click above for episode #32 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 32nd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio May 11, 2003.
host: Dave Lefkowitz
Featuring: A Mother’s Day tribute with the satirical News Gone By. Plus: Dave’s Tony Award predictions and the original songs “M.O.T.H.E.R” and “The Ballad of Pete Townshend”
00:00:00 DAVE GOES IN: Mothering Sunday, Super Bowl score. 00:13:00 NEWS GONE BY: Bennett takes a gamble, the Vampire Les Miz, Manson’s lingerie, Shatner’s horse, Bloomberg’s boy, Dead man of the mountain, Look Ma – No Arm!, “Diddle With Dave,” Indecent Rabbinical Proposal, Massapequa Goes for (Spring) Broke (Bad Pun of the Week); Pete Townshend Cums Clean, Monkey Ssshines, Nude Union, Congo Cargo, Dinner Cops, Skip to I-Loo. 00:40:00 Dave talks Tonys and plays more “Mother” songs. 00:52:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Thanks mom!
May 11, 2003 Playlist: “Your Mother Should Know” (Beatles, 5:00), “Motherly Love” (Frank Zappa, 8:00), “The Ballad of Pete Townshend” (Dave Lefkowitz; performed by Scott Rodolitz, 30:00), “M.O.T.H.E.R” (Dave, 45:00), “When I See Mommy I Feel Like a Mummy” (Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band, 40:00), “Oedipus Rex” (Tom Lehrer).
Dave’s Gone By Song (5/11/2003): THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND
The Who legend explains his internet searches.
This segment first aired May 11, 2003 as part of the “News Gone By” segment of the “Dave’s Gone By” program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), Spotify, and on DavesGoneBy.com.
All content (c)2003 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
SONG: The Ballad of Pete Townshend
THE BALLAD OF PETE TOWNSHEND
(Lyrics: David Lefkowitz. Music: Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe’s “Thank Heaven for Little Girls”)
Thank heaven for little girls
For little girls are small in every way
Thank heaven for little boys
You can look at them with lust and not be gay.
When I was just a lad, I was molested
That’s why I like `em small and thimble-breasted
Thank heaven for little girls
For leading boys like me astray
Don’t call me a pedophile
Or judge me by the websites that I join
It’s normal to be beguiled
By fuzz upon an adolescent groin
A toddler in a speedo knocks me socks off
Just watching “Teletubbies” gets me rocks off
Thank heaven for little girls
And naked baby bodies on display
Thank heaven for pre-teen porn
The internet is full of nubile flesh
And please don’t treat me with scorn
`Cause once they menstruate, they’re not so fresh
When I get me a towel to put me sperm in
I do like Jeffrey Jones and Pee-Wee Herman
Thank heaven for little girls
For blowing boys like me away
Thank heaven for little girls
Their bottoms are just perfect for a spank
There’s nothing in all the world
Like reading “Little Women” when I –
(spoken) “Wait. Wait a minute. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: as a member of The Who, I have been in the public eye for forty odd years. Aren’t I entitled to a little privacy? A little private time between me and me hard drive? It’s just research. To fight sexual abuse of children, you have to think like a pervert. As my music teacher once told me, `If you wanna play the violin, you gotta fiddle around a bit. Fiddle around a bit,’ he said. So ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to indulge a creative person. An artist. When I ram the neck of me Gibson Les Paul into an amp and make a big hole, that’s just a sublimation of your desires, ain’t it? And do you really think I could do that windmill move on the guitar if I didn’t spend hours practicing on something else?”
Young ladies are heaven sent
I keep them after school for a pop quiz
They finger me instrument
And when they’re done, I fill them up with . . . joy.
