SONGS – List & Links

Hi folks! Here are audio archives and written lyrics of original songs performed on DAVE’S GONE BY.
All material is copyright protected by the author, as noted.

Captain Liflander’s War Madrigal
(5/3/03) Dave unearths a patriotic war song from the not-so-good-old days.
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Cover’d with Crap
(3/16/03) Dave sings a delightfully repugnant sea shanty.
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Dayenu 2003
(4/13/03): Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a Purim song about the resilience of the Jews.
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Deep in the Heart of Dallas
(7/9/16): Dave sings a socio-political ditty.
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A Dingo Ate My Baby
(1/26/03) Dave goes down under to sing of a tasty tragedy.
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Don’t Mess with Us
(3/16/03): Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a Purim song about the resilience of the Jews.
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Enema Blues
(1/19/03): Joined by Scott Rodolitz, Dave Lefkowitz sings the Fisch-Heads song, “Enema Blues.”
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(I’m Having a) Gay Christmas
(12/23/04): Gay icon Peter Fitzgerald sings a Yuletide ditty.
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I’m Too Sexy (For My Prostate
(9/2/17): The medical complaints of…who else? Rabbi Sol Solomon
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Is it Good for the Jews?
(12/9/04): Rabbi Sol Solomon asks an age-old question in song.
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It’s a Stiff
(12/8/03): A holiday ditty based on the true story of a woman who disposed of her unwanted infant in a not-so-Christmassy way.
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Jeopardy Ken
(7/22/04): A song of tribute to Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings.
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Jerree
(8/26/17): A plea from one of Jerry’s Kids.
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Joey, the Spastic Kangaroo
(1/26/03): Dave goes down under to relate the tale of a mentally retarded marsupial.
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Look What They Done to My Head
(6/24/04): With Muslim terrorists now staging decapitations for video, let’s imagine a song to go with them.
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Makin’ Poopies
(11/4/04): A song celebrating the joys of relief.
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M-O-T-H-E-R
(5/11/03): Dave sings a Mother’s Day tribute to moms, acronymically.
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My Doggy’s Christmas Gift
(12/30/04): A holiday song to warm the cockles of pet lovers’ hearts everywhere.
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Nirvanity
(12/1/02): Dave sings about the merchandising of Kurt Cobain.
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Oh, Dat Ben!
(11/14/15): Dave found this beautiful, spiritual hymn sung by presidential candidate Ben Carson. Or at least about him.
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The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald
(1/19/04): A ballad not-so-loosely based on the Mepham High School sodomy trial on Long Island.
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Santasia
(12/23/04): A deeply warped and perverted take on “The Night Before Christmas,” for your holiday pleasure.
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Seamus, the Urine Man
(3/16/03): Recently back from Dublin, Dave sings of his encounter with an Irish legend.
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Sniper’s Lullaby
(10/27/02): A song, to the tune of “Hobo’s Lullaby,” that celebrates the capture of the Beltway Snipers
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Take Your Underoos Down (The Rolf Harris Song)
(7/19/14): In July 2014, legendary Australian TV personality Rolf Harris was sentenced to 69 months in prison for molesting numerous under-aged women over the course of two decades. Let’s hear his song, shall we?
Listen / Full Episode

Three Nights Before Christmas (2002)
(12/22/02): Dave recites a topical holiday poem.
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Trayvon
(7/20/13): A song about the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman confrontation and trial.
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The Twelve Complaints of Christmas
(12/22/02): Rabbi Sol Solomon sings a crabby holiday classic.
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Twelve Months of Dave’s Gone By
(12/22/02): Dave sings a holiday carol for his radio show.
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Undies
(8/24/13): At last, Joey Eugene Gallegos, the Greeley Underwear Bandit, has been apprehended, and here is his song.
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We Killed Santa Claus
(12/23/04): A humbuggy holiday carol.
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When Bushie Goes Marching In
(3/23/03): Dave’s rah-rah ballad to mark the start of the war in Iraq.
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Dave’s Gone By Song (8/27/17): I’M TOO SEXY (FOR MY PROSTATE)

Sung by Rabbi Sol Solomon to the melody of Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy.”
Song aired Sept. 2, 2017, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2017 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: www.shalomdammit.com

Dave’s Gone By Song (8/26/17): JERREE

A plea from one of Jerry’s Kids.

Song scheduled to air Aug. 26, 2017, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2017 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
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Dave’s Gone By Song (7/9/16): DEEP IN THE HEART OF DALLAS

ZZ-Song-DeepintheHeartofDallasDave sings his socio-political ditty, “Deep in the Heart of Dallas.”

Song originally aired July 9, 2016, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2016 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

DEEP IN THE HEART OF DALLAS

Oh the moon shone bright on a hot July night
Deep in the heart of Dallas
The crowd turned out to holler and shout
Deep in the heart of Dallas

They came in peace to protest police
Deep in the heart of Dallas
`Cause if you’re brown, you’ll get shot down
Pretty much anywhere, not just Dallas

Baton Rouge’s best shot a black in the chest
Deep in Louisiana
The gun was in his pocket, but the cops just said, “aw, fuck it!”
Deep in Louisiana

A few hours later in St. Paul, Minnesater
A guy and gal were drivin’
A zealous cop made them come to a stop
They thought that he was jivin’

The fuzz did shout, “Your taillight is out!
Let’s see your registration.”
He meant no harm, but he shot up the guy’s arm.
Which caused some consternation.

With two blacks dead all the people said,
“Out in the streets we’ll gather,
We’ll show the fuzz what a movement does:
Hashtag – Black Lives Matter.”

But one lone man had a bigger plan
Deep in the heart of Dallas
His name was Micah
And whites? He no like-ah
Deep in the heart of Dallas

Feelin’ low and mean with a full magazine
Deep in the heart of Dallas
He aimed real well, and the bodies fell
Deep in the heart of Dallas

A robot bomb blew his ass to kingdom come
Deep in the heart of Dallas
But not before he wounded seven more
Deep in the heart of Dallas

Now the cops hate blacks and the blacks hate them back
And nothing’s gonna stop it
And that is what we’re stuck with.
Each one thinks that the other one stinks
And boy, you better not fuck with.

The victims wail when the systems fail
Deep in the heart of America
It’s just another day in the good ol’ USA

© 2016 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (11/14/15): OH, DAT BEN!


ZZ-Song-OhDatBen
Dave found this beautiful, spiritual hymn sung by presidential candidate Ben Carson. Or at least about him.

Segment originally aired Nov. 14, 2015, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

OH DAT BEN

When I be nine years old, I hit my momma with a hammer.
When I be ten years old, I bashed my brother with a brick.
When I be eleven years old, I went apeshit with a baseball bat.
Oh lawd, I remember.
Vote for me in November.

When I be twelve years old, I hit my momma with another hammer.
When I be thirteen years old, I stabbed a classmate in the hip.
When I be fourteen years old, somehow I got hold of yet another hammer.
Oh lawd, I remember.
Vote for me in November.

But now I’s a different man, and I gots no anger
I’s got a Yale degree, and I done surgery
So listen, America, from Maine to Alabama
Vote Ben Carson.
And hide yo’ motherfucking hammers.

©2015 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (7/19/14): TAKE YOUR UNDEROOS DOWN (The Rolf Harris Song)


ZZ-Song-TakeYourUnderoosDownIn July 2014, legendary Australian TV personality Rolf Harris was sentenced to 69 months in prison for molesting numerous under-aged women over the course of two decades. Let’s hear his song, shall we?

Song aired July 19, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com


TAKE YOUR UNDEROOS DOWN (The Rolf Harris Song)

(spoken) There’s an old Australian TV host, resting in his jail cell, surrounded by perverts, murderers, and stockbrokers. So he gets himself up on one elbow, and he turns to his mates, who are examining his hidden stash of child pornography, and he sings to them:

Once I used to be great, mate,
Once I used to be great.
Now just look at my fate, mate,
All the girls are irate – `cause I told them:

Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down
Keep your little mouth shut, slut
Take your Underoos down

She’s a tender young queen, Jean,
She’s a tender young queen
She was only 14, Jean,
She’s a tender young queen

All together now!
Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down
Keep your little mouth shut, slut
Take your Underoos down

That girl put me in heaven, Kevin
That girl put me in heaven.
She was only seven, Kevin
That girl put me in heaven.

Everyone!
Untie your Underoos now, slut,
Untie your Underoos now
Don’t you dare start a row, cow,
Untie your Underoos now

That one made me so glum, chum,
That one made me so glum
Filled her bum with my cum, chum,
But she snitched to her mum!

Oh no, now!
Pull your Underoos down, slut,
Pull your Underoos down
Show Uncle Rolfie your butt, slut,
Take your Underoos down

(sad section)
Now, they call me the devil, Neville,
Now they call me the devil
They’ll put me in the gravel, Neville,
Just like they did to Saville

Everyone!
Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down
Finger the place that’s brown, don’t frown!
Take your Underoos down

Show me a little bit more, whore
Show me a little bit more
Are you sure you’re only four, whore?
Show Uncle Rolfie some more!

All together now!
Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down
Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down

©2014 Dave Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (8/24/13): UNDIES

ZZSong-UndiesAt last, Joey Eugene Gallegos, the Greeley Underwear Bandit, has been apprehended, and here is his song.

For the backstory on this song:  http://www.denverpost.com/2013/08/21/greeley-police-arrest-suspected-underwear-thief/

Song aired Aug. 24, 2013, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2013 TotalTheater Productions. (Music: “Dandy,” by Ray Davies)

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

UNDIES

by David Lefkowitz (music: Dandy by The Kinks)

Undies Undies
Sittin’ in the laundry
Puts me in a quand’ry

The women in this town
Will bring their laundry down
They’ll leave their clothes on spin
Then I’ll sneak in for

Undies Undies
Beautiful selection
Just for my collection

It’s wrong to be a thief
But I need some relief
I know I’m breaking laws
To steal the bras and

Panties Panties
When nobody watches
I sniff the crotches

I’ve got 300 pair
Of ladies’ underwear
It’s wrong, but I don’t care
Because I long for

Undies Undies Undies.

Panties
It’s just a bit of naughty fun
Panties
And now they keep me on the run
Panties
Well, I’m not hurting anyone

`Cause when I get them home I take them from my gunny sack
And once I’ve shot my load in `em, they’re welcome to them back

Oh, Undies Undies
Beautiful selection
Gives me an erection

And when I’m put away
No longer will I play
I’ll sit and dream all day
Of undies all my life
All my life
All my life
All my life . . .

(c)2013 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (7/20/13): TRAYVON

ZZ-Song-Trayvon
A song about the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman confrontation and trial.

Segment aired July 20, 2013, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2013 TotalTheater Productions.
Lyrics & Performance by Dave Lefkowitz. Melody originally written by Sonny West, Bill Tilghman and Norman Petty and made famous by Buddy Holly.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/30/04): MY DOGGY’S CHRISTMAS GIFT


ZZ-Song-MyDoggysChristmasGiftA holiday song to warm the cockles of pet lovers’ hearts everywhere.

Segment originally aired Dec. 23, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

MY DOGGY’S CHRISTMAS GIFT

by David Lefkowitz

(spoken) So here it is, just weeks away from Christmas. You’ve shopped for your family, your friends, your special friends, and even bought a trinket for yourself. But oh my gracious, haven’t you forgotten someone? Someone close to you. Loyal, playful, full of love every day of the year. What, oh what will you offer your canine companion?

You can give your dog a toy that would make him leap with joy
Or sneak your mutt a mutton cut of prime
But when Christmas has come, something special must be done
Sometimes tasteful, not expensive but sublime.

You can spend a pretty dollar on a doghouse or a collar
You can pamper her or groom him till he glows
But the thing I like to do – and I know that he will, too,
Is to share the gift of love that overflows.

I’m gonna give my dog an enema for Christmas
All dressed up in a Santa Claus disguise
Each yuletide without fail, I lift my doggy’s tail
And give his little poop chute a surprise.

I’m gonna fill his little anus up with bubbles
And rinse his small intestines out with cream
I’ll sing a little ode as Bowser’s bowels explode
It makes the yuletide pass just like a dream.

I’m gonna pump my pooch with barium for Christmas.
And spike it with a pint or two of gin
I’ll grease him up with lube, and then insert the tube
And stroke his furry muzzle as the tide rolls in.

I’m gonna squeeze the water deep into his anus
No longer will he constipated be
I’ll pump until he’s sore, and then I’ll squirt some more
And maybe save a drop or two for me.

Now, some express dismay at this holiday display
They say, “Dave, perhaps the doggy is in pain?”
I say, “Yes, he starts in grief, but my goodness, the relief
When his doggy doos go doodling down the drain.”

And so I give my dog an enema each Christmas
And squeeze the bag of Fleet with all my might
As gobs of Christmas cheer come flying out his rear
I say, “Merry diarrhea, and to all, a good shite!”

And if you’re wondering what gift to get your spaniel
Or how to make a wolfhound howl with glee
Buy a nozzle and a bowl and k.y. for his hole
And douche your pooch beneath the Christmas tree.
I guarantee: you’ll have a merry, messy yuletide spree
Yessirree, an excremental Christmas memory.

(spoken) Careful children, that is not eggnog.

©2004 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (12/23/04): WE KILLED SANTA CLAUS


ZZSong-WeKilledSantaClaus

A humbuggy holiday carol.

Segment originally aired Dec. 23, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode.

All content (c)2004 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com


WE KILLED SANTA CLAUS

by David Lefkowitz (sung to “Here Come Santa Claus” by Gene Autry & Oakley Haldeman)

We killed Santa Claus
We killed Santa Claus
We killed Jesus, too
Nailed him to a cross
No big freakin’ loss
Just another cranky Jew

All our life was trouble and strife
From the Holocaust to Pogroms.
So keep J.C. away from me
He’s worse than terrorist bombs.

We kill babies
We kill children
Use their blood for cake.
We own Hollywood
We own Wall Street
Take take take take take

This is what you’ve said about us
For the past 2,000 years
Pound, Voltaire, and Charles Baudelaire
and any goy who’s had four beers

We killed Santa Claus
We killed Santa Claus
And we’d do it again
Goodbye carols
Goodbye crèches
No goodwill toward men

You’ve hated us since the birth of Christ
So we hate you in return
So stick your mass
Straight up your ass
And burn, Joan of Arc, bitch, burn.

©2004 David Lefkowitz