click above for episode #70 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 70th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on WGBB-AM, March 22, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz
Featuring: Dave celebrates the mutual birthdays of Stephen Sondheim and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Plus: The World Weird Web (Yiddish Cat) and the satirical News Gone By.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN 00:13:00 Birthdaves 00:17:00 WORLD WEIRD WEB – Yiddish Cat 00:24:00 NEWS GONE BY 00:58:00 Dave on Sondheim & Lloyd Webber 01:18:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 22, 2004 Playlist: “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” (William Shatner), “Number One” (Chico Marx), “Move On” (Sunday in the Park with George), “As If We Never Said Goodbye” (Sunset Boulevard), “Whistle Down the Wind” (Whistle Down the Wind), “Being Alive” (Company).
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Here is the 69th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, March 15, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz
Featuring: Dave makes it a musical St. Patrick’s Day, with a bunch of original songs. Plus: The satirical News Gone By and Dave Goes Off on a bunch of stuff.
00:00:00 DAVE GOES IN 00:17:00 DAVE GOES OFF – 9/11 Ads; Warner Wolf 00:27:00 NEWS GONE BY 01:03:00 St. Patrick’s Dave 01:13:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 15, 2004 Playlist: “Heave Away Me Johnny” (Clancy Brothers); “Fiddler’s Green” (Mark’s Men); “Number One” (Chico Marx); “Oro Se Do Bheatha Bhaile” (Sinead O’Connor); “A Mhaire Bhruinneall” (Susan McKeown); “Pussy Below” (00:15:00), “The Sniper’s Lullaby” (00:39:00), “Many Ways” (00:60:00), “Seamus, the Urine Man” (00:66:00) & “Sailor Song (Cover’d With Crap)” (00:70:00; Dave, unreleased).
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Here is the 68th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, March 8, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz guest: theatrical producer Jay Kholos
Featuring: Dave chats with theatrical producer Jay Kholos (A Stoop on Orchard Street). Plus: the satirical News Gone By.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN 00:09:00 DAVE’S GOT GUESTS – writer Jay Kholos 00:44:00 NEWS GONE BY 01:12:00 DAVE GOES OUT
March 8, 2004 Playlist: “Sarah” (A Stoop on Orchard Street, original off-Bway cast).
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Here is the 67th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, March 1, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz guests: radio personality Joe Salzone and Rabbi Sol Solomon, spiritual leader of Temple Sons of Bitches, Great Neck, NY.
Featuring: Dave chats with radio personality Joe Salzone. Plus: the satirical News Gone By, Dave Goes Off on Newsday & the FCC, Glenn Miller remembered, and Rabbi Sol Solomon reviews The Passion.
00:00:01 SKIT: “The Passion of the Sol” (w/ Rabbi Sol Solomon & Joe Salzone) 00:09:00 DAVE GOES IN: What’s on the show 00:17:00 DAVE GOES OFF: Newsday’s Redesign & Hounding Howard Stern 00:34:00 GUEST: Joe Salzone 01:02:00 NEWS GONE BY: Laden Gotten?; Gay Weddings; Goyishe Fiddler; Fat Pig; Ump Chump; Condom Sale; Chocolate Foam; Crazy Haiti; The Cruelty of the Christ. 01:16:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Glenn Miller tribute
March 1, 2004 Playlist: “Capital Punishment (excerpt)” (George Carlin), “Moonlight Serenade,” “Everybody Loves My Baby” & “Adios” (Glenn Miller).
Segment originally aired Dec. 23, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.
All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
(I’M HAVING A) GAY CHRISTMAS
by Peter Fitzgerald (as transcribed by David Lefkowitz)
Oh oh oh!
I’m having a gay Christmas, just my lover and me We’ve got a goose in the oven, and vibrating novelties on the tree. I’m having a gay Christmas! Makes me feel so young. The lights are glowing, the wind is blowing, And the stockings are well-hung.
I’m having a gay Christmas, carolers at the door Each one gets a flavored condom If I can put it on `em, I give `em one more I’m having a gay Christmas, shouting Ho Ho Ho! I sing and dance and unzip my pants Underneath the mistletoe.
Now, too many people are too uptight, And they miss the beauty of a silent night But ask my partner, that’s not how I am When I poke his long, and he smokes my ham.
I’m having a sissy Christmas, full of yuletide cheer I’m greasin’ up my chimney `cause between you and me, Santa’s queer! He’s a bringing a load of presents I’m gonna wear them all And if candy canes leave sticky stains, I’ll return them at the mall.
Now Christmas is a wonderful word The sexiest word I’ve ever heard. It starts with Christ, and ends in ass, And “mm” in between for a great big mass!
I’m having a gay Christmas, just like Jesus did The thought of him kissing Judas makes me want to molest a kid (no!) I’m having a gay Christmas, eggnog by the fire I wax my thighs and fantasize About the Vienna Boys Choir.
Now Christmas is a time of joy For every girl and, especially, boy. And on December 24th, Santa’s pole points north, north, north!
I’m having a gay Christmas, yule log on the tube I’m making my special icing, and basting the goose with k.y. lube I’m having a gay Christmas, fruitcakes filled with rum I shake and bake until I make all ye faithful cum!
click above for episode #65 (audio only)Click above to listen to the episode (audio only).
Here is the 65th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Feb. 16, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.
Featuring: Dave chats with producer & cabaret emcee Jamie deRoy. Plus: Dave Goes Off on Hankies, Mysteries & Referrals, and the satirical News Gone By, religion
Featuring: Dave chats with producer & cabaret emcee Jamie DeRoy. Plus: Dave Goes Off on Hankies, Mysteries and Referrals, and the satirical News Gone By.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN: What’s on the show; Animal Tracks 00:11:00 NEWS GONE BY: Uncle Sam at the Carnival; Dear Abby Dear Abby; The Lion Sleeps Tonight; Twin Turtles; Forty Lashes (Bad Pun of the Week); Speeding Tickets; Funereal Wedding; Dr. Fatkins; Barbie’s Breakup; Death Freshener. 00:30:00 GUEST: Jamie deRoy. 01:04:00 DAVE GOES OFF: Hankies, Mysteries and Jewish Plumbers 01:17:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Thank yous; Complaint Letter
February 16, 2004 Playlist: “Dolphins” & “A Snake Named LaRue” (Steve Ross & George Wurzbach).
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Here is the 64th episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM, Feb. 9, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz guest: Rabbi Sol Solomon (spiritual leader, Temple Sons of Bitches, Great Neck, NY)
Featuring: Dave celebrates Valentine’s Day with the News Gone By and a romantic medley. Plus: Ask the Rabbi with Rabbi Sol Solomon.
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN: The search for a new greeting; Ticket giveaway; Get Ready to `Ask the Rabbi’ 00:14:00 NEWS GONE BY: Ricin Riceout; Schumer’s Causes; Janet n’ Justin (Frivolous Lawsuit Time); Tower Tumbles; Chinese Stampede; Chinese Takeaway; Moo-lah; Martha Stewart & Flaccidex; Broadway Blues; Diamond Dungs; Crude Oil; Virginity for Sale; Men in Skirts; Split-Level Dead 00:34:00 SKIT: ASK THE RABBI: Rabbi Sol Solomon on Valentine’s Day, Love & taking listeners’ phone calls. 00:55:00 VALENTINE MEDLEY: Love Songs, of sorts 01:15:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Thank yous, Update on Steve the Whistler & October Project.
February 9, 2004 Playlist: “When I’m 64” (Beatles); “Mazeltov Dances” (Mickey Katz); “Little Thing Called Love” (Neil Young); “Some Kinda Love” (Velvet Underground); “Lovers in a Dangerous Time” (Bruce Cockburn). “Lover’s Walk” (Elvis Costello); “Message of Love” (Pretenders); “If I Could” (October Project).
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Here is the 62nd episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM Jan. 26, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz guest: acting teacher Terry Schreiber additional voices: Jay Auerfeld, Scott Rodolitz, Diditi Mitra, Bonnie Pinkow, Piero Pellei, Stefanie Pinkow, Dave’s wife Joyce.
Featuring: Dave shares audio snippets of his 40th birthday party and chats with acting teacher Terry Schreiber. Plus: the satirical News Gone By.
00:00:00 DAVE GOES IN: Dave’s post-birthday thoughts, with excerpts from the party, Dave’s “birth” (skit from 1/03) and Jay’s birthday song. Plus Town Hall ticket giveaway. 00:34:00 DAVE’S GOT GUESTS: Director and acting teacher, Terry Schreiber (by phone) 00:56:00 NEWS GONE BY: Screamin’ Dean; Beer Overboard; Leavin’ Dean; Civet Crap; Churchill’s Parrot; double-header; Pope Ebert; Garfunkel Goes to Pot; Johnny’s Rotten TV. 01:16:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Birthday tribute to Lucinda Williams; some thank yous.
January 26, 2004 Playlist: “Happy Birthday David” (Jay Auerfeld, unreleased); “I Live in a Split-Level Head” (Napoleon XIV); “Drunken Angel” & “Sweet Old World” (Lucinda Williams).
Terry SchreiberJay AuerfeldDiditi MitraBonnie PinkowPiero Pelleiyour host
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Here is the 61st episode of the long-running radio show/podcast, Dave’s Gone By, which aired on NY’s WGBB-AM Jan. 19, 2004. More info: davesgoneby.com.
host: Dave Lefkowitz Featuring: Dave Goes Off on turning 40 and on working overtime. Plus: The satirical News Gone By and “The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald.”
00:00:01 DAVE GOES IN: Turning the Big 4-0. 00:14:00 DAVE GOES OFF: Wages, Overtime, and being quartered and half-dollared in America 00:42:00 NEWS GONE BY: Braun Bows Out; Palestinian Mommy; Punishing Mepham; Fingerbang; Dr. Death; Zoloft; The Governator; Pink Steel; Oui Starbucks; Taco Belle; Kodakrime; Doggy Dancing; Not in My Neighborhood; Roostie (Bad Pun of the Week); Jed Petrick Steps Down; Tabooed; Ted Nugent’s Leg; Bethany Hamilton’s Arm; Death Count 500. 01:20:00 DAVE GOES OUT: Birthday songs & thanks.
January 19, 2004 Playlist: “Tojojo” (Oysten Sewag & Lakki Patey); “The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald” & “Ben Gazzara” (Dave, unreleased); “Kodachrome” ({live}; Simon & Garfunkel); “In My Life” (Judy Collins).
A ballad not-so-loosely based on the Mepham High School sodomy trial on Long Island.
Song aired Jan. 19, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode
All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions. More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
THE RECTUM OF EDMUND FITZGERALD
by David Lefkowitz
The story did play on News 12 and Newsday and it filled up the old Nassau Herald How kids from the school were so vicious and cruel To the rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald.
The town of Bellmore lies upon the South Shore On an affluent part of Long Island They pay a high tax just to keep out the blacks In the hopes that their kids won’t grow violent.
Now, one such young boy was his mom’s pride and joy Such a virile and athletic laddie Like others his age, he thought sports the rage And he tried to be just like his daddy.
It felt like a dream when young Ed made the team As a junior varsity halfback But some other players gave him arrogant stares He became their continual laughtrack.
He played right along, and he tried to be strong To show he had no trepidation It gave him the creeps, but these were his peeps And he longed for the team’s validation.
He managed all right until one summer night When the team went to north Pennsylvania As silent as monks, they all rose from their bunks as if gripped by a furious mania.
With nary a sound and no coaches around The older kids pummeled the juvies They guarded the door while the boys licked the floor And then squealed like the guy in the movies.
Although that hurt some, there were worse things to come When the new guys were forced to get naked The quarterback grinned, “Let the hazing begin! If you wanna be one of us, take it!”
The torture began all according to plan With a rhythm like boom-chika-boom-chik “You better not howl, or we’ll puncture your bowel With the rubberized end of a broomstick.”
When that part was fun, they continued the fun Of pine cone and golf ball inserting. The cavities dripped as the soft tissue ripped And the feces and blood began spurting.
The victims were warned they’d be punished and scorned If they told any parents or teachers. But by the next game, they were still hurt and shamed You could see the red stains from the bleachers.
The season was stopped and the scholarships dropped And the town became crazed and divided A few sent regrets, the others—death threats Till lawyers and cops were provided.
The rumors did spread from Rosedale to Riverhead How a team went from scrimmage to Sodom And poor Edmund cried when a splinter was pried From the extra-large width of his bottom.
So now there’s a judge who will go through the sludge Of how innocent boys were imperiled. The legend will spread like the legs of poor Ed and the rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald. The rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald.
A ballad not-so-loosely based on the Mepham High School sodomy trial on Long Island.