Dave’s Gone By Song (12/22/2002): THE TWELVE NIGHTS OF DAVE’S GONE BY

click above to listen (audio only)

ZZ-Song-ThreeNightsBeforeXmas

Dave sings “The Twelve Nights of Dave’s Gone By” (originally titled “Three Nights Before Christmas)

Segment originally aired Dec. 22, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

THREE NIGHTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

by David Lefkowitz

On the first night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
News Gone By and the World Weird Web about Shooby (shadobalabashraw)

On the second night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
A tirade about smoking
Sound effects and choking
At 11 to midnight on GBB.

On the third night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
The Puff Sullivan Letter
Angry LIPA guy
And a critique of Say Goodnight, Gracie.

On the fourth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to theen:
Pre-tampered yummies
Actress Karen Young
Jokes about Verizon
And a bunch of goodies tied to Halloween.

On the fifth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
The Giving Chimp!
A review of Movin’ Out
Crooked politicians
LaRouche on the web
And “Peter Pumpkinhead” by XTC.

On the sixth night of Dave’s Gone By, WGBB
gave Dave a new timeslot
He played William Finn
Also Lonnie Donegan
And the hippie, Donovan
Even Homer Simpson
And old Coco, the poet chimpanzee.

On the seventh night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Osama bin Laden
Good ol’ Bobby Dylan
Eilert Pilarm!
A Warren Zevon tribute
Rock throwing in India (in the Chhindwara district of Madhya Pradesh)
Eating sushi naked
And a new commuter tax for you and me.

Oh, the eighth night of Dave’s Gone By was quite a joyful spree:
Rabbi Solomon hosted
He lit the candles
He played the dreidel
He played Adam Sandler
And a little klezmer
Bitched about the Arabs
And Bobby Fischer
Plus a poem on pedophile Pee-Wee.

On the ninth day of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
“Trees” by Joyce Kilmer
“Tuesdays with Morrie”
“My Old Lady”
Wilson’s Book of Days
Dead Kurt Cobain!
A bit by Woody Allen
Sponsorship info
Two insurance sketches
And a psychic hotline like TV.

On the tenth night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Steve Herbst, the Whistler
He did Stevie Wonder, Sondheim and Led Zeppelin
and Bruce Springsteen!
Drugged-out Whitney Houston
Kissinger’s back
Dave’s name on a urinal
And a poem on Cablevision fees.

On the eleventh night of Dave’s Gone By, Dave gave to thee:
Trent Lott’s apology
Critic Charlie Gross
Music by Frank Zappa
United Airlines
MTA strike
Two killer pitbulls
Scientist who burned his penis!
Right-wing Joe Salzone
Bush and the economy
Bloomberg on a bike
And the Man of La Mancha on CD.

Whoa, the twelfth night of Dave’s Gone By was full of songs and joy
`Cause the past eleven weeks, I’ve been able to annoy:
Gospel-seeking listeners
Those who worship Elvis
Those who loathe Neil Young
Republicans
Pro-Palestinians
Born-again Christians
Self-hating Jews
All my engineers!
People who hate theater
People who love theater
L.I. Cablevision
And the people who don’t want me to be me.

(spoken) But it’s all I can be. So happy holidays, everybody.

©2002 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/1/2002): NIRVANITY

click above to listen (audio only)

ZZ-Song-Nirvanity

Dave sings about the merchandising of Kurt Cobain.

Segment originally aired Dec. 1, 2002, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2002 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

NIRVANITY
by David Lefkowitz (to the melody of “All Apologies”)

What became of me?
Read my diary
It’s all there to see
Where’s my privacy?

Courtney Love
Courtney Love
Made a buck
Courtney Love
Filthy slut
She’s scary
Be wary
She buried me

Wanted to be rich
Bigger than The Rolling Stones
Joined Nirvana which spawned a hundred clones
Now that greedy bitch
Is feeding off my bones

I confess I was a mess
In intestinal distress
Well, I guess
Should’ve eaten less
Dairy
It was very
Like dysentery

All I am is money now
All I am is money now

I was in hell
Needed to get free
So I gave myself
A full lobotomy
Now Courtney sells
All my history
Why must she be
Such a twat to me?

All my thoughts
All my secret, private dreams
All my doodles
All my pain
On Amazon
With my pajamas on
I guess the glamour’s gone

All I am is money now
All I am is money now
All I am is money now
All I am is money now . . .

©2002 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (10/27/2002): SNIPER’S LULLABY

Written specifically for my radio show, a song, to the tune of “Hobo’s Lullaby,” that celebrates the capture of the Beltway snipers

On the fourth episode of my radio show, Dave’s Gone By, we closed the News Gone By segment with a bit about two men who were arrested for the Beltway sniper attacks in Washington DC. Here’s my intro to the song as it aired on our Halloween-themed program, Oct. 27, 2002:
“It looks like the Beltway nightmare has come to an end. John Allen Muhammad and his juvenile accomplice, John Malvo, have been arrested in connection with a month-long series of shootings in Washington DC, Maryland, and Virginia. A former army soldier, National Guardsman and—surprise!—a convert to that gentle religion, Islam, Muhammad modified his used Chevrolet so he could fire comfortably out the back without being seen. Towards the end of the manhunt, Muhmmad also begged to be caught—leaving notes on trees, giving out his phone number, making generic threats against children, and requesting $10 million in blackmail.
This desperation may be attributed to the lack of a good night’s sleep—since Muhammad and Malvo apparently spent the last week catching their z’s in a Chevy, which is where they were caught by Montgomery County police. Since they’ll now have plenty of time to rest and relax—say, 800 to 900 consecutive years (700 with good behavior)—I thought it only fitting to dedicate this 40-year-old ballad by Goebel Reeves to them (lyrics slightly revised).”

The song was then performed live in the radio studio, with backing by the country-folk band, Eddie and the Moonshiners, led by Eddie Hug.

SNIPER’S LULLABY

(sung to the tune of Goebel Reeves’s Hobo’s Lullaby)

Go to sleep, you weary sniper
Soon the world will watch you die
Can’t you hear the steel chains clankin’?
That’s the sniper’s lullaby.

You’ll no longer have a rifle
When your trigger fingers itch
Fear will be your companion
Fear and some dude who calls you “bitch.”

Ten dead bodies cry for blood now
They shall not leave you in peace
I will say one good thing for you:
You got a steal on that Caprice.

So when ya die and go to Hades
Take that Malvo with you, too
You can call yourself Muhammad
But you’re still screwed `cause God’s a Jew

So go to sleep you filthy garbage
Spend yours days too scared to cry
Hear that mercy seat a-hummin’
That’s a sniper’s lullaby.
©2002 David Lefkowitz