ Sarah Jessica Parker). “Joy to the Land” (01:15:00) & “Yisrael B’Tach Bashem” (01:56:00; Shlomo Carlebach). “Watching the River Flow” (02:07:00), “Girl from the North Country” ({30th Anniversary Concert version}; 02:10:00), “Things Have Changed” (02:15:00), “Thunder on the Mountain” (02:20:00), “All Along the Watchtower” ({MTV Unplugged live version}; 02:26:00), “Blowin’ in the Wind” ({“Vanguard Greatest Folksingers” Newport version}; 02:29:30; Bob Dylan). “Peace March” (02:42:00; Bruce Cockburn). “Peace and Happiness” (02:45:30; Ted Hawkins). “Peace Signs” (02:48:00; Sharon Van Etten). “Peace Will Come” (02:51:00; Tom Paxton). “There’s a Chance Peace Will Come” (02:56 :00; Melanie).