Dave's Gone By – Page 43

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/28/2008): MY CHANUKAH WISH

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A Jewish man prays for a present.

This segment aired Dec. 28, 2008 on the “Dave’s Gone By” video podcast program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), and on DavesGoneBy.com.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

MY CHANUKAH WISH

(music and lyrics by David Lefkowitz)

Everyone loves the holiday season

Each for his own particular reason

Some like the spirit, the warmth and the mood

Some like the rituals: football and food

Some crave the family, others the lights

Opening presents for eight days and nights

All of these blessings are nice to recall

But they’re not the one gift I want most of all…

Spending the holidays lonely and blue

No one to see, and not much to do

Ain’t got no girlfriend, ain’t got no misses

No one to hug me and thrill me with kisses

This time of year can be hard on your heart

I bury myself in my work and my art

But still I keep wishing the Lord hears my prayers

proving to me that he listens and cares

So please God, I’ve been a good boy

Won’tcha bring me some comfort and joy?

Please God, my life is so blah

I wanna get laid on Chanukah.

I see all these couples go hand in hand

But I’m all alone and I don’t understand

I ain’t bad lookin’, and I treat people well

But women don’t buy what I tryin’ to sell

I go on Craigslist; I surf around J-Date

But no little Jewess will come be my playmate

It’s not like I’m looking for something long-term

I just need a vessel to unload my sperm.

Hey God, this is my plea

Won’tcha just do this thing for me?

Please God, come to my aid

I wanna get laid on Chanukah

Back in the days of Two Hundred BC

Judah and the family Maccabee

They rid the temple of every last Greek

One drop of oil for the whole friggin’ week

Those are the miracles God tends to do

So why can’t he make one for this horny Jew?

I don’t have a temple, and I’m not in a war

I just wanna meet a Hebraic whore

Well, Hey, God, I don’t ask much

I just want a gal I can fondle and touch

Let me undo a lacy red bra

I wanna get laid on Chanukah!

Now, I admit, I ain’t the marrying kind

Commitment like that drives me out of my mind

But this time of year is it too much to hope

For a gal in a red suit to slide down my rope?

Hey, God, enough of your crap

Give me a gift I can bounce on my lap

Only one girl; don’t need a parade

I wanna get laid on Chanukah!

Maybe I’ll stop by the local saloon

Find some girl with whom I can commune

Fill her head with what she wants to hear

And buy her beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer after beer I would usher her out of the bar

And carry that sweet thing out to my car

Now maybe that makes me sound like a creep

But it’s not rape if she’s fast asleep

C’mon, please god, send me a slut

A frummy brunette to bust my nut

Please let me manage a ménage à trois

I wanna get laid on Chanukah

I’d gladly trade all my Chanukah gelt

For a shayna maidel who makes me melt

And if she’s tender and does deep throat

I’d call her again for Shavuoth

Hey God,

It isn’t a sin

I just need girl to make my dreidel spin

I’ll pray to Jesus, Mohammed, and Jah

If I could get laid on Chanukah

Ma’oz tzur yeshua’ti

I want a girl to go down on me

Please God,

You know what I need

I’m tired of whackin’ to Donna Reed

I’ll light the candles

On the menorah

If I could get laid on Chanukah

If I could get laid on Chanukahh-men.

Chords: G, Am, C, D, A,

*********************

NOTES & BACKSTORY:

On my weekly radio program, Dave’s Gone By, I’ve often made an effort to anti-celebrate the Christmas season with songs, by me and others, that kick the air out of Santa’s tires and suck the last drop of oil out of the great temple’s Menorah. I bet if Adam Sandler had done this on SNL, he’d have had a minor hit to follow his you-know-what song.

The tune debuted on my 300th episode, which aired Dec. 28, 2008, and I brought it back for my celebratory 600th episode in April 2017.

Dave’s Gone By Song (10/5/2008): CRAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN

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A song for the new Depression.

This segment first aired Oct. 5, 2008 on the “Dave’s Gone By” program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), Spotify, and on DavesGoneBy.com.

The song was also played on the Nov. 2, 2008 episode of the Dr. Demento Show.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

CRAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN

(Lyrics: David Lefkowitz. Music: Milton Ager’s 1929 song, “Happy Days are Here Again”)

Banks are failing

Feds are bailing

Look at all the falling stock

War, inflation

Dying nation

Smashing upon Plymouth Rock

Crappy days are here again

The world is filled with fear again

Our savings disappear again

Crappy days are here again

Grab your money from the bank

And hock your clothes to fill your tank

We have George Bush and greed to thank

Crappy days are here again

My, how the deficit’s grown

And good luck getting a loan!

See the banks go up in smoke

And all the brokers going broke

Just like the New York Mets, they choke

Crappy days are here again

Everybody’s lost and numb

And frightened of the days to come

But there are no towers to leap from

Crappy days are here again.

One thing we all know for certain

No one’s hurtin’… at Halliburton

Crappy days will hit us hard

Keep maxing out that credit card

While other countries we bombard

Crappy days are here again!

(slowly) Everyone is sad and stressed

Depression leaves us all depressed

America’s been repossessed

Crappy days are here again.

Dave’s Gone By #262 (3/2/2008): SOMETHING ELSE

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Here is the 262nd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, March 2, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz.
Guest co-hosts: Jeff Goodman & Joe Salzone
Guests: musicologist Paul Tracey, radio host Mark Torres, Dave’s dad, Philip Lefkowitz

Featuring: guest co-hosts Jeff Goodman and Joe Salzone and musicologist Paul Tracey, plus a chat with Dave’s dad, Philip Lefkowitz, radio host Mark Torres, and a gospel romp.

00:00:01 Pre-show excerpts w/ Joe Salzone, Jeff Goodman & Mark Torres: “Getting Sirius,” “More Siriusly,” “Pernickety” & “Mandy Patinkin is a Lunatic”
00:34:30 Caller Mark Torres
00:45:30 DAVE GOES IN
01:03:00 GUEST: Paul Tracey
01:33:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – News
01:50:00 Sponsors
01:41:00 LETTERS, WE GET LETTERS
01:58:30 GUEST: Dave’s Dad (Philip Lefkowitz) – “All About Dave,” “Failure,” “Funnin’:
02:20:00 GOSPEL TIME – “Drug Me,” “Have You Received the Hoy [sic] Ghost,” “Gotta Have Faith,” “Come.”
02:33:00 DAVE GOES OUT

March 2, 2008 Playlist: “Upside Down” (01:00:30), “The Brilliant Red Mustang” (01:15:00) & “Something’s Missing” (01:30:00; Paul Tracey). “Drug Me” (02:20:30; The Canton Spirituals), “Have You Received the Holy Ghost” (02:25:00) & “Gotta Have Faith” (02:28:00; Lillian Lilly), “Come” (02:33:00; Dr. Sheila L. Johnson).

Dave’s Gone By #261 (2/24/2008): FLYING LEAP

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Here is the 261st episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Feb. 24, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest co-host: Jeff Goodman
Guest: Paul Rudnick of Grow-a-Frog

Featuring: Dave and guest co-host Jeff Goodman chat with Grow-a-Frog frog keeper Paul Rudnick. Plus: the satirical News Gone By.

00:00:01 Pre-show Excerpts: Not Gay and Oprah’s Big Give
00:07:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:16:00 GUEST: Grow-a-Frog’s Paul Rudnick
00:42:00 NEWS GONE BY – includes Mets Rant & Pig Farmers
01:10:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Feb. 24, 2008 Playlist: “Stand By Your Ham” (UK pig farmers), “Bein’ Green” (Van Morrison).

Dave’s Gone By #260 (2/17/2008): MR. MUSHNICK

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Here is the 260th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Feb. 17, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest co-host:Jeff Goodman
Guest: New York Post sportswriter Phil Mushnick

Featuring: Dave chats with New York Post sports columnist Phil Mushnick; Inside Broadway.

00:00:01 Pre-show excerpt: Presidents’ Day & The Delegate Thing
00:09:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:17:00 GUEST: Phil Mushnick
00:43:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – News, Runt & Deathbed
01:06:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Playlist: “Mushnick & Son” (Little Shop of Horrors).

Dave’s Gone By #259 (2/10/2008): TWINKLE TWINKLE UNCLE FLOYD

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Here is the 259th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Feb. 10, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com

Guest co-host: Jeff Goodman
Guest: TV legend Uncle Floyd (Vivino)

Featuring: Dave chats with TV host and musical entertainer Uncle Floyd (Vivino). Plus: Inside Broadway.

00:00:01 Pre- show excerpts – “Karl Ehrhardt” & “Google Race!”
00:07:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:16:00 GUEST: Uncle Floyd
00:56:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – News
01:03:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Feb. 10, 2008 Playlist: “It’s Not My Place” (Ramones), “Slip Away” (David Bowie).

(pictured: Channel 68, Uncle Floyd and crew)

Dave’s Gone By #258 (2/03/2008): L’HARNICK

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Here is the 258th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Feb. 3, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Guest co-hosts: Jeff Goodman & Joe Salzone
Guest: lyricist Sheldon Harnick

Featuring: Part two of Dave’s chat with legendary Broadway lyricist Sheldon Harnick. Plus: Inside Broadway and Dave tells of his visit to WOR’s Joey Reynolds Show.

00:00:01 Pre-show excerpts: Big Blue & Big Black
00:14:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:22:00 DAVE GOES FURTHER IN – Joey Reynolds
00:29:00 GUEST: lyricist Sheldon Harnick
01:04:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – News & Prince
01:13:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Playlist: “Ice Cream” (“She Loves Me”), “Home Again” (“Fiorello!”), “In My Own Lifetime” (“The Rothschilds”).

Dave’s Gone By #257 (1/27/2008): L’SHELDON

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Here is the 257th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Jan. 27, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest co-hosts: Jeff Goodman & Joe Salzone
Guest: lyricist Sheldon Harnick

Featuring: Part one of Dave’s chat with legendary Broadway lyricist Sheldon Harnick. Plus: Inside Broadway.

00:00:01 Pre-show excerpts: Hot Cuts, The Primaries and We Were Robbed!
00:15:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:24:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – News and Little Sheba
00:42:00 GUEST: Sheldon Harnick
01:05:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Jan. 27, 2008 Playlist: “Politics & Poker” (“Fiorello!”), “Days Gone By” (“She Loves Me”).

*. Epatha Merkerson in Come Back Little Sheba*

Dave’s Gone By #256 (1/20/2008): ISSA ETC.

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Here is the 256th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Jan. 20, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

host: Dave Lefkowitz
guest co-host: Jeff Goodman

Guest: singer-songwriter Issa (fka Jane Siberry)

Featuring: Part two of Dave’s chat with singer-songwriter Issa (Jane Siberry). Plus: Inside Broadway.

00:00:01 Pre-show excerpts – Giant Steps & Upcoming Guests
00:12:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:21:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – News & 39 Steps
00:28:00 GUEST – Issa, part two
01:12:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Jan. 20, 2008 playlist: “The Sky is So Blue,” “At The End of the World III,” & “Calling All Angels” (Issa/Jane Siberry).

Dave’s Gone By #255 (1/13/2008): NO BORDERS HERE

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Here is the 255th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM radio, Jan. 13, 2008. Info: davesgoneby.com.

Host: Dave Lefkowitz
Guest co-host: Jeff Goodman

Guest: singer-songwriter Issa (fka Jane Siberry)

Featuring: Part one of Dave’s chat with singer-songwriter Issa (Jane Siberry). Plus: Inside Broadway.

00:16:00 DAVE GOES IN
00:21:00 INSIDE BROADWAY – News and Yellow Face
00:32:00 GUEST: Issa (Jane Siberry)
01:14:00 DAVE GOES OUT

Jan. 13, 2008 Playlist: “Follow Me,” The Life is the Red Wagon” & “The Bird in the Gravel” (Issa).