Category: ARCHIVES – Songs

Here are the original songs performed on Dave’s Gone By over the years. Enjoy!

Dave’s Gone By Song (4/21/2018): CHESTER’S GAY

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A coming-out song about things going in.

Note: contains adult themes.

Song airs March 17, 2018, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations.  For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2018 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
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Chester’s Gay

CHESTER’S GAY

(lyrics by David Lefkowitz. Melody: John Lennon and Paul McCartney’s “Yesterday”)


Chester’s gay
Came out to his parents yesterday
Now he needs a place to hide away
They can’t believe that Chester’s gay

They can’t see
he’s been hiding objects anally
And removing them quite painfully
Aw, Chester’s gay as a cucumber tree

He’ll go out to bars
and he’ll throw the night away
Then he’ll sit in cars and he’ll blow
Because he’s gay (gay gay gay)

Chester’s gay
And I don’t just mean he’s gay for pay
He’s a donut puncher all the way
Oh, why did Chester turn that way?

Mom and dad,
They don’t want to see their son as bad
But their Christian faith is ironclad
So now they’re feeling oh so sad.

He’ll fly to the Keys
where he’ll please a host of boys
Down on hands and knees
he will squeeze their greased-up toys (toys toys toys)

Chester’s queer
He puts massive objects in his rear
Too bad mom and dad are so severe
`cause it’s so clear that Chester’s gay.

Mm hmm hmm hmm
Chester’s gay.

©2018 David Lefkowitz

*********************

NOTES & BACKSTORY:
Backed by a karaoke instrumental of “Yesterday” and sprinkled with soundbites like “Hoowah!” and Harvey Fierstein cooing “I just love boys,” the song debuted on the March 31, 2018 episode of Dave’s Gone By.

—> https://youtu.be/fEgITaCet-w
—> https://davesgoneby.net/daves-gone-by-song-3-31-18-chesters-gay/

Dave’s Gone By Song (3/17/2018): KISS ME, I’M IRISH

A song for the Irishman in all of us.

Note: contains profanity and adult themes.

Song airs March 17, 2018, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2018 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
Download video file of audio content

KISS ME, I’M IRISH

(music & lyrics by David Lefkowitz)

I come from down in Donegal
My family comes from Cork
My sisters live in Sligo
Though my brother’s in New York

My background is a source of pride
I’m Celtic through and through
And that makes me superior
To you and you and you

Now, Ireland isn’t perfect
We’ve had our little wars
We may have spilled some English blood
When settling old scores

But look around Hibernia
And how can you complain?
The grass is green and gorgeous
`cause there’s so much fecking rain

Kiss me, I’m Irish
Touch me, I’m a Turk
Marry me, I’m Mexican
and don’t believe in work

It doesn’t matter where you’re from
Or what your parents think
So kiss me on the Blarney Stone
And buy me one more drink.

The home of Sean O’Casey
And heavy woolen clothes
There’s Bono and there’s Enya
Apologies for those

The fighting and starvation
They show that we are tough
And when it comes to booze and sex
We never get enough, so

Kiss me, I’m Irish
French me, I’m French
Squeeze me, please, I’m Portuguese
If you can stand the stench

It doesn’t matter where you’re from
Or if you’re straight or queer
Just kiss me on St. Patrick’s Day
And buy me one more beer.

Now, you might call me racist
For mocking what I hate
But bashing Jews and towelheads
Is kind of fucking great!

I know that I’m a drunkard
With a three-inch, flaccid penis
But I feel like a porn star
when I’m guzzling my Guinness

There’s nothing we love better
Than a bonny, red-haired girl
To bring her on a date
where we can drink until we hurl

Sure, girls from other lands are fine
But an Irish female’s finer
`Cause she has fluffy flaming fecking hair
`round her vaginer!

Kiss me, I’m Irish
Lick me, I’m a Swede
Shake my hand, I’m African
And all I do is breed

It doesn’t matter where you’re from
Or if you’re lower class
So kiss me down in Dublin town
And buy me one more glass.

(slower)
It doesn’t matter where you’re from
Or if you’re short or tall
Just kiss me, I’m Irish
And give me alkyhol.

(c)2018 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (2/26/2018): OFF COLOUR

A song for, and about, young and old. Sung to the melody of Donovan’s “Colours.”

Song airs March 3, 2018, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2018 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

Dave’s Gone By Song (2/16/2018): AR-15

Expelled from his high school, Nikolas Cruz returned on Valentine’s Day, 2018, to shoot 32 people, killing 17. Here’s his song.

Song scheduled to air Feb. 17, 2018, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast. All content

(c)2017 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
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Dave’s Gone By Song (8/27/2017): I’M TOO SEXY (FOR MY PROSTATE)

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Sung by Rabbi Sol Solomon to the melody of Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy.”
Song aired Sept. 2, 2017, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.
All content (c)2017 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
More information on Rabbi Sol Solomon: www.shalomdammit.com

I’M TOO SEXY (FOR MY PROSTATE)

(sung to the melody of “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred’s Fred Fairbrass, Richard Fairbrass, and Rob Manzoli)

“I’m too Jewish to be healthy

Too Jewish to be healthy

And damn,

I’m not even wealthy.”

I’m too sexy for my prostate

Too sexy for my prostate

It hurts

It hurts

IT HURTS

I’m too hot for high blood pressure

Too hot for high blood pressure

But do I 

have it? 

Yessir.

I’m too cute to have arthritis

Too cute to have arthritis

And chronic

Bursitis

I’m a Rabbi with a distended spleen

And I moan in discomfort at the doctor

Yeah, at the doctor

At the doctor

Who’s not even on my HMO (the bastard!)

I’m too sexy for glaucoma

Too sexy for glaucoma

And yet

I’ve got

Glaucoma

I’m too sexy for skin cancer

Too sexy for skin cancer

And yet

There’s me-

lanoma

I got GERD, which is a reflux disease 

And I suffer burning diarrhea

Yeah, diarrhea

Diarrhea

Yeah I shake my aching tush with diarrhea

I’m too sensual for strep
Too sensual for strep

But do I

Have it?

Yep.

I got gout, and my foot’s turning green 

And I’m paying extra for a CAT scan

Yeah, a CAT scan

Oy, a CAT scan

I’m gonna take another turn under the CAT scan.

Still, my doctor says I’m fine

The doctor says I’m fine

I say, the quack

Is lyin’

Every day I’m feeling worse

My body is a curse

You’ll find me lying in Baron Hirsch

I’m too Jewish to survive!

©2017 David Lefkowitz & Rabbi Sol Solomon

Dave’s Gone By Song (8/26/2017): JERREE

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A plea from one of Jerry’s Kids.

Song scheduled to air Aug. 26, 2017, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.
Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast.

All content (c)2017 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com
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JERREE

(Music & Lyrics: David Lefkowitz. To be sung in the voice of a spastic)

Jerree!

Jerry Lewis!

When you gonna let me in your house?

Jerry!

Jerry Lewis!

I will be as quiet as a mouse.

I just want cookies and pie

You are my favorite guy!

Jerry!

Jerry Lewis!

I just love to watch you on TV

Jerry!

Jerry Lewis!

Maybe you can find a room for me

You said that I was your buddy

Why are you treating me cruddy?

Oh-woe

You have done so much for all the kids

Even ones who flop around like squids

Just because I live inside a chair

Doesn’t mean I can’t go everywhere

When my last treatment is through

Why can’t I come live with you?

Oh-woe

You could sing and do a funny dance

You could teach me how to change my pants

I could be your bestest bestest bro

Like I was when I was on your show

Jerry!

Jerry Lewis!

How come you don’t answer my postcards?

Jerry!

Jerry Lewis!

Maybe you don’t really like retards

Jerry

Jerry

Jerry (fade out)

(c)2017 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (2017): RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTIONS THEME 

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Dave’s Gone By Song (2017): RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTIONS THEME 

A blessing to begin Rabbi Sol Solomon’s sermons

This segment first aired in 2017 on the “Dave’s Gone By” program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz. Full episodes also available on youtube, Facebook (davesgoneby), Spotify, and on DavesGoneBy.com. 

All content (c)2017 TotalTheater Productions.   

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

More about Rabbi Sol: shalomdammit.com

RABBI SOL SOLOMON’S RABBINICAL REFLECTION THEME

(Lyrics: David Lefkowitz; Melody: traditional Hebrew Chanukah prayer of “She-assa Nisim”)

Hello, it’s me, Rabbi Sol

With Rabbinical Reflections for you all

I come from Temple Sons of Bitches 

Here in Great Neck, New York

Shut up and pay attention

to me.

©2017 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (7/9/2016): DEEP IN THE HEART OF DALLAS

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ZZ-Song-DeepintheHeartofDallas

Dave sings his socio-political ditty, “Deep in the Heart of Dallas.”

Song originally aired July 9, 2016, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2016 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

DEEP IN THE HEART OF DALLAS

Oh the moon shone bright on a hot July night
Deep in the heart of Dallas
The crowd turned out to holler and shout
Deep in the heart of Dallas

They came in peace to protest police
Deep in the heart of Dallas
`Cause if you’re brown, you’ll get shot down
Pretty much anywhere, not just Dallas

Baton Rouge’s best shot a black in the chest
Deep in Louisiana
The gun was in his pocket, but the cops just said, “aw, fuck it!”
Deep in Louisiana

A few hours later in St. Paul, Minnesater
A guy and gal were drivin’
A zealous cop made them come to a stop
They thought that he was jivin’

The fuzz did shout, “Your taillight is out!
Let’s see your registration.”
He meant no harm, but he shot up the guy’s arm.
Which caused some consternation.

With two blacks dead all the people said,
“Out in the streets we’ll gather,
We’ll show the fuzz what a movement does:
Hashtag – Black Lives Matter.”

But one lone man had a bigger plan
Deep in the heart of Dallas
His name was Micah
And whites? He no like-ah
Deep in the heart of Dallas

Feelin’ low and mean with a full magazine
Deep in the heart of Dallas
He aimed real well, and the bodies fell
Deep in the heart of Dallas

A robot bomb blew his ass to kingdom come
Deep in the heart of Dallas
But not before he wounded seven more
Deep in the heart of Dallas

Now the cops hate blacks and the blacks hate them back
And nothing’s gonna stop it
And that is what we’re stuck with.
Each one thinks that the other one stinks
And boy, you better not fuck with.

The victims wail when the systems fail
Deep in the heart of America
It’s just another day in the good ol’ USA
Deep in the heart of America.

© 2016 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (11/14/2015): OH, DAT BEN!

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Dave found this beautiful, spiritual hymn sung by presidential candidate Ben Carson. Or at least about him.

Segment originally aired Nov. 14, 2015, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2015 TotalTheater Productions.
More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com

OH DAT BEN

When I be nine years old, I hit my momma with a hammer.
When I be ten years old, I bashed my brother with a brick.
When I be eleven years old, I went apeshit with a baseball bat.
Oh lawd, I remember.
Vote for me in November.

When I be twelve years old, I hit my momma with another hammer.
When I be thirteen years old, I stabbed a classmate in the hip.
When I be fourteen years old, somehow I got hold of yet another hammer.
Oh lawd, I remember.
Vote for me in November.

But now I’s a different man, and I gots no anger
I’s got a Yale degree, and I done surgery
So listen, America, from Maine to Alabama
Vote Ben Carson.
And hide yo’ motherfucking hammers.

©2015 David Lefkowitz

Dave’s Gone By Song (7/19/2014): TAKE YOUR UNDEROOS DOWN (The Rolf Harris Song)


ZZ-Song-TakeYourUnderoosDownIn July 2014, legendary Australian TV personality Rolf Harris was sentenced to 69 months in prison for molesting numerous under-aged women over the course of two decades. Let’s hear his song, shall we?

Song aired July 19, 2004, as part of the “Dave’s Gone By” radio program hosted by Dave Lefkowitz.

Please Note: Segments extracted from “Dave’s Gone By” may have music and other elements removed for timing and media re-posting considerations. For the full show with all elements, please visit the audio of the complete original broadcast: Full Episode

All content (c)2014 TotalTheater Productions.

More information on Dave’s Gone By: http://www.davesgoneby.com


TAKE YOUR UNDEROOS DOWN (The Rolf Harris Song)

(spoken) There’s an old Australian TV host, resting in his jail cell, surrounded by perverts, murderers, and stockbrokers. So he gets himself up on one elbow, and he turns to his mates, who are examining his hidden stash of child pornography, and he sings to them:

Once I used to be great, mate,
Once I used to be great.
Now just look at my fate, mate,
All the girls are irate – `cause I told them:

Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down
Keep your little mouth shut, slut
Take your Underoos down

She’s a tender young queen, Jean,
She’s a tender young queen
She was only 14, Jean,
She’s a tender young queen

All together now!
Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down
Keep your little mouth shut, slut
Take your Underoos down

That girl put me in heaven, Kevin
That girl put me in heaven.
She was only seven, Kevin
That girl put me in heaven.

Everyone!
Untie your Underoos now, slut,
Untie your Underoos now
Don’t you dare start a row, cow,
Untie your Underoos now

That one made me so glum, chum,
That one made me so glum
Filled her bum with my cum, chum,
But she snitched to her mum!

Oh no, now!
Pull your Underoos down, slut,
Pull your Underoos down
Show Uncle Rolfie your butt, slut,
Take your Underoos down

(sad section)
Now, they call me the devil, Neville,
Now they call me the devil
They’ll put me in the gravel, Neville,
Just like they did to Saville

Everyone!
Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down
Finger the place that’s brown, don’t frown!
Take your Underoos down

Show me a little bit more, whore
Show me a little bit more
Are you sure you’re only four, whore?
Show Uncle Rolfie some more!

All together now!
Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down
Take your Underoos down, slut,
Take your Underoos down

©2014 Dave Lefkowitz