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Dave’s Gone By Song (5/11/2003): THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND

The Who legend explains his internet searches.

This segment first aired May 11, 2003 as part of the “News Gone By” segment of the “Dave’s Gone By” program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), Spotify, and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

SONG: The Ballad of Pete Townshend

THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND

(Lyrics: David Lefkowitz. Music: Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe’s “Thank Heaven for Little Girls”)

Thank heaven for little girls

For little girls are small in every way

Thank heaven for little boys

You can look at them with lust and not be gay.

When I was just a lad, I was molested

That’s why I like `em small and thimble-breasted

Thank heaven for little girls

For leading boys like me astray

Don’t call me a pedophile

Or judge me by the websites that I join

It’s normal to be beguiled

By fuzz upon an adolescent groin

A toddler in a speedo knocks me socks off

Just watching “Teletubbies” gets me rocks off

Thank heaven for little girls

And naked baby bodies on display

Thank heaven for pre-teen porn

The internet is full of nubile flesh

And please don’t treat me with scorn

`Cause once they menstruate, they’re not so fresh

When I get me a towel to put me sperm in

I do like Jeffrey Jones and Pee-Wee Herman

Thank heaven for little girls

For blowing boys like me away

Thank heaven for little girls

Their bottoms are just perfect for a spank

There’s nothing in all the world

Like reading “Little Women” when I –

(spoken) “Wait. Wait a minute. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: as a member of The Who, I have been in the public eye for forty odd years. Aren’t I entitled to a little privacy? A little private time between me and me hard drive? It’s just research. To fight sexual abuse of children, you have to think like a pervert. As my music teacher once told me, `If you wanna play the violin, you gotta fiddle around a bit. Fiddle around a bit,’ he said. So ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to indulge a creative person. An artist. When I ram the neck of me Gibson Les Paul into an amp and make a big hole, that’s just a sublimation of your desires, ain’t it? And do you really think I could do that windmill move on the guitar if I didn’t spend hours practicing on something else?”

Young ladies are heaven sent

I keep them after school for a pop quiz

They finger me instrument

And when they’re done, I fill them up with . . . joy.

I would have sold a pot of gold and rubies

To make a mess on prepubescent boobies

Thank heaven for little girls

For pinball’s not the only game they play.

(spoken) “The kids are all right.”