comedy – Page 232 – Dave's Gone By

Dave’s Gone By Song (5/11/2003): THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND

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Dave’s Gone By Song (5/11/2003): THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND

The Who legend explains his internet searches.

This segment first aired May 11, 2003 as part of the “News Gone By” segment of the “Dave’s Gone By” program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), Spotify, and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

SONG: The Ballad of Pete Townshend

THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND

(Lyrics: David Lefkowitz. Music: Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe’s “Thank Heaven for Little Girls”)

Thank heaven for little girls

For little girls are small in every way

Thank heaven for little boys

You can look at them with lust and not be gay.

When I was just a lad, I was molested

That’s why I like `em small and thimble-breasted

Thank heaven for little girls

For leading boys like me astray

Don’t call me a pedophile

Or judge me by the websites that I join

It’s normal to be beguiled

By fuzz upon an adolescent groin

A toddler in a speedo knocks me socks off

Just watching “Teletubbies” gets me rocks off

Thank heaven for little girls

And naked baby bodies on display

Thank heaven for pre-teen porn

The internet is full of nubile flesh

And please don’t treat me with scorn

`Cause once they menstruate, they’re not so fresh

When I get me a towel to put me sperm in

I do like Jeffrey Jones and Pee-Wee Herman

Thank heaven for little girls

For blowing boys like me away

Thank heaven for little girls

Their bottoms are just perfect for a spank

There’s nothing in all the world

Like reading “Little Women” when I –

(spoken) “Wait. Wait a minute. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: as a member of The Who, I have been in the public eye for forty odd years. Aren’t I entitled to a little privacy? A little private time between me and me hard drive? It’s just research. To fight sexual abuse of children, you have to think like a pervert. As my music teacher once told me, `If you wanna play the violin, you gotta fiddle around a bit. Fiddle around a bit,’ he said. So ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to indulge a creative person. An artist. When I ram the neck of me Gibson Les Paul into an amp and make a big hole, that’s just a sublimation of your desires, ain’t it? And do you really think I could do that windmill move on the guitar if I didn’t spend hours practicing on something else?”

Young ladies are heaven sent

I keep them after school for a pop quiz

They finger me instrument

And when they’re done, I fill them up with . . . joy.

I would have sold a pot of gold and rubies

To make a mess on prepubescent boobies

Thank heaven for little girls

For pinball’s not the only game they play.

(spoken) “The kids are all right.”

Dave’s Gone By Interview (5/4/2003): JONATHAN KALB

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Dave Lefkowitz interviews theater critic Jonathan Kalb

Topics include: Broadway, theater.

Segment originally aired May 4, 2003 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full interview with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By #30 (4/27/2003): THIRTYSOMETHING

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Here is the 30th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, April 27, 2003.

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Featuring: Dave celebrates his 30th episode with the satirical News Gone By and by going cultural.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN -Streamin’ Dave, How the Show Began.
00:10:00 NEWS GONE BY (Weapons of Mass Deception; Iraqi Pilgrims, MTA Money-Grab, Man Bites Dog, Dead Dosha Reborn, Homo-Santorus, Winnie Fraudela, The Real Deep Throat, The Fury From The Sewer, A Papa of the Mamas, Prisoner of Loft, Lyric Ode (w/Bad Pun of the Week), In Praise of Parsley, Travel (Permanent) Holiday, Bye Bye Bryant, Leaving the Laugh-Track Loser)
00:39:00 DAVE’S GONE CULTURAL (Frog, 39:00 & Nine, 43:00, Urban Cowboy)
00:52:00 DAVE GOES OUT

April 27, 2003 Playlist: “I Saw Her Again Last Night” (The Mamas and the Papas), “Bye Bye Love” (The Everly Brothers), “My Husband Makes Movies” (Nine, original cast).

Dave’s Gone By #28 (4/13/2003): WHY IS THIS NIGHT?

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Here is the 28th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, April 13, 2003. More info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Featuring: Rabbi Sol Solomon explains Passover traditions. Plus: the satirical News Gone By and Dave says hello to snow and farewell to TV’s Egg.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – Snow
00:13:00 NEWS GONE BY (Respiratory Esther, the Haircut Bandit, Voodoo, and the Concorde’s last flight)
00:29:00 SKIT: Rabbi Sol Solomon – On Pesach
00:47:00 DAVE’S GONE CULTURAL – Egg
00:50:00 DAVE GOES OUT

April 13, 2003 Playlist: “Exodus” (Bob Marley), “Dayenu” (Rabbi Sol Solomon, 43:00), “We’re All Working for Pharaoh” (Richard Thompson).

Dave’s Gone By #27 (4/6/2003): I’M GONNA BOUNCE UP AND DOWN ON MY SPRING

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Here is the 27th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, April 6, 2003. More info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Featuring: In this episode welcoming springtime, Dave gets Cultural reviewing The Producers on DVD. Plus the satirical News Gone By and Spiritual Springtime on the World Weird Web

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN
00:13:00 NEWS GONE BY (Muslims, dung watches, clean air and killer Funk)
00:31:00 WORLD WEIRD WEB (Spiritual Springtime)
00:39:30 DAVE’S GONE CULTURAL (“The Producers” on DVD)
00:55:00 DAVE GOES OUT

April 6, 2003 Playlist: “Poisoning Pigeons in the Park” (Tom Lehrer), “So Early in the Spring” (Judy Collins), “The Flowers That Bloom in the Spring” (Gilbert & Sullivan), “April Come She Will” (00:37:30; Simon & Garfunkel), “Springtime for Hitler” (The Producers, original Bway cast), “It Might As Well Be Spring” (Frank Sinatra).

Dave’s Gone By Interview (3/30/2003): JEANNE LIEBERMAN

Dave Lefkowitz interviews theater critic Jeanne Lieberman

Topics include: Broadway, theater.

Segment originally aired March 30, 2003 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Interview (3/23/2003): MICHAEL ARTSIS

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Dave Lefkowitz interviews broadcaster Michael Artsis

Topics include: radio, television.

Segment originally aired March 23, 2003 as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By #25 (3/23/2003): A CODEWORK ORANGE

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Here is the 25th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on WGBB-AM March 23, 2003. More info: davesgoneby.com

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest: broadcaster Michael Artsis

Featuring: Dave chats with broadcaster Michael Artsis, Goes Off on Wall Street, gets political about Life During Wartime and sings “When Bushie Goes Marching In.” Plus: the satirical News Gone By.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN – Life During Wartime
00:05:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN – Spontaneous Talk
00:17:00 NEWS GONE BY (Code Orange Again; Bulldozers n’ Tractors; Pretzels n’ Goldfish; Light Cigarettes and Hot Ash)
00:45:00 DAVE GOES OFF on Wall Street
00:57:00 GUEST: Michael Artsis
01:16:00 DAVE GOES OUT

March 23, 2003 Playlist: “When Bushie Goes Marching In” (Dave, 55:00), “Shut Up, Be Happy” (Ice T w/ Jello Biafra, 2:00), “Masters of Revenge” (Ice T), “A-B-C” (How Now Dow Jones original Broadway cast).

Dave’s Gone By Song (3/16/2003): COVER’D WITH CRAP

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ZZSong-CoverdwithCrap

Dave sings a delightfully repugnant sea shanty.

Guitar & background vocals: Scott Rodolitz

Segment originally aired March 16, 2003, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast. Complete Original Broadcast: Full Episode

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

COVER’D WITH CRAP

When I was a sailor, I wore a fine cap
And all the young maidens, they sat in me lap
But then they’d jump up, and they’d leave with a slap
`Cause me pants and me undies were covered with crap.

Cover’d with crap
Cover’d with crap
Oh, bring me a dish towel I’m cover’d with crap

I went to the doctor, he gave me a salve
But that only worsened the ailment I have
Me bowels keep churning all night and all day
To drive all the people of Dublin away

“Away!,” they would say
Their arms they would flap
From the stink and the stench of me cover’d with crap

Cover’d with crap
Cover’d with crap
I canna wear white, `cause I’m cover’d with crap

I called up the daughter of old Mrs. Klein
And over the phone, well, she liked me just fine
I hoped that I’d soon get a taste of vagin’
But, alas, first I had to take her out to dine

We entered the restaurant without a mishap
And greeted the maîtr d’ – quite a nice chap
But soon he said, “You there, you’ll not eat a scrap;
You’ll get us closed down, `cause you’re covered with crap!”

Cover’d with crap
Cover’d with crap
Each smear brings a tear when you’re cover’d with crap.

So now I’m an old man
My life has grown thin
I’ve no time for sailin’ or sportin’ or sin
I wait for me heavenly rest to begin
And hope that St. Peter will let this fool in

But I know too well hope is only a trap
And I’m hearing those pearly gates close with a snap
`Cause who wants an angel with poop in his lap,
Brown wings, and a halo all covered with crap?

Cover’d with crap
Cover’d with crap
Eternity beckons all cover’d with crap.

Dave’s Gone By #24 (3/16/2003): PADDY O’PURIM

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Here is the 24th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, March 16, 2003. More info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz

Featuring: The history of St. Patrick’s Day; memories of Dublin; Seamus, The Urine Man; Irish music. The story of St. Patrick, and special guest Rabbi Sol Solomon making a whole megillah out of Purim. Also, News Gone By (Moron Moran; The Lost Little Whorehouse, Victoria’s Secret Dylan, the Defibrillators, stolen GEDs and Baseball Camp) and the story of Seamus, The Urine Man.

00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN (St. Patrick’s Day & Purim)
00:08:00 DAVE ON ST. PATRICK’S DAY
00:16:00 DAVE ON IRELAND
00:20:00 DAVE ON THE CLANCY BROTHERS
00:30:00 DAVE ON DUBLIN
00:36:00 DAVE ON IRISH POLITICS
00:45:00 NEWS GONE BY
01:06:00 RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S PURIMSPIEL
01:16:00 DAVE GOES OUT

March 16, 2003 Playlist: “Seamus the Urine Man” & “Sailor Song (Cover’d With Crap)” (Dave), “Don’t Mess With Us” (Rabbi Sol Solomon), “If I Should Fall From Grace With God” (Pogues, 14:00), “The Moonshiner” & “Paddy West” (Clancy Brothers), “I Am Enough for Myself” (Sinead O’Connor), “The Luck of the Irish” (John Lennon & Yoko Ono).